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The Magical Land of Cadbury

cadbury

Photo: Sydney Morning Herald

The Land of Cadbury is a magical place. Whenever you want something just say the magic word abottandcadbury and hey presto….all wishes are granted.

Tony Abbott loves visiting the Land of Cadbury to indulge his guilty pleasures, describing it as his ultimate weakness.

The leaders of the Land, understanding his weakness and how much profit may be made from it, asked Tony if he needed any money for his accommodation and sundry expenses, a strategy that James Packer has found to work with people visiting the Land of Casinos.

“Well actually,” said Tony, “I am planning a cycling holiday with some friends soon and that would be a big help.”

He crossed his fingers, closed his eyes and said the magic word “abbotandcadbury” and hey presto…a big pile of money appeared before him.

Tony was so happy he promised to visit the Land of Cadbury again if he got a new job that he was going for, and that he would spend up big when he got rich.

Tony got the job but did not have time to go back to the Land of Cadbury (not until the state election anyway), but he hadn’t forgotten the generosity of his friends there. He sent a singing ministergram via Eric Abetz who used to visit the Land of Cadbury as a child.

“We want everyone to be able to enjoy the Land of Cadbury just as I remember doing,” said Eric.

The leaders of the Land crossed their fingers, closed their eyes and said the magic word “abbotandcadbury” and hey presto…a mountain of money appeared before them.

As the leaders hugged and kissed and generally started contacting their stockbrokers, Eric called for quiet.

“Just one thing guys. Don’t tell anyone else about this ok? We don’t want those non-sponsoring Lands kicking up a fuss expecting us to visit them too. You can’t eat Holdens and abbottandspc is just too hard to pronounce.”

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43 comments

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  1. Kaye Lee

    Have a look at the singing ministergram link olddavey. he was on Insiders this morning trying to justify the handout to Cadbury as a boost for tourism.

    One would have thought that if the tours were a money spinner, Cadbury would have still been running them.

  2. Mike 1

    Tony is just Willie Wonker in disguise. Such a nice person with NO idea of reality, give them voters a break with more taxes and less relief and shut down business (Unless they donated to the Liberals). That comb over of Newman’s worked so well for him as it did our Tones.

  3. scotchmistery

    @Mike1 I do wish you would pay attention to your spelling. “Wonker” indeed.

    You have been marked down 2/10 for the misspelling.

    Mr Abetz
    Sex-ed “teacher”

  4. scotchmistery

    I wonder if they would hand out money to Haigh’s, in Adelaide. A far superior product.

  5. John Fraser

    <

    This plan must was hatched up by the Abbott gang while crossing the Strait.

    As such it should have been subject to the "on water nondisclosure" rules.
    <
    <
    <
    <
    Whoever released this ….. ve …. vill … get you, you life is worth nothing, not even a chocolate bean.

    Heil Abbott !

  6. Gerry Payne

    So we can afford to assist a profitable overseas company that makes food that is fattening and unhealthy, but we can not afford to help a profitable Australian owned company that makes healthy food. Sounds about right.

  7. rangermike1

    Guinness Book of Records.

    Tony Abbott is trying for the Guinness book of Records. First by destroying this country in under Three Years. Second for being the most incompetent PM in History. He is doing well so far.

  8. scotchmistery

    Ve vill support any company we are instructed to do by our sponsor Herr Rupert Moredick-Pleeze.

    Signed

    Herr Neumann
    Kveenzland Feuhrer

  9. Kaye Lee

    Speaking from my perspective, Tony is a source of inspiration. Not as a man or a leader, but the stories are endless – a continual stream of stuff to write about.

  10. Mike 1

    Sorry Mr.scotchmistery, Just could not find the “A” on my old worn keyboard. Thanks and I will will try harder next time.

  11. olddavey

    So Ecca used to visit the Land of Cadbury as a child?
    When was that pray tell, last week?

  12. destitute

    So, if spc had sponsored pollie pedal they would have got the grant?

  13. scotchmistery

    Was that stuff or fluff? Most of his output is bullshit which doesn’t appear to be based on anything resembling facts or research, but rather on the bottom wipes of Ms Credlin, she of the pointy noise and little else.

    Wonder what Mrs prime mincer thinks of her.

  14. olddavey

    Kaye Lee,
    Saw Ecca on the abc today and at the end of the prog they ran some old footage of BA Santamaria.
    Exactly the same voice. Scary stuff.

  15. diannaart

    I guess people who voted for this government enjoy being treated as stupid.

    Or lack a sense of humour….Gill

  16. Gill Wedding

    I don’t like leaving negative comments usually but this article was rubbish! Can we have some journalism that informs? Waste of time …

  17. Kaye Lee

    But why is it so? I used to love Julius Sumner Miller even if he DID scare the crap out of me.

  18. Kaye Lee

    Gill,

    If you looked at the links you would have found that Cadbury, a profitable company who sponsored Tony’s pollie pedal ride, were then given a gift of $16 million dollars even though this government has said very loudly that they will NOT be wasting taxpayers money subsidising industry (other than mining, banks, private health insurers and pollie pedal sponsors).

    You would also have heard Eric Abetz trying to sell this as in investment in tourism.

    You may not find that newsworthy but I sure do.

  19. scotchmistery

    Perhaps Gill has had an operation and has become a troll?

  20. Don

    Scotchmistery that would have been a Abbottotamy easily performed operation of inserting 3 word slogans into the brain running on an endless loop

  21. scotchmistery

    Wonder if that is a reflection on the intellect of the pm? He is generally thought of as a bottomy.

  22. gillwedding

    Listen guys, I am not a troll, I have a fantastic sense of humour and I did NOT vote for the Abbot Government … I am in fact, ‘Marching in March’ and have sent those of my deluded friends who voted for Abbott countless links to articles in an attempt to remove the proverbial wool from their eyes.

    I don’t disagree with the content of the above article … but seriously, if you have to click on a link to another article to find out what the original article is about … is that really a good piece of journalism? On its own, it makes no sense, is a little childish and isn’t really even funny …

  23. Kaye Lee

    It’s ok gill. We are all entitled to our opinion and I have taken your comments on board. This article was not written in my usual style where I too prefer facts. In my defence, I thought most people already knew about the back scratching between Abbott and Cadbury, and when, whilst watching Insiders on Sunday morning, one of my children said “What is it with Abbott and Cadbury?”, it sounded so much like abracadabra that it became the inspiration for the article. I included the links for those who did not know the facts behind the story.

    I am sorry this article did not appeal to you but I would encourage you to read others both here and elsewhere that may be more to your taste.

    And I’ll be with you in March. Maintain the rage and solidarity sister 😉

  24. Kaye Lee

    Speaking of the March in March and inspiration, the following picture has got me thinking of slogans for placards.

    Instead of Tony’s stop the boats, axe the tax, end the waste, and build the roads of the 21st century mantra what do you think of

    Stop the whaling boats
    Axe the dredging
    End the wasteful killing of sharks
    Build the road to hope for refugees in the 21st century

    Guess it’s a bit long

  25. bjkelly1958

    Oh, the stink of it! I visited Cadbury’s factory in Tasmania as a child, can I have some money too. Tony can bunk in my back room if there is ever a Tour de Bribie Island. (OK, no he can’t. I couldn’t resist the temptation to throttle him in his sleep)

    If nepotism is taking care of the nephew, is Sponsorism the right term for what he did for Cadbury?

  26. oldfart

    It’s funny, I took my grandson on a cadbury’s tour in claremont when he was 5. At the time the people conducting it told us that it would probably stop in the future because of OH&S concerns. That was 15 years ago. I wonder how they overcame the Health and safety issues

  27. Kaye Lee

    hmmmmm very interesting point oldfart

  28. robert goon

    OH&S issues hmm how come Abbott does not wear a mandatory hair-net as set down in the Health /working with foods Policy & Procedures that all governments ratified?? Set an example Abbott not a style.

  29. ScotchMistery

    Ahhh that explains everything. Pyne would be the “normal” wearer of the rainbow hat in the LNP.

  30. Gregory T

    I seem to recall tourists flocking to the orchards in droves, picking up a little traveling money, to supplement their holiday.

  31. Geoff Of Epping

    I’m already working on my placards Kaye….
    “FLICK THE PRICK” a nice play on Ditch the Witch…..
    and
    “Tony Abbott, Peta Credlin’s BITCH”…from Juliar Gillard, Bob Brown’s Bitch.

  32. Kaye Lee

    Geoff,

    I think the organisers of the MIM have asked people to refrain from personal abuse on placards. There is so much to complain about that I am going to have to recruit 20 people to carry all the signs saying what I want to say about climate change, asylum seekers, education, NBN, whales, sharks, coal mines, welfare etc etc .

  33. scotchmistery

    I’m thoughtful that they may put us on the same footing as Abbort et al.

  34. Buff McMenis

    I am going to cry! And I remember going on one of those tours of Cadburyland years ago .. it nearly made me very sick. The SMELL .. nay .. stench (!) .. of cocoa butter is beyond description! If you smelled it you would think twice about what you’re putting in your stomach!

  35. scotchmistery

    The best way to get rid of the smell is to eat Durian.

    To describe the fruit, it is quite manageable until the pieces inside are removed, at which point the pong begins. They are separated into anb air tight container, outside the house, away from the windows.

    To choose your fruit, you need a piece of hardwood, around 12″ long preferably with squared sides (a rod doesn’t go as well), and a single leather gardening glove. Pick up the object of your desire (the fruit idiot not that little bit of fluff down the street), balance it on your leather glove and apply the stick firmly to the circumference of the beast. You are looking (listening) for a distinctly hollow return, to let you know the fruit nodules have separated from the shell casing.

    Place the beast in a large, well built bag and shuffle off home, ensuring any Asian neighbours don’t see you, as they will want some.

    Place the beast on a table a little below hip height and whack it solidly with your machete. If you don’t have a machete, borrow a Guardsman’s sword. They are perfect but need to be wiped on the bottom of the Guardsman’s undergarment, quickly and gently, so as not to arouse him, or leave the sword stained..

    Do not use the under garment of a Guards-woman, as they have no idea what it’s all about. My preference is always for Cold-Stream Guards as they have a very neatly turned out bottom.

    Splitting the beast in halves gives one a sense of immortality. Enjoy it. It only comes once. There may be a total of 4 strokes required to expose the flesh in all it’s glory.

    Now, back to the Durian – The King of Fruits. Remove the yellow fleshy yummies and place them in your airtight container, and place them in the refrigerator, with tape around the junction twixt lid and bottom (of the container). This prevents theft by neighbours and may prevent others from knowing you have one.

    When cooled somewhat, take the container, and the gallant Guardsman to the bottom of the garden, and enjoy both. See if you can get the Guardsman to try the Durian. If not, separate the two experiences, but definitely enjoy the Durian first. A little chilled freshly squeezed orange juice poured over is also a nice accompaniment, to both the Durian and the Guardsman.

    I describe it as “smells like sh1t, tastes like heaven”. The Durian that is of course. Guardsmen vary.

  36. Kaye Lee

    Cadbury are owned by Kraft who make about $13 billion a quarter in revenue. Tony has suggested the money was for tourism yet at the time the promise was made, during the election campaign, Tony said it was about jobs.

    “This commitment is about my top three priorities for Tasmania – jobs, jobs and jobs,” said Mr Abbott.

    “Tasmania has the lowest wages, the lowest GDP per head, the lowest life expectancy, it has the lowest educational attainment, it has the highest unemployment by far of any state in the Commonwealth.”

    He said all serious leaders were pragmatic about problems.

    Mr Abbott said the boost would create 200 jobs and 120 indirect roles by 2017.

    I fail to see the “pragmatism” when refusing assistance to SPC is likely to cost 3,000 jobs and send the local farmers broke. If the whole car manufacturing industry was to cease production, and if the Australian dollar was to return to around US 80c, Australia would lose up to $24 billion between 2013 and 2020 and see more than 90,000 jobs disappear.

    SPC needed 25 million. Tony gave 16 million to Cadbury (pollie pedal sponsors) and 10 million to Manly Sea Eagles (in his electorate). Hmmmmm……

  37. Don

    Kaye Lee revealed today Tony and Joe have also approved a grant to a fish farm nearly equal to what SPS were asking for, this also happens to based in Tasmania

  38. Kaye Lee

    I saw that Don – Huon Aquaculture, who are a very profitable business. In fact they recently won an award given to profitable sustainable businesses. They have been growing by about 25-30% a year – owned by a couple who seem very nice and hardworking and all, and they do employ well over 300 people, but it doesn’t stack up well against the SPC decision. http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/2014/02/the-symbolic-slaughter-of-spc/

  39. diannaart

    Strange how this largesse to Tasmanian industry has occurred just prior to the March 15th 2014 state election.

    Coincidence or pork-barrelling?

    Message to Abbott & CO – there is a state election in Victoria later this year… just sayin’

    Don’t give up SPCA employees and affiliated workers – just prior to November 29, your future could be brighter…

  40. Kaye Lee

    “Cadbury’s parent company Mondelez granted more generous conditions to its employees than SPC Ardmona, including more than twice the redundancy pay, 10 days a year paid leave for union delegates for training, and even a dust allowance.

    Mondelez’s new Suttontown production agreement struck with the union United Voice stipulates that employees at its Mount Gambier plant can cash out their accrued sick leave in some circumstances.
    The potentially embarrassing revelation comes within days of the Abbott government confirming that Cadbury’s Tasmanian plant will receive $16 million while SPC Ardmona has been denied a requested $25 million to stay afloat.”

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/cadbury-workers-get-sweeter-deal-than-spc-counterparts-20140207-327ee.html

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