Now, I don’t like to say, “I told you so!” I just like to be so right against all odds that I don’t have to say anything beyond: Now, I don’t like to say, “I told you so!”
However, when I told you that Scott Morrison was going to skate through the gap created by Dutton a la Steve Bradbury, I imagined that he was going to simply fail to improve the Liberals position. I never imagined how politically inept he really is. Yep, I certainly can’t say I told you so with that one!
In the past twenty four hours, Labor has copped a lot of flack for changing its position on the encryption laws and against almost any other political opponent, I’d be suggesting that this may lose them the election because voters prefer strong leaders who don’t back down. I agree whole-heartedly and wish they’d stuck to their guns even if they were worried that the Liberals would orchestrate a terrorist attack and blame them because if we’d had the new laws, Border Force would have somehow known exactly which phone to check…
However, in this case, I have every confidence that Slomo will remind everyone of a circus acrobat with his tumbles and backflips. That’s – of course – in between his moments as a scary clown.
People will tell you all sorts of things, but to paraphrase Jack Lang, always bet on self-interest; at least you know it’s trying. Consequently I always check the betting odds when people declare their certainty about what an election will bring. They do get it wrong, but you know that betting companies don’t like giving their money away so when it tells you that you’ll only get slightly better than bank interest betting on a May election, you can be pretty sure that the Cross-benchers haven’t decided to take the $7 on a March election, put the government out its misery and make a packet on the side.
Having said that, someone who knows about things politically did give me a couple of interesting theories. First, he (or she) told me that they’ve heard that Scott won’t want to face a potentially hostile Parliament and look like a loser so he’ll call a snap election, blame Labor for causing uncertainty and tell us that the following things would have been in the Budget had they been able to go full term: A surplus, tax cuts for all, lower power bills, higher house prices for owners but lower house prices for first home buyers thanks to a brilliant use of Schrodinger’s cat, the right to say “Merry Christmas” and sing carols all year round, a cure for cancer, peace in the Middle-East and an end to Bill Shorten.
I suspect that he/she may have been exaggerating, but that’s exactly what I thought when they told me that Julia Banks was pissed off because Christopher Pyne kept trying to screw with her preselection, so the bullying over Turnbull was the last straw for her.
Anyway, they have this other whacky theory. The Tony Abbott faction which, for convenience I’m going to call the Fifties Faction. Not because they hope to return us to the 1950s but because they think that there’s a silent majority behind them that will suddenly rise from the grave like zombies and suddenly give them fifty percent of the vote by eating the brains of voters who oppose them. The zombies, of course, won’t discriminate. They’ll eat all the brains making it easier for Alan Jones to top the ratings.
According to my source, the Fifties Faction are hoping for a significant loss in the upcoming election which will enable those left in Parliament to argue that the Liberal Party has lost its way and they’ll amalgamate with Bernardi or join his party. With backing from Murdoch and the IPA, they intend to sweep back into power because, thanks to the zombies, they’ll be without the hindrance of any Liberal with functioning brain cells, they’ll be united and able to sweep from the land the scourge of workers’ rights.
Now, I found it difficult to believe that they’re are any Liberals with functioning brain cells left, but he assured me that I was being a typical left wing teacher…
By the way, I saw an interesting meme on Facebook the other day. It said: “Share if you believe that any teacher trying to impose their political beliefs on students should be sacked.” I, of course, shared it with the note, I guess this means that the ones who tried to make that nine-year-old stand up for the national anthem are screwed!
At first I thought my Deep Throat had been at the pub too long and I should have joined him/her earlier if I wanted to get some actual scuttlebutt. But the more I thought about it, the more sense if made. I mean can you think of any other explanation for things like Tony Abbott’s behaviour? The decision to make Scottie PM? Or why on earth you’d go to such lengths to make sure you kept Craig Kelly in the Parliament. Can anyone explain why you wouldn’t just refer Peter Dutton to the High Court rather than have him try to be re-elected in a marginal seat where the slogan will be “Elect Dutton and you’ll be voting again in three months when he’s ruled ineligible?
Yes, it made me feel secure knowing that some Liberals really do have a plan like they told us in 2013. Otherwise I have to think that they really are as incapable of long-term thinking as they appear and that the chaos is just a result of their inability to find candidates that less competent than if you randomly grabbed people in the street.