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Why The Media Is So Unfair On Scott Morrison…

Rossleigh: Good morning, Mr Morrison was once again unavailable for interview so I’ve tracked down a spokesman. While I was going to write “spokesperson” the person I”m interviewing objected to all that political correct nonsense and told me that God made him a man and he wasn’t ashamed of it, so spokesman it is. Good morning, Mr Spokesman.

Spokesman: This is just typical of the left-wing media. For a start, I have a name and secondly, you were mocking my religion.

Rossleigh: Hang on! Didn’t you only agree to do this interview on the condition of anonymity, and secondly, how am I mocking your religion.

Spokesman: By having a distinct tone when you referred to God and by suggesting that it was me who used the phrase, ‘political correct nonsense’.

Rossleigh: But it was you who used that phrase.

Spokesman: Yes, but that’s not the point. The point is that all those politically correct people will object to me saying that what they believe is nonsense because they’re very quick to jump on anybody who attacks their beliefs.

Rossleigh: Well, isn’t that what you just did to me?

Spokesman: When I agreed to do this interview I expected you to be fair but clearly you’re no Ray Hadley…

Rossleigh: You find Ray Hadley fair?

Spokesman: He’s always been very fair to Mr Morrison and allowed him to put his point of view across without all these interruptions to contradict him.

Rossleigh: But I haven’t interrupted you.

Spokesman: There you go again.

Rossleigh: Anyway, I wanted to ask you about the India travel ban.

Spokesman: A complete media beat-up.

Rossleigh: Are you denying that there’s a travel ban?

Spokesman: No, I’m suggesting that it was only the media reporting it that made people aware of it. If it wasn’t for all that reporting nobody would have ever known about it.

Rossleigh: Well, I’d suggest that the people wanting to return from India might have noticed.

Spokesman: Yes but they don’t count.

Rossleigh: With respect, I’d suggest that they certainly count to their families, and anyone with an ounce of empathy.

Spokesman: When I said that they don’t count, I didn’t mean that they don’t count. I simply meant that the important thing is keeping Australians safe is the most important thing here.

Rossleigh: Yes but the people we are talking about are Australians wishing to return home.

Spokesman: Technically yes, but we need to consider those Australians who might be impacted if we didn’t secure our borders.

Rossleigh: Wasn’t your government highly critical of states for shutting their borders? Doesn’t it strike you as hypocritical…

Spokesmen: If I could just stop you there.

Rossleigh: Yes?

Spokesman: Thanks I just wanted to stop you before you pointed out the hypocrisy. After all, who among us is without sin and let he who is without hypocrisy cast the first stone. I’ll bet you were standing with Dan and you didn’t worry about shutting borders then.

Rossleigh: If we could stick to the point here. You’re saying that threatening people with jail for returning home…

Spokesman: Nobody was threatened with jail. The PM made that very clear.

Rossleigh: But it was in the media release. You don’t put something in a media release accidentally, do you?

Spokesman: Look, that media statement was released at midnight. Clearly we didn’t want anybody looking at it!

Rossleigh: So you’re saying that you issue media releases of things that you don’t want the media to report on? Why on earth would you do that?

Spokesman: Transparency.

Rossleigh: Yes, I can see that. You’re the most transparent government I can remember.

Spokesman: Really?

Rossleigh: Yes, everyone can see through you.

Spokesman: Let me make it perfectly clear. The PM has no intention of sending anyone to jail or fining them if they return home from India. It was in the press release but that was just a statement of the possible penalties if people did return home but they won’t be applied.

Rossleigh: But the PM doesn’t administer the law! It’s not up to him to decide who gets prosecuted. Separation of powers means…

Spokesman: If you’re talking about the separation of church and state then let me remind you that Scott Morrison’s religion is a very private thing and to suggest that he can’t be PM just because he believes…

Rossleigh: No, I’m talking about the whole idea that those who make the law, don’t administer the law. It’s the whole idea that the law needs to be applied without discrimination…

Spokesman: Well, I’m sorry but I think this whole anti-discrimination thing is just political correctness gone mad.

Rossleigh: Finally, on another matter. How long will the government be keeping the Biloela family in detention?

Spokesman: The matter is before the courts so I can’t comment.

Rossleigh: It’s only before the court because the government won’t admit that it would be a simple matter to let them return home and…

Spokesman: It may seem that way, but we can’t have children being born illegally in this country. The two girls were not legal births because their parents were on temporary protection visas. If we backed down on this, there’d be a flood of illegal immigrants flooding into the country and they’d all drown on the way, so it’s really a compassionate policy.

Rossleigh: Hang on how can they flood into the country if they’re drowning on the way? Forget that, you call them illegal immigrants but they have a right to seek asylum

Spokesman: Yes, but that doesn’t alter the fact that they entered this country illegally.

Rossleigh: Ok, so when were the people on Manus and Nauru be prosecuted?

Spokesman: Sorry?

Rossleigh: For breaking the law. When were they prosecuted?

Spokesman: They weren’t.

Rossleigh: So when will they be? I mean, I would imagine that given the penalty for those returning from India was only five years and the PM says that nobody will even be sentenced, that if the people we’ve held in detention for eight years were sentenced and convicted, the time already served would mean that they could walk free straight away…

Spokesman: Umm… It’s not the sort of law that we prosecute because… um…

Rossleigh: You wouldn’t be able to hold them in detention indefinitely if they were actually charged with anything.

Spokesman: Exactly.

Rossleigh: But surely that…

Spokesman: War with China.

Rossleigh: Sorry.

Spokesman: War with China is practically inevitable. I mean, just look at all the people saying it. If we don’t declare war on them soon, they’ll think we all talk and no action and refuse to take us seriously.

Rossleigh: Well, if we’re going to war with them, why are we still selling them iron ore?

Spokesman: I’m sorry, but I must take this phone call.

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  1. pierre wilkinson

    too true for satire regrettably

  2. Josephus

    Oh yes what a shamozzle. The left hand knows not what the right hand doeth. One can’t take these people seriously but they sure are grossly overpaid.

  3. Kaye Lee

    Tue 10 May 2016

    The immigration minister, Peter Dutton, will not appeal against a federal court finding that he breached his duty of care to an asylum seeker who became pregnant after being raped on Nauru, and exposed her to serious medical and legal risks.

    The woman was raped while in detention on Nauru in January after she fell unconscious as the result of a seizure, leaving her with severe post-traumatic stress disorder. The rape resulted in a pregnancy which was dangerous to her health, given her suspected epilepsy and another medical condition which cannot be revealed.

    ….the court heard that Dutton did not believe her case to be exceptional. (What the fuck????) He had her flown to Papua New Guinea for the procedure instead, despite abortion being illegal in that country and the hospital lacking the expert staff and equipment required to make the operation as safe as possible. The abortion would have placed the woman at risk of criminal prosecution, Justice Bromberg found.


    Thu 20 Jun 2019

    Peter Dutton has said women have been “trying it on” in claiming they were raped and needed an abortion as part of a ploy to get to Australia for medical treatment from refugee centres on Nauru.


    Regardless of all the evidence and court rulings, these bastards continue on their merry way destroying people’s lives for their own political tough guy image. They disgust me.

  4. DrakeN

    “Regardless of all the evidence and court rulings, these bastards continue on their merry way destroying people’s lives for their own political tough guy image. They disgust me.”

    But, thanks to the determined efforts of Australia’s mainstream media, the majority of the general public prefer them as a government for all this.

    The indoctrination continues from one generation to another.

  5. Bronte ALLAN

    Great article Rossleigh! This is just so fucking true of how slo mo etc try to conduct interviews, they ALL lie ALL the time, Even when they state they are “telling the truth”! Sadly, everyone in this incompetent lot of COALition bastards could not tell the truth even when they try to. ALL they ever do is twist their words around, make stupid statements, use religion when they can & so on! Sadly, for we Australian citizens there is nothing we can do until the next election, & bloody Labor had better win this one!

  6. Mrs Wobbly

    Once again government protectionists for the corse , Australians we are all doomed under this bunch of fascists, racists and so called religious believers, really it’s propaganda for the masses, spewed out the mouths by the incompetence of these politicians, working only for the wealthiest and their own agendas, of wealth management , whatever the cost to our country or humanity. Shameful behaviour from our propagandist of far right wing agendas government, the LNP. When will Australian again have politicians who are respected by the people and have statesmanship and genuine leadership qualities, with the fair go attitude for all, not like what installed at present in our parliament, the puppets of the wealthiest I do hope people will rise up at the ballot box and rebel against these far rights wing fascists and see them for what they really are and stand for. I’m hoping it takes place before I’m dead, vote then out, demand better make politicians accountable for their actions, not just for the minority of their wealthiest masters, citizens or not but for all Australians. Politicians are paid by the tax payers to undermined the taxpayers, making law to effectively silence the people, democracy I don’t think so.

  7. New England Cocky

    War with PRC China???? Sounds like the 2021 Federal elections are being planned ….

    I wish I had the necessary artistic skills to be a cartoonist because so much can be communicated in such a smal space with few words.

    My cartoon idea is:
    Baby Scummo in nappy waving a very small shanghai at a very large PRC CHina Chairman, smiling benignly with a backdrop of very large intercontinental missiles, with squadrons of tanks swarming around one side of the missiles and flights of fighter bombers coming arouns the other with infantry like little black ants in front.

    Now about those military armaments that we are paying the US NE military industrial complex for that we hope will be more efficient that the JSF that Australian military aviation experts reported as a ”lemon” before Little Johnnie Howard rushed out to pay vassalage.

  8. wam

    a great piece rossleigh,
    Sadly, the spokesman, after being birched for agreeing with you, has been replaced because he was tricked into telling the truth, about the reason for doing nothing about asylumers or refugees.
    NEC you need to take into account the outcomes of the rabbott’s shirt front threat. That shut putin up, quick smart?

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