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I Want To Be Like Tony Abbott, But My Wife Won’t Let Me!

“Hi, can I have the joint credit card?”

“Why?”

“I want to book a flight.”

“Where to?”

“Noosa.”

“Why?”

“Well, I remember that waiter there who was so nice when I lost my wallet. I want to go back and thank him.”

“Didn’t I thank him at the time?”

“Yes, but I think I should too.”

“Couldn’t you just send him a card?”

“No, it’s best done in person.”

“But aren’t we trying to save money?”

“Yes, but this is one of those things that will make me more popular with the Australian people and you can’t put a price on that.”

“What about our budget emergency?”

“That was just something I said when you wanted to spend money. This is something that I want to spend money on, so it’s completely different!”

“Ok, I see what you’re trying to do here. You’re trying draw a link between the Prime Miniature’s visit to the Netherlands and your visit to Noosa, but I think you’ll just end up sounding like a complete prat!”

“This has nothing to do with Tiny Abbott. I accept that he’s going over to the Netherlands to thank the Dutch and that’s got nothing to do with trying to extend the one story that’s boosted his standing in the polls.”

“Don’t write that.”

“Why not? Is it because I shouldn’t politicise tragedy?”

“No. Politicising tragedy is fine in certain circumstances. Like when people die installing insulation because Labor funded it. You can criticise them for a lack of oversight and completely ignore this runs contrary to your determination to end red tape. No, you shouldn’t write that because it’s not true!”

“You don’t think he’s going there for poll driven reasons?”

“No, I don’t think it’s true that it’s boosted his standing in the polls.”

“Oh.”

“And I never said any of this. So why are you pretending that you had this conversation?”

“It’s like when politicians claim that they’ve consulted – it’s called fiction!”

 

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9 comments

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  1. mark delmege

    black boxes have gone invisible – if they had anything on Russia or the Rebels they would have used it by now – which means either they are working on a coverup or they are having trouble with the coverup. But don’t you worry about that TAbbott wants more sanctions on Russia cos Uncle Barry said so. And if that fails he can tag along while Barry slaps his al Qaeda mates who have overstepped the line in Iraq.

  2. berlioz1935

    That is our Tony all right. You have to love him for his versatility.

  3. jagman48

    Love it. But who wil listen?

  4. Anne Byam

    Acerbic wit and dialogue yet again Rossleigh. You are priceless … and a master at your specific style of writing. Always enjoy your posts.

    @ mark delmege ….. As for the black boxes ? 1) interesting that they were handed back quietly to the British, without any fuss ( I THINK that’s who got them ) … and 2 ) more interesting that nothing has been said about them – whatsoever – yet. If it shows nothing to implicate the separatists, nothing will be said. If the analysis of those black boxes shows another party ( other than Russia or the separatists ) is implicated …. again .. nothing will be said. All part of the mystery which is supposed to keep us all in the dark.

    Political wheels within wheels … across the globe.

    “Tiny” ( love that one ) Abbott, will undoubtedly say nothing about it – although that will be a refreshing change ? Considering he is always front and centre ( like a theatrical diva who wants ALL the spotlight – no offence to Divas’, now or past ) …. when it comes to a) “woo hoo – a camera …. let me in” … b) “woo hoo – a camera – my people are clambering for comment ” or c) woo-hoo a camera – well – they asked me didn’t they – I MUST respond” …..

    I am wondering when the media will wake up and realise they are just reporting yesterday’s news – ad nauseum. Gets a bit wearing on the listeners and viewers to hear / read the continuous ” I am great ” hyperbole that is delivered from this country’s ‘leader’ ?

    One glorious day, little Abbott will truly be yesterdays’ news …. and if printed on paper – will be great for wrapping up the veggie scraps.

  5. Möbius Ecko

    The younger demographic aren’t being taken in by Abbott, bless them.

    Morgan Poll: Two Party Preferred (25-34 year olds): L/NP-33.5%- ALP-66.5 %.

    That is unbelievably woeful. Now if the older demographics can just follow suit. Only problem with this continuing for this government is that they will turf Abbott. Abbott is our best asset for the Liberals losing the next election.

    Another stat for you that you won’t see in the MSM.

    Abbott/Hockey attacked the last government for spending $83 million per day. This government is spending $265 million per day. That is this government’s spending. It has nothing to do with the previous Labor government.

  6. Conspiracy

    As for the black boxes, there is a fair bit floating around the web talking about when you look at close ups of the cockpit, there appears to be entry AND exit holes in the lower part of the fuselage. How could this occur from a Buk missile which is designed to explode above the plane.

    There are a lot of other theories that are probably crackpot, however this one, coupled with the lack of detail on the black box, tends to lead towards the theory of Ukrainian jets shooting it down…

  7. Möbius Ecko

    A little ignorance on how SAMs work going around. As background I was in Australian Defence Forces for over 20 years and worked with weapons, including long range SAMs.

    They have expanding rods in the warhead. The missile explodes in proximity to the target and sprays out the rods as shrapnel at very high velocity in a expanding cone shape. They do not explode above a target as they are fired from the ground to a target above, so will most likely explode a distance away from and under or towards the side of the aircraft hitting it with lots of rod shrapnel.

    The rod shrapnel impact can look like bullet holes and behave like bullets creating entry and exit holes. What Conspiracy describes as entry and exit holes in the lower part of the aircraft fuselage is entirely consistent with being hit by a medium to long range SAM.

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