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Tim Wilson Makes His Bid For PM

“I want to go to shops!”

“Sorry, Timmy, but Mr Andrews has said that we’re not allowed until this COVID-19 is under control.”

“Pah, I don’t like that Mr Andrews. Who said that he could be boss?”

“The voters of Victoria actually elected him.”

“Silly voters. Well, I don’t like it and I’m going to tell my mummy when I see her this Sunday and…”

“Sorry but you can’t see your mother this Sunday unless it’s a carer’s visit. It’s not allowed in Victoria.”

“No fair. I want my mummy.” 

“Timmy, stand up. You know that nobody likes you when you throw yourself on the floor like that.”

“I will not! That Dan Andrews is a nasty man, and I hope that he gets told off by my mate, Scottie. Scottie is really in charge and he says that we can do what we like.”

“Now Timmy, you know that Scottie’s plan is to let people die so that he can save money on these franking credit refunds because he can’t get rid of them any other way.”

“Don’t care!” 

“Come on, Timmy. If you stop sulking Uncle Rupert will let you pretend that you’re going to be Prime Minister one day.”

“Of course, I’m going to be Prime Minister. Who else have they got. Josh? We all know what’s wrong with him!”

“Timmy, be careful.”

“He’s bald. And he looks like Peter Dutton.”

“Come on Timmy, Mr Andrews said that he’d make an announcement on Monday.”

“But I want him to make it NOW!”

“Now, now, we can’t always have what we want.”

“You might not, but I do. And I want that bossy boots to let me see my mum.” 

Ok, it might not sound like Tim Wilson is establishing his credentials to be the next leader of the Liberal Party, but you clearly haven’t looked at their recent history. No, I don’t mean preselection for Eden-Monaro where they seem to have established a consensus that Harold Holt would make the ideal candidate.

Take Tony Abbott. He just complained and whinged and sulked and called people names until there was no option but to make him the leader. Then Malcolm Turnbull said that he couldn’t serve under Tony, before Dutton threw a tantrum and forced the spill that gave us Morrison…

Actually, you can go back to the eighties and look at how John Howard undermined every attempt to make any Liberal leader PM but him.

So even though, Wilson is attacking Dan Andrews it’s actually about the internal workings of the Liberal Party. On one hand, it’s been suggested that the various Liberals complaining that Victoria is out of step with Morrison’s announcement that states would be setting their own timetables is Scott Morrison’s way of putting pressure on Andrews to reduce restrictions and enable more economic activity. This makes some sense because – as Morrison told us – we can expect more COVID-19 cases but we need to get things going because if there’s one thing more important than people dying it’s people losing their job. Particularly if that job happens to be PM. So we want the economy doing a V-shaped recovery and the Budget to be in the sort of position where they can announce that once again they’ve got it back in surplus next year… After the election.

But I think that credits Morrison with too much planning skill. After all, didn’t he tell us that he wasn’t doing the numbers and that he was ambitious for Malcolm and he didn’t even think of standing until sometime after his allies told him that he had it in the bag? How could a man that incompetent plan to put pressure on a state premier?

No, I think that they’re all just practising on Dan Andrews as a forerunner for when they say that Scottie has lost his way and he’s behaving like a dictator and the time has come to call for a spill and who cares about the new rules that prevents it happening, they can still muster enough votes on the floor of the House to bring down the government if Parliament ever sits again.

Similarly, Tim Smith – a Victorian Liberal MP – said that his attacks on the Premier “transcend politics” and when you read his tweets you’d have to think that he’s not trying to appeal to any swinging voter. By referring to the Queensland premier as “that dunce” and Andrews as “Chairman Dan”, you’d have to conclude that he’s certainly not playing politics. It’s clearly an attempt to impress his colleagues that he’s the sort of man who’d be able to rise to the role of statesman should he be given the great honour of facing the people as leader in an election campaign. This shouldn’t be viewed as partisan politics, but rather as an audition for the role of Opposition Leader in Victoria.

To believe that it’s a coordinated attack gives the current Liberals far more credit for organisation than anything in their past would suggest. Now I do understand that it’s hard for those who wanted to give their mother something special on Mother’s Day like coronavirus, I think that there’s a certain amount of false sentimentality going on here. Either you’re in regular contact with your mother for reasons of care because she’s elderly, in which case today is just one more day when you have to use social distancing when visiting, or this is the one day of the year when you make the effort and it’s going to upset her that you’re not here today because she knows that you won’t bother to visit her any other day… Ok, it’s probably somewhere in between, but wherever it is, you can probably visit next week or the week after and get her a bigger bunch of flowers because they’ll be on special.

Whatever, the restrictions won’t kill anybody’s mother. We certainly can’t say that about relaxing them too soon.

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27 comments

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  1. Ken

    Tim Wilson is just another of the deadheads in the Liberal Party.

  2. king1394

    Keep those snotty-nosed grandchildren away from me, thanks

  3. New England Cocky

    Well, I guess the Liarbral Nazional$ who fought against the referendum on gay marriage will easily change their community minds and vote for a gay Prim Monster. After all, Labor broke the mould by voting a woman, Julia Gillard, as Labor leader thus Prime Minister and we have yet to see a better candidate for the position. See the Misogyny Speech that broke records on the Internet.

    Doubtless there will be the usual duplicity but nobody has asked Brian Houston of Hillsong unChristian notoriety whether they approve of a gay Prim Monster or do they only protect kiddie fiddlers?

  4. Josephus

    An excellent satire that tweaks the facts just enough to make the absurdity patent. The Business Now pollies are indeed nearly all selfish kids, who have no idea what they are doing. Already the herds are crowding greedily into the department stores that await them, hurled straight into the gaping maws of the capitalists, who imagine that only their minions and the great unwashed will catch the plague, clutching their new kettles and sofas. So, now there will be many new mines, too: the fracking, the water theft, and oh, gold has gone up! Business as usual, make up for lost time!

    Well, Death carries a large scythe. I for one have got quite used to keeping my distance. Friends, family, scientists, environmentalists, farmers, anyone who can see the next catastrophe coming ever closer despairs, aware that the more we have, the harder it is to escape the fires, the drought, the plague, the floods, the locusts?

  5. Phil Pryor

    I wrote a foul burst on Wilson and scrubbed it, for it deserved scrubbing (you fool!) but the precious little prancy nancy is a shocking sight and sound, as in a goats clacker. IPA political perverts and economics idiots horrify me, as they are bloodlessly, brainlessly, indecently inhuman, living in a world of self erecting penisey personalities of overinflated gaseous gabble and grottiness.

  6. Henry Johnston

    No account IPA stalwart determined to destroy superannuation. . . not his of course. . . .but yours!

  7. whatever

    It is also childish in the extreme when Governments and most of the MSM refer to quarantine measures as “Lockdowns and Restrictions”.
    These are the terms the Fishers and Shooters parties use to describe any given regulation they don’t like.

  8. George Swalwell

    Has anyone noticed that Tim rhymes with dim – as in Dim-Wit?
    Then there is the eye-opening performer of some years back called “Tiny Tim” – him with the falsetto voice, shoulder-length curls and a ukelele.

  9. Andrew Smith

    The Liberals can thank John Howard for their poisonous internal machinations and move to the hard right (away from influence of Melbourne in past), NewsCorp et al. for PR, communications and cultural deflection away from their own incompetence e.g. blame and dog whistle Labor, Greens, unions, immigrants etc., and Wilson’s own alma mater the (nowadays Kochtopus affiliated) IPA for importing and implanting US radical right libertarianism.

    As a Victorian it’s sometimes delicious to see how normal Libs have shunned the party e.g. Fraser, Turnbull at al., including many small C conservatives, and how Labor in Victoria have become the norm.

    Who knows what direction national LNP will take when changing demographics shake through electoral rolls over next generation?

  10. Harry Lime

    In a criminal organisation like the Lying Nasty Party,there’s always competition for who can be the most disgusting and egregious arsehole,(Wilson’s leading),aimed at impressing the Leading Arsehole ,with early promotion in mind.
    On the evidence so far, I wouldn’t be in too much of a hurry to be in charge of the cataclysm that’s staring us in the face.Fuckface Morrison has only got this far on the back of State and Territory decision making,for which he assumes the credit-SOP.
    The whirlwind that he provoked in his preselection,and every subsequent sly manipulation since, has ensured the reaping is at hand.
    I hope I live long enough to enjoy it.

  11. johno

    Tim Wilson and PM in the same sentence. Gross.

  12. ajogrady

    Politicians like Wilson are a reflection of their constituents. He and other politicians of his ilk are only there because of the continuing corruption of morals and ethics in the general community. There was enough documented evidence available that exposed the corrupt criminality of the L/NP but voters chose representatives that better reflected their own values and beliefs. Australia! A country populated by boiling frogs and turkeys that vote for Christmas.

  13. Matters Not

    Tim Wilson is NOT dumb. Certainly has different attitudes, values and beliefs than most here (including me) but such attributes are widely shared in the broader community as well as in academic literature. Try Ayn Rand, Milton Freedman, Ludwig von Misses, C.G. Jung, Friedrich A. Hayek, etc etc.

    Useful to understand the fundamental assumptions they make re the Nature of Man; the Nature of the Good Society; Man’s Relationship to that Society and so on. Wilson sure does.

  14. andy56

    Tim dumb? well yes and no. He is smart enough to be able to present an arguement. He is smart enough to milk a situation like using government funds for his campains agains franking credits. He is smart enough to work his way up the IPA ladder and into the LNP. He is smart enough to grasp Ayn Randian ideals.
    BUT,
    he has one big failing and a big black hole in his logical empire. He isnt blessed with empathy nor can he accept that his whole house of cards is based on a false god of total freedom.
    He is like a Pell of parliament, knows how to climb the tree but at the cost knowing why . For somebody entrenched in total liberty for all and minimal government, he doesnt see the irony, parliament itself is the ultimate definition of a society, not an economy.
    In the end you have to say he is of the “whats in it for me camp”. Why else would you enter the tent of all you despise? For this role in life, he is no better than a Tony Abbott, full of his own shit.

  15. wam

    What is worth saying about young timmy?
    He is gay and will not download the app. Making him half a barnaby
    “that dunce” you are in queensland, rossleigh and can see she is a woman. So what else could a southern liberal call her?
    Dunce if he is a vic and fucking witch if you are a queenslander

  16. andy56

    ajogrady, i like your turn of phrase, hahahaha. yes and christmas comes around faster every year.

  17. Matters Not

    Re:

    is of the “whats in it for me camp

    Sure is! As suggested above, Wilson is well versed in the writings of Ayn Rand including The Virtue of Selfishness: A New Concept of Egoism. as well as Rand’s Objectivist philosophy more generally. A big mistake to assume that Wilson doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

  18. andy56

    Wam , the fact he is gay doesnt concern us, but it leads to an interesting observation. It just seems that gays, god botherers and women of” superior intellect” want to behave more and more like shrieking specters. The dumbest arseholes sure know how to make the most noise. when all we want is for them to represent us intelligently, you know, with some empathy and honest logic. Why do they want to imitate Dan Tehan and tony abbott. Whose that blond bimbo hiding from the media and her stupid shitfuckery about weekend utes? Please explain?

  19. wam

    Dear Andy56,
    I mentioned gay as the first of two attributes of the man. I mention gay because 40% of australians think gays are aberrations from the norm and more think safe schools are gay-loving lefties teaching kids to be deviant. I mentioned gat because itt is far outside the comfort zone of the lnp and there is a tiny chance that the people will see the love in the kirbys of australia not the sex.
    I mention gay because from darwin to the tassie ‘black rod’ and many places in between the gays, men and women, in m life, have been people that stood out and up for people they showed a capability for empathy and fairness.
    Qualities that tim, I hope, has merely suppressed not lost. If not my theories about gays is shot to pieces
    ps
    I loved 56 , I matriculated and my exan number was quatre mille deux cent vingt sept. I remember it in french because I said it so many times before the oral that it is burned into my brain.

  20. Jack Cade

    Wam

    I think we are ALL aberrations from the norm. I am left handed, (called sinister, and gauche), so that puts ME in a maximum of 10%. But I am mildly ambidextrous, which puts me into maybe a 5% strata. And so on…
    I have never understood the antagonism to gays, or to dark- coloured skin. If I had been the fictitious Adam and the fictitious God showed me a swatch of skin colours to choose from, the very last I would have picked would have been pink and blotchy.
    Mind you, being left-handed would have given me an advantage in storming castles in the Middle Ages…

  21. crypt0

    The ‘strayan electorate saw fit to support Mista Rabbott and Smirko for P.M. … so nothing would surprise from here on.
    Of course for Tim to get the job, he’ll have to clamber over Dutton Porter and any number of others Limited talent in the LieNP, but no shortage of ambition. .

  22. Dwayne Dibley

    He might have to clamber over the still porcine Christensen, who has declared war on China. Getting an increased vote from the electors in the far north of Alabama South has turned his head.

  23. wam

    hahaha Jack you are unique not an aberration but for the rabbott et al non xstian-conservatives are not normal, women who are useful above the belt are exceptional and gays cannot be natural as god couldn’t have made them.
    My daughter is dyslexic but has a phd in chemistry and when she was young she made me learn to write and do things left handed (a useful skill to command attention by writing backwards on the blackboard) her reasoning was when I had a stroke i could use my left any idea which side of the brain had the clot???
    As a smart arse in the scouts I was asked why do scouts shake left handed and the expected answer was because lord baden made it a principle but I said it was because black Africans trusted each other not to have a weapon but white europeans don’t trust each other so the shake the right hand which means people like you are sinister because your strong hand is free.
    at school ron sat on the right and I on the left so we could punch each other fairly, he was a leftie, at times when the teacher wasn’t looking or we were bored.
    ps crypto the rabbott earned his win by hard lies days after day but smirko’s miracle was little billy sudden burst into action which was a little sary for frankers and booby’s caravan which was very scar for nth queensland workers

  24. Harry Lime

    For fuck’s sake Wam, have a lie down,I think I’m beginning to like you.Your logic has a certain charm,as has your mode of expression.
    Have you ever considered going into politics?If you do,you ain’t gonna be on the bottom of my list.

  25. Michael Taylor

    Jack, some of the most graceful batsmen were left-handers: Hookes, Pollock, Gower come to mind.

  26. Jack Cade

    Michael Taylor

    How could you have omitted Gary Sobers????

  27. Old bloke

    Jeez Michael, how did you leave out Harvey and Sobers?

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