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A Short Christmas Story With No Reference To Abbott, Terrorism or Politics!

“Name?”

“Joseph.”

“And the woman and kid are with you?”

“Yes!”

“Reason for crossing the border into Egypt?”

“King Herod is killing all the recently born children in the land.”

“So there’s no actual direct threat to you or your wife?”

“No, but the child…”

“We’ll get to the child. I’m just establishing that there’s no reason for you two to come.”

“The child could hardly travel alone.”

“All right then, couldn’t his mother have travelled alone?”

“Hardly, it’s not really safe for a woman to do that.”

“And you are the child’s father?”

“Um… it’s complicated. But she is my wife.”

“I see. Now, about this supposed attack on new-borns by Herod, how did you manage to avoid it?”

“Well, it hadn’t actually started when we left. We were warned.

“So, it’s really just rumours?”

“I think you’ll find that it’s actually happening. Our source was very reliable. Very, very reliable”

“Yes, I’m sure. Look, we obviously have to check out your story, so until we can check out all the details, you’ll be in custody.”

“How long will that take?”

“It depends. Basically, we’ll write to King Herod and ask him if it’s true that he’s killing babies and if he says no, then we’ll send you back to him.”

“He’s not likely to say yes, is he?”

“He might.”

“Ok, if he does, then what?”

“Then we send you back because we have a good relationship with King Herod.”

“But he’s killing babies.”

“Look, he’s a king, he must have a good reason. After all, sometimes in difficult circumstances difficult things happen.”

“This is absurd!”

“Hey, nobody asked you to come here. We haven’t forgotten that Red Sea incident where a lot of my countrymen were drowned.”

“That was hundreds of years ago. And they drowned chasing the Israelites, after telling them they could go.”

“Whatever. Guard, three more for detention.”

“This isn’t supposed to happen!”

“Yeah, well, it’s happening… Oh, and Merry Christmas!”

“There’s no such thing yet. Besides, we don’t celebrate Christmas – Mary and I are Jewish.”

“Hey, the writer of this piece is living in Australia under Tony Abbott, and accuracy has nothing to with what anybody writes any more.”

“But the writer also promised that this wouldn’t be about politics!”

“Look, his main promise that it was a Christmas story, so I figured that I had to say Merry Christmas just in case the heathens out there don’t pick up the Joseph and Mary references.”

“Surely he should have kept all his promises.”

“Nah, it should be enough to just lock you and your family up. That should give everyone a happy Christmas.”

 

* * *

Ah well, there’s always next year! Perhaps I’ll have better luck keeping my promises then!

Whatever you believe or don’t believe, try to make it through Christmas without it causing you grief!

Peace and goodwill.

Rossleigh

 

 

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15 comments

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  1. Bighead1883

    Ah Rossleigh,your ancestors owned The Inn

  2. Lee

    Gold! Merry Christmas Rossleigh.

  3. Peter Ball

    Love it , but what are we worried about the Liberals are noted for the love of our fellow man , their compassion , truth , justice and the Australian way , myself I think the Liberals are pure trash

  4. Richard

    Merry Christmas Rossleigh,

    That’s Classic! Please consider it shared, as widely as I can.

    May ANY God Bless us Everyone….

    Because this troupe of monkeys in Canberra only know lies, deceit and torture…

  5. mars08

    What? Jesus was Jewish!!???!??!!?? HA!!!

    Errr… now wait a minute! I was born a Catholic and I’ve been to a few churches. Let me tell you something… you know all those statues and paintings??? They’re a central part of the Catholic thing! And I can assure you that Jesus looked like a cross between Brad Pitt and Orlando Bloom!!!

    http://thearabdailynews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/JESUSn.jpg

  6. stephentardrew

    Rossleigh:

    Whats his name Merry Couple a days off.

    Cheeky as usual.

    Have a good thingy that’s coming up won’t you.

    Damned if I know what’s going on.

  7. Kaye Lee

    Crucifixion? Line on the left…one cross each.

    Thanks for the laughs Rossleigh and remember……

    Some things in life are bad
    They can really make you mad
    Other things just make you swear and curse
    When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
    Don’t grumble, give a whistle
    And this’ll help things turn out for the best…
    And…

  8. mars08

    He’s not the Messiah… he’s a Very Naughty Boy!!!!

    And some of us were well aware of it YEARS AND YEARS ago…

  9. Russ

    Rossleigh, you may have misled us a little with the title, but I think you have delivered. Getting a little ragged towards the end doesn’t matter. As for Jesus, if he was around today, Andrew Bolt would denounce him as a treacherous lefty.

  10. nettythe1st

    Thanks for the laughs Rossleigh! Please keep them coming in 2015. ‘God’ knows we need them!

  11. diannaart

    Tweeted & FB’d Rossleigh. Many thanks for laughs looking forward to 2015 with you.

  12. Matthew Oborne

    circumstances changed, Labor’s debt and defict disaster has made it impossible to keep promises, we understand. fa la la la la la la la la.

  13. Keitha Granville

    Thanks for a great year Rossleigh, have a great Christmas – whatever thati s for you and yours – and let’s hope for better prospects in the New Year. Keep the good writing coming, it’s the only thing that keeps me hopeful.

  14. CMMC

    Did you see Tones and Margie give their Christmas message?

    Did he have a gun held behind Margies back?

    ‘Now just say these lines and try to look normal and nobody gets hurt.’

  15. Annie B

    Rossleigh …….. as always – a classic piece of wordplay !! …….. Looking forward to what you might have in store for 2015. … 🙂

    …….

    Mars08 …….. I have only ever seen one ( quite beautiful actually ) portrayal of the Jewish Jesus as he would have been. …… everything else is caucasian, white almost translucent skin tone ….. and often RED hair ? …….. which is all up the ruddy creek.

    ………..

    Kaye –

    If you whistle, while chewing on gristle – you are bound to hit someone on the other side of the Chrissie table and start a verbal punch-up, or one helluva lot of laughter.

    …….

    Meanwhile – a Happy, Healthy, Positive, Safe and Great New Year – 2015 …… to all.

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