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Shame The Coronation Lacked Roy And H.G.’s Insights!

As someone who takes no more than a passing interest in the Royal Family, I found myself watching King Charles III’s Coronation. I know, I know, you probably think that I should be interested in the person who has the ultimate say on all our laws and who may with just the stroke of a pen dismiss the Governor-General for no other reason than Linda Hurley starts singing…

Actually, that would be damned fine reason, but the point I’m making is that Charles could step in and announce that he’s appointing David Attenborough as our GG with the express instruction that any legislation supporting fossil fuels is to be sent back to the Parliament without Royal Assent.

Whatever, I found myself watching the Coronation and checking the Twitter comments at the same time. It was unfortunate that they weren’t scrolling along the bottom of the screen as some programs have been known to do, but I should clear up some of the misconceptions:

  • This was a Coronation and not – as some suggested – a silly hat competition with the winner getting a ride in a gold carriage. I mean this was obvious from the fact that Julie Bishop wasn’t the winner.
  • A remark that Princess Anne “was mounted within minutes of leaving the Abbey” by one of the commentators was misunderstood by many. It was not the result of some inappropriate activity in the service due to boredom, but referred to her being ready to ride her horse as part of the procession.
  • Some suggested that Prince Andrew and Prince Harry were seated together. I cannot confirm this, as they were apparently blocked by the feather on Princess Anne’s hat. However, I can say that it wasn’t an attempt to ostracise the poor man by seating him next to someone who’s been accused of having inappropriate relationships. No, Prince Andrew was more than happy to sit next Harry because it took attention away from the fact that his date for the occasion had been unable to get leave from her boarding school because of upcoming exams.
  • It is quite normal for the wife of the King to be called Queen Consort and this does not refer to any consorting that Camilla may or may not have done.
  • It is not usual for the corgis to attend the Coronation. They have not, in fact, been put down because none of the Royals wanted them. They are living with Fergie because none of the Royals wanted them.
  • The Archbishop was not expected to know his lines even though he’s had years to learn them. The fact that someone had to hold a book for him to read from is one of those adorable traditions where priests would show off by reading when most of the congregation couldn’t.
  • No, it would not have been funny if Charles had suffered a heart attack and we had to do this all again in a few weeks.
  • There were shots of people camped out, but they were there because they wanted to be there and not because they were homeless. If they were homeless they’d have been moved to somewhere less visible so that their poverty didn’t upset the King on such an important day.
  • The various gowns of the priests and bishops are not considered dresses (Julie excepted!) I feel the need to point this out so that the groups in Victoria that are protesting Drag Queen story time don’t feel the need to shut down churches. Of course, the protestors are upset that they’re being called Nazis when only one of them is actually a nazi. The rest are just ordinary people prepared to disrupt democratically elected councils, interrupt events where children are being read to and to burn any books that they believe are inappropriate. This is no reason to compare them to people who disrupted government and burnt books.

I fell asleep and missed the part where I was meant to swear my allegiance to the King so I’ll just have to wait until the next monarch…


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  1. New England Cocky

    Happy to know that another contemporary Australian voter correctly ignored the overbearing Pommies parading the most dysfunctional family in Europe across the real estate acquired by their forebears. I found the Souths v Broncos NRL match very entertaining on the other channel.

    But consider the unspoken content of this majestic event. In keeping with the practices of his forebears, Charlie Chuckles was an adulterous male and now Horseface has achieved the position of Queen that was denied Wallis Simpson, the three times divorced, nazi sympathiser who entranced Edward VII, Charlie’s uncle. The moral decline of England is nigh ….. as demonstrated by the behaviour of English Parliamentarians …..

    Now pundits will claim that all that ”unsavoury” history is irrelevant because look at all the crowds in the street cheering on the royal carriage. But as you correctly observe, there is very little else occurring in England while the lack of building capacity for Scummo’s USUKA subs deal is created out of thin air, especially as Brexit has screwed the English economy and trade.

    Yep!! The crowds were there because housing is in short supply and the respective local and national governments have little concern and less finance to care to make any difference.

  2. GL

    You mean The Abbott wasn’t there with his drooling tongue dragging on the ground in sycophantic obsequiousness after Charlie in the vain hope that he would remember that it was Tones knighted his dad Prince Philip and give him a lordship or nut…oops…knight him in thanks?

    “Shame The Coronation Lacked Roy And H.G.’s Insights!” I would much rather to have listened (not that I gave a damn about the hideously expensive and damned coronation anyway, particularly after scanning the bullshit from the Rupert and Costello print media before, during, and after) to a thoroughly tanked Beetroot passing on his vast intellectual insights and commentary.

  3. Phil Pryor

    I saw a bit as my wife watched the fancy dress stuff she likes, coming and going, but stayed “went.” All those stolen jewels on show should have attracted police and security attention, around the old empire. The British fought for “freedom” in W W 1 and had to say it again in W W 2, but, they never fought to free Kenya, Malta, Singapore and Malaya,, and especially, India. The good old policies of theft, murder, occupation, humiliations, slavery, bases, resources and glory remained for centuries, and, the Crown and the Church did well, without reproach or conscience. Perhaps tourism will get a boost. That line of old failed P M’s was a Disneyish delight…Finally, did the betrayed, ignored, homeless, undernourished, abandoned cheer? Surely some did, for that is the British spirit. And, it only cost c. a hundred million sterling. Housing, heath, education can wait.

  4. Ricahrd Gaede

    English monarch has not had final say on our laws since about 1989 when legislation cut the link to appeal to Privy Council. Role of monarch in Australia is completely symbolic (shambolic?). So why do we swear allegiance to someone who has no legal power over us?

  5. Michael Taylor

    Damn, I missed the Coronation.

    When’s the next one?

  6. NewBruce

    I too found myself watching the celebration of a foreign monarch getting a new tin-foil hat with a strange fascination.
    Yes. I’ll admit it. I had to watch it on re-run after the Storm put on a sub-par performance in Magic round, and yes, the Rabbitoh’s were the better team, and yes, the ref’s were pretty average too, but back to the story.
    I would have though that chuckles could have gotten out of bed in enough time to dress properly for the occasion. To see him standing there in a long night-shirt, while the highest ranking religious nutters helped him with his golden dresing gown was a bit of a surprise. Mind you, The king looked completely knackered. Maybe the should I/ shouldn’t I over andy and ginger has kept him awake at nights.
    For all of their supposed importance and value, the orb and sceptre play a stunningly small part in the whole procedings. Charlie briefly cradled his orb, and then wobbled around a bit on two shiny golden sticks, before having the crown plonked on his head. Aparently, the crown was resized for him. It should be fitted with a big gold hoseclamp so hat it can be wound in/out as the case requires, to save on costs. I wonder what it weighs, because that much weight on the head of a player in the nrl would result in “ten in the bin”, and charles is 74. He did spend a fair amunt of time with his finger in someone else’s ring, but there was no explanation of that, so it must be just some royalist thing that happens every now and then.
    I heard the comment about the princess royal, and wondered who the fella was. Was he an ordained position, and has rehearsed for months, or just a “quickie in the stalls” thing. Our anne is, I have been reliably informed, quite an excellent horsewoman, and an Olympian too,, so she would have had no difficulties carrying out her duties during the post coronational procession. Chuck’s sister has a new title to add to her ever growing collection too, in case you all missed it. She is now Gold Stick-in-Waiting,and also Colonel of The Blues and Royals since 1998, with a chestload of medals to prove it.
    The commentators quite failed to mention the grenadier band trombonist, who carried on regardless while his horse was going sideways, the wind blew his music of it’s stand, and the slide came out of his instrument. He still kept his seat. “That’s what we do, we’re british”
    I didn’t notice our pm doing his kiss-arse bit on my behalf. The nrl stitched up a win for him in his absense, so he can rest easy, but I did see an amazing array of hats, flags, horses, more hats, more flags, the red-arrows, and a whole bunch of different military personnel. For my money, the raf sqadron and the 5 Mounties were the winners.
    Did ms bitchop take her own arse over to britland for the entertainment, or did I/we foot the bill? and did her hat have it’s own seat. I wonder who was sitting next to her in westminster ?
    Speaking of flags, it’s about time that Australia got one for ourselves. The Southern Cross is great, but that onion sack in the corner (in canton)signifying our subservience to some country far far away, (with tinfoil hats as mandatory wear for the boss fella) just makes me want to vomit. PNG has it’s own flag. Jamaica, Sth Africa, Nauru too. When is Australia going to grow up and be a Real Nation? (Or at least put the starsandstripes in the corner ?)
    As yor haedline said, Rossleigh. Roy and HG would have made a sensational commentary of the whole farce. $190M should have been spent elsewhere and better. Modern telly could have had chuck being coronated inside at buck house, and the walking out onto the bonkany with his family, and then throwing a big bunnings barbie-on-the-lawn for the masses, with extra good hay for the horses. The whole thing would have cost abot $2M, for a shitload of sausages, and a big boost to the brit meat and bread industry.
    See you all next time.

  7. Ross

    Did you say someone got Coronated?
    Are they OK?
    Sounds like that would hurt.

  8. Lyndal

    This ceremony is a totally religious enforcement of the superiority of the church as seen in the symbolism of Charles being stripped down to his shirt while all churchmen and women wore their most sumptuous regalia

  9. Lurline

    When I heard that the cross was made especially for the occasion and contained a piece of the “actual cross upon which Jesus was crucified”, I wondered which other fairy tale characters and items were used. I was most disappointed that there was no gingerbread from Hansel and Gretel, no Apple from Snow White, no heel from Cinderella’s shoe, no hair from Santa’s beard, no rabbits foot from the Easter bunny, or indeed no other representation at all. Not even a shard from Humpty Dumpty’s shell. Plus I didn’t get to see the horses and men attempting to put Humpty back together again. I shall have to give the next coronation a miss. 1/10

  10. New England Cocky

    Uhm ….. as mentioned elsewhere ….. I wonder how the FRWNJs watched this theatrical production of sumptuous clothing, fine regalia and funny old men performing centuries old rituals ….. was it legit or just a cover for a drag show, to be disrupted at every possible opportunity?
    I guess disruption was off the menu given the army of security personnel issued with fully automatic weapons to support the snipers on roof tops. Perhaps that sort of security is what is required for Melbourne drag shows?

  11. leefe

    “No, it would not have been funny if Charles had suffered a heart attack and we had to do this all again in a few weeks.”

    That was actually the funniest line in the whole article and the only thing that has a chance of topping it is if Chuckles has a heart attack during tonight’s celebratory bonk with Camilla.

  12. 2353NM

    @GL – Abbott would have given his first born and a kidney or two to be there. Karma is a bugger.

  13. Michael Taylor

    2353, more likely he would have given one of our first born and our kidneys.

  14. wam

    Our house has been 75% republican for the last 40 years a fact revealed in a letter thanking the late queen for her invitation to a garden party. A letter which an equerry wrote that she enjoyed reading.
    So we watched the show and, NEC, it was far more exciting than the run throw and fall over effort.

  15. Terence Mills

    Why was Julie Bishop invited ? Was it because she was a former minister for foreign affairs in the long forgotten Morrison government ?

    I don’t begrudge her getting a guernsey but why not Penny Wong who is the present incumbent of that ministerial position ?

    I didn’t see him but I have no doubt that another former foreign minister in the guise of Lord Downer would have been lurking there somewhere : he wouldn’t be able to resist the opportunity to pull on a pair of silk stockings !

  16. Roswell

    I think her hat collection got her an invite.

  17. Roswell

    Me thinks someone was overdressed.

  18. GL

    That was Jools? I thought it was the Mad Monk getting truly desperate.

  19. Roswell

    GL, she was confused. She thought she was going to the Grand National.

  20. Clakka

    I watched the entire programme of funny walks and talks, and was delighted to see and hear more Basil Fawlty’s and fish-slappers than I could ever have imagined. I could hardly contain myself at the sight of the post-entree trailing circus of former Blighty PMs and their carers – like the mistaken filming of the arrival of the mess crew. Not to mention the inimitable Nick Cave representing the dark-ages, looking so grim, and needy for a break-out into his arms. Thank goodness I missed Bishop like I had always ignored her before.

    At around that point I decided that I would need the stabilisation required for yer usual Oz mega-event, so I prepared a feast of larger-than-usual dog’s eye smothered with dead horse, and a beer or two in an environmentally friendly large white paper cup.

    Then they launched the actual theatrical extravaganza – a third rate pastiche of ‘The Exorcist’, ‘The Life of Brian’ and ‘Plebs’ with an embedment of protestantism and a blush of ecumenicalism – it’ll never make it to the Netflix list – even the star nearly nodded off.

    Thoroughly underwhelmed, I retired to the cot. Repeatedly through the night, and on into Sunday I was wracked by indigestion – not from the pie.

    I’m ok now, after counselling myself about the bad affects of incantation and inculcation – the rot has passed. Back to meat veg and porridge.

  21. Jack sprat

    Julie Bishop must have rushed from her dress rehearsal of My Fair Lady to get to the coronation on time.

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