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Scotty And Those Lucky Women…

Hi, here’s my report of the past few days. I’m hoping to be made the Politics editor because there seems to be a vacuum.

Snippets from Parliament:

Prime Minister’s Office

“Mr Prime Minister, you know that the March is on Monday, don’t you?”

“Of course, it’s been March for over a week now.”

“No, sir, I mean that women will be marching on Parliament next Monday. It’s been all over the media…”

“I’m a busy man, I don’t have time to read things.”

“Yes, but I think you need to work out a strategy.”

“Ok, could someone put out a press release saying I understand because my wife is a woman and she’s lonely, so I completely understand what women are like?”

“We’ve already done the ‘Jen is lonely’ bit, so I think you’ll need to actually do something like meet them.”

“But I can’t do that?”

“Why not?”

“Well, I’m the PM and they’re protesters. Don’t they understand that it isn’t safe?”

“I think that’s why they’re marching. They don’t feel safe and they feel that we haven’t effectively dealt with these recent allegations.”

“Didn’t we manage to discredit the people making them with some carefully worded articles and friendly media allies?”

“Yes, but I think there’s a bit of a mixed message when you say that Brittany isn’t credible when she tells people that we’re trying to undermine her.”

“So, what do you suggest? Should I get Jen and the girls to go and play in the cubby house as a distraction.”

“Sorry, but the cubby house isn’t big enough. It couldn’t even fit all the WA Liberal MPs. No, you probably need to meet them. Look, if you’re worried about being booed, invite a delegation to the office.”

“But they’re women. I don’t invite women into the office unless they’re working for me or making the tea.”

“Yes, but it’d be a good look. You could offer them some sort of job like reading the report we got last year and doing a report on which bits of the report they’d recommend that we look at with a view to implementing after we’ve dealt with the vaccine rollout out because that’s our number one priority and this report is our number two.”

“What’s our number three?”

“Doesn’t matter. Once you get past one and two the media will just distract them with a story about which member of the Royal Family said something racist and how they all reject accusations of racism because it’s only foreigners saying it.”

“Great send out the invitations and I’ll get someone to make some scones. I guess, as Minister for Women, Marise should be there, so she can make the scones.”

Corridors of Parliament. Jane Hume stops Janine Hendry.

Jane: I do hope you take up the Prime Minister’s offer to meet with him in his office.

Janine: Yes, ok.

Jane: I mean, it’s a great offer. He only invites important people there like overseas leaders and members of the Swinging Club. I’ve been here for ages and the only time he invited me was to tell me that he thought that I needed to work harder if I wanted to be a minister. I was going to tell him that I already was, but he’s a busy man and it was such an honour that I just stood there nodding… which is the main role of a minister these days. So promise me you’ll go. It’s one of the highest honours this nation can bestow… I made the mistake of curtsying when I went but apparently, a simple bow of the head is the normal protocol… Oh, and don’t forget to take a plate because apparently, Senator Payne says she doesn’t have a recipe for scones and won’t be at the meeting.

* * * * *

“Mr Morrison, the women have declined your invitation for a delegation and they want you to meet with all of them.”

“Don’t they realise that I’m a busy man?”

“I’m sure that they do, but they said that it wasn’t enough to meet with a delegation. Something about all or nothing.”

“Honestly., don’t they realise how lucky they are? Should we point out how rarely people are invited into Parliamentary offices?”

“Um, I’m not sure that’s a wise choice at the moment. Anyway, perhaps you can acknowledge them in Parliament and say how great it is that they feel they can protest safely. That sort of undercuts their message about not feeling safe.”

“Great idea. I can point out how they’re lucky that they’re not being beaten with clubs or shot and that I’m the sort of empathetic leader who just ignores them.”

* * * * *

Michael McCormack:

“I’d just like to point out that it’s not just the ten minutes listening to their speeches. We’d have to walk over there and that takes six or seven minutes and we’re busy people. I mean, some of these women have spent hours getting here, so you can’t tell me they don’t have time on their hands and can’t walk a few steps to the PM’s office.”

* * * * *

The Parliamentary Flaw

Morrison: “Isn’t it just great that women can bring their concerns to us here where we can show how much we respect them. When Jen says something critical of me I also responded by pointing out how lucky she is to have a man like me when plenty of other men refuse to build chook sheds because of their job but I say what could be a greater priority. Similarly, how good is Australia when you can march and nobody shoots you?”

* * * * *

Ok, I think I got most of it. I’m writing it from memory so I may not have it one hundred percent accurate but like I said, I am auditioning for Peter Van Onselen’s role writing for “The Australian” so accuracy isn’t really needed…

Whoops, is that defamatory? Or do you have to actually diminish someone’s reputation which PvO has already done that himself?


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  1. Richard Laidlaw

    A nice little grinner. Shame it’s on a dreadful topic that the prime spinester would really rather we’d keep shtum about.

  2. Neilw

    In my dreams, the women march into the House and wheel Scotty out in his chair and roll him into the water for a cooldown.

  3. Vikingduk

    Apparently, even albanese was woken from his slumbers, several cohorts mentioning, wow, did ya see that, thought he was comatose, but there he is speaking, one might even say passionately. Meanwhile, scotty, feeling flushed, he just had his second jab, contemplates mobilising the army reserve. Rubber bullets only, mind. After all, he says he’s the crime monster and no uppity women are going to tell him and he needs to show who’s boss. I’ve also been reliably informed (by bruce, my aardvark) that jen is sent to the chook shed when she hasn’t got the dinner ready on time. Also, the rancid rabble of ministers and the backup chorus are doing their duty, staying on script, doing the mirror & vomit thing — I’ll look into it and bring it up at the next meeting. Good old what’shisname ambles around the typists pool telling all and sundry he’s far to busy to meet the protesting rabble. Unfortunately for mick the dick he’s ambushed at the pass by the instigator of this unseemly protest. Oooo, totes surprise, says mick the prick, must find words, they’re here somewhere. And what about that putrid porter, eh, the fucker on a sickie, poor me says he, I’ve been grossly abused, I’ll arise from my bed of woe and sue that hotbed of latte sipping, Chardonnay chugging, tree hugging Marxist/Leninists at the ABC. Always brings a smile to the lips, bashing ABC and repulsive rupert loves it. So, all’s well in la-la land, lies yet to be told, abusees yet to be abused, hypocrisy to display and, maaate, announcements to announce.

  4. wam

    Scummo could have donned protective apparel and met these women. Remember the lying rodent with an enlarged waistcoat. So perhaps a modified chastity belt would offer enough protection???
    Sadly he may be subjected to ‘dump the dog’? or Jenny’s boy or perhaps Dutton told him to hide for security?

  5. Gabby Hunt

    I think this is the first time I have laughed at an article covering this gut wrenching, vile, violent abuse of women in the last month or is it infinity? I’m sure it’s both.

    I’ll be honest, I can’t stand Scott Morrison, he is a fake, a complete fraud, a FauxMo if you will. He is the weakest leader(?) (cough) I’ve seen in my lifetime. The man is nothing but spin, all smoke and mirrors. He has no policies, other than what is dictated to him by Rupes and the IPA.

    The Liberal party agenda is to tread on the necks of the poor, keep them down, (we can’t have them rising up and questioning the failures of Liberal governments), keep wages down, whilst ripping money from critical services such as public education, aged care, healthcare so as to give tax cuts to those who really don’t need it, constantly funnelling taxpayers money to Liberal party donors/personal maaates/businesses and LNP seats. Scotty from marketing sure loves his pork…roll out the barrel.

    The question doesn’t even need to be asked about his view of women. The pale, stale ignorant white male spells it out every time he opens his mouth. It is often said that the Liberal party has a “women’s” problem. I totally disagree. What the Liberal party has is a “men/male” problem.

  6. Josephus

    Not even to have read the documents shame shame shame
    How condescending to invite a woman or two instead of facing a huge crowd of furious women as well as men and children too . He might even have met Brittany and the pollies from most parties including several greens . He could have listened to two powerful speeches by two respected elders Aunties both
    He could have met the two anu students one of whom said she was assaulted on day two in her
    Lodgings .
    Coward , useless nonentity that he is .

  7. andy56

    My take out on all this.

    1/ Scott is highly managed. But every now and then he adlibs and boy does it show, what a totally stupid tone deaf individual
    2/ Scott should be glad the women didnt bring a GUILOTINE
    3/ Its business as usual for the libs, i mean how many times have they actually paid attention to mass protests? Vietnam conscription,
    whitlams sacking, howards ” we will determine” and even Abbotts indifference to mass protests. Its all lip service.
    4/ I am so sad the women didnt bring a guilotine
    5/ Scot has decided to hunker down.
    6/Boy am i glad women are from venus, they have taken all the points away, lol.
    7/ Porter will never eraze the stink, better for him to go before the hole gets too big . Dead man walking. Just the fact he
    has ” delegated” shows that he instinctively knows he is gone. The reality will have to hit him, he has no defence, how could he be
    believed? Well except by other older white men
    8 Liberal women are just plain self centered wanna be men in disguise. What a useless bunch of tokens. promoted on merit? I would
    hate to see what the competition was.

  8. New England Cocky

    Rossleigh …. if you move into the Lord Muloch stable, how will you maintain their low and lowering standards of scribbling?

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