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Scott Morrison Meets And Beats Me Every Time!

Now before some PM gets litigious and tries to suggest that my headline suggests some sadomasochistic relationship in the prayer room between me and Scotty, I’d like to state clearly that I didn’t vote the man, so there’s no evidence of any such thing… And even if I had voted for him, there is such a thing as a truth defence…

No, I merely meant that the previous week has been so full of material that I could satirise that I was left with nothing because I couldn’t think of anything that was more ridiculous than this mob of miscreants that some people refer to as a government.

Not Scotty himself, obviously. He’d never refer to himself and his mates as a government… and by never I mean, like most of the things he says, not this week. He runs a “don’t do government” and, like Barnaby thinks that we all want government out of our lives.

As a side-note, I recently read that, as a child, he was in “Oliver” where he played The Artful Dodger… Talk about someone who was typecast at a young age…

So there I was, pen in hand… actually keyboard under fingers but that doesn’t sound as poetic… there I was, pen in hand, about to write about how we agreed to look at our emissions target for 2030 when we’d already looked at it and decided that it was just fine and we were certainly prepared to look at it again in the few hours after signing up and say, “Yeah, isn’t it great. We could look at it all day, I mean, isn’t it perfection? Yes, we’ll continue to look at it and tell it, please don’t change because we love you just the way ou are…”

However, I was distracted by… what was it again? There was something that made me stop and think I should be writing about this not that… Was it one of Barnaby’s sober interviews? By sober, I mean serious and I don’t wish to defame the man by suggesting in any way that he was anything else but serious…

Ah, yes, the nooses… Well, I would like to unequivocally say that we don’t support threats even though I understand why they’re upset and sometimes domestic violence occurs and I certainly condemn it and it has no place but I do understand that men sometimes get frustrated by women and… OH, I THINK I JUST FOUND A WAY OF DOING SATIRE BY BEING MORE OUTRAGEOUS THAN SCOTTY…

Oh damn, I just remembered that he suggested that those women who marched were too far away to meet with and that they were lucky that this was Australia because they’d be met with bullets if they tried it in some other country.

No, he beats me every time.

I think I’ll go to Hawaii…

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  1. Kerri

    Yes Rossleigh! Go to Hawaii!
    Just make sure you tell Albo via text from the plane.
    Oh! Wait a minute?

  2. GL

    How using Lord of the Rings as a base for satire: In the land of Morfibbs there resided a being named Scummauron the Dark Liar…

  3. corvusboreus

    (with apologies to JRRT)

    One Rupert rules them all,
    One Rupert binds them.
    One Rupert wall to wall,
    Blasting bullshit, blinding.

  4. Phil Pryor

    The utter fuckwittery of the Merde Dog (an old shit hound) and Morrison the Mighty misfit maniacal mudskull misdemeanorial pseudo/psycho/neuro/pathologico/docko defective, is bowel clearing bizarre blast bomb braindrain bestial beastly botheration of a terminal threatening horrifying haunting humiliating hunnish hell, assuredly to make us all terminally SICK of conservative corporate crappery, and conniving, and crookedness, and careless inconsideration of the community, far beyond reason, decency, acceptability. UPHAM…

  5. Kaye Lee

    It’s the scattergun approach. Every time I go to write something I am distracted by the latest ridiculous thing which prompts my memory about things in the past which makes me then try to gather things together (I’m a sorter and collector) by which time ScoMo has a new marketing strategy anyway.

    We thought Abbott made satire hard…..

  6. wam

    rupert primes the vote
    the loonies place the powder
    who pulls the trigger

  7. corvusboreus

    Stuck on loop.
    Waste of words.
    Goodbye troll.

  8. pierre wilkinson

    is that even possible?

  9. corvusboreus

    More outrageous than scomo?

    I am curious.

    What can you do to top inviting TV cameras to witness you performing ‘snatchin-for-my-bit-of-heaven’ happy-clap hymns in a prosperity-gospel mammon-temple alongside a spivo-priest in a pastel leisure-suit in legal trouble for (allegedly) covering up kiddy-rape?

  10. RomeoCharlie29

    Hey Albo, going on hols with the family, well-earned I reckon. Have fun while I’m away and btw, MicMac is acting PM, but don’t tell anyone, he won’t do anything anyway. Cheers Scomo.

  11. Kate Ahearne

    Thanks, Rossleigh.

    He beats me every time, too. But even worse, he seems to beat his own personal worst, time and time again.

  12. Kathryn

    “””As a side-note, I recently read that, as a child, Scott Morrison was in “Oliver” where he played The Artful Dodger… Talk about someone who was typecast at a young age…””” HAHAHAHA, Rossleigh, that bit of information comes as no surprise! My God, no WONDER Morrison can lie and cheat so effectively – he has been practising for his part as the worst, most corrupt, inept and deceitful PM for decades!

    Ever since Morrison rose to the top like faecal matter in a polluted pond due to his malevolent, treacherous betrayal of colleagues such as Michael Towke and Malcolm Turnbull, Morrison has shown that he can do more backflips than Nadia Comăneci, more U-turns than a police driving instructor and has as much depth as a carpark puddle. If you had to hand-pick a conniving sociopath who was to become the worst, most inappropriate, callously inhumane psychopath to mismanage, defund and destroy a nation in rapid time, you would pick the bone-idle “can’t hold a hose” Sloth Morrison EVERY time! This bible-thumping hypocrite and supporter of the paedophile-protecting, prosperity driven CULT of Hillsong is perhaps one of the most destructive and dangerously undemocratic political parasites in living memory and ever bit as bad (or not worse) than the inarticulate, misogynistic bogan, Phoney Abbott.

    It’s Australians’ civic duty to kick this monstrous, smirking pathological LIAR – who has proven himself to be one of the most vile political aberrations on record – to the kerb as soon as possible! He and the appalling sociopaths in the LNP are a danger to EVERYTHING Australians cherish, including our democracy!

  13. wam

    dear young corvus,
    Remember when you used to be 575? Does trilogy 333 fits your new bias?
    You tried ‘troll’ and goodbye before and you are still wrong.
    Crows are thought clever
    and are steady alert birds
    When coronoides
    Keep strong, forget us old fellows and try to look under the grass.

  14. corvusboreus

    Yeah, nah, It’s difficult to maintain mental discipline trying to keep It focused, positive and constructive with you fixatedly braying the exact same garbled crap.

    Different thread, different topics, same old shit.

    “loonies,.. booby, tee hee hee”.

    I have problems with the Greens.
    This goes for policy blindspots, candidatial pedigrees and collective representative performance.
    Green, federal and state, can disappoint dismal expectations and earn the descriptor ‘busted pack of extra-flakey moron-flavoured biscuits’.
    I am not a member, nor do their candidates automatically get my default iick & flick on voting day.

    Thing is, you show a focussed hatred that veers into irrational obsession, to the point that you preferentially petition for One Nation to be given a stronger voice.

    Anyways, cheers for your persistently lazy efforts at sqwarkbox sledging.
    You increase my frequenct of absence and brevity of stays.

  15. Max Gross

    Not a government. A crime syndicate.

  16. Geoff Andrews

    I too, scratch my head at Wam’s apparent hatred of the Greens.
    Seems counterproductive to me, even looney.

  17. Brozza

    Kate Ahearne – yeah, you’re right. scummo’s forever beating himself.

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