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Pyne Staffer Resigns – Rumours Of Him Taking A Job With Trump Untrue!

Now some of you may have picked up that rather obscure story about some nice young Aussies being arrested in Malaysia. The story – which was given little attention by the media because they needed to focus on such important things as the NBN announcing that they weren’t going ahead with using the Optus cables in spite of paying nearly a billion dollars for the right to do so – was particularly interesting to some because Jack Walker, one of the young men involved, happened to be a staffer for Christopher Pyne.

Of course anybody who doesn’t live here or is a recent arrival, will be wondering how someone who works for such an important member of our current government wasn’t aware that stripping down and parading around in budgie smugglers might be considered offensive in other countries. That’s before one even takes account of the fact that he had that country’s flag on his bum. In Australia wearing flags is quite normal on days of national significance like Australia Day and any sporting occasion, or indeed any day one wants to protest about people being here when they don’t agree with everything the flag-wearer suggests. As for the swimwear, it was the garment of choice of our previous PM before his unfortunate removal. Mr Abbott, incidentally, was not removed because of his fashion sense, but because he wasn’t selling his message well enough which was a bit unfair. Mr Abbott had been busy selling so many other things that he didn’t have time to explain that he was, in fact, the greatest leader we’d ever had.

So it was entirely understandable that someone working in a minister’s office would have no problem whipping off his shirt and pants in order to celebrate a momentous win. I can just picture the entire front bench on election night with their Liberal togs on, dancing on marble tables and tackling each other while the drinks flowed…

Oh wait, that was when Abbott lost the leadership!

Anyway, Jack Walker has paid a high price for his exuberance in Malaysia. He has resigned. And he’s very sorry for what he’s done. As Mr Pyne told us:

“Jack indicated to me his deep regret for causing any embarrassment to the Government and apologised.”

Yes, I know some of you think that maybe he should be also expressing regret for any embarrassment he caused Australia, but if we started apologising every time someone made us look like a bunch of yahoos, we’d be constantly having to remind the world about the fact that Donald Trump is still the nominee of a major party, so compared to the USA, we’re small time.

Of course, the idea that he should apologise to Malaysia is just the sort of hippie, left wing cultural cringing that makes Andrew Bolt so angry, so don’t even bring that up or I’ll be forced to slip on my Aussie flag bandana and cape and question your loyalty to our wide, brown land!

Mr Pyne added: “One lapse of judgement does not detract from the fact that Jack has been an outstanding staff member, a significant contributor to my office since late 2013 and I believe he will have a bright future.”

Mr Cormann, however, contradicted Mr Pyne telling us that Walker had paid a high price for the incident, because, if that’s so, how can he still have a bright future? Actually, if he’s resigned, isn’t that a choice thing, so how can it be considered a “high price” unless it wasn’t a choice thing, in which case it was another one of those times when people use a word in a way where its meaning is slightly different from the normal understanding of the word.

But then I am overlooking the way the world works these days. Perhaps, Mr Pyne is simply suggesting that now that Mr Walker has freed himself from all those political constraints, he’s now free to do more lucrative work such as “Dancing With The Stars” or working as a male stripper. Then again, perhaps he’s already lined up a job as a fact checker for Donald Trump’s speeches.

Or maybe, he’ll follow the path set by Peta Credlin and be given his media gig. After all, he has several things in common with her. While to the best of my knowledge, Ms Credlin has never whipped her kit off in a public place, they both worked for a member of the government and they both achieved more publicity than the average staffer. And they both are probably hoping for an Abbott return so they can get their old jobs back.

Whatever, it’s great that these boys are back in Australia in time for the Melbourne Cup. I’m sure that they’ll be a lot more welcome parading their gorgeous bodies around Flemington because here in Australia we understand the need to get your gear off with your mates in a totally blokey way.

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  1. king1394

    Whatever else arises from this incident, I am rather fearful that it will become a patriotic expression for males to strip to their undies at any opportunity. Women will need to get some sort of hood (burqa?) so they can hide their embarrassment

  2. Steve Laing

    As soon as I saw the article stating that Turnbull had stated his displeasure, it was clearly all over for the boy. The surprise was that no one was surprised that one of these divots was a staffer for a Liberal pollute…

  3. cornlegend

    Give him 12 months, time with the IPA, and he will turn up as a Liberal candidate or senior staffer somewhere.
    The LNP look after their own

  4. Jaquix

    Actually I think the Liberal Party has caused more than enough embarrassment to Australia, all by itself. No wonder its staffers dont know how to behave either.

  5. Sir Scotchmistery

    So Mr Pyne is okay with embarrassing moves by (another) one of his cute staff members and noted that Jack had apologised. How come Mr Pyne has never apologised for running for parliament, as Bronwyn and John’s love child?

    That has embarrassed the whole country, not just one mincer.

  6. Kyran

    Hmmmm, hard to deconstruct this. Hissy whine was a research assistant to Amanda Vanstone in the late 80’s. Given the stupidity of her comments over so many decades, he clearly was never any good as a researcher. His next incarnation was practising as a solicitor in 1991. He has been soliciting since then, hasn’t he?
    It seems odd that the ‘Burkini’ was an Aussie invention that didn’t go down so well overseas. Perhaps Ms Aheda Zanetti should have considered producing them in the likeness of the Australian flag.
    Since 2013, hissy whine has had three portfolios, miniature for Education; Industry Innovation & Science; Defence Industry. Not to mention leader of the house, on an ongoing basis. As he’s clearly no good as a researcher, it would seem reasonable to assume he’s not much good as a miniature either. Even his portfolios kick him out. Except for leader of the house. Outhouse, perchance? Since the staffer was with him since 2013, and good at his job, doesn’t that make him equally incompetent?
    In any event, his staffer has behaved poorly. Talcum wasn’t so much upset as well versed in staffers behaving badly. Remember Stephen Ellis? Drugs, alcohol, indecency at Canberra Airport?
    “Ellis’s lawyers had argued that given the media attention surrounding the criminal matters last year, he had already been punished enough.
    They said Ellis had lost professional standing and damaged his reputation to the point where he was unable to secure anything more than contract work.
    As well as the damage to his career, Ellis’s lawyers argued the charges had made it more difficult for him to visit the United States, where his partner is from and frequently travels to for work.”

    He got absolutely belted with the full force of the law.

    “Ms Doogan said given his lack of criminal history there would be no good behaviour order but she did order him to pay court costs of $73.”

    Not sure about the dancing with the stars thing. It was appalling (my bad, a Pauline) and deranged (my bad, Derryn) that got those gigs. Wannabe politicians, not their wannabe staffers.

    To add insult to injury, Victoria has recently changed its ‘mooning laws’.

    Here’s a thought. Perhaps walker can wear an Aussie burkini made out of the Australian flag to the Melbourne Cup. Made in China, of course.
    My word, Mr Brisbane, you’re onto something. Take care

  7. Brad

    I’ve heard a rumour, and it is only a rumour, that the usual practice for the budgie boys, at private social gatherings at least, is to wear their smugglers on their heads! At least they had the decency to alter the standard arrangement…

  8. SGB

    Well I suspect that resigning was better than getting ‘the DCM’ (Don’t Come Monday).
    I am comforted by the knowledge that he would have got some sort of pay out and assured of a position somewhere in government, don’t hold your breath that we will find out though

  9. lawrencewinder

    Entertaining, as the Liarbrils are in their incompetence… surely there’s one who has a modicum of manners?


    Oh, well.

  10. Adrianne Haddow

    I wonder if he and his mates had the gall to feel ‘confronted’ by the hijab wearing Malay women?

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