Bovine excrement

By 2353NM  Prime Minister Morrison seems to be certain that the next federal…

Society’s schizophrenia with sacred superstitions

By Brian Morris   There’s a critical element missing from the whole debate…

Globalising the Christchurch Shootings: Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, Gallipoli…

Never let a bloody and opportune crisis pass. In New Zealand, there…

All Options Are On The Table, But Clearly…

Writing satire is easy...Well, sometimes it's hard because you begin by trying…

Greg Hunt’s assurances mean fuck all

Perhaps in preparation for threatened defamation action against Waleed Aly for reminding…

Reading Manifestos: Restricting Brenton Tarrant’s The Great Replacement

A censorious and censoring attitude has engulfed responses to the mental airings…

Responding to Red-Baiting on Marxism

A common argument on the Left is that ‘Socialism’ is not ‘Communism’…

There is no Planet B

By 2353  This was written in the immediate aftermath of the Christchurch terror…

«
»
Facebook

Peter Dutton’s Arm And Morrison’s End!

Craig Kelly and Jim Molan are campaigning for a merit based selection process. In fact, the whole Liberal Party supports merit based selection.

  1. Am I male? Tick
  2. Am I white? Tick
  3. Am I a supporter of coal? Tick
  4. Am I in Parliament? Tick

All these things suggest that I deserve to be where I am and if we need someone else, well, the first two are good enough, but failing that number three can be a tie-breaker.

Of course, the politically correct in the Liberal Party have demanded that we acknowledge and pay lip-service to the politically correct, so we’ve revised our selection criteria:

  1. Am I wearing a tie? Tick
  2. Am I needing skin cancers removed? Tick
  3. Am I a supporter of reliable energy? Tick
  4. Do I have parliamentary experience? Tick

Nope, it seems that women have to make it on merit, but good old Craig doesn’t want to face his local branch without the support of some sort of outside intervention… Don’t call it a quota though; he opposes quotas this all about merit and by gum, if you can bully and intimidate a sitting PM into ensuring you get the nod, that’s merit and it’s just those silly women who can’t throw their weight around, because when it comes to weight nobody can doubt that Kelly has it on merit!

Will Craig Kelly support me for making fat jokes at his expense or does the outrage about political correctness only apply when Regressives are criticised? (Clearly if Turnbull and co were “progressives”, then the Abbott gang must surely be “regressives”)

The Liberal Party seem to be suffering from the old Chinese curse: May you live in interesting times!

These are indeed interesting times for the Liberals.

Peter Dutton’s arm seems interesting. (Now that’s a sentence I never thought I’d write!)

He’s taking the week off because his doctor told him to.

Now, I’m not a doctor, and even if I were, I haven’t actually examined Petey’s arm, however, in the spirit of all the non-scientist climate change experts on the Coalition side of politics, I offer my humble opinion: While many, many jobs prevent one from working with a bad arm, spreading misinformation and bile is not one of them.

Please don’t infer from this that I consider that this to be Minister Dutton’s job. Clearly he has many, many other duties, but one would think that he could at least turn up to Parliament to vote, even if he wasn’t fully cognisant of the issues…

Speaking of which, did you see Barnaby’s tweet?

“Sure; protesting when fully cognisant of the issue you are protesting about. Not children corralled by teachers.”

I’d say fair enough, were it not for the fact that somebody on his side of politics suggested that they often voted without knowing what they were voting on. Now, who was that again? Mm… Lucky I can’t remember…

I’m simply suggesting that Dutton could surely turn up and walk to the right side of the room when there’s a division, even with an arm that’s suffered from whatever it’s suffering from…

And no, it’s not repetitive strain injury from Nazi salutes… That’s just the sort of cheap shot I’ve come to expect from you lefties.

As Andrew Bolt said, the Liberals lost in Victoria because they were too left wing…

Mm, the Liberal Party who went hard on law and order, were anti-Safe Schools, anti-renewables, anti-union and… God, I can’t actually remember any actual policy they had…

Sorry, I have to stop. I’m getting distracted by everything the Coalition is saying. I mean, I read Amanda Vanstone today and she told me not to write Morrison off because “a week is a long time in politics”.

And strangely, I can see what she means. If a week’s a long time in politics, then the wait till the next election will seem like an eternity…

P.S. I’ve posted the Sportsbet odds, not because I’m encouraging you to gamble but simply to suggest that you should all write to Amanda and ask her if she’d like to take the rather generous odds of $4.25 on the Liberals.

 

25 comments

Login here Register here
  1. Kronomex

    Rossleigh, you left out one question –

    Am I a loud foul mouthed misogynist?

  2. John Knight

    It certainly shows in the case of Peter Dutton that a talent for mending fences is not in the selection criteria!

  3. Rossleigh

    Kronomex, that’s not actually a prerequisite for preselection…
    That just helps one get into the Ministry…

  4. Rossleigh

    John Knight, thanks be to whatever God you follow that we have Scottie Morrison who’s shown himself to be an excellent fence mender…

    Can’t see why the odds at Sportbet are so bad…

  5. Pilot

    Through your weight around???? Spelling nazi alert!!!!

    Now Rossco, go and sit in that desk in the corner, next to Craig. Do NOT disturb him, you know how cranky he gets, and write out throw 100 times

    😂😂😂😂

  6. New England Cocky

    Now, now Rossleigh, don’t get over-excited by the enormous talent displayed by the Morriscum Liarbral Notional$ misgovernment. Always remember Napoleon Bonaparte’s wise advice; “Never disturb your enemy while they are making mistakes”.

    The Morriscum action last night to shore up his personal position as Prim Monster by upping the ballot requirement for a leadership spill from a simple one vote majority to a 60% majority indicates that Benito Dutton has used injury time to continue his campaign to become the next 2018 Liarbral PM.

    It’s time ….. because waiting until May 2019 to dispatch these self-serving non-entities is just too excruciating!!!

  7. Rossleigh

    Ah, Pilot, you got me. I know, I know. Never proof read your own stuff.

    Still, SloMo’s new policy of needing 66% of the MPs to ask for a spill may have him entrenched because it’ll slow down the numbers men, who’ll have trouble working out the figures when they only have eight sitting members after the next election. No, I’m not predicting that big an electoral defeat; I’m just suggesting that once re-elected, Kelly and a few of his friends will do a Bernardi and join another party, leaving Morrison about eight actual Liberals!

  8. Pilot

    Hahahaha…
    Maaaaaate…. Well if one thing, it shows I read your posts thoroughly….. But now I can’t remove my post……

    Well I’ve been called “illegitimate” before, problems with readin’ & writin’ have follered me all me life…. If these coal sniffin’ libs had financed skools correctly when I was there, this woodn’t have happened.

    Yet another great post from you mate. Thanks for your efforts

    P.S. Would you believe there are people out there who used to climb into a plane with me? Weird huh……😳 😂😂

  9. David1

    I wonder if ‘disaster area Dutton’ uses the same doctor Trump did to get his certificates?

  10. Rossleigh

    Pilot, I think I’d rather climb into a plane with you than a boat with any of the LNP front bench steering…

  11. Cool Pete

    Well, as usual, A. Bot proved that his column is better printed on toilet paper. The Liberals lost in Victoria because they were too right-wing and had no logical policies. No wonder the best post-political career for Botty should be to team up with A. Bot and rename the bolt report The Two Little Botties.
    As for not so vaguely smelly, well, if he had logical policies and the support of his branch, he could retain preselection on merit, something which he doesn’t have.

  12. Paul Davis

    Sidelight on PM Smirky’s new numbers game to keep him in the job to the election: silly Ginny the other talking head of ABC Brekky tried to get senator Martin Borman to explain the who what how when and why of the party room process. Total waste of time, but amusing to watch a master at work.

    Over the years we have all admired the ability of the Cyborg to speak without drawing a breath for many minutes and never once address the substance of any question asked of him. It is truly amazing why he is so frequently invited to media studio interviews or questioned at formal or informal pressers.

    The Grand Master or more correctly the Mistress of obfuscation was of course senator Penny Wong who honed her skills to perfection whilst a minister under crazy Kev. These days in opposition senator Wong is all openess and clarity but i sincerely look forward to her regaining her crown shortly.

  13. helvityni

    Talking about arms, Peter does not know what do with them, sometimes he starts fiddling with the buttons of his jacket….that always makes you look unsure…

    Scottie always puts on a grin, then one arm into his trouser pocket and the other on someone’s shoulder….and that’s why he became our PM; we like that casual look more than the button-fiddler style…

    Julie’s suits are too smart, so were Mal’s and what about Keating, oh no, his were Italian…..

    Scomo must be a Hawkie admirer, that’s why he also started drinking beer: what was good for Bob, must be good for me…

    ( sadly too late Scottie, we don’t drink much beer anymore….and especially NOT American…)

  14. Frank Smith

    Am I male? Tick!
    So white male ratbag Craig Kelly is saved from being scrutinised by the people of Hughes by Scummo calling for Liberal Party “moderates” – (whatever they are?) to intervene in the preselection. Contrast that with the treatment of Jane Prentice, the female Liberal Member for the very safe seat of Ryan in the western suburbs of Brisbane. Prentice, who is also Assistant Minister for Social Services and Disability Services, was recently rolled for preselection by white male Liberal staffer Julian Simmons. Chalk up another win for blue-tied, blue-blooded male Liberal bullies. And the Liberal Party don’t have a gender problem????

  15. Ross in Gippsland

    The question is why would Craig Kelly lose preselection for the seat he now occupies?
    Would it be because he is considered a very poor local member and the voters are getting ready to chuck him out? Cricket bats sanded back with 150 grit paper, Linseed oil rubbed in and at the ready.
    Is Hughes considered just another safe seat that can be safely ignored by the Liberal party?
    The voters of Hughes will have the last say on who will be their local member at the election.
    You never know it may not be Craig Kelly.

  16. Frank Smith

    Helvityni, don’t you dare go into Parliament House without your long-sleeved suit jacket and blue tie on! Unless you are Julie Bishop that is. What an absolutely ridiculous rule! Does anyone know which white male misogynist drew this absurd rule to the attention of the Parliamentary staff, resulting in the eviction of a female ABC reporter. Perhaps it was the “human toilet brush” doing his best to yet again maintain the standards of the ABC.

    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-12-03/why-was-patricia-karvelas-kicked-out-of-question-time/10579052

  17. Sir Scotchmistery

    Frankly, Frank I think you’re right. Well a bit left. Or maybe a touch progressive.

    What’s good for fat old white men who wear ties at the cricket, drink scotch at the Queensland club (which august body one had a very left leaning barrister among its membership though not any more), I’d good for the electorate as a hole (nope, that’s what I meant).

    One day they will get their comeuppance, and the whole miserable lot of them will be relegated to the bleachers for a generation.

    Maybe this is the time we say enough. Maybe this is the time we reject Murdoch and seek out information in journals which pursue truth and honour diligent journalism.

    Maybe this is the time, we raise a glass of Chardonnay across a cricket paddock in the general direction of the likes of the Queensland club, and sonorously chant “fuck youse”.

    Maybe this time, people will win and the entities will be left out for a generation.

    Coal doesn’t feed you and I, though it’s sale can ensure the boats stay on the river at the steps of Hawthorne mansions.

    Fuck youse all. From Fatva Gina Rinehart all the way to the bottom of the jar.

  18. Kaye Lee

    Ross in Gippsland,

    Kelly feels empowered by a small band of adorers on 2GB, Sky and Facebook. What he fails to realise is these climate change deniers are not concentrated in his electorate, or any electorate for that matter. Those in his electorate feel that he is more interested in appearing on Sky than representing them. Kent Johns has been persuaded to step aside twice “for the good of the party”. If they think Kelly is good for the party then they really do not care what the electorate thinks and they are paying no attention to the insane ramblings by this fool. Giving in to threats from him is madness. Will Hughes be another safe Liberal seat thrown away in an attempt to appease the rabid right?

  19. Josephus

    After the Katowice conference with its warnings and eloquent pleas for climate action how can anyone take the idiot Craig Kelly seriously? if he is endorsed then not only the brave school pupils but all of us should be out in the streets. Morrison is another who needs to be ditched. Add the Queensland Premier, who in one breath bewails the over 100 fires and mentions climate change, and approves the Adani mine, albeit smaller, while a 2nd coal mine is to start nearby. Why doesn’t national Labor rein her in ? No good Turnbull complaining from the sidelines either, as he was weak and pathetic.

  20. helvityni

    Well Frank, there’s so much temptation, so many dangers about for the white man : Sarah’s cleavage, Julie’s and Karvelas’ bare arms…we’ll have to start wearing burkas… or keep those cheeky females where Abbott wants them, in the kitchen….

    Pauline certainly looked good in one…burka I mean….

  21. Pilot

    Kelly knows he’s not good enough to be where he is now and has no hope of retaining his position on merit. But he finds it really hard to drag miserable snout out of the public funds trough. He’s addicted and loves having people kowtow to him.

    Kaye Lee is spot on. The lying libs care nothing for the voters of Australia, regardless of the electorate!! If Kelly is sent to an election, an unmerited candidate, Hughes will fall.

    Yes Ross, flying is a skill everyone should learn, especially landing. Anyone can take off, anyone can keep a plane aloft, but it takes real skill to conduct a controlled impact with the ground and survive. This is also called landing the bloody plane, lmao. Being a bush pilot, I hated the business of straight & level flying, down low and flat out is the only way, jump over paddock fences, under power wires, round the hills tops. Look out barn, here we come, lmao….. Oh the stories one could tell, lol.

    Ok, here’s one. I decided to escort a group over to Quirindi on the Liverpool plains and the track took us over a friend’s property. They were in the middle of harvesting sorghum, had the trucks lined up chasers waiting and the harvester was flat out. I radioed the other aircraft of my intentions and if they want to watch they could wide circle the paddock while I descended down from 5000ft agl to well, almost gl. Coming from the South, over the line of waiting truck dropped to to scraping, and off after the harvester. As I approached I moved to starboard then approaching harvester gained a few feet then dropped the port wing and whizzed around the harvester’s windscreen waving like a lunatic. When I liked at the driver, his eyes were like dinner plates and he was white as a ghost. i levelled the plane and headed South for another shot, over the trucks, the drivers waving like crazy, and back at the harvester…….. Wham, around him again, and, this time got a good look at the driver, oops……… It wasn’t my mate….. lmao. Zoom!!! Off to Quirindi……

    Later when I caught up with my friend he told me he was actually back with the truck drivers having his lunch and when he heard my plane he wised the drivers up to what was probably going to happen, lmao. Yeah, we would low fly over the crops to flush pigs out for the shooters sometimes, bit hairy, but has to be done.

  22. Kronomex

    “Peter Dutton’s Arm And Morrison’s End!” My mind went south when I read that.

  23. David Evans

    I read that dunderhead was actually stringing razor wire around his house when he tore his shirt sleeve.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Return to home page
Scroll Up
%d bloggers like this: