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Not About Iraq And Any Similarity Is Purely Coincidental…

“G’day, Howie, haven’t seen you in ages!”
“No, I’ve been keeping a low profile lately.”
“So what brings you here.”
“Well, I’ve come to set the record straight. You remember a few years ago when I went along with my mates and got rid of that low-life vermin who was terrorising the neighbourhood?”
“That foreign bloke, what was his name? Sad Damned Hussy. Yeah, I sort of vaguely remember…”
“Well, someone’s published this long, complicated report which says that we did the wrong thing.”
“Yeah, didn’t you break into his house on the grounds that he had a meth lab where he was forcing kidnapped children to work?”
“Yes, we complained to the police on several occasions but they did nothing.”
“I thought they searched his house and said they couldn’t find anything.”
“That’s right. That’s why George and Tony and I had to act, because the police were hopeless – they could never find anything. Tony, George and I formed a gang and we surrounded his house and told him that he had to release the children and give us all the drugs so that they could be destroyed. If he didn’t do it by midnight, we told him we were going to break in and destroy them ourselves.”
“The children?”
“No, the drugs. Pay attention!”
“But didn’t some children get killed?”
“Not by us… Well, not intentionally anyway.”
“Ok, so what did this Sad bloke do?”
“He just kept insisting that there was no meth lab. We reminded him that he’d be caught dealing marijuana from his hydroponic crop a few years earlier.”
“That was from the hydroponic equipment that George sold him, wasn’t it?”
“Exactly. That’s how we knew that he was sort of wicked, evil drug pusher who couldn’t be believed, because he’d been buying hydroponic equipment right up until the point that we stopped selling it to him.”
“Right, so he just kept claiming that he didn’t have anything illegal and then what happened. I can only remember bits and pieces.”
“Midnight comes around and we enter the house…”
“You broke the door down?”
“No, we’d already sent a few guys in there so that they’d be ready when the time came.”
“So you’d already broken into his house before the deadline was up…”
“Look, I think that we should concentrate on the important issue: The meth lab.”
“Sorry, go on.”
“Anyway, we started looking for him and nobody could find him.”
“And that was when you set fire to the house?”
“Yes, that was to force him out.”
“Didn’t some people die in the fire?”
“There was some collateral damage. But it turns out that he was hiding in the garage. When we found him, he was dragged out and hanged.”
“Without a trial?”
“Of course we had a trial. We had a trial on the spot. We asked him if he had anything to say, and he said something and then he was executed.”
“And what about the meth lab?”
“The meth lab was destroyed in the fire?”
“We never actually found the meth lab.”
“Oh. So he was telling the truth.”
“That’s your interpretation.”
“And the fire’s never been completely put out, has it? I read somewhere the other day that it keeps flaring up and that you three had no idea about how you’d put out the fire when you started it.”
“We didn’t start the fire, it was always burning…”
“Billy Joel?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I just thought you were quoting Billy Joel… Anyway, you’ve read the report and you’ve come here to set the record straight and apologise because you got it wrong.”
“I see no need to apologise. I did I believed was right based on the facts I had at my disposal.”
“Sort of like the stolen generation.”
“Well, the stolen generation. You know, all those people doing what they thought was right at the time and that’s why there was no need for the government to apologise, because so long as you believe what you’re doing is right at the time, then you don’t need to apologise later.”
“Look, hindsight’s a wonderful thing. But I don’t see why people want to blame for the current fire when we got rid of someone who was a potential drug dealer. I mean even if didn’t have a meth lab at the time, he was probably planning to start one and, besides, he was a thoroughly nasty man and the whole neighbourhood is better now that he’s gone.”
“Apart from the fact that since he’s gone, a criminal gang’s moved in and they’re killing people and…”
“That’s got to nothing to do with me. Anyway, I must go. I need to set the record straight and then dash over to give some advice to a couple of old friends.”
“You mean in spite of getting things so spectularly wrong people still want your advice?”
“Of course. I mean, it’s not like I’ve ever made any mistakes, after all.”


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  1. brett

    When you see people attempting to sympathise with Saddam, that’s your first clue they have no idea what they’re talking about.

  2. brett

    When someone attempts to sympathise with Saddam, it’s your first clue they have no idea what they’re talking about

  3. Freethinker

    Superb! I love it.
    We need a bit of humor every so often.

  4. Vikingduk

    Squeak squeak squeak says the lying rodent little Jonny Howard they said I was bush and Blairs poodle but no me little Jonny I was the little sh*t hanging out blair’s a’hole paying bribes to Saddam no we didn’t no

    not us and downer looks so good in fishnet stockings and highheels he raised a small fortune at a liberal/IPA fundraiser him and that little whip and those stockings and diamanté highheels so rumour has it anyway bush called me his man of steel I do no wrong me little Jonny rodent delusional as always and rotten to the core

    Larf yes we larfed to see that Saddam and the innocents get bombed back to the Stone Age collateral damage did I do good dear George w did l I lied and lied and lied some more and now

    I justify we was right no matter what those Brits those fcking inbred lords can’t trust em no no no must preserve our legacy us coalition of willing fcking warmongers history that we will write will show us to be true blue Patriots and fck you all you brain dead twunts sucked in again by the psychopathic liberals it wasn’t us we weren’t there Iraq what’s that never heard of it no town in orstraya

  5. Rossleigh

    I notice that brett liked his comment so much that he repeats it.
    And this, in spite of the fact that I clearly state in the title that it’s not about Iraq, so Saddam Hussein has nothing to do with it.

  6. Phil

    Sums it it all up very well Rossleigh. The Lying Rodent will spend the rest of his days with this hanging over his head – it is his legacy whether or not he ever faces the ICC.

  7. susan

    Unfortunately Howard has never cared about anything except himself so any enquiry into anything he has ever done would be just water off a duck’s back. Fraser correctly summed up the man’s character way back when he appointed him fall guy treasurer.

  8. kerri

    That’s our Johnny!
    If you can’t be right be wrong at the top of your voice!
    With apologies to Charles M Schultz.
    Phil ####
    Sadly this will not hang over Johnny’s head. Susan is absolutely right. Howard tales no responsibilty for his actions and won’t even acknowledge he is wrong. He will sleep soundly every night of his taxpayer funded life.
    Brett #####
    You don’t invade and execute without trial! The international judicial system, no matter how much the USA fails to follow it, is a means by which justice can be legally adn morally done.
    When you see people trying to justify the premature killing of a “bad guy” that’s the first clue you have that they don’t know what they are talking about,
    When you see people trying to justify the premature killing of a “bad guy” that’s the first clue you have that they don’t know what they are talking about!
    Your comments about the execution of Saddam show a similar mindset to the police in the USA who kill black citizens because they had a broken taillight!

  9. jim

    Little John Howard began 2003 by farewelling our troops, for what we all knew would be war in Iraq, with the support of only 30 per cent of the Australian people and without the prior parliamentary debate he had promised.

    Imagine how those poor bloody troops must have felt. It’s always a sacrifice to risk your life for your country, but to do so in a war of aggression against a nation posing no threat to your homeland is the biggest ask of all. The least you’d want is the assurance that most Australians believed the war was in their interests, because they’re the ones you’d be dying for, not John Howard.

    Yet Howard sent the troops off with what veteran commentator Michelle Grattan was calling ‘the big lie’ – that he hadn’t already decided upon war on the nod from George Bush. The troops must have sensed the lie more deeply than the rest of us because they’d been preparing for months. Invasion plans had been drawn up and Australia was inextricably linked to the US Iraq war machine.

    The idea that we’d pull the plug on our closest ally if the United Nations said no was unthinkable, but still Howard pretended to our troops and to us……http://nofibs.com.au/yours-not-to-reason-why-not-happy-john-iraq-chapter-chilcot/

  10. bobrafto

    These 4 things happen right before a heart attack, referring to the Ad above, anyway as I was scrolling down the page the pic in the ad has a belly button on an inflated stomach which has the appearance like someone’s cakehole. Just wanted to share this distracting observation.

  11. Michael Taylor

    Bob, everybody’s ads are different.

  12. Susan

    John Howard is a compulsive liar.

  13. Brett

    Sorry Rossleigh, a glitch or similar causing the failure of the initial comment to appear led me to write it twice.
    Yes, I agree your nice caveat allows you to bury your head in the sand and avoid facing criticism.

    Hi kerri. His trial was completely legal under Iraqi law. Sadly, the bigots and racists on this website take issue with the fact that it didn’t look like the ‘white’ trials they’re used to seeing on TV. Disgusting.

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