First, a riddle – what’s the difference between the two men in the featured image? I’ll give you the answer at the end, but it begins: “One is a man who misjudged the electorate and his political career is over…”

So February starts something like this:

Tony – I’m going to consult more. What do you want? What do you see as the way forward?

The Backbench – We want a new leader.

Tony – Get stuffed! You’ll have to blast me out. Let me remind you that disunity is death, and if you get rid of me, I’ll give you the sort of disunity that make Kevin and Julia look like Romeo and Juliet.

Of course, he quickly followed up. It was necessary to show the public what a happy family the Liberals really are. He dragged Margie out of Sydney and she invited all the partners – well, the female ones – over for a Tupperware party or something. I must confess I only scanned the report because one anonymous Liberal said something along the lines of he must think we’re as dumb as the Australian electorate not to see that this is just a pathetic attempt to make him seem accessible, but it’s too little too late. Particularly as just before Christmas, Tony apparently pressed block caller beside the names of all the Liberal backbenchers on his mobile.

Then, of course, there was the remarkable:

Tony – Promise you won’t challenge me, Julie.

Julie – But Tony, tying your shoelaces challenges you.

Somehow this was leaked to the media, prompting “Chris” aka David Koch to ask Abbott if he’d sought an assurance from the Julie Bishop that she wouldn’t challenge. And while much of the media speculation was about how long it took Bishop to come out and tell everyone that she wouldn’t challenge Mr Abbott, the more sophisticated among us were wondering when someone would ask to see her fingers to check that they weren’t crossed. Personally, I would have liked to have seen either her or Abbott asked if a promise to him was worth more than the promises that they ditched after the election. Well, of course, Abbott would deny ditching any promises – even the PPL, which he’d explain wasn’t a broken promise but an improvement on his original one. (Sort of like promising your child a Toyota Corolla for their birthday, but then telling them that you’re letting travel on something much more expensive – the train.)

Whatever Abbott’s answer, you’d love the journalist who had the gumption to say, “Gee, Julie Bishop would hate to lie to a man with your integrity!”

And it’s not like the PPL was a broken promise. When the PM told us that it was “off the table”, the phrase rang a bell. Eventually I remembered Scott Morrison telling us about fifteen times in one interview that we needed to take the “sugar off the table” in terms of asylum seekers. Now, it seems the PPL has been put wherever the sugar went. Whatever, neither is on the table any more, which leaves plenty of room for all the things we can buy with the average saving of $550 from the carbon tax abolition.

Of course, of course, it was the “changed circumstances” that were the reasons for the “inability of the Liberals to keep their promises”. Surely, Bishop could just cite changed circumstances if she were to change her mind. You know, something like: “It was a Tuesday when I said that, and I didn’t realise that next week we’d start a new week and it’d be Monday, surely a promise I made on a Back to Work Tuesday isn’t still applicable!”

But while all this leadership nonsense has been happening, we all got the benefit of an interest rate cut… Well, when I say we all, I’m meaning those of naughty people in debt – you know those who are mortgaging their children’s future just to put a roof over their head. People with money in the bank and no debt won’t get much of a benefit. And I’m presuming the banks will pass it on in full, because Joe told us that it was Wayne Swan’s fault when they didn’t under Labor.

Still, it’s good news. I mean, pensioners who are earning money on their savings will get less, but that’s ok, because they’ll be eligible for more pension. And those who pay tax on the interest from their savings will have to pay less tax. Mm, both these things will be a small hit to the Budget bottom line… Makes one wonder why Joe was smiling.

Oh, that’s right, he’s a complete moron. I knew there was a reason. I wonder why nobody is asking him to rule out a challenge.

Answer:

One is a man who misjudged the electorate and his political career is over..

And the other is a vet who recently lost an election.