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Ok, there have been a lot of unfair remarks made about Mr Sinodinos. I can’t remember any of them specifically but I have a vague recollection that a number of people at a large dinner party were suggesting that he wasn’t fit to be Assistant Treasurer. At least I think it was a dinner party. There was food and wine and people were talking. Not wishing to appear greedy I refrained from eating and just concentrated on the wine. If I use the same standard that people are applying to Arthur, I’m not fit to be Assistant Treasurer either. Which is clearly nonsense because I have exactly the sort of skills Australia needs at the moment. I am good with money. It’s when I’m broke that I’m not so good. So if you want me to be good, just give me lots of money.

But I digress. We were talking about what people were saying at the alleged dinner party. The general consensus was that if Arthur Sinodinos couldn’t remember anything from his time at that place where he was paid more money than they were, then he shouldn’t have a position of responsibility in the Government. I thought I should set them straight.

“Class warfare, pure and simple!” I said.

People stopped and listened in that way that they often do when I crawl out from under the table and speak with my deep, well-modulated authorative voice.

“You’re all just jealous, I continued, “because you’re paid too much and if there were no minimum wage, you’d soon see what you were worth! How on earth are we expecting him to remember some part time job from the last century. Can any of you remember every detail from a job where you only worked for twenty hours? I doubt it.”

“It wasn’t last century. It was only a few years ago. And he was being paid a large amount of money,” asserted someone.

“Exactly my point, you’re just attacking him because you don’t have the skill set to earn that sort of money.” I reached for the wine bottle and poured myself another glass.

“Apart from being totally unaware of anything that the company was doing, exactly what skills did he demonstrate?”

“He can open doors. Not the everyday sort of doors that anyone can open, but the doors that are normally closed unless someone with a particular knowledge turns the handle a particular way. He wasn’t there for his excellent memory. If he had an excellent memory, he’d be on some quiz show.”

Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?” suggested someone whose name I can’t remember.

“The trouble is,” I patiently explained, “that none of you loony left understand the way the economy works. That’s why Labor sent Australia broke. They had no understanding of balancing a budget.”

“But the Liberals have eliminated the debt ceiling and intend to borrow more than twice as much as Labor did,” insisted the person at the end of the table.

“And their Paid Parental Leave is going to add billions to the bottom line,” added the man next to me.

“Look,” I said, “the PPL is completed funded. They intend to cut company tax by one percent, except for the top companies where they will have a one percent surcharge to pay for the scheme.”

“But if they cut company tax on these companies by one percent then add one percent, aren’t they just back where they started?” said the person on the end of the table.

“And won’t the companies just pass it on as they did with the Carbon Tax?” said the man next to me.

“No, because it’s a levy, not a tax,” I told them.

“What’s the difference?”

I could tell that I was dealing with simpletons. I needed to use more concrete examples.

“Take this bottle,” I said, holding up the wine bottle.

“It’s empty!’

“Exactly my point. That bottle represents Labor policies. The bottle is now empty and nobody got any benefit from it.”

“Well, we all got to drink some,” said someone. And they laughed. Everyone’s a comedian.

“Now, hand me the full bottle of wine at the end of the table. This represents a strong economy. Empty bottle – Labor. Full bottle – the Liberal’s plan for getting the economy back on track.” I poured myself another glass. “If this was Labor, they’d be doing this into everyone’s glass and then we’d have no wine left. But because it’s the Liberals it only goes into one glass and then the trickle down effect will mean that it isn’t just wasted. So having poured one glass, I’m putting the top back on, then talking it home so that it doesn’t end up empty. That’s sound economic management.”

“I have one question,” said the man at the end of the table.

“Yes,” I said.

“Who invited you to this party?”

“I can’t remember.”

“Did anyone invite you?”

“I don’t recall.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m a financial expert,” I told him.

With that, I picked up the wine and left.


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