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Abbott Solves World’s Problems! G20 Shocked About How Badly Labor Did.

 

Scene: Davos.

“Hello, Hans, did you catch that Tony Abbott’s speech?”

“No, unfortunately I was delayed. Was it good?”

“Was it good? it was brilliant. I learnt so much. Did you know that this World Economic Forum at Davos has been an important contributor to global progress for over 40 years?”

“Has it? No, I didn’t know that. Wow, I’m sorry I missed it. That would have been really worth hearing. Was that all?”

“No, he was quite an expert in economic matters. I mean I knew we’d have some extraordinary minds here, but this Abbott’s insights were quite breathtaking. For example, did you know that as soon as people have economic freedom, they create markets.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He went on to say that growth would solve all the world’s problems. And he told us that profit is not a dirty word because success in business is something to be proud of.”

“That must have made all the business people rethink things. I mean, many of them so are ashamed of their success that they hide their profits in places like the Cayman Islands.”

“Well, thanks to this Abbott person they can now be proud again.”

“Such a shame I was late. This sounds like the sort of speech that will prevent a global financial crisis from ever happening again.”

“Yes, according to  Abbott, that was not a ‘crisis of markets, but of governance”. We need to strengthen governance without suppressing the vitality of markets.”

“And how does one do that?”

“He didn’t go into much detail. But a man as brilliant as he is would surely have a plan. He then went on to explain how the previous Australian Government really messed things up by not going into recession, and started spending their money on drugs. Or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention. After all, Australian domestic politics is of little interest to me. I’m just interested in seeing that ideas like his are spread as widely as possible.”

“Well, I must go and see if I can meet this Herr Abbott. I understand he is quite an expert on mountain climbing too.”

“Yes, he knows that there are a limited number of mountains and you can’t climb what isn’t there!”

“Well, thank you for catching me up on what I’ve missed, Rupert. I may see you later.”

(For those of you who don’t get the mountain reference, see clip below.)

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