For the past few years, Tony Abbott and I have had a little competition. Which of us is better at creating satiric content on the political right. Every time I write something, he ususally manages to outdo it. You only have to go back through my blogs to see this in action.
When Joe said that poor people don’t drive, it was a pathetic attempt to get into the game, but he lacked the gumption to take it to the next level and suggest that they take taxis, which is why an increase in fuel excise won’t affect them at all. And he’s failed to take the initiative by claiming that it’s his fuel excise increase that’s driven the price of petrol down, because we all know that Australia dominates the world – just look at how Rudd’s spending caused the GFC…
And we also have Barnaby’s suggestion last night on ABC’s 7.23 (it’s the Budget Cuts, we have to economise) that Abbott’s stupidity made him feell that the man was more like him. Or to be entirely accurate:
LEIGH SALES: Will you put your house and your money on Tony Abbott leading the Coalition at the next election?
BARNABY JOYCE: Yes, and the thing I like about Tony Abbott – and I’ve said this before – it’s sometimes the mistakes that prove the authenticity of the person. And I want the authentic. I want the person who I believe is real because when they’re authentic, you can trust them.
Or as he later said:
BARNABY JOYCE: People are smart enough to determine – look, Leigh, if I’ve got a dentist with a drill in my mouth, I don’t care if their friends think they’re a cracker or if their friends don’t like them.
Yep, all he cares about is that the dentist makes mistakes and proves that he’s authenitc. Thank god, you forgot the anesthetic, he thinks, it proves that you’re real, just like the pain in my tooth.
But while Barnaby deserves a pat on the back for trying, we must remember that he is from Queensland, so it’s always hard to work out if they’re as good as Tony or me, or genuinely stupid enough to live in a state that elected Campbell Newman in the biggest landslide in Australian politics. Although Barnaby did have the sense to move, so he may not be as silly as he sounds.
Now, I know that I shouldn’t be just saying that I’m good, It’s unappealing. Confidence may be a wonderful thing, but just asserting that one is good is… well, a little pathetic. Particularly, when Abbott has done such a great job of sending up the whole imperial honours thing, as well as making poor Rupert look pathetic by reducing him to electronic graffiti (I guess Abbott’s not taking his calls, so what can a poor billionaire do?)
So, when it comes to satire this month, I have to concede. How does one do better than this?
“This is a very strong team,” Abbott said. “And one of the reasons why so many members of the team are able to perform so well is because they’ve got a very good captain.
“It takes a good captain to help all the players of a team to excel.”
Although I may be quoting him out of context. He may be referring to a completely different captain, and not himself. I need to fair…
Actually, when I think about it I don’t. Our beloved ruler, King Rupert decreed:
“Forget fairness. This change only way to recover team work and achieve so much possible for Australia,”
Mm, this may a problem for Fox News. Henceforth, will they have to drop their “Fair and Balanced” slogan and just be known as “Something we forgot and Balanced”?
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