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Plan B

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Why Tony Abbott Wants The Liberals To Lose…

Now, I don’t like to say, “I told you so!” I just like to be so right against all odds that I don’t have to say anything beyond: Now, I don’t like to say, “I told you so!”

However, when I told you that Scott Morrison was going to skate through the gap created by Dutton a la Steve Bradbury, I imagined that he was going to simply fail to improve the Liberals position. I never imagined how politically inept he really is. Yep, I certainly can’t say I told you so with that one!

In the past twenty four hours, Labor has copped a lot of flack for changing its position on the encryption laws and against almost any other political opponent, I’d be suggesting that this may lose them the election because voters prefer strong leaders who don’t back down. I agree whole-heartedly and wish they’d stuck to their guns even if they were worried that the Liberals would orchestrate a terrorist attack and blame them because if we’d had the new laws, Border Force would have somehow known exactly which phone to check…

However, in this case, I have every confidence that Slomo will remind everyone of a circus acrobat with his tumbles and backflips. That’s – of course – in between his moments as a scary clown.

People will tell you all sorts of things, but to paraphrase Jack Lang, always bet on self-interest; at least you know it’s trying. Consequently I always check the betting odds when people declare their certainty about what an election will bring. They do get it wrong, but you know that betting companies don’t like giving their money away so when it tells you that you’ll only get slightly better than bank interest betting on a May election, you can be pretty sure that the Cross-benchers haven’t decided to take the $7 on a March election, put the government out its misery and make a packet on the side.

Having said that, someone who knows about things politically did give me a couple of interesting theories. First, he (or she) told me that they’ve heard that Scott won’t want to face a potentially hostile Parliament and look like a loser so he’ll call a snap election, blame Labor for causing uncertainty and tell us that the following things would have been in the Budget had they been able to go full term: A surplus, tax cuts for all, lower power bills, higher house prices for owners but lower house prices for first home buyers thanks to a brilliant use of Schrodinger’s cat, the right to say “Merry Christmas” and sing carols all year round, a cure for cancer, peace in the Middle-East and an end to Bill Shorten.

I suspect that he/she may have been exaggerating, but that’s exactly what I thought when they told me that Julia Banks was pissed off because Christopher Pyne kept trying to screw with her preselection, so the bullying over Turnbull was the last straw for her.

Anyway, they have this other whacky theory. The Tony Abbott faction which, for convenience I’m going to call the Fifties Faction. Not because they hope to return us to the 1950s but because they think that there’s a silent majority behind them that will suddenly rise from the grave like zombies and suddenly give them fifty percent of the vote by eating the brains of voters who oppose them. The zombies, of course, won’t discriminate. They’ll eat all the brains making it easier for Alan Jones to top the ratings.

According to my source, the Fifties Faction are hoping for a significant loss in the upcoming election which will enable those left in Parliament to argue that the Liberal Party has lost its way and they’ll amalgamate with Bernardi or join his party. With backing from Murdoch and the IPA, they intend to sweep back into power because, thanks to the zombies, they’ll be without the hindrance of any Liberal with functioning brain cells, they’ll be united and able to sweep from the land the scourge of workers’ rights.

Now, I found it difficult to believe that they’re are any Liberals with functioning brain cells left, but he assured me that I was being a typical left wing teacher…

By the way, I saw an interesting meme on Facebook the other day. It said: “Share if you believe that any teacher trying to impose their political beliefs on students should be sacked.” I, of course, shared it with the note, I guess this means that the ones who tried to make that nine-year-old stand up for the national anthem are screwed!

At first I thought my Deep Throat had been at the pub too long and I should have joined him/her earlier if I wanted to get some actual scuttlebutt. But the more I thought about it, the more sense if made. I mean can you think of any other explanation for things like Tony Abbott’s behaviour? The decision to make Scottie PM? Or why on earth you’d go to such lengths to make sure you kept Craig Kelly in the Parliament. Can anyone explain why you wouldn’t just refer Peter Dutton to the High Court rather than have him try to be re-elected in a marginal seat where the slogan will be “Elect Dutton and you’ll be voting again in three months when he’s ruled ineligible?

Yes, it made me feel secure knowing that some Liberals really do have a plan like they told us in 2013. Otherwise I have to think that they really are as incapable of long-term thinking as they appear and that the chaos is just a result of their inability to find candidates that less competent than if you randomly grabbed people in the street.



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  1. Kronomex

    Oh look, It’s Scummolini standing at the podium –

    His inner fascist and nationalist thug is coming out in a big way.

    I hope Labor has something else up their sleeve about passing the Big Removal of Even More Rights Bill, because if they don’t don’t it shows up their weakness. Scummo and Crony Co will run this perceived backdown from Bill into the ground over the next few months.

  2. henry johnston

    This scenario has merit especially given Tony Abbott claims to be a spiritual member of the DLP. A split is a definite option, however I wonder if Deep Throat has an insight into the political manoeuvres of Malcolm Turnbull and Son who just might form a centerist small L liberal party.

  3. New England Cocky

    Rossleigh, you have a wicked mind ….. even suggesting that Toxic RAbbott would be capable of manufacturing such a devious plot …. sadly, given the likely involvement of Rupert, RAbbott is just a puppet to that puppeteer.

    The fascists are coming and that requires removing any trace of the Menzies “forgotten people” from the Liarbral script.

    Naturally (another) plot before March 2019 to give Benito Dutton his turn as PM would ensure the complete demise of the present LIarbral Party.

    It’s time.

  4. helvityni

    To me SLOMO implies slowness, slow motion… There’s nothing slow about our lovely Scomo; he speaks fast, acts fast, he changes his opinions fast ,he travels fast ( by air, no slow busses for him)…. What about SpeedoMo/FastMo instead? We better be quick, he might not be our PM for very long…..

  5. helvityni

    For me SLOMO implies slowness, slow motion… There’s nothing slow about our lovely Scottie: he talks fast, changes his mind fast, he eats fast (hamburgers, pies, sausages), he travels fast ( by air, no slow buses for him)… What about calling him SpeedoMo…maybe FastGo as he might not be our PM for much longer….?

  6. Michael Taylor

    Brilliant as usual, Rossleigh.

  7. Rossleigh

    helvityni, as Forest Gump said, “Slowness is as slowness does!” Or something like that…

    While Scott may talk fast, change his mind fast and travel by bus faster than the bus is travelling, he’s making slow progress…

    Although “progress” may not be the word I’m after there…

  8. Graeme Henchel

    I have heard a rumour that Shallow Mal is preparing to fund a split in the party before the next election. Over Xmas so-called Turnbull moderates will be secretly approached to form their very own “real” liberal party. Moderate candidates will be secretly chosen in all other electorates especially those currently held by the so-called Abbott thugs. Julie Bishop is already the secretly appointed captain. Julia Banks is tasked with recruiting the so-called liberal independents. It will be like Kerry Packer did all those years ago with World Series cricket.

    This will of course cause a complete breakdown of the coalition and the calling of an election.
    Morrison will be completely wrong footed and not wanted by either side.

    The whole project will fail miserably. And Labor will win in a landslide. A fitting ending to this farce.

    Not really a rumour, just wishful thinking, but still,very much a real possibility.

  9. New England Cocky

    @GH: Another wicked mind ….. I like it!!! It’s time.

  10. paul walter

    Quite simple. If he has to be in a shit, everyone else can be too. That’s the way people like that think.

  11. Henry Rodrigues

    My only observation after the week we just saw, please please can we have an election as soon as possible ??? At least that way Scummo’s ugly mug will be out of or faces quickly.

    This rabble has nothing more to offer the long suffering people of Australia.

  12. Keith Antonysen


    While I don’t think Turnbull will finance a “real” Liberal Party. It is certainly a possibility that the Party will split into a mongrel conservative gang, and a somewhat more progressive Liberal group. Kelly O’Dwyer for once is right .. the perception of the Liberal Party is of a group of homophobes, anti-women, and climate change deniers. They cause sheer despair for the young people knowing that real action needs to happen in relation to climate change.

    Clearly, it is Labor’s fault that they can’t manage themselves.

  13. Narcosis

    Extract from a forum post I made on another site a couple of months ago. Given a week is a long time in politics, my timeline could be well out of kilter.

    If the LP lose the next two federal elections the party will split. Currently, the factions are playing a cat and mouse game between the small ‘L’ and big ‘L’ division. The first to blink loose, and set up their new structure. The ‘winner’ keeps the existing structure.

    This, in turn, may affect the ALP. With those sitting on the right of the party more closely aligned with the small ‘Ls’. The ALP could well experience its third split. The right aligned ALP with the small ‘L’ and the left aligned with the Greens. This may result in a genuine three party system and be completed by 2032.

    The good news is that the party system ultimately collapses due to scandals.

    The ever-increasing use of technology helps the process. Blockchain, ‘Mk5’ technology, will ensure online security. This encourages more people to participate in real time discussing their concerns. Elections, if they still exist, will be held on-line, referendums occur more frequently, and cheaply, ensuring the will of society is heard. This interaction will result in the disintegration of the party system.

    Messengers, possibly unelected, will replace faux representatives sitting in government. A possible method for appointing messengers is through a random draw. The same method we use to select jurors who are responsible for determining our fate in court. They will be appointed for one year (no careers to be had in politics).

  14. James

    Abbott”s only real success was when he was attack-dog-in-chief in opposition. Then he could make any statement, regardless of truth (as the Alan Joneses and the Murdoch Empire would back him up) and the tribal liberal voters would lap it up. As in the US the only thing these voters want is to see ‘the other side’ discomfited and they’re prepared to suffer to get it.

    So yes, Abbott would dearly love to be in opposition again. Then he can relive his dream days of leading the Libs to victory on a wave of lies and fear again.

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