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Why Tony Abbott Isn’t Darth Vader … Although Christopher Pyne May Be R2-D2!

Another Star Wars movie.

Little did I know when I saw that first one way back in the seventies that I was watching something that would have such staying power.

Of course, it’s obvious in retrospect because it has all the ingredients of a modern myth. Good versus evil. The Force. The Dark Side. The young apprentice learning from the wise Yoda. (I realise that some of the younger readers won’t actually realise this but we used to have apprentices in Australia once.)

And, of course, it’s all about sex. You have that final climax where Luke and the others fly down a long tunnel and shoot their tiny little objects in the hope of hitting that small target. If that’s not a metaphor for sperm hitting the egg, I don’t know what is… I’m not going to make any comment on “Hands Solo” and his big hairy wooky. Or did I spell that wrong? Impossible, phonics means that nobody would ever be illiterate ever again.

Anyway, I was just reflecting on the Liberals and the strange disconnect between gladly welcoming refugees from a camp overseas, while demonising those who came by sea “our boundless plains to share”.

But it’s this capacity to divide things into good and evil that has me thinking. Once someone is defined as evil – in the eyes of many of the Liberal frontbencher – then all rights are forfeit. It’s not a case of I just made a simple mistake. No, you don’t deserve a trial. You deserve incarceration or deportation.

Good people, on the other hand, should always be given the benefit of the doubt. Even after there’s no doubt. That’s why Arthur Sinidinos is back in the ministry and Craig Thom(P)son was a tainted vote.

Of course, the ascension of Turnbull has left all sides of politics a little confused. Parts of the left are breathing a sigh of relief that Abbott’s gone, while pointing out that Turnbull hasn’t actually changed very much. Well… He hasn’t actually changed anything of significance, but one has to impressed with that Cheshire cat grin and the fact that he actually he actually attempts to argue some sort of case rather than working on the assumption that we can all assume that anyone who disagrees with him has already gone over to the Dark Side and can just be ignored.

The Liberals, on the other hand, fall into two camps. Those who are just pleased that Abbott’s gone and Malcolm might actually win the next election and be PM for a long, long time, and those who are pleased that Malcolm might actually win the next election and then they can put Abbott back after they’ve got control of the Senate and they can pass laws which say that any votes against the government can be ignored under the sedition laws which say that it’s a criminal offence to try and bring down the government.

Of course, that sounds far-fetched to a lot of people.

And it is …

Then again, any suggestion that Abbott would reintroduce knights and dames and, not only that, suggest that Prince Phil should go down on one knee to get a tap from Lizzie would have been dismissed as the ramblings of someone with little grip on reality just a llttle over two years ago.

And it’s always interesting what people deny. If you saw this video clip last week, you’ll notice that it was reported Greg Sheridan denied telling people that Abbott is going around saying that second Abbott government will be better that the first!

However, you’ll notice that he’s denying what he allegedly said, not the part about Abbott going around saying that!

If this was Star Wars, what would they call it?

Abbott The Second Coming. (Nah, too religious.)

Abbott Strikes Back!

Return of The Shit!

Whoops, typo there.

Should be “Return of the Sith”.



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  1. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    My cold turkey response to this article of the second coming of Abbott is vomit.

    But then again, he did give me the delicious reason to vent my spleen every day at his disgusting political and personal persona and rage at Shorten for not demonstrating to the voters how disgusting Abbott is.

    So unfortunately for now, we have Bad Mal and he’s a trickier kettle of fish and I’ll admit it, he scares me coz he knows how to fill the enormous gaps of a Shorten incapacity to operate as an acceptable and effective alternative leader.

    He also is capitalising on Labor’s belligerent refusal to forge meaningful alliances with every respectable ally on the Left or Crossbenches of politics, namely the Greens, progressive voices and sane Independents.

  2. i have a nugget of pure green

    i object to the association of Tony Abbott with Emperor Sheev Palpatine, Sheev had talent and charisma, was competent and successful. Tony does not and is not.

  3. Matters Not

    suggest that Prince Phil should go down on one knee …

    Sir Paul would be less than impressed.

    Sir Paul was asked in an interview whether he would be reticent about getting married again given his recent separation.

    Reporter: I guess you won’t be going down on one knee any time soon?

    Sir Paul: I would prefer you called her ‘Heather’

    Still can’t work out what the suggestion is.

  4. GraemeF

    Pyne is more like C3PO. Always looks like he’s got the equivalent of a robot butt plug up his rear.

  5. gangey1959

    Maybe abbott is going to have a run at british politics.

  6. oldfart

    A long time ago in a galaxy of electorates far, far away…(Bar Wars)

    “For over a twenty generations, the Jackaroo Knights were the guardians of peace & justice in terra nullis. Before the dark times… before the Empire… Before the TPP. A young Jackaroo named Malcolm , who was a pupil of mine until he turned to evil, helped the TURC hunt down & destroy the Jackaroo Knights. Malcolm was seduced by the right side of the Force”

  7. La Gorda

    Kevin Rudd was Prime Minister and opposition leader Malcom Turnbull was doing so badly in the polls.. the best idea the LNP could come up with, was put Tony Abbott in charge. Then.. the idiots running the Labor Party thought it would be a good idea to put in some dopey sheila from Wales..

    Even with all the help given to the LNP by a disgruntled Rudd, Abbott still couldnt win an outright majority, and Gillard was so useless she couldn’t win in the opinion polls against the slimey dual citizen Abbott fool… so they put Rudd back in, after everyone in Labor had told the electorate how bad he really was.. and then Abbott wins the fooking election!

    Then, with dismal ratings against the rightwing wannabe Shorten, they decide to dump Abbott, and replace him with the person they kicked out to put Abbott in in the first place! Around and round it goes..

    We’re stuffed… well and truly. The only option we have left, is for no one to vote, then they will have to all pack their bags and nick orf..

    Every election, you all vote.. expecting, hoping perhaps, that things will get better.. thery wont. We have to do something different.

    Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~ Albert Einstein

  8. corvus boreus

    La Gorda,
    I suggest forming a ‘coloured crayon’ movement.
    Hand out crayons at the gates to polling booths, and encourage voters to make their mark by colouring in all the squares.

  9. bossa

    Welcolm (sic) the Idiocracy.

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