Interviewer: I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.
Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.
Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.
Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.
Interviewer: Why?
Stig: Well he had to, didn’t he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.
Interviewer: What had you done?
Stig: Er… well he didn’t tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn’t *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He’d do anything for you, Dinsdale would.
Interviewer: And you don’t bear him a grudge?
Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.
Monty Python’s Flying Circus
You may have noticed that we’ve been seeing quite a few profiles explaining how we’ve got Opposition Leader, Peter Dutton all wrong.
It seems that he’s a smashing bloke and as his wife said, he’s not a monster. No, he has friends and everything so we should rethink the impression we’ve got from his public behaviour. In private, he’s quite pleasant and charming and…
Now I can hear some of you mumbling that Hitler loved his dogs, so I’m going to have to remind you about Godwin’s Law that asserts that the longer an online argument continues, the greater the likelihood of someone invoking the Nazis for comparison. Of course, Godwin himself said that comparing our treatment of asylum seekers with the Nazis was completely fair and not at all what he was talking about.
Anyway, I’d just like to stop you all in your tracks and say that comparisons with Hitler are completely unfair and, no, not because Hitler is dead and can’t defend himself.
Come on, people, this is exactly why the media need to explain that Dutton is such a nice bloke. What’s he done that’s so bad?
All right, I admit that there are one or two things on the list that seem to be completely lacking in human empathy but to be fair, he was never the leader of the party before and he was probably just following orders.
And yes, it is true that his colleagues who knew him better than the public decided that Scott Morrison would make a better PM, but this is just because they thought that they were going to lose the election and wanted to spare Peter the pain of leading that loss.
No, thanks to the media, I’ve completely rethought my position on Mr Dutton. He’s just a cuddly koala once you get to know him.
Of course, this has nothing to do with his capacity to be an effective Prime Minister. I mean, we don’t elect governments because they’re composed of nice guys and gals. We elect them to have the ability to show foresight, communicate their vision and make the tough decisions when necessary.
So, all this stuff I’ve heard lately about Peter Dutton being such a great fellow just makes me think that he’s too nice to ever be a good leader.
By the way, in case you’re not aware, you should only try to cuddle a koala under strict supervision. In their natural state they can scratch and piss on you.
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