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The Liberals – You Can Put Lipstick On A Pig But I’m Still Not Kissing It!

A couple of weeks ago, I said a government is like your underwear; if you don’t change it occasionally, eventually people start to notice that it has a bad odour.

The Morrison government had managed to slip back in the 2019 election by pretending that it was a whole new set of jocks and that there was nothing wrong that a bit of deodorant wouldn’t fix. However, by 2022 they had the unmistakable aroma of that dead thing under the floorboards.

While much has been made about Labor’s low first preference tally, the media seem to have completely ignored the fact that the Liberal’ vote was no better and that – unlike Labor – they didn’t actually pick up the seats on preferences. All told, the Coalition have lost nearly twenty seats and, when you take in to consideration that Nationals held all of theirs, it’s a truly dismal result for the party of Menzies.

After much soul-searching, they have been unable to find a soul. Following such a loss, you’d expect them to be chastened, to take a step back and to hope that the media give them a chance to regroup and find their feet so that they can do what they need to to become an effective opposition, but no, it seems that the trouble was that these “privileged” electorates are out of touch and don’t understand that it’s the cost of living and all that economic stuff that people should be focused on, not whether we’ll survive the century or whether the government is behaving corruptly. Nah, to paraphrase Jane Hume, it’s the voters who don’t understand that our values are the same as theirs and that’s because they’re too stupid to realise it.

So, they’re about to appoint Dutton as their leader. It was once said that Tony Abbott was the most effective opposition leader ever when he nearly won the 2010 election. Personally, I would have thought that every opposition leader who actually won was more effective, but you’d certainly have to say that he made a much better opposition leader than government leader and, it would have been better for everyone if that’s the role he continued to have until his departure from parliament.

While Abbott had the simple strategy of attack Labor whatever they say, one wonders if this will be the tactic that Dutton adopts because he seems to be the sort of man who doesn’t like anything. I might be wrong but I can only think of Dutton telling us how bad something was or how terribly a person performed or why we shouldn’t trust anyone. I can’t remember a single bipartisan moment when he said something like: “Ok, if you must make an apology the least I can do is sit quietly.” Yes, it’s hard to imagine someone who boycotted the apology to the Stolen Generation accepting the need to embrace the Uluru Statement From The Heart.

Ah, but he’s actually warm and cuddly and his family love him and his friends are all friendly and many, many journalists are telling us that he’s much nicer than his public persona would have you believe.

Ok, says Samantha Maiden, he did call me a ‘mad fucking witch’ in a text which he sent to me by mistake but that just shows the warm, caring sort of person he is. He was reaching out to a mate who’d just lost his position.

When asked about Dutton’s walkout, his jokes about climate change in the Pacific, his views on same-sex marriage, Stuart Robert told us and I am quoting him directly: “You can’t judge someone on either comments they’ve made or decisions they’ve done when they’re exercising their personal conscience or their particular viewpoint.”

Now call me strange, but I would have thought that people’s comments and behaviour are exactly what we should be judging them on when deciding whether to vote for them or not. I mean, it’s been decided that we shouldn’t be judging him on any resemblance to that person who can’t be named, so if not his words and deeds, what’s left? Of course, we have had several years where we were asked to judge our PM on the aesthetics of his curries and the charm of his wife and his skill in demonstrating exactly why certain jobs should be left to people with training, so maybe that’s what Mr Robert meant. Forget what they say and do; judge them on their ability to pose for a photo.

Yes, I’m well prepared for the family shots and the Dutts playing with his dog and telling us all that the names that those nasty Labor people called him was water off a duck’s back and he only sues people who are refugee advocates because that’s when it’s truly hurtful and it’s really only been his portfolio that’s meant that he’s tried to start a war with China and pull the wings of flies In person, I like everyone and we have sweet and sour every Sunday, so the Chinese-Australians should understand that I’m only concerned about the rise of China on a professional level and I’m going to propose a special visa for Chinese au pairs.

For some reason, I keep thinking of Monty Python:

Interviewer: I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that…

Interviewer: And you don’t bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Interviewer: I understand he also nailed your wife’s head to a coffee table. Isn’t that true Mrs O’ Tracy?

Mrs O’ Tracy: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Stig: Well he did do that, yeah. He was a hard man. Vicious but fair.


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  1. Phil Pryor

    Surely someone misheard the name of an ancestor long ago and the mistake is entrenched as “Dutton” and not “Rotten”. Mr. Rotten is to be paired with a Ms. Ley, a notable regressive and fumbler, in advocating we have a negatively geared recovery. Some bashing, locking up, deal making, placating donors and observing the joys of nineteenth century stupidities will be policy, don’t you worry. Queensland must have been lovely, before the intruding and despoiling conquistadors came there.

  2. GL

    Watching The Spud attempting to smile is like watching the rictus grin forming on the face of a corpse.

  3. Harry Lime

    Well, I’m willing to give the remade ghoul a play uncle Fester’s bastard son in a remake of the Addams Family,no makeup necessary.As for that fucking idiot Robert,he could be an extra as one of the bats,he need only flap his ears to become airborne,again, without makeup.

  4. Sully of Tuross Head

    The SMH reported this morning that the Liberals have announced that two Party heavyweights will hold an investigation into the Party’s performance at the election, and I kid you not, this is a direct copy from the article.
    “The party’s internal analysis announced on Thursday afternoon will be undertaken by Liberal elder statesman Brian Loughnane, who was federal director for more than a decade, and senator Jane Hume.
    It is something you would expect to read in The Shovel or The Betoota Advocate.
    Hume has been blaming the Electorate for getting it wrong since 6 pm Saturday night, and Mr Peta Credlin Loughnane would never have mixed with a person outside the Liberal born to rule bubble in his life.
    I wonder if the Inquiry will follow the Morrison Model, by either never getting started, or if started, buried before anyone sees it.

  5. Terence Mills

    What really requires an investigation is the role of Border force and Morrison leaking on water intelligence about two asylum seeker boats approaching Christmas Island on polling day. This was after he had warned with a smirk the days before that the boats would start up again if Labor were elected.

    Morrison leaked the information we know but was there somebody else who may have ordered our maritime patrols to ease back as the election approached. Did they really not see these boats until they arrived at Christmas Island or were they intentionally ordered not to look.

    Sounds very much like Spudley Dutton in action again.

    We are so fortunate that these rogues have been sent packing.

  6. Kaye Lee

    I can only presume that Dutton’s family don’t really know him since he has worked in Canberra for their entire lives.

  7. Mike

    We have just seen the end of the most disgusting government in Australia’s history perhaps with the exception of the liberals during the Vietnam war with their placating attitude towards uncle Sam and conscription.
    No body cries for these criminals except their fellow cell mates.

  8. Kaye Lee

    Spud has fired his first salvo…….

    “Anthony Albanese looked to Australian workers in the eye and said that he would absolutely support the 5.1% increase in wages in his proposal to the Fair Work Commission. He looked workers in the eye and he has lied to workers.

    This is a huge problem for Mr Albanese, a huge credibility problem because Mr Albanese promised workers and he said absolutely he would support a 5.1% increase in wages during the election campaign and he has now broken the promise.

    Why would people trust anything that he says? When he looked down the barrel of a camera into the eyes of the worker and said that he would support a 5.1% increase in wages and now is doing the opposite.

    [He] can’t be trusted and it is a bad start for the government that is only a week old.”


  9. Michael Taylor

    It’s going to be like it was the last time Labor were in power. Just about every political article in the MSM (including the ABC) began with either of these lines:

    “The Leader of the Opposition says…”
    “Tony Abbott says…”

    (Is there an emoji for a frustrated sigh?)

  10. Kaye Lee

    Angus Taylor, who was kept hidden during the campaign, is staking his claim to be shadow treasurer with this contribution…..

    “We’ve left the economy with a 3.9% unemployment rate, a 0.35% cash rate. Those numbers, I’m sure, are firmly firmly burned into Albanese’s mind because he forgot about them early on in the campaign, but we’ll be reminding him of those numbers on a regular basis, a regular basis, and it will be for the Labor government to make sure that we don’t see a collapse in our employment markets, that we don’t see mortgage rates rising to levels where people can’t afford them, and we’ll be holding them to account on that.”

    Can’t wait to see Taylor front a federal ICAC.

  11. Michael Taylor

    Kaye, if I were Angus Taylor I’d be keeping a low profile these days.

  12. Kyran O'Dwyer

    The image used of the ‘thing’ in the prelude reminded me of ancient history.

    This ‘thing’ Dutton

    If you click on the link regarding the image, it is, in hindsight, hilarious.
    That’s the best they got?
    Isn’t it time we stopped talking about absurdities and get on with realities?
    There is a wonderful song, One Tin Soldier by the Original Caste in 2005, that should have dispensed with this garbage way back then. Ancient history.
    Thank you Mr Brisbane, apologies for the intrusion.

  13. The AIM Network

    Kyran, you’re never an intrusion.

    On the contrary, it’s great to see you.

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