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Why Peter Dutton Is Such A Cuddly Koala…

Interviewer: I’ve been told Dinsdale Piranha nailed your head to the floor.

Stig: No. Never. He was a smashing bloke. He used to buy his mother flowers and that. He was like a brother to me.

Interviewer: But the police have film of Dinsdale actually nailing your head to the floor.

Stig: (pause) Oh yeah, he did that.

Interviewer: Why?

Stig: Well he had to, didn’t he? I mean there was nothing else he could do, be fair. I had transgressed the unwritten law.

Interviewer: What had you done?

Stig: Er… well he didn’t tell me that, but he gave me his word that it was the case, and that’s good enough for me with old Dinsy. I mean, he didn’t *want* to nail my head to the floor. I had to insist. He wanted to let me off. He’d do anything for you, Dinsdale would.

Interviewer: And you don’t bear him a grudge?

Stig: A grudge! Old Dinsy. He was a real darling.

Monty Python’s Flying Circus

You may have noticed that we’ve been seeing quite a few profiles explaining how we’ve got Opposition Leader, Peter Dutton all wrong.

It seems that he’s a smashing bloke and as his wife said, he’s not a monster. No, he has friends and everything so we should rethink the impression we’ve got from his public behaviour. In private, he’s quite pleasant and charming and…

Now I can hear some of you mumbling that Hitler loved his dogs, so I’m going to have to remind you about Godwin’s Law that asserts that the longer an online argument continues, the greater the likelihood of someone invoking the Nazis for comparison. Of course, Godwin himself said that comparing our treatment of asylum seekers with the Nazis was completely fair and not at all what he was talking about.

Anyway, I’d just like to stop you all in your tracks and say that comparisons with Hitler are completely unfair and, no, not because Hitler is dead and can’t defend himself.

Come on, people, this is exactly why the media need to explain that Dutton is such a nice bloke. What’s he done that’s so bad?

All right, I admit that there are one or two things on the list that seem to be completely lacking in human empathy but to be fair, he was never the leader of the party before and he was probably just following orders.

And yes, it is true that his colleagues who knew him better than the public decided that Scott Morrison would make a better PM, but this is just because they thought that they were going to lose the election and wanted to spare Peter the pain of leading that loss.

No, thanks to the media, I’ve completely rethought my position on Mr Dutton. He’s just a cuddly koala once you get to know him.

Of course, this has nothing to do with his capacity to be an effective Prime Minister. I mean, we don’t elect governments because they’re composed of nice guys and gals. We elect them to have the ability to show foresight, communicate their vision and make the tough decisions when necessary.

So, all this stuff I’ve heard lately about Peter Dutton being such a great fellow just makes me think that he’s too nice to ever be a good leader.

By the way, in case you’re not aware, you should only try to cuddle a koala under strict supervision. In their natural state they can scratch and piss on you.


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  1. New England Cocky

    ”By the way, in case you’re not aware, you should only try to cuddle a koala under strict supervision. In their natural state they can scratch and piss on you.”

    Yep!! That sounds just like Benito Duddo …. piss on you.

    Now what was that about picking up Aboriginal teenagers and abandoning them kilometers from home at night? Or his care for Pacific Island nations going under the waves due to climate change?

    I would prefer to trust a Black Snake …..

  2. Blair

    Sit Down! Boofhead!

  3. Phil Pryor

    From Peter Duckwit-Futton’s sayings, attitudes, “jokes”, policies, stances, career activities, outlook, we have, clearly, a dud, defective, a hollow echoing cavernous aperture, a nothing much. He is a fine replacement for the repulsive mendacious liar Morrison, but has a primitive savagery about him, barely controlled. We need course leader types, not Dunces.

  4. leefe

    Cuddly koala, eh? May he become extinct a great deal sooner than they do.

  5. Roswell

    I think he’s more like a drop bear.

  6. RoadKillCafe

    Just a thought, Rossleigh, proofread your articles before posting, John Lord could follow the same advice, yep, I know, a fart in a hurricane, but really pissing me off, the missing words, the typos, etc. you’ve gone to the trouble of writing, typing, posting, do you reckon an extra 10 minutes might be added to your deadline, you know, get someone with working eyes to check before the pressing of go button.

  7. GL

    By way RKC comma u r beein rarthr pette full stop duz itt reely mattur ifn enknee1 reeding hiz peece knotisez sum misssteaks az lonng az hee getz hiz poinz ucross full stop

    Your comment reeks of pot/kettle, maybe you needed someone to proofread it before posting.

  8. RoadKillCafe

    gl yeah problablie ya knows shit happens, but, as thay sez in the classics different strokes for different folks so dooood wank on

  9. GL

    Petulant and very very childish RKC. To use your own words, “…so dooood wank on”

  10. Terence Mills

    You may remember that Cuddly Pete had sued refugee advocate Shane Bazzi, he won the defamation case and Bazzi was ordered to pay Mr Dutton $35,000 in damages and some of his legal costs over a now-deleted tweet.

    Bazzi had posted a link to a Guardian Australia article reporting Dutton’s assertion on Sky News in 2019 that some women on Nauru “have claimed that they’ve been raped and came to Australia to seek an abortion”. Dutton suggested they were “trying it on” in order to secure a medical transfer to Australia.

    Bazzi wrote above the link: “Peter Dutton is a rape apologist.”

    But the judgement was set aside on appeal and Dutton was ordered to pay Bazzi’s costs, in the order of $230,000.

    Dutton decided to take the matter further by appealing to the High Court of Australia but has since thought better of that and backed down.

    Fortunately for Spud, the costs that he was to pay Bazzi had already been covered by a ‘Go Fund me’ campaign mounted on behalf of Bazzi. So, Pete won’t have to pay those legal costs out of his own pocket.

  11. Kathryn

    Dutton’s appalling history of callous inhumanity, his venomously cruel attacks on the poorest, most vulnerable people in our society and his relentless condemnation and harassment against desperate asylum seekers ensuring that they, including their defenceless little children, remained in illegal, and indefinite incarceration on Christmas Island for years on end, PROVE what a hideous, cold-blooded and unspeakably cruel political psychopath Dutton is! He remains one of the worst, most reprehensible, corrupt and inhumane politicians in our history which is WHY he so ably represents the unspeakably depraved sociopaths in the LNP! God help us all if this megalomaniacal narcissistic psychopath EVER rises to rule over us like some fascist dictator in a third world African nation! That is WHY it is IMPERATIVE that we keep this malignant, undemocratic fascist in OPPOSITION indefinitely!

    The ONLY things the callously inhumane psychopath, Dutton, and the rest of the barbaric miscreants that infested the LNP within the Abbott, Morrison and Dutton undemocratic regimes have achieved during their hideous reign of fascist power, are:

    The “normalisation” of xenophobic racism, hate and fear-mongering;
    The unspeakably appalling tolerance for political oppression;
    The shocking expansion of obscene right-wing-extremism;
    Non-stop sanctimonious bible-thumping hypocrisy; and
    The promotion and apathetic disregard for a level of disgusting and relentless self-serving political corruption that has seen this despised and racist ex-cop, from the backwoods of Queensland, manage to “acquire” an obscene and unexplained personal fortune of more than $300 MILLION!

    Peter Dutton Net Worth 2022, Age, Wife, first Wife,

  12. GL

    You learn something new everyday. I thought Dutton was what koalas left on your shirt and arms if they didn’t like you or were scared while holding them.

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