Interviewer – Good morning, on today’s show we have a representative from the Liberal Party who promises to reveal his name closer to the election, but wishes to be known as Mr Pink, for this interview. Good morning, Mr Pink, and what’s in the Real Solutions Document.
Mr Pink – Good morning, well, Terry, real solutions. It’s quite straightforward.
Interviewer – And these are?
Mr Pink – Real solutions, that are fully costed.
Interviewer – Yes, but what ARE the real solutions.
Mr Pink – Fully costed. I just said. I think we should move on.
Interviewer – Ok, well, on the costings, who’s done the costings?
Mr Pink – Oh, we all have. Tony, Joe, Malcolm, Barnaby, that woman on the front bench, whatshername, and then we asked the guy down the road to have a look at them too, and he said they looked fine.
Interviewer – Shouldn’t you get them properly audited?
Mr Pink – We can’t do that till we’re in Government, but Tony’s got an Economics degree. And Barnaby is an accountant.
Interviewer – But shouldn’t you be asking an independent body to do it?
Mr Pink – Well, we did that before the last election and the people we asked to do it got into trouble.
Interviewer – So how much are they costing?
Mr Pink – Less.
Interviewer – Less? Less than what?
Mr Pink – Yes, that’s right, much less.
Interviewer – There have been some suggestions that your figures don’t add up, which is why you won’t submit them to Treasury.
Mr Pink – That’s just the Government spin. If we submitted them to Treasury, they’d be leaked, and then they’d be out there for everyone to see.
Interviewer – Shouldn’t you be releasing your policies?
Mr Pink – We will. Well, before the next election.
Interviewer – But the election’s this year.
Mr Pink – Yes. What’s your question?
Interviewer – Let’s get into specifics, you intend to repeal the Carbon Tax. Won’t that cost you a lot of money?
Mr Pink – On the contrary, it’s going to save us money, because we won’t have to pay it.
Interviewer – But as the Government, you get revenue from it.
Mr Pink – Not enough to justify it.
Interviewer – I thought it was “a great big tax on everything”!
Mr Pink – It is, but like the mining tax it’s not raising enough, so we can scrap it.
Interviewer – And you’ve promised to lower personal and company tax.
Mr Pink – Yes
Interviewer – How are you going to do that?
Mr Pink – By getting into Government, obviously.
Interviewer – Yes, but how will you afford that?
Mr Pink – We plan to have a stronger economy.
Interviewer – How will you do that?
Mr Pink – By creating jobs.
Interviewer – In what areas.
Mr Pink – In the private sector, we plan to reduce the public service to produce savings!
Interviewer – But won’t that reduce jobs?
Mr Pink – Can we get back to talking about policy instead of you just parroting the Government’s line?
Interviewer – All right what’s your policy on Health?
Mr Pink – We’re in favour of it.
Interviewer – Sorry?
Mr Pink – We think people should be healthy. Saves money on hospitals.
Interviewer – All, what about Education?
Mr Pink – We’re in favour of choice.
Interviewer – You mean, I should be able to send my child to a private school.
Mr Pink – Well, only if they’ll take you. Some of them have pretty high standards, you know.
Interviewer – How does that fit with choice?
Mr Pink – Private schools should be free to choose who they educate.
Interviewer – All right, Mental Health?
Mr Pink – Yep, we’re in favour of choice there, too.
Interviewer – I think that’s probably all we have time for.
Mr Pink – But you haven’t given me a chance to tell you how we’re going to stop the boats.
Interviewer – Ok, how?
Mr Pink – We’re going to re-open Nauru and Manus Island.
Interviewer – Hasn’t Labor already done that?
Mr Pink – AND introduce proven measures.
Interviewer – Which are?
Mr Pink – We’ll tell you closer to the election.
Interviewer – Thank you, Mr Pink.
Mr Pink – A pleasure.