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Why Tony Abbott left the priesthood – the Bible is pretty clear on this!

“16 The Lord said to Moses, 17 “Say to Aaron: ‘For the generations to come none of your descendants who has a defect may come near to offer the food of his God. 18 No man who has any defect may come near: no man who is blind or lame, disfigured or deformed;19 no man with a crippled foot or hand, 20 or who is a hunchback or a dwarf, or who has any eye defect, or who has festering or running sores or damaged testicles. 21 No descendant of Aaron the priest who has any defect is to come near to present the food offerings to the Lord.”



Now, I have no idea about the condition of Abbott’s testicles. Or anyone else’s (apart from my own) for that matter. Neither do I much care. I just went too far with the bold thingy!

But clearly, one can’t be in charge of communion with an eye defect. That must be why Abbott left the priesthood.

Ok, he’s hidden it for years. Look at this photo pre-election:

abbott pre election

I haven’t been able to find a single photo of him pre-election wearing glasses, but come post election, look:

abbott glasses 1 xx

Wait, those glasses look familiar. Let’s take a close look.

abbott glasses 2 xx

Mm, don’t they resemble Mr Howard’s glasses?

howard pm vv

Yep, he’s gone and got himself a pair just like John’s to make himself more prime ministerial…

I need to check this out on Google…

Let’s see, images,



More images and they lead me to one inescapable conclusion now that I’ve found image after image of Mr Howard post election and it’s pretty clear what’s happened:

howard post pm ppp

Mm, after an extensive investigation, I’ve discovered that in all the recent photos of Howard he has no glasses. There’s only one logical conclusion:

Tony Abbott has stolen Mr Howard’s glasses!!

I was wrong about his poor eyesight being the reason he left the priesthood. A real man like him would have perfect vision, he’s just wearing the glasses so that people mistake him for Howard.

You wait – next he’ll be shaving his head and dying it grey!

P.S. Did anyone else notice any photos of Mr Abbott in South Australia apart from the three on his Facebook page, including this one of a Firefighter trying to escape?

Abbott and Fireman

Oh well, I guess he was in a hurry to meet his commitment at the cricket just a couple of hours later and more than thirty two minutes was far too long to spend in the Adelaide Hills.

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  1. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    How ludicrously phoney Rabid looks in the last photo, misrepresenting himself as ‘a man of the people’ coz he’s not wearing a tie and his top buttons are undone.

  2. Sir ScotchMistery

    We really must stop this business of taking the piss out of Tony Abbott, and calling him “prime minister”.

    Tony Abbot is the mouthpiece, via a circuitous path, of Brian Loughnane, head of the holy catholic LNP.

    Now back to work, all of you.

  3. stephentardrew

    The festering runny sore thing seems familiar.

  4. stephentardrew

    Your Lordship ScotchyMistery:

    How about The Second Bumming

  5. Ian Sprocket Muncher Parfrey

    Abbott’s licking his priestly reptillian lips at the thought of a second coming.

  6. JO

    Funny. And the song that came to mind with the pic of Howard was ‘Jack the Knife’. Oh the shark has, pearly teeth……

  7. Michael Taylor

    Do you remember when the media had a field day the first time Julia Gillard wore glasses in public? It was an act, apparently.

  8. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    @Michael Taylor,

    if we made fun of Rabid’s new glasses, it would be lost amongst the rest of the denigrating insults we enjoy at Rabid’s expense.

  9. keerti

    Personally I think you all missed and got sidetracked. The disqualification would surely be one of lacking……………………..s.

  10. lawrencewinder

    That was funny.
    Rabid-the-Hun though, is not funny. Well, he’s not funny in the “Ha-Ha” sense but you probably would not be alone in thinking him hilarious in the psychological sense.

  11. crypt0

    This would explain why neither Abbott nor Howard became men of the cloth … regardless of any other minor character defects they may suffer from.

  12. John.R.

    That poor firefighter. He has just been in a place that was hotter then Hell then gets confronted with Tony Abbott.
    I`ll bet he made a bee line straight back to the fire

  13. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Yeah, I can just imagine if that sycophantic, lizard-lips tried to shake my hand when I was trying to have a break from the emergency, I probably would not have been as nice as this man.

    Abbott, your photo op is testament to your and Credlin’s insecurity.

    Sorry mate.

    Tell your girls NOT to replicate your example in their future lives. You loser.

  14. Ned

    Great Article.

    The Bible is clear on what Tony should do now that he has offended everyone.

    Matthew 5;29 And if thy right eye offend thee pluck it out.

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