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Watchin’ Scotty Grow

The Lord – with miracles to perform – works in mysterious ways. So I’m told. I’ve never researched the source material and in the interests of full disclosure, I don’t give a fuck. But I do wonder how Brother Scotty Morrison rationalises his Sky Guy’s purpose in the creation and deployment of this latest virus .

A bigger question of course is the divine purpose for all previous pandemics. The Black Death, for instance, where the omnipotent creator of the universe and all the viruses contained therein decided that several million of his most precious creations should perish in a pestilential apocalypse. If the intent was to free the victims from their dreary, earthly lives with an early pass to the celestial first class lounge then OK, but what’s with the festering boils, pustules and rotting gums? Surely that’s unnecessary and a bit off-putting to the others who were already browsing the heavenly buffet – the stench of suppurating bowels would overpower the piquancy of the mustard and aioli dressing on the lamb rack in the Jospeh & Mary Carvery.

Why the gratuitous cruelty? Very puzzling. If there is a Big Guy then he shares some uncomfortable traits with domestic abusers – “look what you made me do!”

BroSco and the brethren from the Church of the Holy Profit & Yacht Club seem cool with this – even joining in with a slipper to the nuts of any down and outer whose fraught circumstances are simply a result of their own lack of righteousness. Scotty and the chosen ones do, however, have the sense to manage the risk of hanging out with their ethereal CEO with anger management issues – by paying protection money.

This tithing business (and i do mean business) may be paying off for BroSco. Ten per cent of the PM’s salary is more than 50 large p.a. (pre-tax). Scooter, up to his arse in rorting alligators, may believe that such contributions entitle him to an early, pre-Rapture return on his investment, i.e. ASAP.

Cartoon by Alan Moir (

And lo, another miracle.

Mr 38%, the creepy uncle forcing handshakes on the unwilling, has shot up to Mr 68% according to Newspoll. It seems the country is relieved that SchMo didn’t entirely fuck up this time. I suspect expectations were low and people dreaded the prospect of a smarmy twat mugging to the cameras while pointing at maps, so by not being SchMo, SchMo’s ratings went up.

Does he perhaps see the mysterious workings of his deity in all of this? A god-given opportunity to redeem his image from that of an opportunistic grub, a man devoid of integrity whose talents have proven to be elusive beyond political assassination and pissing his trousers, now supposedly morphed into a bloke you might consider buying a Mr Whippy from (but still check the change).

Morrison may not suffer from the malignant narcissism of his covfefe confrere from Mar a Lago but he’s the same solopsist he always was, a believer in divine intervention that won an election for him. He’s said as much. If his god was prepared to engineer his return to office despite his misappropriation of $100M in sports rorts, his rent-an-MP business model and the racketeering infesting his party is he going to be inclined to change? Is he really handing out ice creams?

Image from

What we have is a scorpion and frog scenario (hint: we’re the frog). Morrison cannot resist his inclinations – with him on our backs we won’t reach the other side. He’ll try to sneak through his neo-liberal agenda under the cover of Covid, and yet again, an opportunity will be lost to zombi Tory ideology.

In his panic as the virus took a hold because of his initial apathy ScoBro floated the notion of herd immunity. But figuratively throwing grannie down the laundry chute as the Tory economy-first knee jerk response was not embraced beyond the typing monkeys of the IPA and Murdoch’s rabid eugenicists so a longer game is called for.

He’s already teed off with pending legislation to further erode workers’ rights, flagging the slashing of “red tape” to let loose the environmental vandals and tax breaks to non-tax paying corporations – all so predictable and all so self-defeating; a return to a “normal” that collapsed when faced with a stress test. When the next virus hits, perhaps just as virulent but more deadly, when the climate fights back even harder we will all be truly fucked. Despite Orange Donny’s advice, sticking a bug-zapper up your arse and sucking on your washing machine’s drain hose will be of no use, nor will Scotty’s god be getting us to the other side.

* * * * *

Tories stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But convictions, nonetheless. (Paraphrasing Bill Maher).

This article was originally published on The Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. Ray Tinkler

    Following on to your thoughts about “The Virus” and whether it’s somehow deity applied. If it is, what it might indicate is that this deity cares more about this planet and it’s other “dumb” creatures than it does about mankind (after all there is the story about wiping all but one family out once before, because it regretted ever creating them). If there’s one thing this virus has achieved of some benefit, is the sharp reduction of the use of some fossil fuels, resulting in places that have not seen the sky in decades, now being able to identify clouds floating above.

    Maybe this is a last ditch attempt after the failure of governments to take notice of the scientists warning of the disasters that will follow the anthropological warming of the planet, and so has decided to send something that will not be ignored, i.e. If you refuse to listen to them because of greed and ideology, I’ll make you listen to ones you can’t ignore, and quickly. And by such, show you the benefits of listening and acting.

  2. nonsibicunctis

    I share most of the sentiments expressed in this article. The initial notion of gods or a single god was never rational but simply taken for granted – a given. It was only through time that some attempted to prove that god existed and, even then, two schools of argument conflicted with one another, that of mysticism and that of rationality. At times these mixed in certainly illogical ways and, particularly in the Western breed of Christianity, contradictory and illogical beliefs remain, such as that of a co-existing belief in the Trinity and One God.

    My point is thus that rationality never did nor now exists in any religion. Human beings are more easily programmed than a computer and have been so by seers, prophets, witch-doctors, philosophers, psychologists, psychiatrists, cult leaders, churches and the alliance of church and state, throughout history. Today, an even more powerful alliance of Church (which could well be classes as big business), State, Big Business, and the Mainstream Media is responsible for our indoctrination and/or socialisation towards the inequity inherent in capitalism and all hierarchical social systems.

  3. Geoff Andrews

    Worth repeating:

    Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
    Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
    Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
    Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
    Epicurus, Greek, 270BC

  4. Ross

    You know GG I have often wondered if Scotty has to donate a percentage of his PM salary to his “church”. A tidy sum trousered by the “church” for no effort, by direct debit no doubt.
    A few other of Scotty’s chums in government would be in the same boat of having to cough up a percentage of their hard earned to a church. Might be why they hate the welfare state so much.

  5. Ill fares the land

    Thanks for the article. I always like reading articles I agree with. Scotty from Marketing is not as blatantly deluded as Mr Orange Face, but he is still way too deluded to ultimately ever be an effective leader and like Trump, he seeks to cover up his shortcomings as a leader with various manufactured personas, depending upon how each persona is faring in the polls, for both are driven by a deepe craving for adulation. The giveaway, as I see it, is his utter obsession with “getting his way” on schools. Sure, his message has been relatively consistent, but then none of the State Premiers or education departments are saying they don’t want to get schools back to normal sooner rather than later – they are simply responding to perceived risks. The PM and the Premiers all participate in the National Cabinet and are all hearing the same medical information, and yet still they are taking, allegedly, different positions. However, using a study based on a sample of 9 students as the driver of a “national policy” seems less than prudent – especially given there is a New Zealand example (Marist College, Auckland), where there were numerous infections (I believe 93 at latest count), albeit “patient zero” was a teacher. If you took that school as a guide, you might well come to a different conclusion. For Scotty from Marketing, or King Scotty the Almighty, this seems to me to be him taking a quintessentially political position and instead of dealing with pushback by negotiation, he perceives the response of the States to be a challenge to his absolute authority. This is hardly a surprise from one who sees issues only in terms of the “him factor”, but it remains one of his most egregious failings. We know from previous instances that he has never been able to manage challenges to his “inner autocrat”, but instead of taking on an adult role as a negotiator, he resorts to pueril bluster and then simply decides to sidestep the States by throwing money at the private schools. This is classic him. You can’t really say he is wrong in his view (but the States surely are not wrong either), but what has to be questioned is the way that he is still just trying to dominate the narrative to maintain his self-image as “he who is leading Team Australia into the light”.

  6. Alex

    GG, “He’ll try to sneak through his neo-liberal agenda under the cover of Covid”, TRUE THAT. In fact he said as much last week during one of his daily ‘feed the chooks’ doorstep diatribes when he said of coronavirus “it’s making up its own rules” – which is meta-speech for ‘WE, the LNP, are making up our own rules, FOR US’. I haven’t bothered to look for the latest rules they made up but I can imagine the general theme as far as the working class is concerned.

  7. Jack Sprat

    ” Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool ” Mark Twain

  8. ajogrady

    I, like many others, laid the blame of Australia’s demise at the feet of John Howard and those of conservative ilk have been apprentices fulfilling the masters wishes ever since. Then I cast my mind back to the Whitlam government dismissal. Fraser broke a unwritten law and tradition when his government blocked supply. He was supported by the Queens representative the GG whose communications with the Queen have been blocked to this day. If the Kemlahni loans with oil rich and dollar rich Arab countries had gone through who would have been the losers? Bankers. British and American banks who have been bleeding Australia dry for centuries. Australia would have found new capital at a better interest rate. Lest not forget the part that Pine Gap played also being the eyes and ears of America which made Australia a first strike target in an atomic war. Good for America, NOT good for Australia. And again who was the chief propagandist at this time seeking American citizenship none other then the ever obliging Rupert Murdoch. A man who never lets a chance go by to wield power for his own selfish wants and needs.
    So the rot of Australia to me started when a democratically elected Prime Minister was knee capped by those with ulterior motives.
    Australia has never been the same and the undermining of “The fair go” has continued unabated to the detriment of the majority of Australians.

  9. Phil Pryor

    Geoff Andrews and Jack Sprat remind us all of some sense, in defying and eliminating nonsense. The “western” superstitious idiots who live in a fantasy world that never existed are quite sure there is no god out of Mecca or Delhi. And, surely old Zeus never really existed, stuffing up legend after myth? If there is some god in the USA he or she must be punishing the idiots who back Trump, with starting a virus there, sneaking it out, and unfortunately causing world leading cases and deaths in the USA itself. Clumsy? Idiotic? Trumpy? ajo’grady s right too, as we might have bought Australia back for the people in 1975. But financial filth, fraud and force prevailed as the profiteers pushed on selfishly.

  10. Pagnol

    Hi Geoff Andrews. A question we mischievous scoundrels would raise in catechism class “ If God is all powerful. Can he make something so heavy that it is impossible to lift, even for Him?”

  11. Max Gross

    Nailed it! “He’ll try to sneak through his neo-liberal agenda under the cover of Covid, and yet again, an opportunity will be lost to zombi Tory ideology.”

  12. ajogrady

    As we look around the world where 9.1 million people per year die from starvation, mostly children, which is preventable. And there are more wars and displaced persons then any other time in recorded history.
    And 5 % of the worlds population has more money then the other 95% combined and if there is a war between good and evil then the evidence surely shows that evil is winning the war.

  13. wam

    Beauty grumpy it is easy to have a slash at god’s children.
    They have faith that god does everything except this virus bit he will save us from the virus.
    As for miracles smirko has had two viral aides booby and covid.
    if albo wants to ask god for his turn at a miracle.
    labor better be workiing their electorates hard: and thpse they lost HARDER
    no oldies should be left unphoned
    unlettered with a stamp
    every school visited with a present
    Any hint to the electorate that labor pollies are not working your arse off and this slimy smirko will do a 2004 and he will make howard seem like jeremy corbyn.
    ps for christ’s sake don’t trust brant

  14. John Lord

    At the risk of repetition.

    Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
    Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
    Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
    Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?
    Epicurus, Greek, 270BC

  15. wam

    another example of how stupid billard and swan were was shown on sunrise where koch showed why smirko is ok to spend.
    I wrote to the chasers when the rabbott was raving about swan’s stimulus pointing out the rabbott had just bought a new house and his debt was 400% of his income but gillard’s debt was 30% of income there is no debt crisis they chased him on it and he was ‘duh duh’ but labor not a word day after day just took the abuse no rejoinder they could have embarrassed the shit out of him by comparing our debt with england, korea, japan and the septics but nothing.
    This morning f#ck nut koch put it into context to boost smirko who advises labor perhaps they just take the money and have a ghost adviser??

  16. ajogrady

    Wam totally agree. The strategists and advisors that Labor pay handsomely are giving Labor a match plan that is similar to taking a knife to a gunfight.

  17. Mrs Wobbly

    Gréât article enjoyed, It’s common knowledge that The Australian PM ‘Murdoch’s Boy’ How good is SCUMMO, at WHAT is the question? Hiding behind a ‘fictitious’ God that no one can PROVE WAS or is even REAL. A great CON- JOB on the PEOPLE. The sports cash splash affair to safe seats, then came alone Coronavirus Pandemic this took the publics mind off lies of , policy’s, of The Liberals / token -National Party, to undermine the people RIGHTS for financial gain of himself and the MASTER, on the back of tax payers. How great is SCUMMO? REVOLTING People

  18. Mrs Wobbly

    Gréât article enjoyable read , ‘It’ The PM ‘Murdoch’s Boy’ How good is ‘SCUMMO’, at what is the question ? Hiding behind His MASTER and a ‘fictitious’ GOD, that NO-ONE can or can’t PROVE! WAS or IS even REAL !. A great CON- JOB on the PEOPLE of Australia, treat us as mushrooms and feed on bull shit. The sports grants, rorts CASH splash to SAVE LNP safe SEATS to future proof in these electrics, with tax payers money.
    Fossil fuels industries, now a declining industry with most of the worlds going towards renewables, our so called Leaders pretend to meet our agreed Paris targets, then give the go ahead for more of the same. COVID – 19 or Coronavirus. ‘PM’s’ Pandemic or ‘GET out Explaining the real STATE of our economy BEFORE COVID-19 . The stimulate packages rolled out and to low income Australians . LNP package to benefit the low earners in the country ‘WELL I NEVER’ ! , It’s came FISCAL FAILURE LNP’s but corona virus took the publics mind off the LNPs dirty back door policy’s, with His MASTERS tabloids and ‘shockingly JOCKs’, undermined democracy , We the people are locked down and dumbed down. The Liberals and ‘TOKEN’ – National Party, are UNDERMINING the RIGHTS of Australians, for the MASTER, on the back of tax payers, funding. How great is SCUMMO? REVOLTING !

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