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Twenty-five bullshit excuses from the Coalition

Twenty-five bullshit excuses from the Coalition.

  1. Private companies should not have to reveal how much tax they pay because they might get kidnapped.
  2. The carbon tax was a great big job-destroying tax on everything that drove up the cost of living (as opposed to a GST).
  3. The appointment of Tim Wilson to the Australian Human Rights Commission and Sophie Mirabella to the board of the Australian Submarine Corporation, were made on merit.
  4. Increasing the price of cigarettes is an attack on the poor (as opposed to raising the GST and cutting family benefits).
  5. Offshore detention saves lives as does setting boats adrift on the high seas. Paying people smugglers to return asylum seekers to Indonesia is helping to smash the people-smuggling trade.
  6. Bombing foreign countries saves their citizens from being shot and stops radicalisation at home.
  7. The federal government can’t release material showing the detailed impact of planned cuts to family payments because it would take bureaucrats too long to review the documents.
  8. We will meet our target of reducing emissions by increasing our emissions by less than we would have before. We cannot have a more ambitious target until the rest of the world agrees to take action.
  9. The emissions reduction fund will not lead to big polluters increasing emissions because of the safeguard mechanisms (which don’t actually impose any penalties).
  10. Spending hundreds of billions on strike force capability fleets of submarines and jets will keep Australia safe (and has nothing to do with promises made to foreign leaders).
  11. We must increase our production of coal exponentially to lift millions of people out of poverty (even if they aren’t connected to the grid). Plus our coal is cleaner.
  12. We must let the people decide about marriage equality (as opposed to other forms of discrimination which are legislated against or other laws that are passed with no consultation).
  13. We can’t allow consultation to achieve Indigenous consensus on a referendum question about constitutional recognition because “it jars with the notion of finally substituting ‘we’ for ‘them and us’ and could lead to something akin to a log of claims that is unlikely to receive general support”.
  14. The ABC is biased and should not receive public funding if they question what the government does. Whose side are they on anyway?
  15. Allowing foreign companies to buy Australian businesses, land, infrastructure and utilities, then bring in their own workers and ship produce back to their home country under the new free trade agreements, which also remove protection on imports into Australia, will be good for Australian jobs…somehow.
  16. The minimum wage and penalty rates are killing jobs but failed CEOs deserve their multimillion dollar salaries and all politicians’ claims for family holidays are within entitlements.
  17. ISDS clauses in free trade agreements will protect our companies trading overseas but the carve outs protect us from being sued if we make health or environmental laws that interfere with profits – or not.
  18. Giving bosses more money will lead to more jobs because we all know that supply creates demand . . . don’t we?
  19. The Coalition NBN will be faster, cheaper, and quicker because it will use existing infrastructure. Unfortunately, that infrastructure is in poor repair and will have to be replaced which means it will cost more, provide a less reliable slower product, and not be finished any sooner than FttP projections
  20. The debt and deficit disaster and our spending are all Labor’s fault and the fact that they are worse after three years in office means we should be given another three years to fix the problem.
  21. We cannot afford a Human Rights Commissioner for the disabled but we can spend $600,000 on a part time wind commissioner to keep senate crossbenchers happy
  22. We are the government of science and innovation despite the massive cuts in funding and job losses in the CSIRO and other research bodies
  23. We are committed to tackling the scourge of domestic violence by having advertising campaigns while we close refuges, community support groups, and legal aid offices
  24. Sacking 15,000 public servants saves money by, after paying their redundancy packages, hiring them back as consultants at a much higher rate
  25. There is a new government paradigm – the same old policies, but delivered in dulcet tones and with a smile. 🙂

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  1. townsvilleblog

    Kaye, as usual you are right on the money, you can see it, I can see it, why can’t the average Aussie see it?

  2. Kaye Lee

    26. A mining tax that doesn’t raise any money is forcing mining companies to invest elsewhere so we must get rid of it before they go into production phase

    27. We must cut company tax rate because 30% is not competitive with the US whose corporate tax rate is 35% (despite the fact that the Australian Tax Office’s own data showed the top 900 companies paid an “effective tax rate” of just 19.3 cents in the dollar on pre-tax profits in 2014.)

  3. Wally

    The last thing the LNP want is for the truth get in the way of good governance.

    The adults are in charge again there is no budget or economic emergency.

  4. mars08

    townsvilleblog:
    .

    …you can see it, I can see it, why can’t the average Aussie see it?

    A better question… why can’t the OPPOSITION see it? Or at least, bits of it? And why aren’t they making their opposition loud, strong and unambiguous?

    Shorten knows how to call a press conference, right?

  5. Umberto Ledfooti

    28. Constant back-pedals and flip-flops are not evidence of the lack of firm policy; rather, they are a display of flexibility.

    29. Quoting neo-Nazi paedophiles and attributing their words to French philosophers doesn’t deserve ridicule, even when you’re leading the charge to repeal s.18C of the Racial Discrimination Act 1975 and importing Dutch psychopaths to stir up religious hatred.

    30. When Labor does it, it’s wrong, and we must have inquiries, prosecutions and Royal Commissions. But when we do it by a factor of 10, we can lie about it in the Parliament and in the press because it’s justified by the circumstances and perfectly all right.

  6. Kaye Lee

    31. We are displaying our leadership in action on climate change by donating $1 million to create a “Climate Finance Access Hub” which will complement the $2.65 billion being given by Canada to help developing countries cope with climate change and the £21 million for disaster management and £5.5 million for the ocean-based economy promised by the UK. (NB $1 million is less than Malcolm claims in entitlements for a year)

  7. diannaart

    32. Claiming welfare for vulnerable Australians is unsustainable while increasing military spending.

  8. John Hermann

    An excellent summary of their many distortions of reality as well as their outright lying. Politics is organised lying. However this is not confined to the current government. All governments habitually lie to their own citizens, and to the rest of the world. The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

  9. Kaye Lee

    33. We cannot afford the lifestyle choice of Indigenous Australians remaining in their ancestral lands but we can afford billions in subsidies to mining companies who pay no tax.

  10. corvus boreus

    34. Successful court proceedings against dodgy mining project approvals is ‘lawfare’, and ‘vigilante litigation’.
    35. Unfavourable domestic media coverage is a form of ‘jihad’ being conducted against the government.

    Ps, for Umberto Ledfooti, in honor of the sheer phuq-tardery of St Bernardi.
    http://pbs.twimg.com/media/CUypWk3WUAAZZp5.jpg

  11. corvus boreus

    36. There is no need for a federal ICAC because…Labor agrees.

  12. David

    Sadly often heard in the Senate from the Labor side…
    ‘In the spirit of bi-partisanship Labor will not be opposing the Govts Bill, however there are parts of it we would like to draw the Govts attention to we are still not in favour of’
    ….I rest my case M’Lud

  13. Kaye Lee

    37. Mal Brough was an appropriate choice as government watchdog on integrity because he always behaves with integrity and honesty like when he both admitted to and denied telling Ashby to steal Slipper’s diary which was then given to the Murdoch press, and when he both confirmed and denied that, after losing office in 2007, he tried to do a land deal with the Tiwi people after having weakened land rights when Minister, or when he denied any knowledge of his Assistant Secretary going on Lateline pretending to be a youth worker to verify Brough’s claims of pedophile rings in the NT except he then used the briefing notes to prosecute the whistleblower, or when he took $100,000 from the Aboriginal Benefits Account – Aboriginal-owned money from Northern Territory mining royalties – and spent it in his own Queensland electorate of Longman, on the Woodford Folk Festival…..I could go on.

  14. Trevr

    Well said Kaye Lee, as usual at the high standard you set for factual comment on the Lying Nasty Pricks in the Malcolm “Abbott”Turdball Govt of incompetent Adults.

  15. JeffJL

    38. Labors 45% target will cost $600 Billion.

  16. jim

    Great post and totally agree and, an Abbott quote “Jesus has made it Crystal Clear erm.. smack… smlick..aah..Crystal Clear that only certain people have the right to live in Australia, and Jesus chose me”. going through farcebook I saw a comment by a Lib supporter quote, If Australia is buying a new ice-breaker then why are we even worrying about Climate Change, what an Einstein eh.

  17. Kaye Lee

    39. We are protecting the savings of mums and dads by destroying industry superannuation funds, freezing the superannuation guarantee, abolishing the low income co-payment, and relaxing financial advice laws. Taxing the income of wealthy superannuees would, however, be unfair and too hard to work out.

  18. Matters Not

    40. We won’t have a Royal Commission into financial planning scandals because the major banks are too important in our team. And they are very innovative.

  19. PC

    And to think that they may get re elected. Banana Republic anyone?

  20. PC

    41: If you want to buy a house but can’t afford it then just get a better job.

  21. mars08

    42. The terrorisms is coming to behead us all with their knives (and halal phones) so the police need more draconian laws.

  22. PC

    43: A government’s job is not to reduce social economic inequality but to exacerbate it.

  23. Matters Not

    44. We are a secular democracy that’s why we fund chaplains in all schools rather than social workers. Government funded proselytising is an essential characteristic of a secular democracy.

  24. Kaye Lee

    PC I think they call that “reward for effort” because we all know how hard Gina works.

  25. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    45. An ambitious emissions reduction ‘target’ is not something to ‘aim’ for. It is something to sneer at.

  26. Michael Taylor

    And the old one from the Howard years:

    46. interest rates will always be lower under a Coalition Government. Naturally, when they went up, they said it was a sign of a strong economy.

  27. Glenn K

    I point to how wrong the polls were in the lead up to the Canadian and UK elections, and hope and pray our experience in 2016 is similar, though with a Canadian outcome and not a UK one.

  28. Kaye Lee

    47. Reducing income tax rates is a good idea. Look how well it worked for Costello and what a good position it left us in. (Don’t you worry your pretty little head about surpluses and deficits – there has never been a better time to be a wealthy Australian)

    48. Privatising the common wealth will be good in the long term and will not lead to any reduction of services, increase in prices, or job losses.

    49. Keeping metadata on all citizens leads to a reduction in crime.

    50. Mandatory sentencing acts as a deterrant as shown by the incarceration rates in our Indigenous population

  29. PC

    51: Murdering, torturing and raping refugees punishes people smugglers.

  30. diannaart

    52. Only losers apologise

  31. PC

    53: The best way to uphold the rule of law is by breaking international law.

  32. PC

    54: George Orwell’s 1984 is good for humanity.

  33. PC

    55: Australian submarines are best built overseas because Aussies can’t even build a canoe.

  34. PC

    56: The best way to honour our diggers is to hold weapon’s expos at the war memorial.

  35. PC

    57: Rupert Murdoch’s knowledge of anything to do with anything surpasses that of all the greatest thinkers ever to have existed.

  36. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    58. The only way to conserve wildlife is to shoot it.

  37. PC

    59: Any Aussie found wanting to learn at an university on Australian soil should recieve a fine of one thousand times more than a drunken driver.

  38. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    60. We saved the Kurds and Yezidis (in the mass graves) on Mount Sinjar with our air force’s bombs.

  39. PC

    61: Every Australian should be prepared to put their life on the line for the wars we create and be prepared to starve for at least six months if they can’t find a job.

  40. johnlord2013

    We exercise our involvement in our democracy every three years by voting. After that the vast majority takes very little interest. No bullshit.

  41. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    …..and should encourage our children to do the same because it would be un-Australian and against ‘the ANZAC spirit’, not too.

    Hey John, you weren’t supposed to jump in there…. ; )
    It was an addition to PC’s no. 61… : )

  42. PC

    62: It’s not bullshit if it’s buffed, polished and covered with glitter.

  43. mars08

    63. The diggers at Gallipoli died to defend something something that is now under threat from someone

  44. PC

    64: Everybody wins when the economy is run like a game of monopoly.

  45. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    65. Poker machines are just free and fair trade in action.

  46. PC

    66: Utopia will come when a fraction of one percent of the people of this world control 100% of the world’s resources.

  47. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    67. Why shouldn’t corporations be able to sue governments ? They only have the best interests of consumers at heart otherwise they wouldn’t stay in business….

  48. Kaye Lee

    69. All unions engage in extortion and are corrupt fronts for organised crime whereas business lobbyists are altruistic wise old men, and a couple of women, whose overriding motivation is the welfare of the nation

  49. PC

    70: A war driven economy is fabulous for every man, woman an child.

  50. corvus boreus

    71. The phrases ‘deploying military forces to Syria’ and ‘inceased state of terror-alert’ are in no way interconnected.

  51. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    72. Special Forces and military advisers are not ‘boots on the ground’.

  52. corvus boreus

    73. ‘Think tanks’ like the IPA equate to ‘socio-political research organisation with legitimate charitable status’, rather than ‘corporate sponsored lobbyists on a group-thinking, circle-jerking junket’.

  53. totaram

    Well done guys! Innovative and creative as the new PM wants us to be. But have we been “flexible” and “agile” enough? I doubt it (said the carpenter and shed a bitter tear)

  54. corvus boreus

    74. There is no need for legislature requiring any broad consultation of the democratic parliament prior to committing our nation to foreign ‘war’, ‘deployment of military advisors in demonstrative capacity’, or ‘humanitarian aid missions conducting air-drops of explosive cre-packages’, because…Labor agrees.

  55. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    75. Climate change will be an improvement for marginal land. The desert is ‘greener’ and we will just adapt….

  56. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    76. Carbon dioxide is just ‘important food’ for plants….

  57. corvus boreus

    77. Reforestation is best achieved by allowing more broad clearing of existing mature (and semi-mature) forests, in order to clear enough space to allow for the proposed planting of nursery-grown seedlings by ‘green army’ conscript/volunteers.

  58. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    Pedigree dogs are not inbred. They are ‘extra special’. ; )

  59. Kaye Lee

    78. Political donations are necessary because otherwise we would have to make the taxpayer pay for our glossy job applications and private jets as we fly around having our photo taken with a shovel.

  60. mars08

    79. On sea and operational matters will never be discussed… unless the government can make political milage from it.

  61. Kaye Lee

    80. We will be a transparent and accountable government, consultative and collegial, having an adult conversation which does not insult the intelligence of voters – unless its ‘commercial in confidence’ like Greg Hunt’s auctions and Andrew Robb’s free trade agreements and Tony’s roads and Malcolm’s NBN and all that modelling that we pay for that says stuff we don’t want you to know. Cost benefit analyses and freedom of information requests are unnecessary red tape.

  62. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    81. An Australian Citizenship Pledge is entirely in keeping with Australian traditions and not at all a foreign idea to right thinking people. After all we are pretty sure convicts made one….

  63. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    82. Only people with ill intent would not want their metadata kept by the government.

  64. mars08

    Further to #82… The best way to protect our rights and freedoms, is to restrict them or take them away.

  65. Kaye Lee

    83. Education has nothing to do with funding (unless its the Catholic and Independent schools who are saving our public schools from the resources they would need to educate our children while they build their multi-media performance halls, employ rowing coaches, go on their excursions to watch the rugby world cup, and keep their sacrosanct oval for game day). We need better teachers who are willing to pay more for their degrees, we need more parental involvement from working parents who never volunteer at school, we need more principal autonomy by including staff wages in their funding allocation thus encouraging them to hire the cheapest person possible, and we need our curriculum to focus on our Judeo-Christian heritage and phonics. Oh and something about STEM and coding, which students will get better at if teachers would just get back to basics through direct instruction.

    PS (said vewwy vewwy kwietly) How did they react to the school voucher idea?

  66. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    84. Australians are extremely passionate about supporting their favorite sports but not like those badly behaved soccer supporters (who all need to be banned).
    I am in no way emotionally involved in this one but it does seem to be a strange double-standard…..

  67. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    85. Julian Assange is un-Australian and not welcome in this country (and never was) even though he was born here.

  68. Michael Peters

    brilliant Kaye – perfect material for 7 year olds in their straight and crooked thinking classes

  69. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    86. Adam Goodes should be Australian of the year even though I would normally cross the street to avoid him and wouldn’t sit near him on public transport.

  70. Kaye Lee

    It’s been cathartic. A bit like acupuncture where a hundred small needles relieve tension 🙂

  71. mars08

    87. Whistleblowers are to be encouraged and protected…. unless their revelations embarrass the government.

  72. Kaye Lee

    88. We should develop the North by building and paying for infrastructure for mining ventures and creating special tax zones for people who own the right to develop our resources. And we should build dams because Gina’s ANDEV told Barnaby that would be a good idea. (let’s face it, we just need to pander to him until Tony Windsor comes back.)

  73. mars08

    @Kaye Lee….. cathartic, maybe. But also heartbreaking and depressing. Where are the loud voices in the msm, denouncing the hypocrisy and lies?

  74. Kaye Lee

    89. Unprofitable businesses like the car industry should not be subsidised. Fossil fuel companies who make superprofits and pay good accountants to avoid paying tax should receive billions in subsidies (because they pay for really mean advertising if you cross them plus they are very generous when it comes to election time). Oh and they create millions of jobs…ok, would you believe 10,000….alright, so what if they are moving to driverless rigs, the local grocery store will make a fortune from FIFO politicians and lobbyists.

  75. Kaye Lee

    90. Giving access to high level politicians in return for tens of thousands of dollars is absolutely reasonable – one must be available to one’s donors who are, after all, voters too – some of them even live in my constituency.

  76. Kaye Lee

    mars08,

    My father was big on quotes. He always said “have the courage to change what you can and the strength to endure what you can’t.”

    Acupuncture can’t cure cancer. We need radical surgery followed by a heavy dose of truththerapy. I do what I can in my own sphere of influence as do we all.

  77. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    mars08 You can’t let it break your heart or depress you though. Otherwise there isn’t the voices of an alternative. As you say, the regular media isn’t doing it. Comedy can be heart breaking and depressing if you let it be……buck up lad (I think ?) : )

  78. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    91. We should obtain emission reduction concessions for not clearing land and then clear it later anyway because……we can get away with it.

  79. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    92. We should appeal and overturn the UNESCO Barrier Reef ‘endangered’ rating and just get used to that bleached white, dead look that is coming soon (if it is not here already).

  80. mars08

    93. It is quite reasonable for government MPs to repay buckets of dodgy expenses without any penalties, but if anyone else is accused of rorting even a fraction of the same amout, a police investigation will be launched.

  81. Kaye Lee

    94. Houses in Sydney are obviously affordable because people (from overseas) are still buying them and prices going up is a good thing (for those of us who already own several negatively geared properties).

  82. PC

    95: The planet is an infinite supply of resources and therefore can never be broken by anything we do to it.

  83. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    ….because God said.

  84. Chris the Greatly Dismayed

    96. The Salvation Army is always the ‘go to’ organization for social policy, social welfare and drug policy because they make most of their money from our government and are therefore extremely independent.

  85. PC

    97: When acts of violence are perpetrated against us we call it “terrorism”, but when we participate in the obliteration of up to a million Iraqi civilians it’s called “counter-terrorism”.

  86. PC

    98: News forums like these are nothing but ‘electronic graffiti’.

  87. PC

    99: There is no such thing as War Crimes when we do it.

  88. PC

    100: Undermining the United Nation is a good thing.

  89. Matters Not

    101. Our version of Gonski is great because it guarantees that those who have it will never get less, while those who don’t have it can look forward to a stable and predictable future. Envy is not good.

    We are ‘conservatives’ and we do all in our power to ensure that there’s no change to existing power relationships. Stability removes doubt and all Australians are entitled to know what their future will be.

  90. PC

    102: The concept of Human Solidarity is for suckers.

  91. PC

    103: The smartest and most brilliant children come mostly from inherently rich parents.

  92. PC

    104: We should sell every single Australian public asset and at the same time we should divest in the creativity of the Australian people.

  93. PC

    105: The TPP is so freaking awesome that we can’t tell you anything about it because you might die from heart failure due to how brilliant it is.

  94. PC

    106: The fact we take political donations from the cigarette industry whose products have killed tens of thousands of Australians since Federation makes as patriots.

  95. PC

    107: Any Australian who has contracted asbestosis then tries to claim compensation from our asbestos making political donors are money sucking leeches and therefore not pure at heart.

  96. PC

    108: The best way to strengthen democracy is for us, the LNP, to hide who our political donors are.

  97. Wally

    109: Stop any increase in superannuation guarantee but maintain the parliamentary super (slosh) funding at any cost. Wouldn’t want them to do it hard when they retire.

  98. stephentardrew

    Turn my back for a coupla hours and the whole bloody universe falls in around my ears. Jees guys when will it ever end. I have a nervous tick already. And what did Bill say about all this? Give him time until after the next election.

  99. Ian Parfrey

    110: We do not comment on security matters….unless we can screw paranoia out it for our own gain.

  100. Ian Parfrey

    111: The GST will never be raised.

  101. Matthew Oborne

    112. A tax is progressive if the party believe poor people can’t afford the product being taxed.

  102. Adrianne Haddow

    The LNP government is an ‘adult’ government and we will prove it by treating the electorate like children.

    “Don’t worry your little heads about …… (any issue) we and all our smart rich friends will take care of it.”

    “We know we’re right because the people we pay to run focus groups and think tanks tell us what we want to hear, and they have better expertise than all those leaners ( public service staff we have sacked).”

  103. diannaart

    113. Waddya mean we broke our promises???? – the IPA tell us we exceeded their expectations.

  104. Wayne Turner

    “We are NOT like Labor.We will NOT dump a first term PM”.

    The LYING party in full effect.

  105. flohri1754

    AD INFINITUM ……… unfortunately ……

  106. PC

    114: We saved Whyalla from being wiped off the map.

  107. PC

    115: We are the good government that will rescue Australia.

  108. Möbius Ecko

    114 to infinity. Labor.

    The Liberals answer to everything they can’t answer or avoid answering.

  109. eddietla

    The # 1 on the list makes me laugh.

  110. stephengb2014

    Wow 115 plus comments – is it a record?

    Meanwhile no time to read them all but Kaye can I point out that these 25 items you listed are not bullshit at all – because that word is too soft – it lets them of the hook as straight out liars.
    Because these are quite simply lies.

  111. Stringybark

    Spot on Kaye Lee

  112. Sen Nearly Ile

    what a fabulous feast, as you can tell by the excitement in the responders.
    Whilst only some of the sacked public servants get consultancies but they can borrow up to $96000 to retrain.
    Loved your use of logic it is right up there with
    “you bet you are, you bet I am.”
    If labor had any will to embarrass their colleagues they would seek your permission to use them and put three a week in a continuous loop.
    Labor might like to add abbutt ‘canadia’ and ‘je suis premiere to school kids with his inane laugh how embarrassing????
    still giggling in our house kaye congratulations on a great post!!!!
    ps
    finally got to see insiders and the fixer is a worthy winner. Loved the bolt of the ABC redefine china as our prime point of contact for the info we used to get from the septics.

    pps
    it was worrying not to see the crow in print but, thankfully, he is verdant again,
    Perhaps there was an emergency congratulation for the greens who gained a swing of 0.78%. Great work, loonies, especially when we consider the libs lost 13.49% and labor, in not fielding candidate, lost 20.04

  113. corvus boreus

    Senile,
    Your crypto-babble is often nearly indecipherable, but I believe that last paragraph was a random shot at me regarding the results of the recent North Sydney by-election. My thought on that matter are as follows.
    Congrats to Trent Zimmerman (LIB) for safely holding that safe seat and only losing 13.5% of the primary vote.
    Congrats to Steve Ruff (IND) for obtaining a very credible result (18% primary). Obviously an effectively run campaign, which is unsurprising seeing as he had the formidable Ted Mack offering support and assistance.
    Limited congrats to Arthur Chesterfield-Evans (GRN) for retaining just over 16% primary support, even if he did not manage to pick up many of the numerous stray votes on offer.
    I offer no congratulations to Labor, who didn’t even bother to offer an option.

    Ps, I am neither a member of nor an advocate for the Greens, although they do usually get my primary vote or first preference.
    I simply dislike sledge-tags and think it a bit pathetic that you, as someone who seems to passionately espouse things like gender equality/neutrality, routinely refer to a socially progressive party, representing over 10% of the population, as ‘loonies’.
    Do you prefer the Christian Democrats?

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