Why do Coalition PMs keep conferring titles on themselves that they patently do not live up to?
Abbott was the Prime Minister for Women, Indigenous People, and Roads.
We thought Turnbull was going to be man who would refuse to lead a party that wasn’t as committed to action on climate change as he was – which turned out to be not very – but he dubbed himself the Prime Minister for Innovation instead.
And now we have ProMo, the Prime Minister for Standards (PMS) – or should that be Double Standards
The Coalition government want to claim credit for legislating an end to discrimination in the marriage act at the same time as they also want to enshrine in law the right for anyone who disagrees with it to continue to discriminate.
The Prime Minister for Standards and his team believe in the sanctity of marriage – except for the part that says “to the exclusion of all others”. The purpose of marriage is for procreation and it is crucial for children to be raised by their biological parents – unless they are Indigenous or the children of Hugh Jackman.
They want to claim credit for handing out drought assistance money whilst enabling water theft and rampant land-clearing and denying climate change. Subsidies for renewables are evil but subsidies for fossil fuels help keep people working.
When it comes to an Australian citizen who has never applied for citizenship of another country but who may have been eligible under certain conditions, which he doesn’t satisfy, that is sufficient to convince the PMS that they are indeed a citizen of the other country – but any politician who has not applied for citizenship even though they are eligible is definitely not a citizen of another country.
The baseball-cap wearing PMS has announced a dress code for citizenship ceremonies which must be held on Australia Day, or another day in September, or whenever a Greens MP or Senator chooses to. Meanwhile, real Aussies will drag out their flag cape, get pissed, and go look for someone to bash. No doubt Promo will be cooking a strawberry curry on the barbie while Jen rolls out the pav she cooked earlier.
And there will be some passing acknowledgement of the traditional custodians of the land whose successful management for 50,000 plus years was much appreciated but aren’t you lucky we came along.
Income management will empower you, truancy officers will instil a love of learning, mandatory sentencing and imprisonment for unpaid fines will stop adults from being poor – we’ll look after the kids. And if they play up while you’re gone, we always have places like Don Dale to help teach them to be good.
ProMo really cares about kids (if they don’t express opinions). So much so that he will publish a list of pedophiles complete with photo and address – what could go wrong? But we won’t be doing pill-testing because that would just make kids think it was ok to take drugs which they certainly don’t do now. And we won’t be taxing alcohol or sugar because that would be bad for profits of hard-working mum and dad investors.
Australia is the most successful multicultural society in the whole wide world – in fact I hear the Saudis might have an award up their sleeve for a certain Minister or two. And isn’t it great that the Saudis are willing to help with Jobson Groethe by buying weapons from us.
National security is a priority for our PMS and his sidekick, P Duddy (who must wish Sophie Mirabella was still there so everyone would stop hating on him).
In order to keep us safe, they will stop letting any more Muslims or people with black skin into the country and they will make the ones who are already here too scared to go out and definitely too scared to express an opinion, or to not express an opinion. They must worship Australian values of free speech and stop being such snowflakes about Mussie bashing and Neo-Nazi rallies against African kids. And NO, we are NOT racist and don’t you dare say we are!
Religious freedom is a right of all Australians as is the right to stop any mosques being built. Anyway, Islam isn’t a religion. And how can Jews claim to be Aussies when they won’t eat a bacon and egg roll? They should be forced to eat a pie and scull a beer at the citizenship ceremony like way too many politicians do. Will Andrew Laming do his usual gig of gate-crashing parties with a tray of lamingtons and do his party trick of drinking a beer whilst doing a handstand? Will he send out another Australia Day greeting with a photo of the boys showing their bits?
It may be a tad difficult for New Australians to get a handle on these Standards the PMS is espousing. My family has lived here for eight generations and our current government in no way represents the standards and values I respect or those that could actually make this country a place worthy of celebration.
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