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The Best Form Of Welfare…

You’ve got to hand it to the current government…

Well, you do! There’s no way they could pick it up themselves.

Anyway, I’ve noticed a certain phrase cropping up lately whenenver the Coalition is confronted with the idea that Newstart is so low that even economists think it should be raised. FFS, even John Howard thinks it’s not enough.

However, the current Turnbullies…

(You like that? I figure that if they think that “Unbelieva-Bill” is clever, why not hit them where they live and make them all go: “Oh no, someone’s come up with a name for us, we’re going to lose the next Newspoll now!”)

Moving on…

The current, Turnbullies simply reply, “Well, yes, it isn’t much but then it’s only meant to be a temporary safety net and THE BEST FORM OF WELFARE IS A JOB!”

Fuckin’ brilliant, I say. Needs to be rolled out faster than the cashless welfare card.

I mean, let’s look at how it can be used in other areas.

“Yes, hospitals are underfunded, but people aren’t meant to be in them for long and we think the best form of healthcare is not to get sick.”

How awesome is that? That’s a big tick for Health at election time. So where else might they have problems? Mm…

“Yes, some schools get no federal government funding but only poor people go to them, and we think the best way to get educated is to have enough money to go to an expensive school.”

Or what about asylum seekers?

“Yes, some people are drowning on their way to Australia but we think that they shouldn’t be in the water for long and besides the best way to protect themselves is to stay well clear of Australia.”

Oh wait, they’ve already used that one.

Ok, then how about:

“Yes, climate change may lead to the destruction of the planet but people aren’t meant to live forever and anyway we believe the best way to live is to make as much money as we can as quickly as we can and who cares about tomorrow…”

But I guest there’s an inherent danger. I mean what if the general public caught on and started saying things like:

“We know that it’d be hard on those losing their seats if we abolished Parliamentary Pensions, but we think that the best form of Parliamentary Pension is to actually serve the people so that you don’t get kicked out in the first place!”

Mm, I guess that’s the danger of extending it beyond those who have the misfortune to be unemployed. Once you start doing that, the next thing you know we’ll have the equivalent of the cashless welfare card for politicians’ expenses… Just to make sure that they don’t waste it on alcohol or other vices.

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  1. David Bruce

    Brilliant, Turnbullies! Perhaps a Facebook page is the next step? It may even force the LyiNg Prats to dispose of him before the next election?

  2. Rossleigh

    Not going to happen because they’re all content with Mal. I’ve heard that even Abbott and the whole Monash group is called the Malcontents.

  3. Keitha Granville

    Turnbullies, Malcontents – both superb descriptors.
    Let’s have a competition for the best nomenclature for the LNP 🙂

  4. paul walter

    They are only bashing the unemployed because people have got sick of refugee bashing.

  5. Michael Taylor

    Paul, I can’t ever envisage them being sick of refugee bashing. They’re probably saving themselves for after the election is called, then the bats will come out. 🙁

  6. john ocallaghan

    Maybe we can call … TTT
    Two Term Turnbull, that might just get under his skin after a while!

  7. Barry Thompson

    The malfunctions.

  8. oldfart

    didn’t he get less seats last election? maladjusted maybe, but probably malicious if the truth be known

  9. Pappinbarra Foc

    Malodorous Turnbullies

  10. Ella miller

    Who can remember exactly what were the three questions asked by S.Morrison when he delivered his budget? I think one was “What have we achieved?” Perhaps we should dig out those questions and answer them, in advertising, on Facebook.
    HOW would you answer that question?

  11. Terence Mills

    I couldn’t go past journalist Peter Martin’s comments in the SMH today on the budget tax cuts :

    Even after 10 years, after the third and most expensive phase of the Morrison tax cuts announced on budget night, middle earners will still find themselves paying 3 per cent more of their income in tax than they do right now: 18 per cent instead of 15 per cent, according to the Grattan Institute. Only the very highest earners – the top 10 per cent – will get their bracket creep back.

    (We need to rely on organisations such as the Grattan Institute and the Parliamentary Budget Office for the calculations because the government won’t provide them for us. It wants us to be in awe of the trick without seeing how it’s done.)

  12. Henry Rodrigues

    Malfunctioning Turds.

  13. Peter F

    The claim of producing 1 million jobs hides the fact that there are fewer hours being worked.

    Now, if only the could persuade people to work the same hours as parliament sits, we could have many more ‘jobs’ and every problem would be solved.

    The government knows that there are not enough jobs, and certainly there is not enough work to support all jobseekers on a liveable wage.

  14. Terence Mills

    Peter F

    Interesting that the one million jobs coincides nicely with the immigration level of 200K a year over the past five years !

    These job statistics need much closer scrutiny along side so much other data but the coalition will only use one statistic that suits their spin.

  15. Kaye Lee

    On average over the last 15 years, about 200,000 new jobs have been created each year. That was a very easy promise to fulfil just from population growth.

    According to the latest Labour Force figures, “Over the past year, the labour force has increased by 369,500 persons” so creating 200,000 jobs a year doesn’t even keep up.

    The NDIS, a Labor initiative, is responsible for a great many of the new jobs.

  16. Ria young

    Not happy with some of the answers to choose from. Eg leadership spill, can’t think of anyone in the LNP that could be better, probably worse. Bad enough as it is.

  17. Wam

    The septics adore their poorly paid workers getting food stamps.
    We would reject, except voiceless Aborigines or until suitably indoctrinated, such demeaning treatment. These superior LNP men and decreasingly women would loved food stamps instead of the dole but hide behind ‘voucher’.
    That would be a pope sent manna for the myriads of church schools that sprang to life during the years of lnp/labor give away to schools. These schools give discounts to poor students of faith. In my town it can be cheaper for the children of the poor go to an indoctrination school than pay the fees charged by a public school.
    A voucher would cover the difference ie another free gift to the christians, jews and muslims??

  18. Zyg

    Let’s have a competition for the best nomenclature for the LNP 🙂

    My entry for the competition is wait for it—“arseholes”.

  19. Zyg

    My entry for the competition of best nomenclature for the LNP 🙂 is wait for it—“arseholes”.

  20. James Cook

    The Mal-de-mers!

  21. Paul

    “Every Lousy Evasive Cunning Trick Is Our Normality” …… courtesy of Leunig

  22. helvityni

    I will not sink to their low level, so I will call them in a very civilized Labor fashion; The Underachievers.

    ( even that is too nice; they have not achieved anything positive)

  23. Wun Farlung

    The Cay Man Crew

  24. jimhaz

    “Every Lousy Evasive Cunning Trick Is Our Normality”

    The capitals spell ELECTION for those who may not have noticed.

  25. oldandoverit

    Malcontent and the TurdBullies..

  26. helvityni

    …and the prisoners who have done their time, and who will not get any support on release, have only one option left; back to crime and back to prison…

    In true Aussie fashion, we do NOT do rehabilitation, like ,say Holland, were prisons are empty, and the Dutch are happy to lease them to the British jailers who also believe in punishing….

  27. Pierre Wilkinson

    enjoyed the comments almost as much as the article… thank you all

  28. Rowan none

    Well said. I am laughing, but sad at the same time.

  29. johno

    Still like Fizza.

  30. Roy Edwards

    I have been calling Malcolm Turnbull MALCONTENT TURNCOAT ever since he took over (see reefed it off PHONEY HOBBIT’s back for details). Malcontent because he seethed and harboured a massive grudge against the Abbott usurper when Phoney ousted him and Turncoat as he always said he was supporting Hobbit and a believer in everything he now is against.

  31. John Boyd

    Peter F…that’s a bit unfair…all the parliamentarians (ALP) I have met work their *****’s off. Sitting weeks are only part of it. I doubt anyone on that side of the aisle sees their seat as an entitlement.

  32. John Higgins

    When he screeches and hurls abuse across the chamber like an obnoxious toddler, I can only think of … Malicious Tantrumbull

  33. helvityni

    John Higgins, when I see and hear our PM and his helpers shouting abuse at the Opposition, I feel I’m witnessing a group of three-year old toddlers throwing sand at the ones they don’t like….

    They are nothing but tantrum-throwing toddlers…TTT…

  34. Dave Bradley

    The smear campaign against Shorten is the same as the smear campaign against Gillard and done by the same people.

    How about a truth campaign with a bit of an old familiar jingle to it

    Turnbull can’t confront his back benchers or the religious extremists stacking LNP branches or the banks or the greed driven corrupt fossil fuel lobby inside and outside his party or well anything…seems as the old wartme ditty goes..

    But Turnbull’s Got No Balls At All…. sing along it got us through hard times before 60 years ago when neo conservatives tried to take over the world

    But Turnbull’s Got No Balls At All. Dum de Dum Dum Dumber….

  35. Peter F

    John Boyd, I was not talking about the ACTUAL hours worked by Parliametarians (I agree with your comments) I was merely suggesting that a ‘job’ should involve at east the number of hours that ParliaIment sits.

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