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Spud PM?

By Grumpy Geezer  

The Liberals are the party that says government doesn’t work and then get elected to prove it.* 

Half of the electorate voted 3 times to allow the goat rodeo trading as the L/NP & Co to validate the essential truth of that statement. It’s very, very dispiriting, but there is a bright side. It’s Spud!

That risible rhizome from Dickson, Peter Spud-Dutton, jackbooter, tremblable fogo, trough snorkeller and highbinder… Il Douche is a Mussolini mini-me without the presentation skills, a potato-headed Adolf Kipfler with a funereal presence that would drive rats from a barn and with all of the warmth of a dead man’s handshake and he’s our worst nightmare – and our best hope.

How could that be?

Behind those cold, dead eyes the hamster wheel that passes for thought processes in Spud’s tuberous head powers only delusional ambition. He believes with every fibre of his withered, black soul that he should be PM.

Spud and his fellow veggie patchers were played by FauxMo and the filthy five in the assassination of Malcolm Trembles. That has simply served to harden their resolve while they re-hone the shiv and buff up their shanking skills.

Morrison tells us that his salary sacrificing to Jesus Inc bought him high office and he no doubt takes some comfort from the notion that as long as he keeps up the payments the Big Guy has his back. But those Tory MPs outside his prayer circle and with a more discriminating control over their spending habits are not likely to accept that dubious premise. Morrison’s shouty, bullying personna, his constant invoking of his celestial mate with his holier-than-thou smugness and his self-serving duplicity in the Turnbull overthrow have made him few friends while his enemies are many.

Outside the bubble it will dawn upon the credulous, the blindly selfish and the tremulous who cast their votes for this corruptocracy that they’ve been conned and the tide will turn. Spud will be constantly testing the waters as FauxMo’s gloss rapidly fades and the autocratic paternalism, dodgy dealings, incompetence and chaos once again become too obvious to ignore.

The hard right’s hatreds were not buried with Turnbull but Spud will never be handed the leadership – he needs a coup. He’ll destabilise and encourage dissent to undermine Morrison’s authority. He’ll cultivate the RWFW losers like Andrews, Abetz and Kelly who’ve wandered off from the intensive care wing at the home for the perpetually confused and he’ll raid the remainders bin at the sperm bank for support from the unmarketable jizzle such as Melissa Price who, with a snatch like an empty headlock and an arse like a postman’s knapsack had her local peeping-tom ask her to close her curtains.

The zookeeper’s bucket that is the Liberal Party includes Morrison-hating Abbotteers, Dutton’s infamous dirty thirty bomb throwers including windfarm cancer survivor and endangered grasslands poisoner Black Angus Taylor, rabid-right homophobe Concertina Ferrari-Wheels, the duplicitous dwarf Yorrick Hunt, dunking stool candidate Michaelia Carcrash and Andrew Hastie whose god is a more traditional smiting disciplinarian than is the heavenly mercantiler of Morrison’s Horizon Church & Juice Bar. We also have James Paterson, a stylist for the Hitler Youth and the far-queue crony capitalists such as Tim Watercannons Wilson – egotistical chancers all, who’ll abandon FauxMo whenever it serves their own interests.

The guzunder residue of religious hypocrites ala Stuart Robert will stand behind the Liar from the Shire, but not the treacherous Matthias Cormann and his diminished band of sycophants. The dogs are already barking and Dutton will be yanking their chains.

The thought of Spud as PM is nauseating but his unhinged, delusional ambition will contribute to the demise of the most appalling government this country has ever experienced. Go Spud – give it another shot!

*Paraphrasing P.J.O’Rourke.

This article was originally published on The Grumpy Geezer.

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17 comments

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  1. Anne Byam

    How right you are – Spud would undoubtedly bring the L-NP to a grinding halt, if he perchance became the next PM ( or the following etc. ).

    And what a good little chappie Scomo is !!! …. This ‘almost perfect’ god-bothering, pentecost following, tithe paying prime Minister. Gee folks, he actually hands over $8 short of $55,000 a year from his salary; and he happens to be among the highest paid country leader anywhere in the world
    ( according to Google ). Then he goes and grants himself a $10,000 pay rise in June this year ?? hmmm.

    Another grand p.a. in the purse for the “speaking in tongues” mob to which he belongs.

    Aren’t they lucky !! … and shouldn’t we all be super proud of him for his sacrifice and offerings …..

    p f f f t …

  2. Michael Taylor

    Ripper, Geeze.

    A wee chuckle could be heard echoing throughout the house.

  3. johno

    GG, you have given new meaning to the word adjective.

  4. David Bruce

    I was thinking about the poison chalice of an economy set up to collapse in a recession after Labor won the last election when I cast my vote in Queensland. If Labour lost, then the LNP would inherit the poison cup and have to deal with it. We aren’t in recession yet and the LNP are working hard to make sure legislation is in place so the Australian tax payers can bail out the banks when the SHTF.

    A recession in Australia would really tarnish the LNP claims to be better managers of the economy! How karmic it would be if Spud was at the helm?

    Despite thinking about all this, I still put LNP last on my ballot paper!

  5. Cool Pete

    The boats would start up again if Potty Rotten (aka Dutton) became PM, as we sought sanctuary in New Zealand. If Peculiar Trash (aka cash) had any influence, hell would be wrought upon the public.

  6. Paul Davis

    Thanks GG, a great read as always…. had to stop after minister Payne, couldn’t keep my tablet still… so cruel, so crude, so funny…

    I really enjoyed your 18 July essay on Stupidity along with the internet links which led to a couple of fascinating hours tooling around google. My only criticism is your self depreciation. Your writings, you might call them scribblings, are definitely not rants, they are now so on point as to be considered enlightened mainstream. Best wishes.

  7. Grumpy Geezer

    Good on ya Paul.

    Payne deserves nothing but derision. The cow. But then most of them do.

  8. Max Gross

    A $5 million dollar review of Home Affairs produced… a single sheet of paper!!! Australians are being right royally screwed!

  9. Andreas Bimba

    The Weimar Republic from 1918 to 1933 was often incompetent and corrupt and was beholden to the banks and the business elites who as always thought only of themselves and ensured the German Federal Government imposed fiscal austerity so as to limit inflation and to minimise waste of such an important commodity as money on the common people even though unemployment and poverty were at very high levels, and economic stagnation and even the starvation of thousands was the inevitable result.

    The allied powers had also imposed onerous reparations on Germany after WW1 that the famous English economist John Maynard Keynes knew would cripple the German economy as he wrote in his book – ‘The Economic Consequences of the Peace’ in 1919 which became an international best seller as a warning to the international leadership of the day but his recommendations were not followed.

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Economic_Consequences_of_the_Peace

    When the greed of the US banks and business elites created the Wall Street share market collapse and right wing US President Hoover insisted on US Federal Government austerity, the economic collapse deepened into the Great Depression which also hit Europe and much of the world in 1929 and US banks withdrew their loans to German businesses and Germany’s economy collapsed.

    The conditions were then appropriate for a long suffering populace to consider more radical and disciplined political alternatives and eventually the Austrian corporal assisted by the biggest German media magnate of the time was able to form government after attaining a narrow coalition majority in the Reichstag in January 1933. His plan of using the power of the state to progressively impose dictatorship and eventually totalitarianism was enacted and tens of millions died as a result of the corporals delusional dreams of domination and conquest.

    The Spuds ideology is state security, both national and international and his beloved membership of the ‘five eyes’ security network and his control over all of our security agencies such as the AFP, Border Force and our six intelligence agencies ASIO, ASIS, ASD, DIO, DIGO and ONA, greatly surpasses that of Goering’s Gestapo and Himmler’s SS.

    Our Spud is definitely on a mission both for himself and for his backers in the right of Australian politics and the business oligarchy and I actually believe if he pushed the right buttons with our current electorate ably assisted by our appalling mainstream mass media and the vast wealth of the banking and big business oligarchy, both local and foreign, that he could even win a federal election decisively. All the political rats of the right would crawl out from their burrows and join such an exciting venture.

    Or we could be wise and allow some competent economists to actually repair our very sick, abused and corrupt nation, just like John Maynard Keynes did globally in 1944 where he and like minded economists, social democrats and even protectionist conservatives laid the groundwork for the post WW2 boom period of prosperity with full employment that continued up to the late 1970’s when again the forces of right and the banking and big business elites regained the ascendancy following the 1973 – 1974 global oil price shock. These global banking and big business elites used the associated inflation as the excuse to begin to impose the ideology of national government austerity, the abandonment of full employment fiscal policy in favour of monetary policy as well as economic liberalism for the business elites, in the form of Monetarism and Neoliberalism which stubbornly remains the core economic policy of Australia and much of the rest of the world.

    Wealth inequality are at record and rapidly growing levels and the existential threat of global warming is in general being ignored by our hard right conservative federal government.

    Will it be the left road or the right road?

  10. Potoroo

    “In my work with the defendants I was searching for the nature of evil and I now think I have come close to defining it. A lack of empathy. It’s the one characteristic that connects all the defendants, a genuine incapacity to feel with their fellow men.

    Evil, I think, is the absence of empathy.”

    — Captain G. M. Gilbert, the US Army psychologist assigned to watching the defendants at the Nuremberg trials (1945-1949).

  11. New England Cocky

    Five stars GG. Well done!!

    @Andreas Bimba: Your excellent contribution is a little incomplete.

    1) Hitler was introduced to big business by Reichmarshall Schott (sp?) who was the Finance minister of the German government. Hitler could be used as a bulwark against the growing fear of communism and dispossession of the privileged classes.

    2) Five major US banks including Morgan, Chem Ind, Rockefella provided 35 MILLION POUNDS STERLING of funds for the German Nazi Party through Farben AC, a chemical corporation, which those banks may have owned. Farben was the producer of the German Death Gases, amongst other things.

    3) The link between German big business and the Nazis was well documented in newspaper reports of the time.

    There are too many similarities between the present 2019 Australian political situation and the 1933 German situation when a democratically elected Nazi government took political power legally and with the support of the establishment, only to destroy that democracy and institute a Fuerhrerstat dictatorship for the detriment of all but the privileged members of the Party. Sound familiar??

  12. Barry Thompson.

    So descriptive and so spot on. Particularly Paterson, it is what I think every time I see him.
    Well done GG.

  13. Terence Mills

    Adolf Kipfler fools them again !

    “A $4.9 million strategic review of the Department of Home Affairs did not produce a “single consolidated report”, the government has revealed.

    The Age reports that the government defied a Senate motion to table the full findings of the review, with Attorney-General Christian Porter instead tabling advice from the department saying there was no report, but that the review had led to undefined “long term benefits”. Labor home affairs spokeswoman Kristina Keneally accused the government of producing “$5 million worth of buzzwords”.

    “This is either the single most expensive single piece of paper in the history of this chamber, or a blatant rejection of the will of the Senate by a minister who is allergic to scrutiny,” Keneally said, citing various failures since the creation of the department”

  14. Wayne Turner

    Sadly,don’t kid yourself. So many in the electorate are idiots. If Potato Head becomes PM,with Murdoch’s backing,this disgusting idiot won’t destroy the coalition.In fact he will win elections with the MSM’s backing eg: BS stories of what a heroic great cop he was. The gullible idiots that fall for the current mob,will lap it up.

    We are doomed because the masses are gullible ignorant stupid asses.

  15. Josephus

    Wayne one might also blame the poor education of some teachers, plus the rich mens’ media rags/tv which those of average intelligence or below are powerless to criticise.

    The article above is clever and witty, though such invective may channel anger into safe waters rather than encourage activism. Better to support whatever activist groups appeal , be it Amnesty, GetUp, the Greens or non nutcase Independents, Greenpeace or the Conservation Foundation for example. And vote for humane, honest candidates. If the sinister Dutton is ever our Leader we shall have to emulate the Hong Kongers: invade the Houses of Parliament.

  16. Ross Barrell

    “Outside the bubble it will dawn upon the credulous, the blindly selfish and the tremulous who cast their votes for this corruptocracy that they’ve been conned and the tide will turn.”

    Alas, Mr G. I doubt that there is any hope for the verification of this hypothesis. Three times since 2013 the electorate has chosen to elect this lot of grifters, outright thieves and liars. I have lost faith in the basic integrity of the folks that cast their votes for people like this.

    But…

    “Spud will be constantly testing the waters as FauxMo’s gloss rapidly fades and the autocratic paternalism, dodgy dealings, incompetence and chaos once again become too obvious to ignore.

    Yes. I think Scummo had best watch his back because Mr Potato Head will not forget that he was outmanoeuvred and his ambitions upended. He will be watching and waiting.

    I’m getting my hopes up.

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