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Spud has his tail up

An arsehole is in plain view

Just over half a term ago the prune juice kicked in and Australia had one of its more satisfying movements – the Great Schmo was number two-ed by the voters.

Now, after a fruitless 18 months of unreturned phone calls Schmo (“If you’re good at your job, you’ll get a job”) has finally announced his pending resignation from politics to almost universal relief, not least from the Liberals. With some clear air replacing the stale waft of curry a certain truncheon-headed autocrat thinks the planets are aligning in his favour.

It’s not easy to imagine a slight upward tic at the corner of Peter Dutton’s mouth – an animation not often manifest given Herr Shickltuber’s narcoleptic personality. Watching flies crawl across his eyeballs is usually the most captivating aspect of his lugubrious presence. Yet with Albo’s and Big Jim Chalmer’s fixes to Schmo’s stage 3 tax wedge an aroused gruppenfritter senses another opportunity to indulge the Tories’ favoured practices of fear and division – the emboldened Dutton no doubt thinks this “broken promise” will seal the deal of his ascension to the big, green swivel chair despite his appeal being lower than that of tertiary syphilis.

Dud & Suss’s bedpan rodeo has hitched up to the Murdochrities’ RWFW hypocrisy bandwagon, loaded their confected outrage, mounted their high horse and taken to the airwaves for a wall-to-wall tantrum & humbug expo.

No-one does tits-caught-in-a-mangle, faux indignation as does the gaffe incontinent Suss Ley. Desperately shrieking Sussan, with the face of a half-deflated hemorrhoid cushion underlining the quality of her discourse, announced that the Libs when again in power would reverse the Labor tax initiatives thereby denying 92% of voters (and about 98% of her own constituents) an increased tax cut. Thinking is hard hence Suss’s outbursts, guided by a numerologist, are usually subject to blow-back. A no doubt blistering phone call from Lib H.O. had Suss in Trumpian denial that she’d ever said what she’d plainly said.

“…deputy leader Sussan Ley told Sky News when asked if the Coalition would roll back the changes “this is our position. This is absolutely our position”. For good measure, when asked again if the Coalition would restore the original package, Ley replied “we’ve made it very clear that this is our policy. The policy is the legislated position that stands today.”

Cuddly Pete, self-declared convert to working class hero, copped some derision of his own making for his latest foray in the interminable Tory culture wars by attacking Woolworths as being woke for not stocking Australia Day made-in-China tat – oi oi oi themed bucket hats and double pluggers. The icing on the you-fucked-that-up cake was Cuddly-Spuddly’s notion that Australians should boycott Woolies – the employer of some 200,000 of his new BFF cohort – the working folk. When made aware through the hoots and guffaws of the idiocy of such a call and the consequent vandalising of Woolies stores by his real constituency (i.e. fuckwits) Pete pulled a Schmo and went into hiding. What a guy.

Dutton on same sex marriage: “unconscionable that companies are morally coerced by campaigns to boycott their products.”

Dutton on Woolies: boycott them over Australia Day merch.

Spud is not a deep thinker. Look at how easily his amateurish coup to unseat Turnbull was out-manouvered by an unholy trinity of pentacostalist Mammonites – Schmo, Brother Stuie and Alex Hawke. “We prayed that righteousness would exalt the nation.” The upgraded tax changes require legislation to be voted on in Parliament. It will be hugely amusing watching Spud squirm as the Tories either vote against bigger tax breaks for the majority or they go along with Labor’s changes. Would you like butter on that popcorn? The massive Chalmers wedgie he’s going to cop would bring a tear to a fish’s eye.

By being as thick as a QC’s carpet Spud is also predictable. Spurred by the success of his cynical sabotage of The Voice, Spud will be amping up the negativity, and the conflict and division to indulge his natural instincts for cultivating the culture wars, to invent or provoke outrage, to victimise and to bully.

He re-purposed Australia Day; let’s see what he has in store for Anzac Day.

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. GL

    Three hundred thousand years of evolution and the human genome stuffs up a single gene and produces P Duddy, the knuckle-dragging grunting primitive from the branch of the tree that died off millenia ago.

  2. New England Cocky

    I love it when you talk dirty describing the antics of the LIARBRAL$ pollies squawking at the moon when the Albanese LABOR government announces a policy that favours Australian workers rather than foreign owned multinational corporations.
    Somehow I think ”Cuddly Pete” will have difficulty overcoming his policeman past; Australian workers are rightly suspicious of anything in a uniform the bullies teenagers and abducts them across Brisbane to Pinkenba, then releases them without shoes, to walk home. There was a completely different response to a political donor request for quick immigration for a pair of (white) French au pair girls.
    $us$san LeyZee copes much better when she keeps her foot firmly jammed into her mouth to prevent the dribbling of ‘political outbursts of faux ”rage”. I have seen two year old tantrums that could teach her a few lessons about effectiveness.

  3. uncletimrob

    Nice article G G, sums up the idiot factor very well.

    Of course we all know that spud may not actually believe the crap he comes out with, but he does believe that if he keeps it up continuously – backed up by the spewdock media – it will tilt enough voters for him to become the next PM.

    NEC – correct description of Susslay, sir.

  4. Roswell

    Heeeey, my favourite man is back.

  5. Cool Pete

    Pete the Potty Boy Dutton farted in The Spectator (I don’t buy that rubbish; I saw it in a link to an article on twitter) that Tone the Botty was a first-class leader and a first-class thinker. Obviously, a first-class stinker would be more appropriate! Pete the Potty Boy is as dumb as Tone the Botty and is basically Tone the Botty without an Oxford Education.
    Pete the Potty Boy Dutton must be buoyed to learn than a massive 20% of respondents to a YouGov survey support his call to boycott Woolworths! This goes with this at Sussan Ley must be equally delighted that she’s a great source of laughter and ridicule!
    Potty Boy is calling for an election on the tax cut changes but is painfully unaware of something. When Tone the Botty demanded an election on the carbon tax that wasn’t, there was a hung parliament. Potty Boy would have to win 18 seats from opposition in order to win government. There will be two by-elections, and I think Dunkley may have a sympathy vote for Labor as Peta Murphy died, but whether or not the Liberals can retain Cook remains to be seen as the sitting member is retiring.

  6. andyfiftysix

    is it just me but i get the sense that all of dutton’s posturing and wedge thinking is just evaporating hot air.

    Yes they thought they could set a trap for labor but i feel that labor is playing it cool and not responding to every spittle that emerges. Unlike Rudd who crumbled under the weight of Abbotts very aggressive and hostile behaviour…..total bully boy tactics.
    Add the fact that Lord Voldemort is crying wolf all the time….i think most people are over that type of stupid politics.

  7. Phil Pryor

    Conservative Australia has had political representation for high professionals, well regarded prudent orhtodox types who favoured steady slow natural progression, old solid tradition, social stratification to reflect their upper position. So, Menzies could harness his “top ten thousand” or establishment figures easily and get control as they felt they deserved. But these days, foreign corporations, utterly ignorant selfishness, media maggot mega-egotism, financial spivvery, and recruitment for shallow show has ruined all that, to the extent that Mariana Trench depths are plumbed to explain the existence, let alone position, of Peter Duckwit- Futton, David Littlegoingonupthere, Barnaby Choiceofbeer, A Abbott-Abyssmal, Maddog-Morrison, etc. It really is, no exaggeration, utter Dogshit to have a nation run be despoilers, polluters, crooks, cruds, crims, cranks, cretins and creeps. The news is aslo dogshit, untrustworthy, flawed. Our allies are untrustworthy, deficient, devious. SICK.

  8. wam

    A nice read, grumpy, especially about suss on everything.
    Love the imagery of your headline. His tail is up to facilitate his sticking his head up his arse.
    He can safely vote against the changes because labor is unlikely to bash him on the morning shows and the media will blare his broken promise tap dance routine.
    The loonies will put on their ‘not enough’ boots.
    The independents, WGARA????
    Perhaps,the public are ripe for ripping the richish?

  9. Terence Mills

    Memory is a funny thing.

    Spudley had a memory lapse this morning when he told Channel Nine that the coalition would never lie – referring to Labor’s calibration of the stage three tax cuts.

    For some reason the interviewer failed to nudge his memory by pointing to one of the biggest porkies ever told in Australian political history :

    “There’s no way a GST will ever be part of our policy. Never ever. It’s dead.”
    Former prime minister John Howard

    That was shortly before John Howard introduced a GST .

    There is a solution for the opposition leader and cricket shows us the way : In cricket, a runner is another team member who runs between the wickets for an injured batsman.
    What Spudley needs is a jogger (a memory jogger) who can sit beside him in an interview and remind him of the facts whenever he strays, wilfully or by lapse of memory.

  10. andyfiftysix

    another issue we need to explore is well reported in this little clip.

    “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3vFubEX3_w”. Just substitute australian titles for democrates and republicans.

    Labor will get canned what ever they do. The media as a whole has embraced this idiocy, ABC included.
    just look at how they all jumped on the “broken promises” crap. Looking for that gotcha moment. Instead of going for the “this is a better idea”, they have gone for the crass political angle. After all confrontation brings eyes and good news doesnt sell.

  11. GL


    Was Spudley Duncehead wearing his made in China ‘straya day hat with little flags stuck in it like birthday cake candles, t-shirt, underwear, shorts, socks, sandals, lip gloss and holding cans of Japanese owned Fosters while he was spraying his Brown marmorated stink bug stench all over the place during his interview on sewage chanel nine?

  12. Clakka

    Albo must’ve been saving up for this for a year. He didn’t miss a beat during his NPC oration. The sad and sorry journos pummeled into the ‘broken promise’ / ‘liar’ trope looked and sounded decidedly grim that they’d had their ‘Rupert’s Automoton’ contract clause enacted as sole recourse to force majeure.

    Under the fine guidance of the President, stuck in an opinion-free pit, their bosses-button pushed, their shame was palpable. The big questions remain; which way do they turn and upon whom do reek revenge having been rendered to the putrescent bin of the Duttonate?

    Could this be superior a reverse gotcha?

    Ha ha ha ha haaaar

  13. wam

    dance of the cuckoo you are right about memory and wrong about the lying rodent. I thought like you and lost $20 because the ^@%& prick took the gst to the next election after his never ever rave

  14. Terence Mills


    I vividly remember Costello telling us that the GST would replace state based regressive taxes such as Stamp Duties – I thought at the time that was a good thing but guess what it didn’t happen because the states had never signed on to doing so – another porky perhaps .

  15. paul walter

    Terence, you know it is because there is such a lapse in time between now and the last time, they told the truth.

    So long, they no longer remember what the truth is.

    Labor have made fools of them, because of their American sado economics and other destructive policies.

  16. paul walter

    Yes Michael.

    And the flag was probably manufactured in a Chinese sweat shop..

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