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Our Man on the Moon

By our Space correspondent: Jon Chesterson

MORRISON’S INVISIBLE OMICRON-READY MAGIC SPACESUIT WITH FLY-PROOF SCREEN, SECURITY MESH AND OXY-GENE VARIANT IN NEED OF A 5-6 MONTH UPGRADE.

Yup, I was in a pathology clinic waiting room today and a gentleman sat down beside me without a mask and muttered indifferently into empty space in the middle of the waiting room, ‘I’m not contagious’, as if we were all deaf mute, invisible androids with autoimmune nanobots in our bloodstream, or just mostly stunned… and then we carried on.

People are partying downtown in night club central in CBD sector’s Rigel and Betelgeuse, while the Omicron special forces squad are knocking down the doors with their electric toothbrushes and aerosol software updates on stealth technology and asteroids. Allegedly reported to be doubling up their tactical invasions every 2-3 days in UK, but Dutton is still fixated on the China wars. If we start with 1 case of Omicron (ground zero) in Aus, after 1 calendar month we are looking at somewhere between 1,000-30,000 active cases (invasions). The dark lunar forces of Omicron are upon us.

Except we had 3 confirmed cases reported yesterday from just one event on the glitzy HMAS Flagship Casino NSW – no less a party cruise in Sydney harbour on 3 December, 10 days ago followed by the Albion hotel in Parramatta and the Cult night club in Potts Point. OMG! Cruise ships, the razzmatazz dazzle opening up of international borders and inter-state outposts on screwed up or non-existent quarantine facilities, blind Freddie all over again on the incredibly dim-witted penal space colony of NSW!

84 Covid-19 cases have been reported from one event on HMAS Newcastle-Hunter at the Argyle club last week, of which NSW Health expect in their spectacular MoC algorithm predictions, will include a few undercover Omicron operatives already, not just one. But psychohistorian Hazzard was off world and not available for superficial or intelligent comment.

We are 10/30 days in on that algorithm already and people everywhere are ditching their bras and pants, throwing precautions to the solar winds, gathering and partying, wearing their nearly 6-month-old invisible vaccination spacesuits (version 1.0) without nanobots and sniff my arse Morrison space academy badges stapled proudly on their golden space boobs. But you need your digital certificates to get past the bouncers wherever you go.

And what’s Prime Regent Morrison telling us now, announcing every day – We are 80% (of eligible age groups, so not 80% at all but another false algorithm) vaccinated and in NSW 90% (not whole of population obviously, same modelling). As if the Omicron Darth Vader gives a shit about Morrison’s PR and invisible magic spacesuit, or the colour of his arse, public LNP slogans and curiously engineered tourist ABC satellite broadcasts.

And what else is Morrison boasting about on the under-funded public broadcaster’s Planet ABC, the Sky Corporation and News Corp H2S04 – we’ve got 150 million doses of Covid vaccine in the country, so what are you all worried about? Of which only Pfizer and Moderna are approved for rocket booster fuel. But wait, only 24 million people over the age of 5 who can have it, and 2.4 million (5-12yrs) won’t even start the roll out till January, when the other ‘rubbery bouncing cryogenic space kangarood’ 80-90% of the virtual population will have up to 50% jolly roger wear and tear in their ‘invisible’ double-vaxed cosmic armoury. I wouldn’t be rushing out in the vacuum of space, under probing pulsars and into psychedelic nightclubs with my visa up and osmotic holes all over my starry torso, singing dancing queen and hugging Venus cocktails, nightclub suckers! Barely any safer docking at the nearest suburban hypermarket dodging trolleys and space shuttles in Barnaby’s barking dog suits – check out the special offers aisle, half price space gums for happy chewers and spaced out unchilled dead fish water fountain bottles from the extinct Murray-Darling, again don’t worry, it’s been through the corporate sanitiser and re-packaged!

So what happens to the other 100+ million vaccines we’ve ordered and paid for? Those which could have gone directly to poorer countries without space stations, where mining colonies hurt real bad, and the next generation Omicron 1.2s and 1.3s special squads are busy working up their new intercellular flight shuttles on QANTAS Cosmos and VIRGIN Galactic – free entry permits for fee paying corporates. Bugger the Australian Space Agency (ASA), actually delete that thought, a little too close for comfort without that interplanetary ICAC. No turn backs here, every squad’s a cheap worker and here’s what you can do for your economy!

Morrison’s not too hot on numbers, bushfires, climate change, the pandemic, jobs, economy, crosswords or anagrams, in point of fact not much good at anything at all – Go figure ‘Omicron’. Not too hot on magic spacesuits either, but here’s an idea not a million light years from home, far far away… and plenty of it.

Anyway, blood’s taken. Tried booking my booster shot when I got home, nearest appointment on Morrison’s latest ‘get your booster shot now campaign’ is at least 5 weeks away and NSW Health are uncontactable. Seen the government adverts, got the mail today, yes it’s moonshit from our man on the moon – His hologram left the building middle of last week for Prime Regency summer holidays on Hawaii Alpha, but I can still hear his carcinogenic voice every day on screen and in my head, get that hand shake away from me.

5 weeks and the invasion is already here exploiting the gap, just like climate change and there are no magic vaccinations and Aussie space suits for that, just coal bunkers and more almighty cosmic bloopers!

 

Reference: NSW Health reports on new exposure venues to Omicron cases (10 December 2021) https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/news/Pages/20211210_01.aspx

 

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4 comments

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  1. New England Cocky

    Once again the feral & NSW Liarbral Nazional$ COALition misgovernments in NSW have abandoned commonsense to pander begging bowl in hand, to the foreign owned multinational corporations resident overseas away from the looming medical chaos.

    Bring on the next feral elections so that we may remove this dark spot on Australian political history.

  2. ajogrady

    Winston Churchill Quote: “There is no worse mistake in public leadership than to hold out false hope soon to be swept away”.
    This is the main problem of the Morrison government. False hope and false promises are for advertising agencies, con artists and shysters not governments. There are lies, damned lies, statistics and then there is bullshit baffles brains Morrison. The L/NP are renowned for over promising and under delivering. How long before Morrison starts using Howard’s core and non core promises excuse.
    Failing to prepare is preparing to fail.

  3. Kathryn

    The ONLY thing big about the pretentiously smug, smirking, self-obsessed, bone-idle Sloth Morrison is his undeserved stratospheric ego! Morrision is, and has ALWAYS been, an arrogant, non-achieving, totally mediocre and mind-numbingly boring megalomaniacal narcissist who rose to the helm of the LNP – like faecal matter in a polluted pond – due to his treacherous backstabbing betrayal of his colleagues: Michael Towke and Malcolm Turnbull.

    Morrison is as shallow as a carpark puddle without a single redeeming feature! But for the fact that this truly uninspiring, mediocre nonentity got his “five seconds of fame” and international notoriety on the world stage by being shunned by just about every world leader at the recent G20 Summit in Rome, Morrison (like Abbott before him) will inevitably slide back into ignominious obscurity!
    The fact that Morrison is a signed-up lunatic member of the notorious paedophile-protecting cult of Hillsong and attempts to hide his tendency to be an inveterate pathological LIAR, a treacherously disloyal backstabber and a callously inhumane, conniving sociopath behind a thin, nauseating layer of bible-thumping hypocrisy, makes this political psychopath even MORE repugnant!

  4. Jon Chesterson

    Good onya Kathryn! Keep up with the spate on Moonship Morrison, the satire and metaphor holds shitloads more truth and honesty on reality than any rancid lies and mistruths spat out by him and his gormless plutocrats and trolling foot soldiers, now ramping up for the next election. Believe nothing that comes out of these malicious ignorant mouths, as they curse our country and our very own people with shit trickery, religious spells, endemic corruption and serial lunacy on climate change, the pandemic, foreign policy, China, economy, nature, planet and humanity, everything they get their ruthless godless fingers on turns to naught and bottomless promises. The truth is they just don’t care like turd fleas on brainless bottoms. God I wish I could draw cartoons instead of words.

    Battle for Australia is on now all the way to May 2021 – Don’t let the Liberals silence our voice in Parliament, mainstream and social media with their phoney law suits, looney legislative, executive, judicial, public and corporate bullying, their lies, lies,lies – Blah! blahh, blah Morrison!

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