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Monster of Home and Inhuman Affairs

By Barddylbach

‘They’re dead to me’ Peter Dutton, 2018 – ‘Song of the Deadz’, a poem I saidz in reply from below, but read on …

They sailed away, for a year and a day
to the land where the bong-tree grows;
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
with a ring at the end of his nose.
(Edward Lear, 1871).

Once upon a time, it would have been a sin to elope, unless you were honest, wealthy and wise, with plenty of honey wrapped up in a five-pound note and a runcible spoon and a boat! Ah yes, I am hitting it off with, ‘The Owl and the Pussycat’ one of my favourite nonsense poems, which Edward Lear wrote in a less flamboyant version for little Janet Symonds just before Christmas in 1867; not published till 4 years later in ‘Nonsense Songs, Stories, Botany, and Alphabets’, in the fabulous form and three verses we know today. One hell of a honeymoon, wouldn’t you say?

‘Mr Lear: A Life of Art and Nonsense’ by Jenny Uglow, 2017 I have been reading, a gift from two friends, Louise and Jean (not the same Jean or my Jean’s Puzzle in ‘Smile I am doing you a favour’ that came to me from the Sun Herald via the AIM Network), but worlds apart and an ocean in between. Did you know that Mr Lear was a most accomplished artist – painter? And not all his poems were nonsense and limericks for which he is so well known today. The book like the man himself is fascinating and imaginable, a narrative into a bygone century, where in a beautiful pea-green boat… hand in hand, on the edge of the sand we can dance by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon; if we want to, even if it wasn’t quite like that. A marriage of fantasy, sail away …

And now that our overture is over we come to the monster under our bed – ‘Monster of Home and Inhuman Affairs (Song of the Deadz)’. I have re-worked Lear’s whimsical poem to satire as Lear possibly might have done in one of his many a ridicule limerick, alas may my sin be forgiven.

A moment to ponder where we have come from while Dutton has been in the job. We now have a monster of a minister and monster department of inhuman affairs where all matters of security, intelligence, police, border control, immigration and citizenship are under one roof and one man, Dutton. We lock up legitimate ‘humanitarian’ refugees who come by boat, who fear for their lives and have broken no international or Australian laws. We let others with money and the right coloured skin come to Australia by air, the real ‘economic migrants’ and those who stay illegally get ‘processed’, and of course Dutton, Pezzullo and his senior Border Force sycophants will not tell us how many tens of thousand of these there are, slipping under our highly selective radar. There is the systemic abuse of refugees, children in detention, billions of public dollars spent on ‘unmanaged’ contracts for rogue private security companies to provide non-existent services, particularly offshore under a wall of government and corporate secrecy. There are a suite of toxic radical conservative Bills charging through Parliament that strip away everyone’s civil rights and freedoms, not just refugees. Our very own ABC public broadcaster has been muzzled and increasingly become yet another one band government mouthpiece as Dutton and his associates increase their grip and attacks on both the ABC, and that other independent constitutional pillar, the Judiciary.

Those who are stupid enough to listen to Dutton waxing and whining ‘unlyrical’ with infamous talk back radio hosts such as Alan Jones and Andrew Bolt on 2GB will note all the insults, gaffs, propaganda and verbal diarrhoea that comes out of his mouth, and of course the sewerage flows out everywhere. Here’s just a few on public record:

Dutton’s critics, March 2018 – ‘they’re dead to me’

White South African farmers, March 2018 – ‘they need help from a civilised country’

African gangs, 2018 – In Melbourne ‘the reality is that people are scared to go out to restaurants at night because of African gang violence’

Immigration and Nauru, September 2017 – ‘somebody once said to me that we’ve got the world’s biggest collection of Armani jeans and handbags up on Nauru’

Immigration and Manus Island, April 2017 – ‘there was concern about why the boy was being led or for what purpose he was being led away back into the regional processing centre …’

Same-sex marriage, March 2017 – ‘… shouldn’t shove their views down our throats’ and ‘publicly listed companies [should] stick to their knitting’

Lebanese immigration, November 2016 – ‘it was a mistake by the Malcolm Fraser administration to have admitted Lebanese Muslim immigrants’

Text message to political columnist, 2016 – ‘mad fucking witch’

Illiterate migrants, 2016 – ‘many … won’t be numerate or literate in their own language let alone English’ and ‘these people would be taking Australian jobs’

The rising seas joke on Pacific Island nations on an open microphone, September 2015 – ‘Time doesn’t mean anything when you’re, you know, about to have water lapping at your door’ (no laughing matter for some including Nauru).

Immigration, spying on senator Sarah Hanson-Young while she was conducting an investigation on systemic child abuse and rape in Nauru, June 2015 – ‘she’s written to me on some issues which are completely fanciful when you have a look at the facts and she’s got a track record of making these things up’ and ‘what Sarah Hanson-Young is about is publicity. She loves the camera and she loves to see her own name in the paper. That’s the start and finish of Sarah Hanson-Young’ – Spying claims on a senator were later confirmed, as was the systemic child abuse and who more than Dutton lies, makes things up and soaks up the publicity.

… and Turnbull’s repeated performance evaluation – ‘an outstanding immigration minister’.

But an ‘outstanding’ solution might look something more like this:

  • Bring our off-shore and onshore detention programs to a close, an amnesty and stop the wasteful economic and shameful demonising of refugees, especially who seek asylum on humanitarian grounds whatever the mode of entry.
  • It is time for a Bill of Rights to ensure a future government can no longer capitalise on this in electoral matters, removing these partisan and bipartisan interests.
  • Human rights are not nor should they ever be for sale or an electoral matter for majority vote, they are a legal and constitutional responsibility of a democratic, civilised and free society, and all human beings should have basic rights, protections and equal access to the law and judicial system regardless of wealth, status, politics, religion, ethnicity and origin.
  • The same protections are required for all Australians so the poor, homeless and minority groups cannot be exploited and neglected by the whim of a majority, nor hold a majority to ransom; this needs to be reflected in Parliamentary behaviour – It is a balancing of rights and responsibilities.

‘They’re dead to me’ said Dutton, if that is so what does this mean for Australian democracy, constituency, elections, free speech and the role of a government minister, and a department so large and secret, it might even put Harry Potter to shame?

A marriage of fantasy, sail away …

It is no sin to elope today with who ever you want, man or woman, and it’s not illegal to sail away to the shore of another country if you are fleeing from tyranny, but no one told Dutton that! But one thing hasn’t changed, if you are wealthy and have plenty of money wrapped up in a visa and come by jumbo or cruiser, and if you speak English or Afrikaans and especially if you are white, you will most certainly be welcome and Dutton will lift the gates of hell with his evil smile, trumpet and fanfare. If you do as Pussy and Owl did, you will surely end up in the bowels of PNG and Nauru, where the Turkey and Billy Goat will dine on your mince and slices of quince with no runcible spoon in sight; just polequin cups, mad fucking witches and a devilish mutton-head minister’s whim.

Monster of Home and Inhuman Affairs
(Song of the Deadz)

The sheep and a billy goat short of a cobby,

White as an Afrikaans farm,

they went to bed for hell and a hobby;

dead squats in a ‘straylian barn.

The sheep with a tag and peculiar dag, flag and visa bizarre;

for shag and a wag with the gun lobby,

‘Oh what a mutton-head, Dutton, you are,
you are,
you are!

What a mutton-head, Dutton, you are!’

Billy goat bellyaches, scowls of an alley cat,

spud on a broomstick what a galah!

Rat on the razzle with a muzzle of gat

stalking th’ deadz like a ‘straylian tzar.

Billy goat, billy goat, cactus on sand,

land where the billabong hangs from a gum tree;

what desert can ever be flatter than that?

But sheep and mutton-heads, ‘deadz to me’,
deadz to me,
deadz to me,

What a mutton-head, Dutton, you are!

Dilly-on Dutton, bills, squads an’ scams,

monster of home and inhuman affairs.

Bring on the bans and chop off their hands

for we ‘straylian citizen millionaires.

Company money, bears in the honeypot,

ministers’ airs out of polequin cups;

those mad fucking witches and African gangs,

Oh what a mutton-head Dutton shut ups,
shut ups,
shut ups!

What a mutton-head, Dutton, shut ups!

Links and References

ABC and Guardian ‘dead to me’, says Dutton after South African visa criticism – The Guardian, 22 March, 2018

‘They’re dead to me’: Peter Dutton lashes out at media critics over white farmers – Brisbane Times, 22 March, 2018

Critics ‘dead to me’, says Dutton over South Africa farmers row – SBS News, 22 March 2018

‘Dutton in Bed with the Gun Lobby’: Stop the Gun Lobby – GetUp, 22 March 2018

Court orders that boy, 10, at risk of suicide on Nauru be treated in Australia – The Guardian, 21 March, 2018

Peter Dutton in talks to create gun lobby ‘council’ to change firearms laws – The Guardian, 15 March 2018

Mr Lear: A Life of Art and Nonsense – Jenny Uglow, [First Edition] Faber & Faber, 2017


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  1. etnorb

    Duston is dead to me, the ignorant, lying, heartless, clueless so-called “liberal” politician (I use the term loosely!). He should be sent to one of these detention centers & treated as he wants all these poor bloody souls existing are treated. Maybe then he might realise just what a dickhead he really is, but I wouldn’t hold my breath! And stupid bloody Talkbull thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread? You could not make this sort of shit up! The sooner the whole bloody lot of these lying, flat earth,right wing, obscenely over-paid so-called liberal politicians are gone the better off Australia will be, humanity will be & we will all be able to heave a giant sigh of relief in having gotten rid of the worst Liberal mob in our short history! At least I & many millions of “ordinary” folk bloody hope so!

  2. Christopher

    Costing us billions. Would have been cheaper and better for all concerned to give them all a million each and five for the boat captains to sail back to where they came from.

    Oh wait, then the boats would keep coming. Far better we imprison them for the rest of their lives as a warning to people seeking asylum. I mean it’s a crime isn’t it? /s

  3. babyjewels10

    Jail is too good for this criminal.

  4. Phil

    Nice read. Took me back many years to the days of The Owl and the Pussycat – an earlier Dr Zeus?. I think Dutton has hoisted himself well and truly on his own petard with his “they’re are dead to me” comment about institutions and citizens. It’s going to follow him around every twist and turn in his ugly and hopefully very short political career.

    Dutton displays characteristics of a sadist and his control of the security apparatus of state should send shivers down every spine – history is there for the reading – sadists with power tell horrific stories – voters of all political persuasions would be wise to get Dutton out of our parliament at the earliest opportunity.

    He proves how inept and weak Turnbull is.

  5. Kronomex

    I wonder how Heinrich Duttonuci is going to handle being on the opposition bench, if not gone, at the next election? Somehow I don’t think it will go well for him because going from being the most powerful politician (and having the “leader” and PM in his back pocket) in the country to a nothing will be a massive blow to his overinflated ego. What will be most galling for this cannibal troglodyte is the fact that he’ll get to see someone else put in charge of HIS KINGDOM (not that I can see Labor breaking Harsh Action…oops, Home Affairs, up any time soon).

    A friend of mine reckons he’ll be leader after Trembles is removed and put on the seat between Barndoor and the Mad Monk. He has all the charisma of a burnt sprout and is about as eloquent as one The Donald’s tweets. Political satirists and those mean cartoonists will have a field day if he is made leader of the LNP. We can dream.

    On a side note: Anyone notice the almost non-existent Australian political news in the media over the last few days? Somehow I get a feeling that we’ll get a major media explosion when Malcolm, Scott, and the rest of Crony Co. announce the ground breaking, enormous, incredible, and, oh yes, it will be pretty good for the peasants as well, corporate tax cuts. Jobs and pay rises for all…YAY. Possibility of an election being called?

    4444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444456 (Gah, that’s the cat sitting on the keybord.)

    Soon to be followed by more pain for the little person as they have to find new ways to get more money as the corporations and big end of town strip even more wealth from the country.

  6. Terry2

    I have been trying to recall where I first heard the words :

    You are dead to me........I spit on your grave

    As with all things Dutton it is not original and seems to have come from an old mafia movie.

    This man is dangerous and if, as it seems, Turnbull is unable to contain his ambitions it falls to the electors of Dickson to do their duty for the nation. But in the meantime you can expect a lot of pork-barreling within that electorate as Dutton pulls out all stops to retain his seat.

    It has already started : Dutton has one secret weapon – neighbourhoods of white South Africans around the electorate’s Albany Creek area, little Johannesburg East. Being white South Africans, they are active in the local Liberal National Party.

  7. johno

    Dump Dutton would make a great bumper sticker.

  8. helvityni

    Peter Temple, the Australian crime writer,( of South African background), said this:

    “And there’s a distinct Australian sensibility towards crime and all kinds of other things, which may in part be the convict origins in which there’s a certain degree of admiration for the lawless, like Underbelly certainly showed that.”

    I tend to agree, as another foreign born to this country, I was often surprised when Aussies laughed at the ‘cleverness’ of someone who had committed a crime and got away with it… I witnessed this in small ways by seeing how some people put towels, provided by the gym, into their own bags. Also I saw a perfectly normal looking woman stuffing frozen chickens at a small grocery store into her son’s backpack to avoid payment… Bizarre..

    As bizarre as having people like Hanson and Dutton deciding what’s good for this country.

  9. kerri

    Shortly after Dutton’s famous “african gangs/ too afraid to go out” comments about Melbourne, I went out to dinner in a restaurant busy area of Glen Waverley. Though we knew he lied, even we were stunned at the number of people milling around, eating outdoors, going from cafe to cafe for drinks, desserts etc.
    I really regret not doing a quick video scan of the area and posting it online. We who live in Melbourne know he speaks bull but it is the gullible others I am concerned about. Even the Vic police force refuted his claims but still the rabid right wing media persist in reporting and garnishing his lies. How do we get the gullible idiots to tune off Hadley, Jones, Bolt etc. Giving them air time makes more money for the radio stations because people tune in to enjoy the anger and fist waving.

  10. helvityni

    Ps. Loved reading your article Barddylbach…more please…

  11. Meg

    Oh I so agree with all the sentiments. Our borders are just an excuse to impose fascism at home. Every brown person should be able to come here, even if they have faced cruelty dealt to them by other brown people. The Rohingas come to mind. I’m sure what is happening to them is our fault, if you consider all the wars we start. I used to have a “free Timor” banner on my bedroom wall, but not when John Howard sent our boys (and girls) in as deputy sheriff fascists – how dare we?

  12. Terry2

    As part of a government public relations program to boost Peter Dutton’s chances of being re-elected, Mr Dutton has announced a crack down on pedophiles : everybody hates pedophiles , right ?

    In an announcement today Mr Dutton said that the government will spend $68.6 million on a new centre for countering child exploitation , which will boost police and border force numbers to stamp out trafficking and live-streaming of material.
    Mr Dutton announced that the new centre would be based in Brisbane not as an exercise in pork-barrelling but he did acknowledge that Barnaby Joyce had got a boost, albeit briefly, when he shifted the Australian Pesticides and Veterinary Medicines Authority to his own seat of Tamworth. Mr Dutton said that he was shocked and dismayed that the media, in particular the ABC, would suggest that he was placing this new centre in Brisbane because that is where his electorate is. “No, no he said the choice of Brisbane is clearly because that is where the problem of pedophilia is greatest particularly among people of the Left”.

    Mr Dutton was asked if there was any truth in the rumour that one of his PR strategies – to visit sick children
    in hospital – had been axed on medical advise as medical professionals had suggested that should it proceed it could impede the chances of such children making a full and speedy recovery. He denied this as being the case although he conceded that attempts he had made to enter the Royal Brisbane Children’s Hospital had been met by the wards being barricaded by what he considered to be the children of Left Wing parents.

  13. Kaye Lee

    Peter Dutton is worried about “as many as one white South African farmer being killed every week”. Perhaps someone should tell him that, in South Africa in 2015/16, a murder was recorded on average 51.2 times a day. Or do we only care when it’s white people?

  14. Glenn Barry

    I don’t want Dutton to just lose his seat in parliament, that is no longer sufficient – It has come to the point where I wonder how I would celebrate Dutton suffering a truly gruesome death – He IS THAT BAD!
    Unsurprisingly he’s not the only LNP politician that deserves such an awful fate

  15. New England Cocky

    The NLP misgovernment of RAbbott, Morriscum, Dicko & Turdball has registered 58 CONSECUTIVE LOSSES in opinion polls since the 2013 election. Now it is reported that at the stroke of 60 LOSSES that Dicko will lead the NLP into the 2018 Federal election.

    Why do I sense that the collecting South African “advisors” and “White refugees” looks very similar to events in Europe in 1930s??

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