Today, I got a letter from Malcolm Turnbull…
Ah, I guess I better explain. As well as being those things that are put together to make words, there used to be this popular form of communication where people would write down words on paper and put them in a envelope, write down an address, afix a stamp and place it in what was called a letterbox where members of Australia Post would collect it and take it to the address on the envelope. But that was a long time ago back in the days when Australia Post was there to provide what was called a “service” and it didn’t actually have to make a profit because there was a general misconception that some things were there to provide “services” for the general population. Of course, given the Liberal’s management of the NBN, letters may be making a comeback even if Australia Post is privatised so that it can become a profit making company.
Anyway, as I was saying, I got a letter from Malcolm Turnbull and it began by telling me, “Shortly you will have to make a very important decision about our country’s future.” Well, I thought, at last someone’s recognised my great genius and has decided to allow me to make the decisions because I could obviously do a much better job than the nuph-nuphs we’ve had in charge lately. However when I read on, it was not simply me who was being asked to make a decision but “All of us”. Yes, “All of us should think very carefully about the choice we make”! Certainly, Malcolm is in a wonderful position to give such advice, given all the people he sees on a daily basis who must be regretting the choices they made. And let’s not forget Malcolm’s own choices and how much he must regret his folly in ever pretending that he cared about the environment just to win a few votes in the centre when it was conservatives who were going to vote him Prime Minister. He’d sound so much more convincing when he talks about “Direct Action”, if we didn’t expect him to actually take some action on climate change.
Anyway, at this point my mind wandered back to the previous election when I recall getting a letter from Tony Abbott who some of you may remember as the architect of Turnbull’s policies before an unfortunate by-election lead to him retiring from reality. Ok, it is possibly true that he’d done this years before but at this point it was becoming too obvious to allow him to continue to play with his toys, as it was becoming clear that he didn’t understand that his soldiers were not, in fact, the same ones he used to play with as a child and that people would become upset were he to send them into the Ukraine to take on Russia, however much this was his childhood ambition.
Feeling nostalgic, I decided to find Tony’s contract, which wasn’t hard as I had pinned to the wall in my study. Yes, I’m a sentimentalist. Anyway, I hadn’t read it for ages and there it was:
OUR CONTRACT WITH AUSTRALIA (which is confusing for a start, because aren’t the government part of Australia and so therefore the contract is partially with itself).
Then we had six points:
1. A STRONGER, DIVERSIFIED ECONOMY
2. CARBON TAX GONE
3. END THE WASTE AND DEBT
4. BUILD MODERN ROADS AND IMPROVE SERVICES
5. SECURING OUR BORDERS WITH PROVEN POLICIES
6. TWO MILLION JOBS WITHIN A DECADE
And then it was signed by Mr Abbott.
I guess some people might be a bit pedantic and suggest that for a contract to be valid both parties need to sign, but, as our future PM, Mr Abbott probably just signed it on our behalf because it was one of those captain’s pick thingies. Besides, if you’re going to be like that, you’ll start suggesting that, not only isn’t two million jobs in a decade an ambitious target, we have to wait ten years before we can complain about breach of contract.
My concern was more immediate. As Mr Abbott is no longer leader, I’m sure that the Liberals could argue that the contract is no longer enforceable. And this brings me back to Mr Turnbull’s letter. I read on, wondering if he’d recommit to Abbott’s six points.
The next thing I read indicated that Mr Turnbull had indeed had to time to think carefully about recent choices, because it said: “In this election just a few thousand votes across 14 seats will decide whether we have yet another change of government or whether we stick to our current economic plan.” See, “yet another” indicates what a mistake it was to change Prime Minister late last year.
After expressing the need for choosing “a clear, vision,a clear plan” while doing absolutely nothing to clarify the plan, it told me that the “Coalition Team’s Plan” was “a blueprint for a Strong New Economy”…
I’m still trying to work out why the words “plan” and “strong new economy” were capitalised as though they were Proper Nouns, but it may be something to do with the Liberals attempting to show their Capitalist Credentials.
But then it told me IN BOLD LETTERS:
“Our detailed Plan for a Strong New Economy will deliver:”
Why only the first two words were bolded is anybody’s guess, but my theory is was an attempt to show that they were a party… sorry, a Party dedicated to reducing waste by not wasting ink on the Whole Sentence.
I sort of lost interest during the long list of things that they promised to deliver because my brain kept wandering back to the idea… sorry, Idea of a “detailed plan”. I have sent an email to the PM’s office asking where I could get the Detail from, but as yet I haven’t had a response.
Anyway, Mr Turnbull closed by asking for my support “to back his plan,
- the only plan
, that will ensure Australia’s future”, which sort of worried me because not only wasn’t future capitalised, but I still wasn’t sure what Australia’s future actually was.
