Government heat map ‘wake up call’ to stop…

Climate Media Centre Advocacy groups have welcomed the release of the Federal Government’s…

Compulsory income management doing more harm than good:…

Charles Darwin University Media Release Compulsory income management (CIM) in the Northern Territory…

Flicker of Hope: Biden’s Throwaway Lines on Assange

Walking stiffly, largely distracted, and struggling to focus on the bare essentials,…

Seizing a Future Made in Australia

Climate Council Media Release THE CLIMATE COUNCIL celebrates today's announcement that the Future…

The Meanjin essay: The Voice and Australia's democracy…

With Stephen Charles AO KC The dire state of truth in Australia’s civic…

Haunted by waters

By James Moore We were young when we lived near the Rio Grande…

The price of victimhood: The Higgins/Lehrmann gravy train

By Bert Hetebry I’m not much good at sums, but I can imagine…

An Open Letter: Save Toondah - it’s the…

By Callen Sorensen Karklis Dear Readers, Seventeen years ago I was inspired by…


A Letter From Malcolm And Nostalgia Hits; I Start To Reminisce…

Today, I got a letter from Malcolm Turnbull…

Ah, I guess I better explain. As well as being those things that are put together to make words, there used to be this popular form of communication where people would write down words on paper and put them in a envelope, write down an address, afix a stamp and place it in what was called a letterbox where members of Australia Post would collect it and take it to the address on the envelope. But that was a long time ago back in the days when Australia Post was there to provide what was called a “service” and it didn’t actually have to make a profit because there was a general misconception that some things were there to provide “services” for the general population. Of course, given the Liberal’s management of the NBN, letters may be making a comeback even if Australia Post is privatised so that it can become a profit making company.

Anyway, as I was saying, I got a letter from Malcolm Turnbull and it began by telling me, “Shortly you will have to make a very important decision about our country’s future.” Well, I thought, at last someone’s recognised my great genius and has decided to allow me to make the decisions because I could obviously do a much better job than the nuph-nuphs we’ve had in charge lately. However when I read on, it was not simply me who was being asked to make a decision but “All of us”. Yes, “All of us should think very carefully about the choice we make”! Certainly, Malcolm is in a wonderful position to give such advice, given all the people he sees on a daily basis who must be regretting the choices they made. And let’s not forget Malcolm’s own choices and how much he must regret his folly in ever pretending that he cared about the environment just to win a few votes in the centre when it was conservatives who were going to vote him Prime Minister. He’d sound so much more convincing when he talks about “Direct Action”, if we didn’t expect him to actually take some action on climate change.

Anyway, at this point my mind wandered back to the previous election when I recall getting a letter from Tony Abbott who some of you may remember as the architect of Turnbull’s policies before an unfortunate by-election lead to him retiring from reality. Ok, it is possibly true that he’d done this years before but at this point it was becoming too obvious to allow him to continue to play with his toys, as it was becoming clear that he didn’t understand that his soldiers were not, in fact, the same ones he used to play with as a child and that people would become upset were he to send them into the Ukraine to take on Russia, however much this was his childhood ambition.

Feeling nostalgic, I decided to find Tony’s contract, which wasn’t hard as I had pinned to the wall in my study. Yes, I’m a sentimentalist. Anyway, I hadn’t read it for ages and there it was:

OUR CONTRACT WITH AUSTRALIA (which is confusing for a start, because aren’t the government part of Australia and so therefore the contract is partially with itself).

Then we had six points:


And then it was signed by Mr Abbott.

I guess some people might be a bit pedantic and suggest that for a contract to be valid both parties need to sign, but, as our future PM, Mr Abbott probably just signed it on our behalf because it was one of those captain’s pick thingies. Besides, if you’re going to be like that, you’ll start suggesting that, not only isn’t two million jobs in a decade an ambitious target, we have to wait ten years before we can complain about breach of contract.

My concern was more immediate. As Mr Abbott is no longer leader, I’m sure that the Liberals could argue that the contract is no longer enforceable. And this brings me back to Mr Turnbull’s letter. I read on, wondering if he’d recommit to Abbott’s six points.

The next thing I read indicated that Mr Turnbull had indeed had to time to think carefully about recent choices, because it said: “In this election just a few thousand votes across 14 seats will decide whether we have yet another change of government or whether we stick to our current economic plan.” See, “yet another” indicates what a mistake it was to change Prime Minister late last year.

After expressing the need for choosing “a clear, vision,a clear plan” while doing absolutely nothing to clarify the plan, it told me that the “Coalition Team’s Plan” was “a blueprint for a Strong New Economy”…

I’m still trying to work out why the words “plan” and “strong new economy” were capitalised as though they were Proper Nouns, but it may be something to do with the Liberals attempting to show their Capitalist Credentials.

But then it told me IN BOLD LETTERS:

Our detailed Plan for a Strong New Economy will deliver:”

Why only the first two words were bolded is anybody’s guess, but my theory is was an attempt to show that they were a party… sorry, a Party dedicated to reducing waste by not wasting ink on the Whole Sentence.

I sort of lost interest during the long list of things that they promised to deliver because my brain kept wandering back to the idea… sorry, Idea of a “detailed plan”. I have sent an email to the PM’s office asking where I could get the Detail from, but as yet I haven’t had a response.

Anyway, Mr Turnbull closed by asking for my support “to back his plan,

  • the only plan


, that will ensure Australia’s future”, which sort of worried me because not only wasn’t future capitalised, but I still wasn’t sure what Australia’s future actually was.


Login here Register here
  1. susan bedford

    What a hoot. Thanks.

  2. Freethinker

    An this man is running our country and like to have another 3 years in charge!!
    He promise 2 million jobs and we still waiting for the 1 million that Abbott promised to us.
    If he wins we will have a 3 years of underemployment and decay no jobs and growth.

  3. helvityni

    Most amusing, I welcome any chance to laugh in these distressing times.

    Turnbull proudly announced today that if elected his government will have all the same people as before. Oh dear ,no improvements…

  4. AnneC

    I got my letter from #talkbull today. Straight in the bin

  5. Kyran

    Your nostalgic reminiscence has caused me to reminisce about high school studies, in particular, Commercial & Legal Studies. Part of it involved contract law. Elements of a contract are described as;
    “A contract is much more than an agreement between two people. There must be an offer and acceptance, intention to create a legally binding agreement, a price paid (not necessarily money), a legal capacity to enter a contract of your own free will, and proper understanding and consent of what is involved. Any duress, false statements, undue influence or unconscionable dealings could make a contract illegal and void.”
    By any definition, tiny’s contract was null and void, Ab initio, due to that last sentence.
    Your reference to ‘nuph’ies, tiny, contracts and talcum, all in the one article, had me wondering.
    The ‘legal capacity’ component immediately renders tiny incapable of entering a contract.
    “People who have a mental impairment.
    Generally speaking, people are free to enter into contracts even though they may have a mental impairment, or are temporarily disabled by drugs or alcohol. They are, however, sometimes vulnerable to being bound by contracts they do not fully understand. The question of capacity to make the contract often arises only after the contract is in place.”
    That may sound harsh, but look at the reality. The church didn’t want him (or him, them), he was a bad Rhode’y, he couldn’t manage a cement facility, he wasn’t that flash as a health miniature. The list is long. He became PM in a move reminiscent of ‘Bradbury gold’. After getting the highest office in the land, he bunked at the AFP and relied on BMW transport (contracted in the governments name). Those last two seem to me a prima facie case to suggest he couldn’t buy (or rent) property, or even lease, rent or buy a vehicle. Clearly, the corporates understood his incapacity to contract.
    Then we have talcum. He allegedly has the capacity to contract, a capacity he assures us of as often as we care to listen. His weakness is the ‘offer and acceptance’ component.
    “An offer need not be made to a specific person. It may be made to a person, a class of people, or to the whole world.
    An offer is a definite promise to be bound, provided the terms of the offer are accepted.”
    He appears to have no idea of what he is offering, or to whom he is offering it. He appears equally oblivious to his ‘non-offer’ having a binding consequence, if only to corporate ‘stralya’. They seem to have a better idea of what they have accepted than he has of what he has offered.
    I truly hope you become more selective in choosing your wall coverings. Some things are best forgotten.
    Thank you Mr Brisbane. Take care

  6. paul walter

    “Contract on Australia”? What is this, Bill Clinton’s America, with Jerry Falwell, Newt Gingrich and all the populist fuglies of the time trying to derail the mandate?

    Cheezes, I still shudder at the word “contract” also involving its abuse in a deunionised workforce.

  7. Jack Russell

    All this screeching about the importance of having a plan made me see the virtue in having one, so now I have one – and a very neatly laid out one it is too. The numbers on it are a thing of beauty and so are the special names that were so carefully selected. I think it’s flawless. Not one right-wing blot or preference smudge in sight. I’m submitting it for judgement on July 2 and hoping it’s a winner.

  8. Clean livin

    I’m confused. What plan?

    All I have seen is a rather rubbery budget that hasnt even been presented to the Senate.

  9. Freethinker

    There are sign in Malcolm Turnbull that are similar to Tony Abbott, IMO the only difference is that Malcolm is more smooth.
    We all know well that the present Malcolm is not the one that used to be, he either changed now or before he was pretending to be another person.
    Last night in ABC 7 30 Libbi Gorr interview Shorten and Turnbull.
    This is a question to Turnbull and his answer, quote:
    LIBBI GORR: I need to ask you: every day …


    LIBBI GORR: … when you go out …


    LIBBI GORR: … do you have to say to – it’s like, you just can’t take risks, you can’t make mistakes.

    MALCOLM TURNBULL: Um, I think that quite a few people in politics, um, try very hard to appear to be someone else. And I think if you spend too long appearing to be something that is not you, you run the risk that the real you is no longer there and you sort of – you become – so, I’m …

    LIBBI GORR: That’s what people are saying about you.

    MALCOLM TURNBULL: Well, I – well Libbi, I’m – well, OK, why is that the case?

    LIBBI GORR: We want to know the same guy …

    MALCOLM TURNBULL: But you see, what …

    LIBBI GORR: … is there still.
    MALCOLM TURNBULL: But you see, …

    LIBBI GORR: Are you still there?

    End of quote

    It is a worry when he is in denial that he have not changed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The maximum upload file size: 2 MB. You can upload: image, audio, video, document, spreadsheet, interactive, text, archive, code, other. Links to YouTube, Facebook, Twitter and other services inserted in the comment text will be automatically embedded. Drop file here

Return to home page