Apart from the obvious differences such as Julia Gillard being a lady and Tony Abbott being a mere male, head to head how do they otherwise compare?
I have given this question much consideration and have come up with what I think to be a fairly accurate list.
What do you think?
Julia Gillard: Cool headed.
Tony Abbott: Hot headed. In danger of bursting a blood vessel.
Julia Gillard: Composed.
Tony Abbott: Decomposed.
Julia Gillard: Tackles tough questions.
Tony Abbott: Ducks and weaves or nods head to within a whisker of it flying off.
Julia Gillard: Dresses elegantly.
Tony Abbott: Dresses scantily, exposing as much skin as possible.
Julia Gillard: Has a sense of humour, laughs a lot.
Tony Abbott: Has a sense of outrage, snarls a lot.
Julia Gillard: Runs the country, no task too big.
Tony Abbott: Runs away, it’s all too hard.
Julia Gillard: Kisses President Obama. Understands that ‘he’s da man’.
Tony Abbott: Kicks President Obama. Obama doesn’t realise that Abbott’s ‘da man’.
Julia Gillard: Has the keys to The Lodge.
Tony Abbott: Hasn’t got the keys to The Lodge. A real sore point.
Julia Gillard: Wants to help poor people. Nothing in it for her.
Tony Abbott: Wants to help rich people. Mutual back scratching.
Julia Gillard: Recognises we’ve been through the GFC.
Tony Abbott: Denies it ever happened.
Julia Gillard: Lives in the 21st century.
Tony Abbott: Stuck somewhere in a time warp between 1850 and 1950.
Julia Gillard: Gets called a liar even though she isn’t.
Tony Abbott: Doesn’t get called a liar even though he is.
Julia Gillard: Has the guts to go it alone on QandA. Answers questions.
Tony Abbott: Doesn’t have the guts to go it alone on QandA (unless of course he could just sit there snarling, nodding and remaining mute).
Julia Gillard: Looks comfortable and performs admirably on the world stage.
Tony Abbott: Looks and acts like a complete idiot on the world stage. Is even an idiot when not on the world stage.
Julia Gillard: Thinks before she speaks. Has the capacity to construct logical thought.
Tony Abbott: Doesn’t think – just speaks. Has perfected the brain fart.
Julia Gillard: Delivers policies.
Tony Abbott: Delivers slogans. Limits them to three words.
Julia Gillard: Hasn’t told the Queen we need an election. Hasn’t told anybody.
Tony Abbott: Has told the Queen we need an election. Has told everybody.
Julia Gillard: Is an atheist.
Tony Abbott: Speaks to God daily. Good mates. God knows that Tony’s ‘da man’.
Julia Gillard: Hasn’t been abducted by aliens.
Tony Abbott: Clearly has. Possibly subjected to anal probes.
Julia Gillard: Mature.
Tony Abbott: Immature. Needs to grow up. He can’t. Must be due to that time warp thingy.
Julia Gillard: Full of confidence.
Tony Abbott: Full of ****.
Julia Gillard: Sensible enough to know that the sky can’t really fall down.
Tony Abbott: Expects it to fall at any moment. Looks for cracks after each Labor policy.
Julia Gillard: Has a map with Whyalla on it.
Tony Abbott: He hasn’t. He wiped it off.
Julia Gillard: Says the media writes crap.
Tony Abbott: Says climate change is crap.
Julia Gillard: Has a policy document.
Tony Abbott: Has a brochure.
Julia Gillard: YES.
Tony Abbott: NO.
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