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Joe Hockey plays Santa and you’re the ones who need to get stuffed

DON’T let Santa – or Joe Hockey – down. Get out and spend up big this Christmas.

THE federal treasurer has urged consumers to put the deteriorating federal budget out of mind these holidays.

“Don’t let Santa down, go and spend for Christmas,” the treasurer said on ABC radio. “Household consumption is actually one of the biggest drivers of economic growth.

 

Rossleigh: Thanks for taking my call Mr Hockey, or can I call Joke after that biography “Not Your Average Joke”

Hockey: I think you should address me formally and by my correct title.

Rossleigh: Ok, shithead, now when it comes to Christmas, I haven’t actually saved anything this year. Should I put my Christmas spending on the credit card or would that make me as bad as Labor?

Hockey: Look, as this interview is completely fictional, anything I say will just be twisted to make me look ridiculous.

Rossleigh: Thank you.

Hockey: Why are you thanking me?

Rossleigh: Well, I very much doubt that there’s a writer alive who could make you sound any more ridiculous by fiction. I mean, your actual statements are just pure gold. But thanks for suggesting that I could. Really, I’m flattered.

Hockey: Can we stick on topic here, I’m a busy man after all.

Rossleigh: Not for much longer from what I hear…

Hockey: Your sources are even more fictional than me. We don’t have a group working on taking over things from the states…

Rossleigh: What about people looking at how to rid us of the states long term?

Hockey: Can we just get back to the point of Christmas? It’s all about giving gifts and spending heaps so that we can get the economy back on track.

Rossleigh: But doesn’t spending cause lots and lots of problems, I mean Labor’s spending…

Hockey: Labor’s spending was frivolous. They wanted to spend on things like the NBN and health and education, whereas individuals know that spending on bonbons and larger turkeys will actually put the Budget back in the black.

Rossleigh: So Government spending is bad for the economy, but personal spending is good for the economy… Can you explain why that is?

Hockey: Well, the taxpayer has to pay government spending back, and I don’t want my children in debt.

Rossleigh: Whereas me putting my Christmas presents on the credit card is ok, because I won’t have to pay it back?

Hockey: That’s a personal choice.

Rossleigh: Paying it back? Excellent – can I tell the banks you said that and my family’ll have the best Christmas ever.

Hockey: Well, of course, you have to pay it back. But that’s your problem not the taxpayers’.

Rossleigh: Ah, I understand now. This is sort of like your Higher Education Plan and the Medicare co-payment – just so long as someone else has to pay it, then it’s not your problem.

Hockey: I’d say, exactly, but that would just show that I’m fictional and totally unbelievable.

Rossleigh: Well, Mr Hockey, whether you’re fictional or not, I can promise you one thing – You are totally unbelievable!

 

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23 comments

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  1. Kaye Lee

    I think I will send Hockey a message by donating to charity rather than buying gifts this year

  2. rossleighbrisbane

    Send him a message that says you were going to donate to the Liberal Party but then you realised when he said we need to spend that the economy is worse than anyone realises!

  3. DanDark

    I wonder if Smokin Joe puts the red suit and white beard on people might believe him more, he did wear a tutu once on TV to convince people he was a funny Joe in a stupid sort of way, when people are desperate they do desperate things like the pink tutu he donned, he is such a “Wang”
    I think I will email Sloppy Joe this link 🙂

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/dec/03/broken-promises-and-budget-anger-this-chaotic-mess-wont-be-fixed-with-the-usual-political-script

  4. Kerri

    I don’t know?? Joe suggesting we need to spend may mean his wife has been giving him lessons in more than fatherhood? Smokin Joe clearly thinks he is above the opinions of the world’s economists and Nobel Prize winners. He know what is best. We all just need to do what he tells us and his dream will come true!
    His father may have worked like a slave and even been unable to go to the footy, but at risk of sounding like Alan Jones, there are some areas of Joe’s upbringing that clearly don’t match his father’s philosophy odf sacrifice.

  5. Kaye Lee

    Joe wants us to spend because he won’t. He knows that spending stimulates the economy yet proposes austerity measures. These guys are giving me frown wrinkles.

  6. DanDark

    A bloke being interviewed by Tiggy on the business, was saying after Tiggy said “how the Gov have had a ragged week and now on the back of new data today its not looking to good for them in that department either”
    He said “the problem is the lower house they havnt got a mandate especially from the people on Joes budget, this has been a problem for about 20 or so years in the lower house”
    so Tiggy said “so we need a new election then? he said back “well this last ones a dead duck”

  7. jane

    ”Household consumption is actually one of the biggest drivers of economic growth.

    Eleventy’s changed his tune. He didn’t think much of that idea during the GFC.

  8. stephentardrew

    Spend all your money.

    The sky is falling in.

    Spend all your money.

    Labors Wrecking ball.

    Spend all your money.

    Swan worst treasurer Australia ever had. (Bita Humour)

    Spend all your money.

    I have a big bag debt and things are really, really bad.

    Spend all your money.

    Rob Robin Hood and give it to the Sheriff.

    Spend all your money.

    Just like the family budget.

    Spend all your money.

    But you want to take it all away and you said you can’t spend what you don’t have its irresponsible.

    Get a credit card you fool private debt is the way to go.

    Spend all your money (loop).

    On the way to another GFC.

    Oh God sack the bludgers, deregulate the markets and provided scams for financial advisers.

    Someone silence this fool before he explodes in a ball of degenerate anger and self-pitying indignity.

  9. sam

    Hockey makes a person holding a sign saying “the end of the world is night, repent!” seem approachable and sane.

    Household debt to disposable income is 151.4% this year. (69% in 1996)
    So years of pushing neo liberal ‘engineered finance’ onto people to accept higher and higher levels of debt is ALREADY at catastrophic levels.
    These are at pirvate sector ‘deleveraging’ levels already and the rubbish that this government has to save money it issues to get ‘back to surplus’ is gong to keep manifesting itself with slowed growth in the private sector.

    2015 is going to be one hell of a recession for Australia. One more LNP core ideology ‘straw’ will break the camels back.

  10. stephentardrew

    Sam:

    Afraid to say it but You Da Man.

  11. Lee

    Watch Hockey blame the recession on Labor.

  12. TechinBris

    I think I’ll spend money I have saved on a Solar Hybrid System and wave good bye to my family’s electricity bills for a Xmas present for the Family. So sorry to the Banksters and our obese Treasurer, for not using the Credit Card to pay for it. Screw your Xmas and a unhappy New Year to you greedy and selfish Twats.
    For all the other good people of Australia, save your sanity, your home and your family, and just give the present of your love and time to your family for Xmas, instead of all that commercial crap, that people don’t really need. We are the present that is priceless, not all that over-commercialised crap they keep telling us we should to go into debt for.
    Make this Xmas worthwhile, give Joe the finger (he will hate you for it) and love your Family instead, by relieving them a little more, from debt slavery.

  13. stephentardrew

    Lee:

    That has certainly put green meat on a very rotten sandwich.

    Hasn’t someone got some good news?

  14. Kaye Lee

    Today’s National Accounts data indicates that economic growth is slowing and is now well below trend.

    The sharp decline in private and public investment is now dragging down growth and private consumption spending is weakening. Net exports are not likely to be as strong as evidenced in the September-quarter 2014, which means that the outlook is bleak unless there is a dramatic change in government policy.

    The government sector is also draining growth now and causing unemployment to rise.

    With demand fairly flat there is little incentive for private firms to increase the investment ratio.

    Is this what happens when you put the ‘adults’ in charge?

  15. don winter

    Spending up on imported goods does nothing to stimulate our local economy it just exports Aussie dollars.
    It was a good idea when we had some local manufacturing but Abbott and Hockey free trade agreements destroyed that.
    Don’t spend anything and keep our money in our country, Australia

  16. DanDark

    Recycling presents is a good way to save money, and the environment and away to disappoint Sloppy Joe
    I have a box full of presents that I have never used or opened because they are dust collectors etc etc
    at birthdays and Christmas I get it out and wrap up appropriate item, and make sure I don’t give it back to the person who gave it to me, Joe has a plan, well so does Australians and its a better plan than his…..
    So if you get a dud present save it, and recycle it next year 🙂

  17. CMMC

    Recession Fail!

  18. oldfart

    While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer,
    whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle,
    the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

    Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders.
    The old rancher said, “Well, as I see it, most politicians are ‘Post Turtles’.”

    Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a ‘post turtle’ was.
    The old rancher said, “When you’re driving down a country road and you come
    across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that’s a post turtle.”

    The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor’s face so he continued to explain.
    “You know he didn’t get up there by himself, he doesn’t belong up there,
    he doesn’t know what to do while he’s up there, he’s elevated beyond his ability to function,
    and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with.”

    Best explanation of a politician I’ve ever heard.

  19. DanDark

  20. Win jeavons

    Oldfart, you’ve altered that joke , when i first heard it it was specific to Tony(dummy) Abbott .

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