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Job Application for a Politician

By Andrew Klein

Job Application for a Politician – Elections in the wind.

To the most Honourable, the Speaker of the House on seeking employment for the Public Good.

Dear Sir, let me assure you that my son is of the best breeding, has attended the finest schools that money could buy and has grasped the basics of life.

I pray therefore that you look kindly upon this note of a father written in desperation for his son’s future. Forsooth, having applied him to the law and articled him to one of the best in the Temple I am at a loss as to his future. In breeding him I have created a congenital idiot, deprived of common sense, empathy or insight. I beg your indulgence in this matter for I fear for the future of not only my son, but the commonwealth of this State if my son is not supervised in his daily activities.

Having observed the activities of the current parliament and the vigour applied by your parties’ whip in all matters State, it seems fitting that such a young man should find company among others of his kind where he may benefit from the ministrations of careful advisors and gentlemen who know how to deal with such as mine.

I pray therefore, dear Sir, that you may find a seat in your party for him for such light work will not labour his mind and the hours being long will prevent his wandering to the annoyance of the public at large. Only with such effort may the name of my family and the long-term welfare of my son be assured for life does not treat ‘idiots’ kindly when found wandering at large and without strict supervision.

Let me assure you that my son will strictly comply with those small details as parliamentary votes, committee meetings and other trivia for having no mind of his own he willingly complies with the plans of others. Thus, I lay this burden at your door and hope that by our mutual endeavour we may keep him safe from mischief and the burden of conscience, for he has none. A title and some public fame will find him comfortable for he is of private means, thus reducing the expense to the public purse.

Be not afeared of his reputation for he has none, and to date has been fortunate to escape conviction for matters too trivial to mention.

In being of service to such a party as yours, he may find himself closely supervised yet not oppressed by matters of the intellect.

Yours in personal debt and lasting gratitude, Lord. From the Estate of the Late Member of the House of Lords.


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  1. Keitha Granville

    Eminently suitablen given the current incumbents 😛
    But seriously –
    It seems to me that we need to expect more of our candidates, maybe we need to take somem
    interest when they first present themselves. They should have some life experience, some business or work experience, preferably be agnostic, or at the least not ardent followers of a fanatical belief.
    I’m not sure how to achieve this, how to make sure that those we elect don’t come back to bite us later on.

    Probably an impossibility.

  2. Mr Shevill Mathers

    I seems that we are so blessed with many such son’s, at both state and federal level. However there is a striking difference, they are not of ‘independent means’, instead are a huge burden in terms of cost to the taxpayer, with very little reward for the electorate and the country.

  3. wam

    such applications usually are accompanied by a brown paper bag with a note to pass the cash on to a charity of choice, with no need for a receipt.

  4. New England Cocky

    A political sceptic could reasonably assert that this is one of the long term consequences of decades of de-funding public schools to buy the votes of aspiring middle class parents while passing taxpayer funds into the hands of the Vatican and other foreign churches languishing in thinking from the past.

  5. Ross

    We have the best federal government money can buy.
    Problem is it’s not us punters who own the federal government.
    The fossil fuel industry and a couple of Billionaires got in first and bought the LNP coalition outright.

  6. Harry Lime

    I swear that’s Les Patterson after an arduous round of shouts at the Kogarah RSL.Sans dribble and piss stains.

  7. Mr Bronte ALLAN

    Great article Mr Klein! Almost could be SloMo’s dad asking for his “beloved” son to get into parliament, & sadly it seemed to be true, & with the help of his ‘god’ he is now ruining the country–to the ground, but at least he can lie at will about anything & get away with it! Bastard!!

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