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It’s A Plan, But Not As We Know It, Jim OR They ARE a bunch of ruthless Chris Pynes.

Ok, I normally write satire. But also I’m ridiculously well read and I know people who know things. Sometimes people take me seriously when I’m writing satire and laugh at me when I’m being serious.

For this post, I’ll let you work it out for yourselves. A very reliable source has just recently told me that Malcolm Turnbull will lead the Liberals to the next election. The first image of Turnbull I saw after this titbit was this:

Note the hi-viz vest. Now, as we all know this is the well known garb of those with aspirations to lead the nation. I mean, did you ever see Peter Costello in one? So I had to give the tip some credibility. After all, when he was dumped as leader, Turnbull announced that he was leaving Parliament then he changed his mind. Given he didn’t need the money, and given he allegedly disagrees with almost every policy that the Abbott Government is pursuing, one has to wonder why he’s being such a good little soldier and saying, yep, direct action, yep, no to gay marriage, yep, we just love the Monarchy and, of course, we don’t need no NBN.

Then I started to search the Internet. Why did Turnbull stay?

Howard Convinces Turnbull to Stay In Politics

Ah, so John Howard -a man also dumped as Opposition Leader – convinced Turnbull to stay on. Mm, why would Howard want a man like Turnbull to stay on? After all, for two Liberal politicians, their views are almost diametrically opposed. Still, Howard was a canny politician. He may have seen it as handy that the Liberal still had a man that the latte-left would like. (I’m drinking Chardonay, atm, darlings, so I can say that.)

And today we have this:

Howard Questions Cuts To Family Benefits

In the midst of all this criticism, Howard fails to completely back Abbott for making the “hard decisions”????

Very interesting!!!

So has it all been planned? Let Abbott win the election, do the dirty work, have a coup, and go to the next election with Turnbull doing a mea culpa and saying we went too far and promising to wind some things back.

Mm, I thought, I have noticed the odd article in the Murdoch Media slightly critical of Tony over the past few weeks. Actually, a couple of them were downright nasty.

When I suggested to my source that Abbott would surely object to this, he laughed. (Unless my source was a woman, in which case, she laughed! I try to be inclusive…)

“Tony wouldn’t know if his arse was on fire until he was told, and even then he’d have to check with Credlin.”

Yep, you’re right it’s just satire. I promise. I don’t have a source. I’m making it all up.

And when it happens…

Yeah, it was just coincidence.



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  1. Lee

    Yes I suspect Tony is going to be sacrificed after all the really unpopular changes. That’s if ICAC doesn’t bite his backside first. It couldn’t happen to a more deserving person. Ok it’s a toss up between Abbortt and Hokey as to who is the most deserving.

  2. A Fair Go For All

    The old shit sandwich versus a glass of piss scenario hey! What a choice we have.

  3. Don Winther

    If Labor doesn’t fire up then Clive or Malcolm will get my support.

  4. ShaunJ

    G’day All,

    Interesting “satire” RLB, I notice that it coincides with a complete absence of the usual paid for trolls around abouts, as if all the funding for social media support of the rabbot has been pulled, just hope the ICAC get him before the switch so that the Abbottoir government stinks whether or not the rabbot leads.

  5. Graeme Rust

    I have had thoughts along those lines as well, I heard a whisper that as soon as roop gets what he wants, he is going to throw him to the wolves, it will be open slather on abbortt, they will trash him like you would not believe, so if roop gets his way, watch the idiot get slammed .

  6. Stephen Tardrew

    Spot on. Good one Ross the old double play. Takes great skill that but you pulled it off well.

    I take it you are Turnbull’s mentor.

    Your cover is blown; the warps are off; the wind is blowing in the right direction; the satire is satirical and the bull is turned to face his grovelling hope to be king dick one day.

    Remember to collect you reward as your pension shrivels and you end your days turned into knights.

    Just joking wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

    Hey do you really have a soft spot for Turnbull?

  7. rossleighbrisbane

    Yes, I have a soft spot for Turnbull – it’s a bit of quicksand in another country

  8. Stephen Tardrew

    Touche mate that’s what I like to hear. Can I push him in Please?

  9. jasonblog

    Curios post, satire or otherwise.

    Either way the assertion that Turnbull and Howard are diametrically opposed politically speaking is probably wrong. They would share as much common ground as either do with Abbott / Hockey – one way or the other. And let’s face it allegiances can be a complex beast.

    Fundamentally Howard was an Australian Britisher who drew his understanding of Australian middle-class aspiration from an Australian experience linked to conservative ties to Britain. But fundamentally it was an Australian perspective forged in the reality of World War 2 & the death of a beloved family member sacrificed in battle. (The O’Brien interview with Keating is fascinating in regards to this stuff on the similar childhoods of Howard & Keating)

    Abbott on the other hand is a British Australian whose life experience has more in common with the inherent snobbery, and casual nastiness of the English middle-class that takes social stratification for granted and looks to the monarchy as the apex of class and looks to the ‘lower orders’ as something to be dumped on.

    Turnbull on-the-other-hand was raised in a single parent family and benefited from opportunities present in an Australian society, while less than perfect, at least had a dynamic strive towards some sort of egalitarian ideal. Turnbull does actually have a lot to contribute to the idea of ‘liberalism’ is an Australian context, but will probably never get a chance to.

    Turnbull is a product of the sort of Keynesian outlook embraced by the Menzies government yet is informed by the economic rationalist reality as pursued by Keating. But then again so was Rudd & Gillard and look how that turned into a complete disaster. But at the end of the day aren’t well trying to come to grips with that? (As a beer-drinking, steak-eating, chainsaw-lovin’ bogan, who happens to value Australia’s environment and wants a great deal of what little remains saved, I must admit identity in Australia isn’t as straightforward as many like us to believe).

    But Turnbull is probably closer to a contemporary middle ground than Abbott. Turnbull at least pretends to give a flying f about the Australian environment.

    The difficulty for Australian politics is Rupert Murdoch. Sure, I know that is a cliché and an easy insult, but it is forever the elephant in the room.

    Murdoch’s newspaper business in Australia is ailing but will continue to be subsidised into existence, at least until the next election. However, with the axing of the Australia Network as a result to cuts to the ABC that could well be the pay-off ‘Roop’ was looking for.

    However, ‘Roop’ might just be looking for changes to cross-media ownership laws & tha of course falls into Malc’s lap…

    Much like Keating relaxing media ownership laws in this country to begin with.

    Or, perhaps I was just supposed to give the usual AIMN rallying call of Abbott is a c*** & the ALP good…

  10. CMMC

    Anyone recall the movie ‘The Hudsucker Proxy’?

  11. Dee

    sounds very similar to what the Labor party did to the last idiot.
    Public scapegoat – disillusioned voters – no faith – arggghhhh
    groundhog day!

  12. Andy Duke

    You lost me at Chardonnay.

  13. margaret Millar

    I never had the slightest confidence in Tony Abbott I do not know how people would have put their trust in him to fulfill his electoral promises. Abbott does not work that way! He promised to properly fund the ABC and SBS and what is he going to do ? Via his infamous Budget? He will slash the ABC and SBS funding thus rendering them unable to function properly –Abbott is following his mentor John Howard who did try to destroy the ABC – although public opinion stopped him after huge demonstrations.. Since these days there has been constant never ending accusations directed at our public That the ABC is politically biased in favour of a whole lot of left wing agitators ( I guess he means the Australian people who love their ABC) !! As for Malcolm Turnbull–He is not the nice guy he likes to pretend he is..He is extremely wealthy and quite ruthless-He was very eager to stop Labour’s broad band roll out- the Lesson -never trust politiicians that support the wealthy and appear to view workers as their enemies

  14. rossleighbrisbane

    Yes, well we all remember his “ironclad guarantee” as Health Minister before an election, followed by the backdown because he was overruled by others. Yep, again not a broken promise because he couldn’t help it! Ho Ho Ho !

  15. randalstella

    Target Pyne in his seat. Get him out of Parliament. A properly organised group can do that – and by getting in behind the MSM blather. He is serious a threat to the future of this country – as the anti-Education Minister.

  16. Buff McMenis

    The old bastard Rupert has his Asian network, thanks to the decimation of the ABC and so Abbott is disposable. Now we go to the partly-civilised version of the blue tie brigade. Get rid of the Pynes, the Morriscums, the Andrews, Duttons, and the Bishops and we may have a chance. Not much of a one, admittedly, but still a chance. But I still think the Moronic Manipulator Malcolm (aka MMM) will still do us out of the NBN, desperately needed. And if this is satire, may your “warped” sense of humour never leave! 😉

  17. The Trees

    If only !Non-readers of AIMN do not know what they are missing.
    The best gift you could give anybody in the ‘depths of despair ‘ over the election of the present scumbags is to introduce them to this webblog.

  18. Roswell

    The Trees,

    I’m doing my bit. I’ve managed to get a few readers to come here regularly. They don’t comment though, but we talk amongst ourselves.

    Perhaps it will grow expotentionally.

  19. Sir ScotchMistery

    I think it’s important that none of us vote for either @NewsLTD, @Rupert-f-Murdoch or anyone else that smells of filth and depravity. Not sure what Dame Kwithtopher will do after he gets the boot, though it is difficult to expect much from Adelaide.

  20. donwreford

    Is Chris Pynes, the Australian, thinks is the cool man? I just do not know people like this guy, if he is what the average Australian, thinks this is what we need as our leaders, is it surprising one can feel so isolated with such bloated ego’s.

  21. lawrencewinder

    Turnbull is just the Ribbentrop of this latter day Fascist party, nothing more, nothing less.

  22. corvus boreus

    I reckon Tony will try to push through more IPA agenda items until a fracture point occurs in public opinion, whereupon Malcolm will be installed. Probably somewhere between Murdoch’s media monopoly(privatised SBS & ABC included) without ACMA oversight and Gina’s special economic zone, but hopefully before the appointment of non elected ministers(item 76).

  23. Pingback: Canberra’s Pot and Palmer Night or When the Bull Turns « The Australian Independent Media Network

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