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Abbott denies that the Pope is a Catholic; says that bears use rest rooms!

Interviewer – Good afternoon, we were promised an interview with the Prime Minister, Mr Abbott, but unfortunately he’s had to cancel. In his place a spokesman, Polly Gist will be answering the question that we were intending to put to the PM.

Gist – Excuse me, but I don’t think that you can say that you were “promised” an interview by the Prime Minister.

Interviewer – No, we actually said “with” not “by”. We didn’t actually speak to Mr Abbott.

Gist – Because it’s important that the public isn’t misled about the actual situation. Mr Abbott is an extremely busy man and he wouldn’t go around promising interviews. He has more important things to do.

Interviewer – Such as fixing the Budget?

Gist – Yes, that’s his number one priority.

Interviewer – So about the broken promises in the Budget…

Gist – Let me just stop you there. What broken promises?

Interviewer – Well, you said that there’d be no new taxes…

Gist – And there aren’t.

Interviewer – What about the increase in the Fuel Excise?

Gist – That’s not a new tax.

Interviewer – It’s not?

Gist – No it’s an increase on an old tax.

Interview – Well, what about the levy on high income earners?

Gist – That’s not a new tax because it’s only temporary.

Interviewer – Wasn’t the Carbon Tax only temporary?

Gist – What’s your point?

Interviewer – Well, if the levy doesn’t count because it was temporary, why should the Carbon Tax?

Gist – Look, I’m here to answer questions, but if you’re just going to show your true colours by making speeches on behalf of the Labor Party.

Interviewer – I was just wondering if you could explain the difference between one temporary tax and another.

Gist – It’s simple. The Carbon Tax was A GREAT BIG TAX ON EVERYTHING and the levy on high income earners only affects a few. Besides it’s there to help our budget bottom line.

Interviewer – Doesn’t the Carbon Tax help the Budget bottom line?

Gist – No.

Interviewer – Why not?

Gist – Because it’s a tax on everything.

Interviewer – But the government collects it. Doesn’t it help to reduce the deficit?

Gist – Of course not.

Interviewer – Could you explain that?

Gist – I already have.

Interviewer – When?

Gist – Before.

Interviewer – Befpre? When?

Gist – When I said, “Of course not”.

Interviewer – That’s not an explanation.

Gist – Is that a question?

Interviewer – All right, moving on. Before the election, when Tony Abbott was Opposition Leader he made a number of commitments.

Gist – I don’t think that’s true.

Interviewer – You don’t think that he made a number of commitments.

Gist – No, I don’t think that Tony Abbott was ever Opposition Leader.

Interviewer – You’re denying Tony Abbott was ever Opposition Leader?

Gist – If he was it was definitely Labor’s fault so he can’t be held responsible for something that Labor did, can he?

Interviewer – As for the commitments he made…

Gist – Any commitments he made before he was Prime Minister don’t count.

Interviewer – Why not?

Gist – Well, he was doing a different job. When you change your job, you’re no longer responsible for what you used to do in your old job, are you?

Interviewer – Yes, but surely a politician is responsible for the commitments he makes before an election, isn’t he?

Gist – Only the one about getting the Budget back in the black.

Interviewer – So why did he make the others?

Gist – Labor lied about the Carbon Tax, you know.

Interviewer – Even if that’s true, what’s that got to do with your promises?

Gist – Labor created this mess, Labor created this mess. And they drowned a thousand asylum seekers.

Interviewer – That’s all we have time for.

Gist – But you haven’t even asked me to explain about how we didn’t cut funding to Health, Education or the ABC…

 

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21 comments

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  1. Sir ScotchMistery

    Sounds heaps like Dame Kwithtoffer Poine.

  2. Alison White

    OMG – that is such an accurate portrayal of the attitude that underpins the LNP. NAILED IT! You Sir, are brilliant!

  3. Kaye Lee

    Is the Pope a washing machine!

  4. Sir ScotchMistery

    No. It’s a lawnmower, and quite a good one after 50 years. Unlike the current prime mincer, who is already past his use-by date. Probably made in China, so I suppose they will offer a “repair by replacement”. But who/what would you replace it with?

  5. Gregory T

    Thanks for the article, I think I got the Gist of it.

  6. Tracie

    And here I thought abbott’s main priority was to be filmed and photographed by as many journalists as possible for the greatest period of time.

  7. Stephen Tardrew

    Who needs yesterday when there is only a great big surplus tomorrow replete with poverty, inequality and concentrated wealth beyond your imagination.

    Opps sorry already got that,

  8. DanDark

    Yep sounds just like the responses I got its morning
    “He was elected to fix labours mess and we can’t afford them now”
    when asked about their policies
    And have they thought of the consequences

    When she used this as an excuse for cutting the young off under 30 for 6 months
    I said, “just cut with the bullshit you can’t keep using that as an excuse, as we all know it’s made up bullshit love, there is no budget emergency, it’s just the LNP ‘s excuse,
    while Tony drinks fine champagne with the murky murdoch minions to celebrate the demise of our youth, how dumb do you think we are?
    Sooooo now I am angry, and then said,,”what he did to Julia Gillard was nothing but criminal, we have a sociopath running this country, tell him to walk before he destroys what’s left of this great country”

    they are preprogrammed robots
    “It’s all labours mess blah blah, don’t blame Tony”
    We’ll I have told a few of them today, we are not wearing Tony’s bullshit
    Nor his little minions he gets to answer the questions, cos he can’t

  9. Sir ScotchMistery

    I opined recently that those of the right who appreciate the overnight company of the particularly young, will find the budget a huge plus, since how else is a 17 year old to go about keeping themselves when they are not living at home, not able to get the dole and can’t get a job.

    The sums are simple. Dame Kwithtoffer is already rubbing his/its sweaty palms together, thinking about Turtle Cove.

  10. rossleighbrisbane

    17 year old? Even 27year olds can’t get the dole for six months!

  11. Sir ScotchMistery

    More importantly, @Dan, the speaker just asked him to call folk by their right name rather than chastising him in public.

    I reckon she will take the belt to him when they get home, since I think she is actually his fag hag isn’t she?

    My question is, when berating pensioners for voting liberal, does this now enable us to use the C bomb ourselves, or should we demonstrate more class than that?

  12. jimhaz

    I was a little surprised the SMH let this post go through after QandA last week 🙂

    “Whereas I think Pyne is one of the most horrible people in Australia. To me everything about him seems rotten – his attitude, his ego, his repressed sexuality, his constant lies, his limelight hogging*, his hatred of ordinary people. One mixed up dude.

    The mute button got a workout last night with both him and the IPA mental midget.

    Due to his power I would put most criminals above him. Only Alan Jones beats him in the disgust stakes.

    * lets see what percentage of words Pyne hogged relative to the other guests”
    (it was about 40% – equal to the next two combined – but he is in gov so you’d expect a high %).

  13. Michael Taylor

    That video has now been taken down. The censorship has begun.

  14. Kaye Lee

    Interesting…..Sorry Christopher but I heard it. Interesting reaction from Ms Bishop. Her only comment – use his proper title. Perhaps he was meant to put Sir in front of it? It’s still there in the comments on Matthew’s shock jock story for those who missed it.

  15. Sir ScotchMistery

    I think Fellatia Warman maybe a liberal. This post can be removed with the spam.

  16. archiearchive FCD

    @ Michael Taylor – The censorship may have begun yet that video is safely stored, away from the internet and may be resurrected at a suitable time! A 1.2Mb mp4 file, playable by windows media player. Small enough to fit onto any email reply, should there be a request *grin*

  17. Rob

    Reads like a quote from Hockey.

  18. Sir ScotchMistery

    I find it hard to imagine quoting Hockey and maintaining a straight face.

  19. Negrito Stacey

    I am a staunch supporter of Tony Abbott. I believe he is doing a wonderful job of fixing the complete mess which Labor left us in. I find this article purile and insulting to say the very least. I think that the author of this silly article should do a bit of research and learn a few facts. Thanks for reading this and please excuse it being written in crayon. I am not allowed to have anything sharp where I am. (This has been gotten out by a good friend)

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