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It Can’t Get Any Worse. Can it?

Are we there yet? Have we reached rock bottom?

The L/NP coagulation’s purpose is, and always has been, to function as the primary mechanism for their corporate chums to shovel public money into their private hands – supplemented with a shoot-it-or-chop-it-down nod and wink to the squatocracy and the Kickatinalong kulaks to lock in the bumpkin vote.

* * * * *

There was a time when, as conservatives, the Tories believed in compliance with conventions and standards; when their born-to-rule beliefs at least included some sense of noblesse oblige, when rabid right-wing fuckwittery was hidden in the attic of their port and cigars old boy’s fraternities. That time was way back when a New Guard proto-fascist Francis De Groot got arrested and charged for being an arsehole whereas his present day facsimile, Herr Kipfler Spud-Dutton, gets handed the reins to the nation’s spooks, goon squads and thought police and who, in a fully functional democracy would be as welcome as a loose stool in a preschool ball pit. This is progress?

The 1975 overthrow of Gough Whitlam kicked the legs out from under Australia’s progressivism and showed the lengths that Tories are willing to go to when they lose control of the Treasury benches. But in the aftermath of the dark days of Kerr’s coup Malcolm Fraser as PM at least showed glimpses of humanity with his sympathy for refugees and his antipathy to apartheid.

The fetid stench that settled over the Lying Nasty Party was from the beetle-browed goblin John Howard’s shrivelled arse hitting the big, green Parliamentary swivel chair. His operating style was meanness and trickery, divide-and-conquor was his modus operandi and FUD (fear, uncertainty and doubt) was his tool of trade. He was the architect of Workchoices Macht Frei – the manifesto of his mendacity and duplicity in one nasty, divisive Newspeak package. It could not get any worse. Except it did.

Enter the living proof of the invalidity of the Peter Principle:

The Peter Principle is an observation that the tendency in most organizational hierarchies, such as that of a corporation, is for every employee to rise in the hierarchy through promotion until they reach a level of respective incompetence.

If all of the village idiots in all of the world gathered together in the one village they would elect Tony Abbott as their icon of idiocy. He’s an ideas-free zone who through happenstance rose far beyond his level of incompetence. He would be mentally challenged in the role of porn theatre bucket boy, he could capture all of his thoughts on an Etch-A-Sketch and his rudimentary planning capacity had him thinking that tactics are a minty breath freshener. He’s a void that could suck the vacuum from empty space.

With the face of a carp wrapped in cling film, his tongue flicking like a lizard trying to lick its own eyeballs he’d invade the personal space of visiting dignitaries while the colour drained from their faces. He’d cackle like marbles being dropped down a drain – somewhat undermining his self-image of a macho man. Covering his manhood in too-small red sluggos made him look like a moulting yowie, his bow-legged, shoulder-rolling affectation not so much butch as “chimpanzee-with-ball-rash”. What a fucking disaster he was.

The L/NP effluvium was briefly masked with Eau de Swarovski-scented inertia in a leather jacket when the mendacious wrecker Abbott was consigned to the ignominy of the backbench by Malcolm Bligh Turnbull who impressed no-one more so than he impressed himself. He was a man of inaction but at least we were saved from the RWFWs; there was no-one who could be worse than Abbott.

Turnbull The Useless’s legacy is three-fold. We have a national telecommunications infrastructure that would embarrass Lower Moustachistan. We have a neo-fascist tuber as Minister for Home Affairs and we inherited a carnival side-show spruiker and Armageddonist as PM, showing that the impossible is possible – Morrison is even worse than Abbott.

Howard to Abbott to Morrison, lower and lower and lower. The mendacity has multiplied, incompetence is rewarded, avoidance of scrutiny is embedded in their governance; Parliament is like a performance of Puppetry Of The Penis – we’re watching cocks tie themselves in knots. Public service has been crushed by cronyism and profiteering privateers, authoritarianism is rampant and dodgy practice has devolved into brazen criminality. It’s as bad as it gets.

We have an end-of-times Prime Minister, an Armageddonist who wont buy long life milk let alone plan for the nation’s future. He no doubt secretly welcomes the coronavirus as both a distraction from the blatant theft of hundreds of millions of our dollars to support his re-election, and as a marketing opportunity to salvage his image from the train-wreck that was his behaviour during the bushfire crisis. It’s also a handy excuse for not delivering on his boasted budget surplus.

As a Pentacostalist nutter Morrison will believe that the virus, the fires and the drought are his god’s will and that he and his righteous brethren will safely ascend to the heavens in a golden, chauffeured, stretched Beemer. His god apparently has no misgivings about larceny on a grand scale, brazen lying or the persecution of the unfortunate – as long as there’s no lawn mowing on Sundays.

In the words of another ad man – but wait, there’s more.

Despite Australia’s governance being in the hands of a graduate of the Jimmy Swaggart School of Ethics and the deputy PM being a bobbleheaded dullard of such monumental dreariness that his pronouncements have been copyrighted as a sleep apnea therapy it can get even worse.

Like crows circling roadkill there’s the usual chancers impatiently awaiting their opportunity. There’s Christian Porter, an Attorney General who’d re-gift a Scrabble set to a school for dyslexics just so he could enjoy the bickering. There’s Smarmy Josh Fraudburger, a pitiable PJK-wannabe who’d take bets on which blind beggar in a wheelchair would make it across the Bradfield Expressway at peak hour.

And then there’s that other ever-present miasma, Barking Barmy – aka Englebert Humpastaffer. As coherent as a cement mixer with tourettes who shouts at clouds while dressed as a hay bale, who has more kids than teeth and who is a Riverview educated ex-Deputy PM raging against “elites” while trousering $600k for sending some text messages. This delusional cretin’s lack of self-awareness tests the parameters of the Dunning-Kruger effect as he continues to harbour dark thoughts about shivving his bobbleheaded boss.

A Dutton/Joyce government?

With Dutton and Joyce the Tories can indeed sink even lower than the fetid depths that they have already plumbed.

Let’s not forget some of Spud’s and Joyce’s appalling cheer squads who would be rewarded with further perks, rorts and influence.

Matt King Coal Canavan’s perpetually pained expression could be constipation – an ongoing struggle to release an immovable chocolate hostage, however it’s more likely a symptom of his frustration at his inability to monetise sunshine and wind for familial benefit as he has with coal.

The rotund Georgie Porgy Christenson has reportedly been trying to get into shape. Spherical apparently. His running machine has a remote control, he attends a drive-through gym, he puts mayonaisse on his diet pills, he supports his local sugar industry via Krispy Kreme but Georgy has threatened to work up the effort to cross the floor. He’s just waiting for Harvey Weinstein’s zimmer frame to appear on eBay.

Abbott loyalist Otto Abetz is so inflexible and leans so far to the right he could double as a sun-dial’s gnomon. The possibility of a suitable position in Spud’s Gestapotato (brown jacket included) could rekindle mein onkle-like ambition in Otto’s withered loins. Kriminaldirektor Deportations perhaps.

With a voice like fingernails down a chalkboard, dunking stool passenger Michaelia Carcrash’s palatability is limited and her loyalty is as suspect as a scoutmaster’s lollybag – just ask Malcolm Turnbull. Well practiced in the duplicitous arts as she is she’s comfortable in her current role as Minister For Employee Exploitation but likely could be tempted by a more rortable portfolio. Carcrash’s contribution to the sisterhood is in proving that a woman can be just as contemptible as any man. Her red high heels are not feminist symbols, they are simply to stop her nasty from dragging along the pavement.

Cheap shots aside, what’s my point?

The L/NP has provided easy targets for loathing and derision since Howard’s time. Their only innovation is in exploring new ways to exploit most of us for the benefit of the few. They are feudalists, Randesque survival-of-the-richest oligarchs, environmental rapists, autocrats and religious fringe dwellers. They are manifestly incompetent, they are liars and grifters.

But as abominable as they are the Tories have proven time and again they can go lower still. They are now indulging in brazen criminality. They should be in prison, not in government. Get angry, stay angry. If we let them they will continue to sink lower and lower.

This article was originally published on The Grumpy Geezer.

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24 comments

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  1. Keitha Granville

    Don’t hold back GG. I am angry, still angry, have been since the election. I was so depressed in May that I stayed in bed for a day.

    But it doesn’t seem to matter, they keep on lying and cheating and making up their own rules as they go along, and nothing seems to stop them. Where are the rules that are supposed to stop this happening ? Where are the rules for THEM that apply to the rest of US ? Aren’t they working for us ?

    I can’t see a way out of this. Those who voted for them last time will simply vote for them again, because those who gained last time will gain again with not a moment’s thought for the disaster outside their door.

    It’s all hugely irrelevant in many ways. The planet will die before this mob is turfed out.

  2. John OCallaghan

    You have that rare ability to make me laugh out loud while describing extremely corrupt criminal behaviour perpetrated by these thugs and misfits.
    My now departed brother had a wicked sense of the absurd and an ability to write 1st class satire just like yourself……. he would have loved your writing, and genuine political satire is indeed a rare thing in Australia these days…. bloody good stuff!

  3. Phil Pryor

    We have seen the enemy and it is amongst us. The old country party types, the believers in chopping, killing, poisoning, thieving, short cuts, dodges, whingeing and whining for tariffs, subsidies, bounties, incentives, grants and tax rigged breaks, these have ruined the face of the nation over centuries, espcially in the last half century. Australia is dried and desiccated, eroded, gullied, soil deficient, barren, treeless, riverless, pocked, pillaged, scraped, holed, quarried, scoured, heted, beaten, inflexibly facing great human induced change. Add in the plagues, pests, poxes, pestilences, parasites and predations, and we cannot face the essential changes now required without imagining sacrifice, unfair and ruthless. We cannot live like we do do so recklessly and NO-ONE seems to be doing much about change as the air flights, cruises, big vehicles, endless and mindless consumption at great rates (with built in rubbish, throw away design, unfixability) go on and on. We have the bumbaring ring event of the conservatives bending the compliant selves for career, to donors and patrons, often foreign enslavers and spying, lying imperious anuses. Where are we actually going?

  4. ROGER LEE

    It can get worse. No doubt about it. The next election is far enough away for the spin merchants to influence voters. This government & property are oxymoronic.

  5. New England Cocky

    “If all of the village idiots in all of the world gathered together in the one village they would elect Tony Abbott as their icon of idiocy.”

    Well done GG; that says it all!!

    The solution remains organise, publicise and recruit equally disenchanted Australian voters to vote these underwhelming, self-serving legal fraudsters out of political office. In New England the Nazianal$ cannot find enough volunteers to man all the pre-poll booths or polling day booths, so they pay for metropolitan based “volunteers” who invade the regional centres and cringe when questioned about their political credentials.

  6. Kathryn

    Once again, GG, your marvellous turn of phrase so eloquently presented – and with great humour – gives a realistic view on just how vile the LNP really are! There is a growing rage out there – it’s now tangible. More and more people are now realising (at long last) that everything the LNP says is a lie; that their ongoing sinking depravity is symptomatic of a self-serving arrogant government that has got it SO COMPLETELY WRONG in record time!

    Keitha Granville, I concur with your level of despair on the day these crawling maggots were given permission to cross the electoral line on a platform of the most horrendous lies and duplicity ever seen – or, at least, ever seen since the swaggering Abbott infested our nation as the most embarrassing bogan PM in living memory. I was so sure that post-Abbott, after all of his lies, broken promises and blatant criminal acts of nepotism, that the Australian public had the collective intelligence and foresight to kick the vile LNP to the kerb. However, alas, on the day of the last election, the appalling lack of good judgement by a tiny majority of misinformed members of the electorate was given worldwide notoriety! It seemed, that ALL of the LNP’s idiocy, their shocking depravity, environmental vandalism and economic destruction (literally trebling our debt and deficit in less than 4 years) was forgiven and forgotten! After all the hysteria, vile lies and accusation thrown at the Gillard/Rudd government (a government that achieved 10 times more than the LNP ever will), this shameless, manipulated tiny majority of gormless fools decided to give these criminal parasites another chance? WTF happened?

    All I can say – in a final act of desperate hope in the future of our nation, our environment and our economy – is that the tragedy, chaos and undemocratic fascism of the appalling MorriScum and Dutton regime has, finally, shaken up at least 10% of the Murdoch-manipulated fools who voted for the LNP at the last election! That’s all it will take (even less) to topple this pack of destructive Grim Reapers because they only got in on the slimmest majority last time, thanks to the nauseating, venomous lies spewed out by the now notorious criminal, Clive Palmer.

    Fingers (and toes) crossed!

  7. Dave G.

    Your assessment of “our betters” was spot on a great laugh.Being old & semi house bound I don’t talk to a lot of people but my daughter a nurse does & she tells me more than a few say “it’s not good but would be worse under Labor”.Go figure.

  8. Pagnol

    Keatingesque

  9. Patagonian

    I heard that one of them is now single with six kids to support.

  10. Grumblebum

    “He’s just waiting for Harvey Weinstein’s zimmer frame to appear on eBay.”
    I’m alternately in tears of laughter & despair GG.

  11. Grumpy Geezer

    Dear readers,

    Thank you for the comments and may i encourage you, if you haven’t done so already, to please share AIMN articles with friends and family and get them to subscribe. AIMN is one of a handful of sites that calls out the horror of the crime gang that is the LNP; and with other great content also of course.

    (I do this stuff for fun but the occasional donation to AIMN will help help Michael and Carol to keep it going.)

    Cheers
    G. Geezer
    Crusty coot, curmudgeon, codger and abuser of alliteration.

  12. Michael Taylor

    That was very, very kind of you, GG. And very much appreciated by myself and Carol. 🐨

  13. Carol Taylor

    GG, thank you so much. You are one of the best examples why Michael and I keep this blog going. 😊

  14. Potoroo

    Morrison is cruel, self-satisfied and corrupt but he’s not as actively destructive as Abbott was. People foolishly forget we were only saved by the happy accident of Abbott inheriting a hostile Senate that blocked his worst excesses. If he had been given free reign the country would be all but unrecognizable by now. A change in the balance of power has enabled the LNP to do more of what they want but that doesn’t mean Morrison is worse than Abbott.

  15. DrakeN

    GG, a regular payment by bank transfer can do miracles to keep site like this one up and running.
    It gives a degree of certainty which enables the owners to budget more effectively.
    Even a “widow/er’s mite” is beneficial.

    Thanks to Michael and Carol, who I have not met but to who I am indebted for their work in providing this platform, we have a ‘safe place’ for a meeting of similarly inclined minds.

  16. Max Gross

    I wish I had written that, Grumpy!

  17. crypt0

    GG … that reads like a history of the poxy Liebral party …
    a few more pages and you got a book right there !

    Dave G … I think your daughter is on the ball … despite all that has happened, just since the election, the polls (for what they are worth), are still at 51 – 49 in favour of the ALP.
    Within the margin for error.
    I’m afraid a sizeable %age of our fellow ‘strayans are just not very bright.
    I knew 50 odd years ago what Murdoch was all about, even now a large slice of the electorate has yet to figure it out.
    So … yeah … I’m afraid it can get worse … and probably will.

  18. kevin

    get a job yer silly old bugger
    Bob keating

  19. Jack sprat

    Many thanks GC could not stop laughing while I read your article . May have even done a spleen .
    As Oscar Wilde said ” make sure you make them laugh when you tell them the truth or they will kill
    You “

  20. Paul Davis

    Can it get worse? Yep, every day these vile gangsters rule, we get ground down further and further.

    Thanks for cheering us up GG.

    Just as scarey as the front bench is the pack of younger and to my eye nastier and more dangerous troughsnouters waiting for their chance to knife the old guard, eg Paterson, Stoker, etc ….. and behind them in turn is a horde of paid proselyte rentseekers, hundreds of them, currently working as advisers, researchers, media touts, gophers and grovellers (think of the young Scot Morrison and others), the rising political class seeking a public funded life in the fast lane.

    A change of grubment might not help in the short term. Although Labor might stick a few bandaids on, eg, raise newstarve, index pensions, both of which will stimulate economy. Short of a bloody revolution we wont see genuine emission reduction, cessation of fracking, banking reform, investment in public hospitals and public education, changing to electric vehicles, addressing food and water security, ceasing coal mining, etc etc. Real problem is we can’t keep growing, uncontrolled economic and population growth is suicide unless you want the whole surface of the planet to look like a suburb of Warsaw.

  21. johno

    Ideas-free zone. What a beauty GG.

  22. Pingback: It Can’t Get Any Worse. Can it? #newsoz.org #auspol - News Oz

  23. Richard

    I used to tell people that if Tony Abbott was from a poorer family he would have been diagnosed with a learning disability.

    He was a journalist despite not knowing how to type. He speaks at rate of four words per minute. When he thinks I genuinely cannot tell if he is having a seizure, or not.

  24. Kaye Lee

    Tony doesn’t think. He regurgitates dogma.

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