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If you’re not angry, you’re not paying attention

A nation’s character is reflected in the calibre of the politicians it chooses

When there’s an idiot in power those who elected him are well represented.” Anonymous.

They think they’re smarter than the rest of us. They don’t think of themselves as our employees but as our betters. They are the smug, entitled born-to-rulers, the haw-hawing, self-righteous ponces, the snooty, be-coiffed scolds and rural oiks who have come to believe the Big Con – that they are exceptional, the lifters, the elite, the superior managers.

This honking nonsense from a cloistered cohort who’d struggle to colour coordinate the dildo display in the prayer room let alone run a country is hard to swallow in the good times. In a pandemic and climate crisis, their misplaced vanities are killing people and helping to kill the planet.

They come from the self-titled leader class of the toffy private school breeding grounds of Tory privilege – jumping vaccine queues ahead of healthcare workers or fleeing lockdown to a ski-fields campus, they are the pampered, pallid Barclays and Gabrielles from the Young Lib set and the IPA twat factory, they’re the sanctimonious hypocrites from church pews supplemented by the Chosen One from the Jesus Inc. merch industry, the rustic oafs and the graduates from the ranks of smart-arsed party apparatchiks. Their contempt shows in their haughty tone, their cloth ears, their shameless dismissiveness of rampant corruption, the arrogant disdain for accountability and in the entitlement and the self-regard of the worst people imaginable.

From the loopy fringes to the hardcore spivs they live in an alternative reality where their self-esteem entirely exceeds their worth. Crony-capitalist doctrine and the counsel of party political hacks trumps expert health advice and the inconvenient facts of pending environmental catastrophe where the very survivability of the planet is subject to a cost:benefit analysis.

The Tory’s flexible version of integrity allows for a large overlap in the Venn diagram of arseholery/nutbaggery, indulging lunatic causes as free speech whenever it accommodates their agenda. No Notion stalwarts Edna Bucket the ginger minge and her strap-on Malcolm Frodo Baggins-Roberts normally mop up much of the cognitively challenged vote but it’s contested territory.

When captain’s nose-pick Cray Cray Kelly MP, failed furniture salesman and member for Hughes shakes his head you can hear the metal ball rattle but it was only after his glue-sniffing idiocy on vaccines was undermining the government’s efforts to gaslight the public that he was politely asked to tone down the finger sniffing.

Cray Cray’s fellow party balloon and pie connoisseur Gorgeous George Christensen is similarly inclined (should an orb be able to be inclined) to believe he’s been blessed with special insights and wisdom. Georgeous and Cray Cray have their tyres pumped by a large social media following from the trailing edge of the IQ bell curve, Qrackpots, horse punchers, sovereign citizens and assorted tattooed anti-vaxxers. Having celebrity handrail licker Pete Evans in the tent must be quite the validation for two plonkers with the physical allure of a sweaty Uncle Pervy and the comprehension skills of a kelpie attempting a cross-word puzzle. It could be imagined that Gorgeous’s antipathy to facemasks stems from his dispensing with personal protection during his cultural exchanges in the Philippines.

While these two bloviating buffoons shout down the hallway at the home for the perpetually befuddled they have company in the ga-ga lane on fuckwit highway (come on – mixed metaphors have their place). Black-face revivalist Matt King Coal Canavan has expanded his repertoire from monetising climate denialism to include covidiocy by simultaneously megaphoning his pro-life sentiments and suggesting keeping your relos alive via lockdowns and masks is not worth the effort. This performative onanism is possibly just for the schitzengiggles (as the Germans might say) given Matty would guide Alan Jones into a glory hole if it got him some exposure on Gloria After Dark.


Crème de la crème bun (from Twitter)


The vibe of this whole pelican parade is set by the front of house. The quality of their management is a reflection of the character of their party – the best of their best whose behaviour under pressure is a cockroach stampede after the lights are switched on.

PM Schmozzle’s practice of hiding behind the curtains has required a re-think but still within the boundaries of his reflexive blame-shifting and credit-seeking. The new champion of lockdowns and EVs brags that his quarantine and vaccine stuff-ups have saved 30,000 lives and that, extrapolating his prosperity doctrine, it is the poor countries that are responsible for climate change and it is god’s will that they suffer – as if we occupy separate planets.

It should be remembered that the first act of Morrison’s COVID Commission was to fund a new gas pipeline and that he refused to buy or lease firefighting aircraft but spent $250M on his VIP jet.

Schmo’s deputy, the florid fornicator Roger Thystaff, a cerebral colossus, an idiot savant (but without the savant bit) has his wit and wisdom scribbled on beer coasters in pubs and taverns across New England. Roger has come to think of himself as something of a sage – his cleverness extending to his observation that given he’s been a senior member of government for 7 years it’s up to others to assess the implications of a changing climate.

Ex-Head of Inquisitions & Persecutions and team therapist Pyrrhic Porter, fresh from his victory of dropping his defamation case against the ABC has copped a tab of some 500 large because, as the once most senior legal figure in the land he did not understand the nuance of the workings of our legal system. Porter sets a fine example of the openness and transparency principles of this best of all possible governments by expending considerable additional investment to prevent the evidence of his professed innocence of rape allegations from being disclosed. Schmozzle had no problem with reconciling his Jen-endorsed “believe women” rhetoric with his promotion of Porter to acting Leader of the House.

NSW head prefect Gladdy Two-shoes sailed through her scandals and incompetence with the “Poor Sad Gladys” schtick and Schmo’s gold star stuck on her forehead. “Daryl done her wrong” is scant cover for the hubris that let loose the Delta – a once-cozy media is finally applying some scrutiny and it’s the hardest hammering she’s received since she handed Dirty Dazza’s house keys back.

The only way the Tories can keep ahead of criminal charges is to stay in power. As an election nears these creeps, bottom feeders, toad lickers, thieves and liars will do all they can to game the system.

They stole our money when you weren’t looking and as soon as your back is turned they’ll steal some more and the greatest efforts they’ll take in addressing climate change is to look for excuses to do nothing at all.

Re-election will be treated as endorsement of blatant rorting, their corruption of institutions and their bullying and bigotry. Dissent will be persecuted, they will ramp up the pandering to the privileged and punching down at the poor. Australia will be dragged backwards and further to the right. While priests and parsons are feted public universities, scientists and the ABC will be defunded and institutions will be stacked even higher with cronies.

Anyone voting Tory at the next election is complicit in their crimes.

As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, diverted to consumerism or hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.” Noam Chomsky

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.


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  1. John Masson

    Well bloody said…makes me sick thinking about the country I am leaving my children and grandchildren.

  2. New England Cocky

    A sad too true analysis of Australia as it is today. Beautifully written without tongue in cheek. Well done GG … again!!

  3. BB

    Very well written, excellent composition. An honest portrayal of crooked criminal dysfunctional RW bastards in our government. A lack of empathy is the true face of EVIL
    Morrison has ZERO empathy. He is a vile Prime Manipulator. He is a total fraud.
    Morrison spent $190,000.00 of tax payers money for Empathy Lessons, FFS, for nothing. For a BIG fucking fat ZERO result.

  4. Melissa Baker

    Grumpy Geezer – thank you for putting into words exactly what I am thinking!

    Outstanding piece!

  5. John O'Callaghan

    Wonderful example of genuine Australian political satire worthy to be in the same class as John Clarke for sure!…. And because it is so good the Author gets his political message across in a way that leaves the reader in no doubt as to the utter incompetence and criminality of our present Federal Government and makes us laugh at the same time…it is indeed a rare skill to possess! Congratulations to Grumpy Geezer and AIM.

  6. Canguro

    Objection, Mr Geezer! My kelpie’s a mere six months old but given her rate of progress in acquisition of skills and her undoubted intelligence I reckon she’ll be able to knock the Guardian’s daily crossword off before the year’s out without so much as raising a tongue-loll.

    On hearing of your comparing of Meatloaf’s & The Dumpster’s cerebrative skills to her linguistic potential, she pulled an expression that could only be described as incredulous, as if to say, ‘dear human, don’t insult me so.’

    Otherwise, another fine essay, well done!

  7. wam

    what a read, geezer. You are a champion.
    It is beyond reason that a small group of local men who know the intimate working of the electorate could preselect these men. But the process depends on polling and george was a journalist and publisher so had some profile and the goal is to win?? Not too hard against the memory of a labor man full of christ and the end of the world. How the ##&&* did bidgood get preselection is another mystery??
    Branch stacking bribing and thuggery seem the norm???

  8. Robert Stowasser

    So much anger. So much vitriol. Such harsh commentary. And all totally justified. How did it come to this?

  9. Max Gross

    How strange it is to laugh and weep at the same time…

  10. Michael Zitzelsperger

    Thank you GG, well said. I m glad now I decided 40 years ago not to have children. If I did I would more than likely have grandchildren by now. Then I would definitely be mortified for their future. I m so sad mankind has come to this. I live in the hope we survive, but I wouldn`t like to bet on it.

  11. Bert

    I’ve gone way past anger. I can’t put on here what I’d do to these brain dead arse wipe fekwits. If I did I’d have the wallopers breaking my door down five minutes later.

  12. Debbie Bond

    I am a reader of the Bible. The Christ I follow commanded “Look after the poor, the widow and the orphan”. Not vilify them like the LNP do. The Bible also warned about deception within the church and Christ’s followers in these days. Christ also warned about the excessive love of money. Scomo clearly doesn’t know anything about God’s heart. It is very sad all the corruption within our present bunch of politicians. However, God is watching all this. A great article is yours.

  13. Jimmy

    Awesome piece Grumpy,need to share it far and wide.
    These ARSEHOLES mke me sick.

  14. John Lord

    Priceless picture.

  15. Phil Pryor

    That picture is a heave and chuck stimulant, the Manila masturbator featuring, as a bag of excrement steadily swelling. What a fake, fraud and failure is this heap. It indicates the sad fact that politics is a perverted, corrupted, evil form of temporary popularity, giving no brains to the lucky candidate who may or may not remain idiotic, corrupt, unruly, negative and totally benighted. In a country party safe seat you might elect a bag of manure, as did the New England voters. Worse, they are traitors, doing service for future personal benefit on behalf of foreigners and their corporations. The Un-Australians have whiteanted the conservative ranks, betraying us and our future.

  16. Dave G.

    We have a corrupt Government that is for sure but I cannot shake off that feeling the punters, due to ignorance,apathy & News Media lies will return this band of brigands who will completely stuff up the post covid period & we will be in really deep doo doo.

  17. Ross

    Truly outstanding GG.
    This should be pinned up on notice boards across the country.

  18. BarkerDale

    You put into words what I have been thinking.
    I have been wondering if it could be explained to people how each and every vote for any candidate for any of the parties in the coalition will be a vote for Barney and Morrison.
    Vote for a Liberal candidate – you get Barney. Vote for a Nat you get Morrison for PM. As with most agreements involving Libs the agreement forming the coalition is secret. The country is governed? not by one party but 2 disparate and dysfunctional parties and the politicians that are in those parties.


    Great article GG. Given the very accurate picture of the current form of the calibre of ‘leaders’ we are saddled with, anyone who votes for these criminals will be just as culpable as the fools they elect. Whoever said that the basic natural intelligence of the Australian voter will somehow triumph in the end, must have been talking out of the other orifice. They keep voting for same bunch of ding dongs over and over again.

  20. Roswell

    Another ten out of ten, Grumpy.

  21. Brad Black

    Written with the precision of a neurosurgeon.
    Sadly for the country, ‘a chain is as strong as its weakest link’, and given our weakest link is our federal ‘government’ we’re in for a hellish time if the preening pentecostal gets reelected.

  22. Alasdair

    This is pure gold – and beautifully encapsulates my own thinking, but far better expressed than I ever could. Over the last few years I have shifted my view of the LNP from being merely incompetent, to being blatant criminals. In my version of a perfect world the parties would be deregistered, all members declared criminals, and all their sponsors and donors arrested for aiding and abetting a criminal enterprise. Anyway, well done.

  23. Harry Lime

    Can only add to the admiration of the others…fucking bewdy.To add to the enjambment,I just received a warming email from my friendly bank under the heading of “We’re here to help”,complete with a heading picture of the chief criminal with a very disconcerting attempt at a smile.Of course he left off “ourselves”.
    Take heart ,friends,the Liar’s days are way or another.

  24. Jane Rayner

    Brilliant dissection of the most corrupt government in our history. I venture to suggest that they’re a challenge to the likes of the appalling Governor of Florida in the corruption stakes. In spite of the seriousness of the subject matter, it was presented with delicious humour which is the best way to get the message across.

  25. Carl Marks

    Jane Rayner, there is a disturbing synchronicity in the willingness of modern so called democracies to “take hostages”, if you like and even subtly prevent many folk from being alive.

    Not actually kill them, but, you know, like refugees and ROBO debt people to name a couple, just make their lives so miserable that they do-it-yourself.

    Probably add Indigenes, abused kids and DV victims, methinks.

  26. Carolyn

    I cant believe it… someone else who thinks like me… I was beginning to think no-one else cared.. amazingly accurate.. look at those fatheads, I am just so glad I am not in Canberra anymore… the air is too thick with bulldust and baloney.. only one big problem- who can we possibly vote for- no use saying Labor -they just about sent the country bankrupt, there arent enough really good independents to gather up onto one big party- they cant agree to disagree on the small stuff and get their act together.. so who may I ask do we vote for– sure as hell wont be Sco Mo & Co!!!..
    trouble is the ones who are half decent and really try hard to make a difference and not follow NWO, get totally squashed… Soooooo?????? any ideas??????

  27. BB

    Well Carolyn, who indeed do we vote for? According to your analysis there is no one. 😔, How sad is that, so we are all F’ed! Australia is up shit creek without a paddle eh. By believing the Liberal propaganda that Labor “just about sent the country bankrupt” you put yourself between a rock and a hard place eh.. It is the Liberals who are rorting, bankrupting the country, not Labor.. With such thoughts we will end up with Morrison and a 4th term of the Liberals really going to town in Australia.. That’s the top end of town BTW… the rest of us can suck on austerity.. But people believe the bullshit put out by the L/NP and it’s minions. It is the modus operandi of the Liberals… Lie lie lie, and then privatise the profits and socialise the losses.

    I shall be voting Labor 1 on my Federal ballot, Greens 2, independents 3, 4 etc, and then definitely putting the L/NP LAST.

    Of course though everybody has free will yes, to make an informed choice eh, according to Murdoch &co. Sure and pigs fly.

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