A nation’s character is reflected in the calibre of the politicians it chooses
“When there’s an idiot in power those who elected him are well represented.” Anonymous.
This honking nonsense from a cloistered cohort who’d struggle to colour coordinate the dildo display in the prayer room let alone run a country is hard to swallow in the good times. In a pandemic and climate crisis, their misplaced vanities are killing people and helping to kill the planet.
They come from the self-titled leader class of the toffy private school breeding grounds of Tory privilege – jumping vaccine queues ahead of healthcare workers or fleeing lockdown to a ski-fields campus, they are the pampered, pallid Barclays and Gabrielles from the Young Lib set and the IPA twat factory, they’re the sanctimonious hypocrites from church pews supplemented by the Chosen One from the Jesus Inc. merch industry, the rustic oafs and the graduates from the ranks of smart-arsed party apparatchiks. Their contempt shows in their haughty tone, their cloth ears, their shameless dismissiveness of rampant corruption, the arrogant disdain for accountability and in the entitlement and the self-regard of the worst people imaginable.
From the loopy fringes to the hardcore spivs they live in an alternative reality where their self-esteem entirely exceeds their worth. Crony-capitalist doctrine and the counsel of party political hacks trumps expert health advice and the inconvenient facts of pending environmental catastrophe where the very survivability of the planet is subject to a cost:benefit analysis.
The Tory’s flexible version of integrity allows for a large overlap in the Venn diagram of arseholery/nutbaggery, indulging lunatic causes as free speech whenever it accommodates their agenda. No Notion stalwarts Edna Bucket the ginger minge and her strap-on Malcolm Frodo Baggins-Roberts normally mop up much of the cognitively challenged vote but it’s contested territory.
When captain’s nose-pick Cray Cray Kelly MP, failed furniture salesman and member for Hughes shakes his head you can hear the metal ball rattle but it was only after his glue-sniffing idiocy on vaccines was undermining the government’s efforts to gaslight the public that he was politely asked to tone down the finger sniffing.
Cray Cray’s fellow party balloon and pie connoisseur Gorgeous George Christensen is similarly inclined (should an orb be able to be inclined) to believe he’s been blessed with special insights and wisdom. Georgeous and Cray Cray have their tyres pumped by a large social media following from the trailing edge of the IQ bell curve, Qrackpots, horse punchers, sovereign citizens and assorted tattooed anti-vaxxers. Having celebrity handrail licker Pete Evans in the tent must be quite the validation for two plonkers with the physical allure of a sweaty Uncle Pervy and the comprehension skills of a kelpie attempting a cross-word puzzle. It could be imagined that Gorgeous’s antipathy to facemasks stems from his dispensing with personal protection during his cultural exchanges in the Philippines.
While these two bloviating buffoons shout down the hallway at the home for the perpetually befuddled they have company in the ga-ga lane on fuckwit highway (come on – mixed metaphors have their place). Black-face revivalist Matt King Coal Canavan has expanded his repertoire from monetising climate denialism to include covidiocy by simultaneously megaphoning his pro-life sentiments and suggesting keeping your relos alive via lockdowns and masks is not worth the effort. This performative onanism is possibly just for the schitzengiggles (as the Germans might say) given Matty would guide Alan Jones into a glory hole if it got him some exposure on Gloria After Dark.
The vibe of this whole pelican parade is set by the front of house. The quality of their management is a reflection of the character of their party – the best of their best whose behaviour under pressure is a cockroach stampede after the lights are switched on.
PM Schmozzle’s practice of hiding behind the curtains has required a re-think but still within the boundaries of his reflexive blame-shifting and credit-seeking. The new champion of lockdowns and EVs brags that his quarantine and vaccine stuff-ups have saved 30,000 lives and that, extrapolating his prosperity doctrine, it is the poor countries that are responsible for climate change and it is god’s will that they suffer – as if we occupy separate planets.
It should be remembered that the first act of Morrison’s COVID Commission was to fund a new gas pipeline and that he refused to buy or lease firefighting aircraft but spent $250M on his VIP jet.
Schmo’s deputy, the florid fornicator Roger Thystaff, a cerebral colossus, an idiot savant (but without the savant bit) has his wit and wisdom scribbled on beer coasters in pubs and taverns across New England. Roger has come to think of himself as something of a sage – his cleverness extending to his observation that given he’s been a senior member of government for 7 years it’s up to others to assess the implications of a changing climate.
Ex-Head of Inquisitions & Persecutions and team therapist Pyrrhic Porter, fresh from his victory of dropping his defamation case against the ABC has copped a tab of some 500 large because, as the once most senior legal figure in the land he did not understand the nuance of the workings of our legal system. Porter sets a fine example of the openness and transparency principles of this best of all possible governments by expending considerable additional investment to prevent the evidence of his professed innocence of rape allegations from being disclosed. Schmozzle had no problem with reconciling his Jen-endorsed “believe women” rhetoric with his promotion of Porter to acting Leader of the House.
NSW head prefect Gladdy Two-shoes sailed through her scandals and incompetence with the “Poor Sad Gladys” schtick and Schmo’s gold star stuck on her forehead. “Daryl done her wrong” is scant cover for the hubris that let loose the Delta – a once-cozy media is finally applying some scrutiny and it’s the hardest hammering she’s received since she handed Dirty Dazza’s house keys back.
The only way the Tories can keep ahead of criminal charges is to stay in power. As an election nears these creeps, bottom feeders, toad lickers, thieves and liars will do all they can to game the system.
They stole our money when you weren’t looking and as soon as your back is turned they’ll steal some more and the greatest efforts they’ll take in addressing climate change is to look for excuses to do nothing at all.
Re-election will be treated as endorsement of blatant rorting, their corruption of institutions and their bullying and bigotry. Dissent will be persecuted, they will ramp up the pandering to the privileged and punching down at the poor. Australia will be dragged backwards and further to the right. While priests and parsons are feted public universities, scientists and the ABC will be defunded and institutions will be stacked even higher with cronies.
Anyone voting Tory at the next election is complicit in their crimes.
“As long as the general population is passive, apathetic, diverted to consumerism or hatred of the vulnerable, then the powerful can do as they please, and those who survive will be left to contemplate the outcome.” Noam Chomsky
This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.
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