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If Only The Unemployed Would Stop Taking Drugs We’d Have Full Employment!

“Beer?”

“Thanks.”

“Two beers, thanks…”

“Ok, get it over with…”

“What?”

“I know you’re going to have a go at ScoMo over the welfare reform…”

“Nah, why should I? We lefties have always believed in the nanny state.”

“What?”

“Yeah, we think that governments should control people’s money, so I’m right behind this Undue card thing.”

“What’s the nanny state got to do with anything?”

“Well every time I suggest some reform that attempts to change people’s behaviour, you alway tell me that I’m trying to impose a nanny state… Or should I say au pair state?”

“This is totally different!”

“How?”

“Well, in a nanny state… um, the government tries to…ah, control people’s behaviour whereas this is just… um… this is just making sure that the unemployed don’t waste their money on things like gambling and alcohol.”

“Here’s your beer.”

“Thanks. Yeah, I mean in a nanny state the government would be trying to control how I spent my money but when it’s the unemployed it’s the government’s money, isn’t it?”

“Not really. I mean if you consider it a sort of payment because we’ve made all sorts of decisions that have left a large number of people out of work, then it’s their money.”

“Nah, it’s not our decisions… It’s the decisions that the unemployed have made that have led to their predicament.”

“How do you figure that?”

“Well, take drugs…”

“That’s illegal…”

“No, I meant it’s the fact that they all take drugs that they’re unemployed.”

“I pretty sure that they don’t all take drugs.”

“Yeah, well that’s what our Prime Minister said on the 7:30 program last night…”

“Really?”

“He said that they were going to introduce drug testing for those on Youth Allowance and Newstart.”

“Is he going to roll that out to pensioners too?”

“Nah, it’s only for the young kids who can’t get a job because they’re too busy taking drugs.”

“But how do they know that pensioners don’t take drugs if they don’t test them?”

“Pensioners are full of drugs paid for by the state and supplied by big pharmaceutical companies who pay their way.”

”Through taxes?”

”Of course not… through political donations. Anyway, they don’t need to test them! It’s the young people who are taking unapproved drugs.”

“Isn’t this more nanny state stuff?”

“Give the nanny stuff a rest, won’t you? This about trying to help people get back into work.”

“How?”

“Well, if they find that the young people have been taken drugs they’ll be forced into rehab.”

“But they’re aren’t enough places in rehab centres now.”

“Yeah, but they’ll give extra money to them so that they can cope with the demand…”

“So the unemployed won’t lose their benefits.”

“Of course they’ll lose their benefits. We’re not going to give money to drug addicts to support their habits.”

“Right. Well, it’s your shout.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I bought the last round.”

“Ah, ya not gonna give me that equity bullshit. I mean, it’s only because of people like me that you even have money.”

“Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot about the trickle down effect. I owe you several drinks because it’s your spending that keeps me in a job.”

“Nah, it’s my saving that keeps you in a job. Didn’t you hear the PM last night? We don’t need any stimulus spending at the moment; we need a Budget surplus and that isn’t contradicting the Reserve Bank governor. It’s thanks to people like me that everything is running so smoothly.”

“But I thought it wasn’t.”

“You’re wrong. The economy is working just the way we want it to. Now buy me another beer and say thanks!”

6 comments

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  1. David Bruce

    Very soon ScuMo and the Scumbags will be facing up to 5 million Australians unemployable due to automation according to the recent McKinsey report.

    That number is almost the same as we have in Defence force and private security outfits.

    Should be right mash-up?

  2. Aortic

    But David, ” if you have a go you’ll get a go.” Or ” the best form of welfare is a job.” This Machiavellian moron Morribund Morrison ( hey that’s not bad alliteration huh) has nothing to offer the country but slogans from his former failed so called career. Still he is a perfect fit with Donald and Boris a trio of narcissists destroying what remains of our so called democracy.

  3. Lazerzap

    Bit of a classic.. May have to steal this.. For my BLOG.. (with reference back here of course)

  4. New England Cocky

    Rossleigh, when will you be script writing for Micallif?

    @Aortic: Look at the present selection of world ‘leaders’; would you pick up any one of them with sterile forceps?

    The race to the bottom is being led today by Little Donny Trumpery who sacked his Secretary of State, Boris ‘British Hitler’ Johnson, who cannot get vote through the (last?) UK Parliament, with our own failed advertising ‘genius’, the self-deluding, self-satisfied, self-absorbed Scummo a not too distant third. (OK, not quite as good an alliteration).

  5. ChristopherJ

    Thanks for the laugh, Rossleigh.

    Up my way, I know of several aged pensioners still doing a bit of pot, at least they have a bit of spare cash after the rent is paid.

    Those on Newstart can barely afford to buy ciggies, yet I hear the hate toward them regularly, even in my community where the next precarious one could be you.

    Plenty play the pokies too, so let’s extend the hate and put everyone on cashless cards while we’re at it.

  6. Karl Young

    The LNP like to punish the poor;yet they have their snouts in every greedy trough they can get sleaze into.

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