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Gee, Tony, I’m Not Going To Say I Told You So … Oh wait, I am!

“If you are going to tell people the truth, you’d better make them laugh; otherwise they’ll kill you.”― George Bernard Shaw

Ok, just let me remind everyone of what I wrote immediately after last year’s horror Federal Budget.

“A very reliable source has just recently told me that Malcolm Turnbull will lead the Liberals to the next election. The first image of Turnbull I saw after this titbit was this”

Here’s the link if you want to go back and check it out. Makes interesting reading a year and a bit later.

Of course a few weeks ago, when I suggested that Abbott was likely to go to the Governor General and call a Double Dissolution rather than face a spill, I’m sure that most of you thought that I was joking. But yesterday, Fairfax quoted an unnamed Liberal source saying that Turnbull would need to act fast because Abbott was crazy enough to do just that.

So, while I hate to say I told you so…

Actually, no I don’t.

I told everyone that Malcolm Turnbull would lead the Liberals to next election. Was I just lucky? Or like Cassandra have a been granted the gift of prophecy only to have nobody believe me?

Well, whatever, here’s what the future holds.

  1. The Liberals will get a bounce in the polls.
  2. Hastie will win the seat of Canning, leading to Turnbull supporters claiming it was only because he’s now PM, while disgruntled conservatives will put down any swing against the Liberals as all Turnbull’s fault for causing the spill.
  3. Speculation about Shorten’s leadership will be the next sport for most political writers.
  4. Speculation about Shorten’s leadership will be interrupted by stories from disaffected conservatives telling us that Turnbull is facing a lot of internal division.
  5. Turnbull will be torn between establishing his Prime Ministerial credentials and rushing to an election before the next Budget, as well as not giving Labor the chance to replace Shorten with Plibersek, Bourke, Bowen or Dreyfus.
  6. The Liberals will decide to implement a Budget full of “goodies” with the idea that they can change everything after the election and still have three years to win the electorate back.
  7. Tony Abbott will leave Parliament and shock everyone by announcing a split from his partner. He may also separate from his wife too.
  8. Barnaby Joyce will publically distance himself from Turnbull by suggesting that he’s been disloyal and that one should always be loyal to the PM. When someone points out that he is, in fact, being disloyal to Turnbull, who is now PM, Joyce will turn a nasty shade of red and issue a verbal spray against everything from the ABC to climate change and finish by saying that Tony Windsor wasn’t game to stand in 2013, so why is he standing now…
  9. Peter Dutton will be given the newly created position of Ambassador to Countries Where Time Means Nothing and will be sent to stand on a faraway beach somewhere until he can assure us that the waters aren’t rising.
  10. Rupert Murdoch will tweet that Australia is now in a real mess and that only be allowing Donald Trump to send us as many Mexicans as he can, will we be able to boost productivity to a point where we can compete internationally.
  11. Donald Trump will say this is a good idea because people in Australia speak “foreigner” just like those Mexicans. When told that it’s Australia, not Austria, and that Australians include Hugh Jackman and Nicole Kidman, Trump will use them as an example of migrants who learned to speak good American.
  12. Peta Credlin will leave the country to work for Donald Trump.
  13. Nauru and Manus island will be quietly closed after the asylum seekers are slowly moved to other locations. Transfield will continue to have guards there because there’ll be concern that we don’t want those sort of people back in the country.
  14. When Turnbull wears a blue tie, he’ll be criticised for it being the wrong shade of blue by a unnamed source in the Liberal Party.
  15. Christopher Pyne will call a press conference to announce that he has nothing to say.
  16. A petition will be presented to Parliament requesting that United Patriots’ Front demand that “Aussies have the right to bare arms” (sic) be denied and that they be required to wear sleeves at all times.
  17. The Melbourne Cup will be won by a horse with a vowel in its name. By a strange coincedence the winning Jockey will also have a vowel in his name.
  18. Nobody will say “we stopped the boats” in the two weeks after the Canning byelection.
  19. Christmas Day and New Year’s Day will both fall on the same day of the week.
  20. Tony Abbott will not keep his portfolio as Minister For Women.
  21. At least some of my predictions will be correct.

Cheers,

Rossleigh

P.S. Update from Mr Murdoch. And no, I’m didn’t make it up!

Rupert j

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15 comments

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  1. Kate M

    Am particularly hoping that numbers 9 and 18 come true…..

  2. Sir ScotchMistery

    Rossleigh I’m appalled, absolutely gutted in fact that an intellectual giant of your stature could make light of something as stupid as the loss to Tony Abbott of his role as leader of our country.

    Further, I’m distressed that other writers also appear glad that our “democracy” is again held up as a laughing stock among members of the coalition of the willing, and others. Can’t we take anything seriously? Surely this is a time for national mourning?

    Now. I’ll take $6 on item 10, on the nose, and $10 on item 20, each way. And #bringoutyouronions

  3. Keitha Granville

    Yep, 9 and 18 definitely are in my picks, but also 8 and 12 just because both of those people REALLY annoy me a lot.
    Thanks Rossleigh, isn’t it a lovely day !

  4. paul walter

    Comprehensive yet concise.

    Shorten’s response represented one of his better pressers, though the Abbott appears to be in retreat within the sanctuary of his monastery, doing penance for hubris and following a rule of silence (for once).

    Even the voters in his own silvertails electorate apparently had had enough of him, but as ScotchMist says, it is moot to him whether the country is better off without him or vice versa.

  5. mars08

    Three months for Malcolm to “find his feet”, build his team and fine tune Coalition policies. Then the country goes into Xmas hibernation for two months. Another two months for the msm honeymoon. That’s mid to late April, 2016.

    How early can the federal government call an election?

  6. keerti

    I’d add one more; he who has finally been aborted, will a) have a nervous breakdown, b) be diagnosed with early onset alzheimers or c) will go for a long swim…

  7. crypt0

    How gratifying it is to see ol’ rupert come out with a bit of advice for us all …
    What a decent old chap he is !
    keerti … I am thinking c) … Australia has a proud tradition of PM’s going for long swims.
    Its only a small stretch to extend this tradition to EX PM’s.

  8. keerti

    If he does it quick he might still qualify!

  9. keerti

    One of the unfortunate things about this is that we’ve lost a name to make jest of…

  10. jim

    I predict Bill Shorten will stand as Labor leader for years to come as he can’t be so “terrible” as to marry the ex Governor of Australia’s daughter.

  11. jim

    Here just some of Bill Shortens policies; positive plans for the future
    Submarines: A constructive proposal to build, maintain and sustain the next generation of submarines here in Australia. An investment in our national security and high-skill Australian jobs – clearly supported by today’s Defence Department revelations.

    Renewable energy: Offering certainty for jobs and investors in our renewable energy industry, where Australia should be seizing our natural and competitive advantages.

    Domestic violence: A new focus on tackling family violence: a national crisis summit within our first 100 days, ending the ‘postcode lottery’ of unequal services and put the focus on perpetrator accountability, because every woman has the right to be safe in her home and in our community.

    University reform: The next step in university reform, building the bridge between enrolment and completion, a system converting uni places into degrees, into good jobs.

    Indigenous progress: Greater urgency on constitutional recognition for the first Australians and closing the justice gap – bringing together Indigenous leaders to build a consensus for progress.

    Fairer tax system: Making multinationals pay their fair share of tax in Australia. Sustainable retirement incomes: Boosting the fairness and sustainability of retirement incomes.

    Improve the family budget: Delivering long-term structural improvements to the budget trajectory, without Liberal ram-raids on the family budget.

  12. Annie B

    Spot on Rossleigh in many of your points !! ….giggles at the remainder.

    As for ‘we stopped the boats’ … if Turnbull utters one syllable of that – I cannot say I would be held responsible for what I might do.

    But then – I think he is a tad more intelligent, than to make THAT mistake.

    Good one again, Rossleigh.

  13. Bronte ALLAN

    At last, some sanity may prevail in our Federal Parliament! Do not forget, however, that Malcolm Talkbull is still a conservative politician. Time will tell as to whether or not he proves to be a “better” politician, who MAY just show some signs of being “normal”. It will be very interesting if Talkbull can provide his own 3 word slogans or whether he abandons them all together. Here’s hoping it is the latter? At least, for now, it does appear that the Liberals have finally got a “proper” leader & not some bigoted, right wing, flat earth, tea party, lying toe rag–as Tony Abscess was! Very good comments, as usual, Rossleigh!

  14. stuff me

    Can I use this please Ross ?;-)

  15. Abdiwali bilal

    Abdiwali bilal A billionaire Lowe were how which Hu most? ☠☠☠⚖??⚙

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