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Dear Lord

An email in reply – from Scotty to his God

From: ScoMoses (Scooter)

To: The Lord

Cc: Pastor Brian, Brother Stuie

Subject: Your email

Nǐ hǎo oh Lord,

(See what I did there? Phil Gaetjens suggested I leave that out but what’s wrong with a bit of levity between old friends?)

I trust this finds You well. How good’s God, eh? 👍👍

I got Jen to read Your email to me as soon as I got back from the ophthalmologists – my eyesight is still a tad blurry. I am writing in response to said email wherein Thou hasn’t suggested that Your arrangement with me as Your “Chosen One in the great southern land of the Holy Spirit” was in need of review.

I had picked up a vibe that Thou was not happy when my nightly solicitations went unanswered.

Strictly between You and me, I will admit there have been some errors of judgement. Welding that woman’s head to the flat-pack chook pen was a staffer’s idea, and it was my CoS who didn’t clear any of the slogans through your office first (to be blunt I’m not sure he believes You really exist). Don’t get me started on Greg Hunt’s stuff ups on vaccines and RAT kits. Most of the other problems are the Labor premiers’ fault. I have passed your issues on to Phil G for investigation. No, seriously.

I was wondering if perhaps Emmanuel Macron had been in Your ear. Don’t believe a word he says – he’s a bit fond of the Beaujolais if You follow my drift.

Based on the transactional nature of our relationship i feel there is room for negotiation.

We’ve got $16 billion stashed away for “discretionary” use and we look after our mates 😉. If You provide me with a coded spreadsheet of Your favoured wealthy institutions I will ensure the appropriate disbursements are made from what’s left after Angus and Barnaby have had access to it.

Rupert has confirmed he and his flying monkeys are still on board. They may be evil incarnate but as we both know that’s no barrier to doing business.

If we keep poking the godless Chinese it could keep my arse in the big, green chair or even bring on the great end times a bit earlier. It hits on some of our shared values – fear, war, mass death, racism.

Are we good?

Your humble servant and good friend,

ScoMo

PS: Is my Rapture gold pass still valid?

PPS: Jen says ‘hi’.

 

* * *

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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8 comments

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  1. leefe

    Nailed him 100%.

    ScoMoFo is someone who actually makes me start to think that the biblical god being true would be wonderful, because he will get his comeuppance eventually, even though it means I”ll get mine too and … eternity in that fiery pit is gong to be bad enough, but sharing it with the likes of the prime monster … ?

  2. CMRA

    Couldn’t have said it better myself! SCUMMO is a dysfunctional, inept, incompetent POF! TIME he and the rest of the COAL-ition Mafia were SACKED for ETERNITY!

  3. wam

    Not happy jan! Scummo are you too stupid to not know what USS Peary means??? Albo knows it is an american ship sunk in darwin 80 years ago with the wreath laying ceremony on Sat 19/02/22. So he was there with the GG and the Japanese Ambassador, laying wreathes, they are our allies you effing idiot where were you??? At a bloody photoshoot what good will the ad be???? Wvery time it airs some lefty will say ‘that was shot when the memorial of the USS Peary was on. Why the hell, I am tempted to send you, didn’t you do that on thurs or friday or sunday why on saturday??? For ^#&#^&# sake in 2011, Obama and Gillard laid wreathes there for the US dead. Wake up you twit and get some lies on the board.

  4. GL

    Sigh…what else is new. Must be where Bananababy gets his brown evelopes…I mean fruit and vegetables.

    https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2022/feb/24/coalition-awards-520k-for-nbn-upgrade-to-single-business-in-barnaby-joyces-electorate

    Little Turdy, I mean Timmy, has got the shits because the independent may have pipped him about signs. How dare the council do this to him! Horrible little man.

    https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2022/feb/23/campaign-sign-stoush-liberal-mp-asks-constituents-to-dob-in-people-displaying-zoe-daniel-material

  5. GL

    Canguro,

    I’m disappointed, there seems to be no mention of Scummo wearing his Judge Dredd(ful) costume and shouting, “I AM THE LAW!” as he thumped and chewed on the table.

  6. Claudio Pompili

    Love the way you think Geezer and always brings a smile to my face….

    Seriously though, I’m going to throw my two bob’s worth into the chook pen…I’ve been watching Morrison since his early days in Immigration and then Treasurer. He was being groomed as a future PM. Since then, we came to know about his stints in high flying Tourism posts, premature pushes out the back door and laughing all the way to the bank, his dirty but agile preselection machinations over at Engadine Maccas, his stint as NSW Liberal Party heavy hitter, and his Masters degree in Human Geography. Clearly, he’s got chutspah and a hell of a networker, given the Liberal Party elder statesmen covering his back and his rise to fame. You can’t really blame a snake-oil conman for doing what he does best.

    The real kicker is that the our liberal democratic, Westminster system (celestial trumpets…) encourages precisely this kind of grifter to prosper. Enabled by an active majority of Australian voters who repeatedly vote the LNP into government, against their own interests.

    Now, who’s the blame, the grifter or the voters?

  7. GL

    It was only a matter of time before it happened:

    https://www.news.com.au/national/billionaire-clive-palmer-rushed-to-hospital-amid-covid19-scare/news-story/95fc5a6ab6a4ee51e23c574463a18ec7

    Will his Ivermectin save him or will he chicken out and take the good stuff? I’m leaning toward the latter. Quick, someone phone Scummo to rush to his bedside and lay hands and pray for Clive. I realise this may be unkind, but happens if he departs the mortal coil, will UAP fall apart? Craigy just does not have the intelligence to keep it going so…

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