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Day to Day Politics: Christopher, ‘The mouth that roared’

Monday 22 August 2016

To hear the Leader of Government business in the Lower House Christopher Pyne (also known as The Fixer) scream blue murder last week over pairing was unsurprising. He would have known that when Tony Abbott decided to trash decades of cross party convention it, at some time, would come back to bite them on the backside.

Labor is rightly or wrongly entitled to give as good as it got during the Abbott period of opposition.

The problem with having a big mouth is that it continually gets you into trouble. John Howard recognised this with Christopher Pyne and never considered him for a senior position in the Parliament. Abbott however, together with Mirabella, thought that the both of them were front bench material.

Pyne in particular gives the impression that he is so mean that if you paid him a compliment he would ask you for a receipt.

The events prior to and after Bill Shorten’s first Budget in Reply speech aptly confirms his capacity for foul-mouthed venomous invective.

The first was when he called either Shorten or Burke a cu@t (it’s on YouTube) on the floor of the House. It is uncertain which one he was addressing but the word he used is categorically, unambiguously and incontestably the one in question.

Or did your ears deceive you? For the Speaker at the time Bronwyn Bishop, not to eject him for vulgar crudity was not only incompetent, but unforgivable.

The second was when he instructed Bishop with a hand gesture to rise from her chair when rapturous applause broke out after Shorten’s Reply speech. (The Speaker rising indicates that the House should come to order).

In the first instance his denial of the use of the word only inflamed the matter further enhancing his reputation as a grub. In the second instance he openly displayed his contempt for the Parliament, his belief in his own self-importance, and control of the Speaker. She in turn exhibited her disgraceful bias for all to see.

This is exactly the sort of behaviour I was referring to in my last piece last week in which I addressed the conduct of members in Question Time.

Pyne is the second youngest MP ever elected to the House of Representatives. He is also arguably the most disliked. No one has been expelled from the Chamber for unruly behavior more times than Pyne. Offense comes as naturally to him as does sleeping and wakening. His demeanor is crass and unpleasant. His self-righteous indignation is prissy, shallow, superficial, and school-boyish. When they won the 2013 election Abbott said; “the adults were back in charge”.

It’s difficult to imagine how this adolescent loutish, imbecile with an uncouth acerbic tongue got the job of Government leader.

He, however, seems to have an image of himself that is beyond any critique that would offend. And if it did, it would be inconsequential.

It takes a peculiar personality to gain satisfaction from being disliked. Christopher, however, seems to delight in it. Perhaps psychology has a name for it.

Now I don’t of course know him personally and I like to think that I don’t judge people. I do form my own opinions of course. And you can only do that based on how people present themselves. The perception they themselves create. He seems to have an opinion of himself larger than the outdoors.

There are three kinds of people. Those who know. Those who know when they are shown and those who have no interest in knowing. Pyne falls into the latter category. That of an obnoxious little buffoon with no interest in any values other than his own. A narcissistic, prissy philistine.

In the past, Pyne has served as a Parliamentary Secretary, Assistant Minister and Minister for Aging. How a person of such juvenile intellectual capacity was given Aging is a mystery.

Although, on second thoughts, perhaps that could also apply to the Education Portfolio he once had. It seems extraordinary to me that a person like Pyne would ever have been given Education in the first place. He has never shown an inclination toward the advancement of knowledge.

On the contrary, he gives the impression that it should only be accessible to those of a conservative ideology, of privilege and favoritism.

The occupation of power has a way of revealing characteristics in people that we would not otherwise see. In Pyne’s case power has accentuated his arrogance.

He must surely be one of the few people in the world who actually believes his own bullshit.

Feigning indignation for his offensiveness comes naturally to him but those of us of a wiser ilk see right through him.

My thought for the day.

“How is your relationship with yourself going?”

PS: Please note that this piece was written both as a criticism of Pyne’s performance as a Minister of the crown and at the same time to demonstrate that we have all the free speech we need.


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  1. auntyuta

    I agree, some men seem never to outgrow the adolescent stage. I also wonder how women fare in this regard? Question time in any case mostly seems like a school-boy yard.

  2. Owen

    Minister of the crown (of thorns perhaps..).

  3. Carol Taylor

    John, I get the impression that you’re not a Pyne fan. 😉 And yes, for all the bleatings of ‘two wrongs don’t make a right’, I cannot see why Labor should assist in any way for the Libs to get through the House of Reps the ‘nasties’ that they’re counting on so that their deficit isn’t blown to b*ggery. Oh poor Libs, it seems that their days of wine and roses are numbered. It seems that instead of a 4 day conference and a fortnight shopping in Le Gay Paree, that a certain member of parliament might have to schedule meetings around the sitting of parliament ie. certain members might actually have to work for a change. No wonder the indignation of no pairs except in exceptional circumstances.

  4. Pilot

    The bloke’s an idiot! Christopher Pyne along with Christensen, Brandis and Bernardi are 4 blowhards that should NOT be in politics, they are disgraceful individuals hellbent on abusing all who don’t agree with their fascist, toxic rhetoric. Christopher Pyne is nothing more than a spoilt little rich kid demanding everyone follows his rules.

    Take your bat and ball and piss off Pyne, you’re a cheat and a LIAR!!

  5. michael lacey

    He would have been destroyed by the media a long time ago if he was on the wrong side of the political banner. His neoconservative masters have him well covered!

  6. Möbius Ecko

    …demanding everyone follows his rules.

    Except oppositions. When an opposition does follow one of his rules that comes back to bite him then he goes into a hissy fit. So not only does he reserve the right to make his rules, he reserves the right to berate anyone else who follows them when he doesn’t want them to.

  7. Trish Corry

    hahaha Pyne is the only Liberal I like. Well…don’t like…. but find interesting.

  8. Bighead1883

    Hello John Lord and another ants nest stirs to bite this little irascible hypocrite is Kathy Jackson [to whom he made a parliamentary apology to FFS because she is a brave whistleblower]where now even The Age is attacking her

    David Donovan and Peter Wicks members podcast on Saturday`s IA was brilliant

  9. Klaus

    All of your assessment reflects my own opinion of Pyne. Wish you would extend the character assessment to Dutton, Hunt, Morrison, Cash, Frydenberg, Dwyer and of course Turnbull, for whom people still give him the benefit of doubt.

  10. Kronomex

    Pyne, from the the first time I saw and heard him some years ago, is a certifiable nut case. Nothing since then has made me change my mind.

  11. Carol Taylor

    Klaus, it would seem that descriptions such as wishy-washy, indecisive, easily lead, tentative, and all show and no punch are becoming normal for Turnbull. Could he have made more of a mess if he tried, either by rash impulsive decisions or by pontificating without having the gumption to stand up to the slightest bit of criticism.

  12. helvityni

    …and not to forget Kelly O’Dwyer, who did not give Cassidy the courtesy to answer his questions…

    The old song comes to mind: blimey what a mouth he’s got…

  13. paulwalter

    Strange little character who has made a career out of being an Eastern subs preppie. Unfortunately the HMS Pinnafore seems unsinkable, gad, “there will always be a Britain”.

    It is right that Helvi include mention of the female of the species in the form of dickish Kelly O’Dwyer, but then you follow the other lists provided and wonder if there is an actual human being amongst the entire lot of them.

  14. lawrencewinder

    I know some conservatives in Adelaide who live in his electorate and think Chwissie The Whyne and Perfect-Prat-of-a-Prefect-Pyne a rancid little non-entity.. but they still vote for the party, managing to ignore one of its most useless appendages.
    The bleating after Burke suggested playing “hard-ball” with these mongrels has I think, backfired, and they were really seen as hypocrites in the wider media… and then Albo, on one of the commercial TV morning shows nailed him beautifully when he had the woman interviewing them both in paroxysms of laughter when he said in reply to Pyne’s Whyne about the Pairs sideshow, “Oh, he’s just got the memory of a Goldfish; 30 seconds after the event, it didn’t happen!”

  15. Adrianne Haddow

    Thank you John for an impressive example of freedom of speech. And they didn’t need to repeal 18C for you to write it.

    Pyne is the sort who would have spent many hours in the hallway after being thrown out of class for his revolting mouth and obstructional behaviour.
    No wonder he didn’t sit well in the education portfolio, or any portfolio, for that matter.
    But then not one of the LNP ministers do sit well in their portfolios.

  16. stephentardrew

    Too bloody right John let them suffer a bit of their own medicine and throw incoherent sookies with blathering raves about unfairness as they cry into their cruelty and snivel into their bottomless pit of inequality.

    Coming from the masters of unfairness and usurpery that is rich.

  17. townsvilleblog

    I’m still wondering if Pyne will ever come out of the closet and declare himself part of the LGBTI group?

  18. Annabelle

    Tony Burke is quite right IMO to take it up to Pyne in any way he can. Karma is definitely a bitch, ain’t it?

  19. townsvilleblog

    I most definitely agree with Carol Taylor, Labor should not make this parliamentary term easy in any way for the tories, including the granting of a ‘pair’.

  20. Steve Laing - makeourvoiceheard.com

    He certainly is a strange little fellow, but apparently surprising popular “when you get to know him”. Politics to him is, and always has been, a game. The fact that he is continually hypocritical, deceitful, conniving, arrogant, smug, supercilious, mean nothing to him. It is all part of the great game of charades that is right wing politics. And to some points he is right. It is a game. How to dupe the general public without them realising they’ve been duped. Rules are for the other side to follow, not them.

    On behalf of the people of Australia, I hope that Labor gives them full payback – or else they simply show to me that they are fully complicit in this charade. If they don’t, they will continue to behave like they do time and time again. They will go to the next government with the same negative attitude that Tony had because that is how they appear to breed them now. Just listening to Cash, O’Dire and even Fifield this morning saying Labor have to endorse their savings package because they said they would do so in the election, even though Labor have largely said they would but they want to see the legislation first. The Libs are already politicking – trying to force Labor’s hand, or blame them if they don’t. The citizens who need the budget fixed? Screw em. Politics over sensible negotiation. The adults in charge…

  21. helvityni

    ‘ I hope that Labor gives them full payback’, so do I, Steve Laing.

  22. Matters Not

    Be a big mistake for Labor to refuse a ‘pair’. For a start, it won’t ‘work’ because one or more of the ‘indies’ will fill the breech. So it will be bad publicity for no outcome. Second, the LNP reaped heaps of bad publicity for their threatened acts of bastardy. The same will occur if Labor digs that deep as well.

    While it may be tempting, it would be a mistake. Of course, Labor should keep reminding the electorate of what the LNP did but the mantra should be: ‘Labor is better than that. Labor cares for families. Labor is all about ‘humanity’, ‘compassion’, ‘fairness’ (and all that)’. Make it a point of differentiation.

  23. Geoff Andrews

    John, you say:

    “There are three kinds of people. Those who know. Those who know when they are shown and those who have no interest in knowing.”

    A quote I remember from high school; I think from one of Francis Bacon’s essays is:

    He who knows not and knows not he knows not: he is a fool, shun him.
    He who knows not and knows he knows not: he is a student, teach him.
    He who knows and knows not he knows: he is asleep, wake him.
    He who knows and knows he knows: he is wise, follow him.

    Mobius (7.32am)

    One hundred years ago, C.J. Dennis in “The Glugs of Gosh” wrote:

    So they fined that Glug with a cast in his eye
    For looking both ways, which he didn’t deny
    And for having no visible precedent, which
    Is a crime in the poor and a fault in the rich.

    It has ever been thus.

  24. Harquebus

    You could save yourself a lot of time if you prepare a generic critique with (Insert politician name here.)

  25. jim

    “He would have been destroyed by the media a long time ago if he was on the wrong side of the political banner. His neoconservative masters have him well covered!” And that my friends is what’s destroying democracy and our country.
    The media in Australia is out to make Bill Shorten and the Labor party look stupid.

  26. Carol Taylor

    MN, Labor have already stated that they will provide pairs for unusual circumstances and that each instance will be assessed on merit. They however will not be granted just as a matter of course – eg former Speaker Bishop spending 3 weeks in South America visiting tourist sites of interest and then charging the taxpayer. I suspect all such events will be carefully scrutinised. Might stop some of the ‘holidays’ at taxpayers’ expense and save us a few dollars.

  27. Kyran

    “He who knows not and knows not he knows not: he is a fool, shun him.”
    Thank you, Mr Andrews.

    “One of my main regrets in life is giving considerable thought to inconsiderate people.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

    Between yourself and Mr Kintz, I’m coming to the realisation that some people should to be ignored and shunned. Their value to society is non-existent. Their self perceived importance is wildly exaggerated, by any standard. The need to respond to their idiotic utterances has become demonstrably unnecessary.

    “Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
    they are vexations to the spirit.”


    “It’s difficult to imagine how this adolescent loutish, imbecile with an uncouth acerbic tongue got the job of Government leader.”
    For nigh on three years, the word ‘alleged’ should have been a prefix to everything this alleged government and it’s alleged leaders have espoused.

    As someone who see’s no point in violence (other than defence), and suffering from ‘stress’ ( as in; “The confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole that desperately needs it.”), I found some consolation in another Kintz quote.

    “I want to grow a flower for every time someone tells me “F*** you.” Then I’ll go back to that person and pin the flower on their lapel in a gesture of friendship. And while they are looking down on it in astonishment, I’ll bunch up my knuckles and punch them in the face.”
    ― Jarod Kintz, I Want Two apply for a job at our country’s largest funeral home, and then wear a suit and noose to the job interview.

    Some of his other quotes are highly amusing;

    “How is your relationship with yourself going?”
    Thank you for asking, Mr Lord. I think I’m conflicted. But I am getting better at working out which things are worth consideration. This thing, pine, is as worthy of consideration as his cohorts. Take care

  28. TuffGuy

    Every time I see Pyne on the TV I just want to run up and punch him in the face, he is just that sort of person.

  29. David1

    John your excellent piece would not be out of place and probably enjoyed by the said prissy poodle, if it was his epitaph. Describes the tosser as he would like to be remembered…..an arse ole

  30. Gangey1959

    Thank you John. Thank Heaven for free speech, and echoing my sentiments of the dirty little worm to a T.
    The really amusing thing about prissy crissy, and what showed his complete and total ignorance of even how to properly swear and abuse, is that his use of the ”C”word in the Lower House last year was totally incorrect.
    From a grammatical perspective, ”such a C” is wrong. In the contex of his useage, the word C should have been followed by an adjective, such as sleazy, conniving, maggot infested.. etc etc. I’m sure that whiny pyney would be aware of all of those that were suitable, having experienced them during his earlier years. Maybe even at school. (Maybe he coined the term after looking in the mirror that morning).

  31. diannaart

    “Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
    they are vexations to the spirit.”

    Damn straight, Kyran.

    I try to follow that philosophy, which is why I do not have much to say about Pyne.

  32. becks

    the trouble with this sort of commentary is that pyne collects insults like trophies. a functioning human being naturally seeks positive distinctiveness. pyne revels in negative distinctiveness. masses of negative attention is better, in his view, than no attention, which is no doubt what he suspects will be his deserved fate unless he keeps provoking people into insulting him… i’m no more than an amateur googler on personality pathologies but i think the term that fits in his case may be ‘histrionic personality disorder’. if you really want to get under his skin the solution is to ignore him

  33. guest

    John, I like the way you pull no punches.

    What I would like to see is a resume of all gaffes and stupid things he has done (probably quite a task) and also a list of his achievements in portfolios he has held.(probably not much). It would be both entertaining and disappointing to see what a failure he is.

  34. Kyran

    The part I find most troubling, diannaart, is the opening line;
    “Go placidly amid the noise and haste,”
    When noise and haste (or hate) are the criteria for alleged government, my ‘placid’ becomes ‘less placid’. I will never extol violence, however our alleged government wishes to incite it. Take care

  35. diannaart


    I was given a scroll with this poem inscribed upon it a long time ago, in the most romantic of settings by the Murray River just outside of Mildura. While I have gone on to make many mistakes, I have never forgotten the words – they still comfort me now as they did when I was just an 18 year old girl, camping by the river, picking grapes, falling in and out of love…

  36. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    What’s good for the goose is good for the gander when it comes to pairing.

    So, Prissy Pyne & The LNP Degenerates should not expect the Labor Opposition to observe what they were reluctant and unwilling to do themselves. But that is not the issue.

    The issue is that, if and when the Opposition choose not to observe pairing, that gives Malcolm Muck and Prissy Pyne something to bleat about to a forgetful audience, who might forget the Degenerates’ own ugly party politicking in the Rudd/Gillard/Rudd Governments.

    The Degenerates are modelling pairing as another political opportunity to wedge the Opposition.

    So Opposition, don’t become frightened! Let them play that game, coz they will anyway, and block EVERY bit of shit policy they try putting through (including decreases to Welfare payments).

    Make The Degenerates wish they never won (by default) AGAIN.

  37. Nathan

    How biased can you make an article? I’m not so sure that the aim network really looked at any other fact besides ones against Mr Pyne. Disgraceful article!

  38. Jennifer Meyer-Smith


    would you be a desperate unemployed graduate or a desperate contract LNP employee by any chance? If so, I can understand your ‘outrage’ against anything besmirching Prissy Pyne coz if you didn’t you wouldn’t be paid!

    Please however, refrain from sticking your nose into this discussion unless you can contribute some ’empiricle evidence’ that Prissy doesn’t abuse the parliamentary system as suggested above.

  39. David1

    Nathan give me just one of Pynes success stories and I wont launch into your pedigree!! Checking is easy remember.

  40. Kaye Lee

    From the Australian, July 2009….

    Christopher Pyne is member for whatever it takes.

    CHRISTOPHER Pyne has many enemies, even among his so-called friends. The mention of his name sends certain Liberal MPs into a frenzy of slurs. There is a deep dislike for the man from within quarters of his own party and one senses the intense feelings towards him border on a deep-seated hatred.

    Those close to Pyne describe him as obsessed. Yet others say “there is absolutely no balance in his life at all” and, while he is married to wife Carolyn and has four children, his real marriage is to politics.

    “He is completely obsessed with it, he never stops day or night,” says one federal Liberal, who wished to remain anonymous. “When the last batch of senators was elected, for example, he flew around the country to meet with all of them individually. He travels the whole country seducing people. When faced with a conservative, he boasts about how he’s really a conservative. When he’s faced with a moderate, he says how terrible conservatives are. He will say and do anything to get what he wants.

    “He exhibits the very best of what you want to see in MPs, but also the very worst of everything that gives MPs a bad name. Pyne epitomises the politics of politics, the very best and the very worst of it.”

    Party insiders say Pyne relates to his colleagues in three distinct ways. His main enemies federally are Minchin, Cory Bernardi and Alan Ferguson, all SA senators. His only real ally is said to be Simon Birmingham, another senator from SA.

    There are then the apologists, insiders say, those who “do not want to upset Pyne because they are scared of him”, and they include SA senator Mary Jo Fisher, and MPs Andrew Southcott, Rowan Ramsey, Jamie Briggs and Patrick Secker.

    Some of those mentioned, but not willing to go on the record, say Pyne is known among them as “the politician who developed the art of the double-double-cross”.

    “He is an extraordinary individual,” one federal Liberal figure says. “He is just so driven it scares the living daylights out of people. He also is so well connected with the media, it scares people.”

    Pyne denies he is ruthless. He has another term. “I don’t think I’m ruthless at all,” he says. “I’m certainly single-minded about two things in particular with politics. One is winning and two is standing for something.”


  41. ace Jones

    many of the current politicians are totally unqualified to have any position in government, We are governed in the main, by nitwits. some hiding so deep in their Party no one sees them butchering democracy and accountability
    and we treat them with respect, they return with contempt for the trust and hopes voters desperately put in them

  42. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Interesting that Birmingham is a Pyne ally.

    What is unfortunate for these LNP Degenerates on the ‘wet’ side is that they are associated with a nasty pastie party that puts the party first, supporters second and the people third.

    Despite some perceived integrity sometimes from these do-do’s, it is important to call them to account.

    What went wrong with Pyne? What went wrong with Birmingham?

  43. Gangey1959

    @ JMS Their upbringing.
    And not having the shit beaten out of them often enough.

  44. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Maybe in stark reality but not in an evolutionary sense. I don’t get how they can live in their own skin.

  45. Stephen Brailey

    Nice rant John that I completely agree with everything you said about that nasty little skid mark Pyne should not take anything away from your glorious use of adjectives. Why people continue to vote for the seemingly endless supply of viscious amoral egoists the coalition throws into these positions of power is beyond me. But I guess that’s the true face of modern neo-conservatism?!

  46. Sir ScotchMistery

    My question of course referring to dear “Nathan” a particularly LNP type of name, is “is he kneel of Sydney” in a spotted frock?

    I can imagine him sitting in the outer office waiting to be told to go and make tea.

  47. Neil of Sydney

    is “is he kneel of Sydney”

    I would like to comment but i am banned from posting because i said we should be taking our refugees from UNHCR camps rather than those who pay $10,000 to come here on a boat.

  48. Michael Taylor

    Is that what you think, Neil? Either you’ve got it wrong or you’re lying. My guess is that you’re lying. It’s something you’re exceptionally good at.

  49. Rob Holmes

    On the subject of one-seat majority, Katter said it all!

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