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Coalition Announces That They Will “Meet And Beat” (Not About Prayer Room!)

Ok, I can’t help it but every time a Coalition MP says that they “meet and beat” their targets, I can’t help but think of that staffer and the minister’s desk.

I know, I know, it’s juvenile when we’re dealing with an important issue like climate change… Or rather, it’s juvenile when we’re not dealing with climate change.

For the first time in my memory, Barnaby Joyce seems to have summed up the government position better than anyone: Australia is not committing to spending money until they’ve seen the plan and until they have an idea of the cost they can’t possibly put a plan together.

This is so much clearer than Scott Morrison’s: “We must take action, as we indeed are, and continue to take action, as we will continue to, in developed countries, in advanced economies.” And, of course, Morrison did refer to the plan: “Our commitments are backed up by plans, and we don’t make them lightly. We consider them carefully.”

Yes, they’re considering their plan carefully. Just like their Car Pork Plan. Ok, the announcement of the intention to develop a plan did seem a little rushed but they needed to get the spreadsheet in place before they went into caretaker mode because you can’t allocate new funding to such a blatant bribe, if you’re in caretaker mode. Or something like that, but now they’ve been re-elected, they’re taking their time with the plans which is why only a couple of carparks have been built when nearly fifty were promised. No, now they’re taking their time and saying: “That carpark you were promised, do you still need it now that there’s no longer a station where you were planning to build it?”

At which point, Josh or whoever the local MP is, can say, “Now let’s consider this. We can build the car park where the station isn’t and then promise a few million dollars to build the station. That’s a win/win.”

Of course, some of you want to see the detail of the plan, but that would be contrary to everything this PM stands for. Remember when he took over as Minister for Immigration and announced that they wouldn’t be telling us how many boats were arriving because that only helped the people smugglers? When he was asked why his party had been helping people smugglers for years by announcing boat arrivals under Labor, he had a very good answer but he wasn’t prepared to reveal it because that would have only helped someone else and why should he help someone who isn’t in the inner circle.

So, we can relax because the government is going to respond with a careful plan and they’ll know how they can get there and what it will cost… Or to put the way Scotty and the guys working on climate change action into a different context, let’s imagine that they’re building a house.

First we need to have some land, and luckily they’ve been able to purchase some for less than ten times its market value. Next we need to decide how soon we can get the house onto the land and, as the PM said about climate change and the vaccine rollout, “We can’t get there until we do, but we’ll get there when we do and it won’t be a moment too soon or too late, it’ll be the finish of the race…”

Ok, that’s not an exact quote but his exact quotes are just giving me a headache lately because I’m having lots or trouble creating someone more banal while still having all the meaning of a song where the chorus consists of some sort of “Doo Whoop Ron Ron baby yeah!”

Anyway, now that we’ve established that the house can’t be built until it is, we need to look at our next step and we can’t rush that. We need to know how we’re going to actually manage to build the house before we can start working out costs. I mean, there’s a lot to take into account, like will certain things be better to use because technology changes things and until we know that we can’t possibly start a plan for how to actually start the house. However, we do have a plan and it’s to get the house there even if we don’t know what sort of house it is, how many bedrooms, the building materials and when we’re actually going to engage an architect. And until we have the blueprint, we can’t go around issuing blank cheques to our future expenditure because we need to remember that the future is uncertain and, anyway, I believe in miracles…

Tempted to write, “You sexy thing”, but Hot Chocolate haven’t had a hit since the seventies and it might make me sound old, and even more out of touch with this century than the Coalition…

Now, it’d be interesting to compare the “We can’t commit till we see the plan” on climate change with “You want to apply for a change room for girls for your men’s only yachting club? Well, I don’t see a problem there, have some money and work out the girls later!”

I’ll let someone else do that. I’ve decided I need a hot chocolate…

Oh, did anyone else notice that Josh leaked to the media about Morrison dropping the “F” bomb on a call to the NSW Treasurer? One article was at pains to point out that Frydenberg was on the call too. Maybe they were just protecting their source but apparently Josh leaks more than The Titanic...


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  1. David Evans

    Titanic? Ah Ha, now there IS a plan.

  2. Mark Shields

    Fred Dagg would be proud!

  3. Kerri

    I think Josh is rapidly missing his tilt for supremacy?
    As time goes on it becomes clear that with Barnaby and all the other barnacles on the LNP government a change of leader will make little difference. Josh should have jumped the shark before now.
    Tsk, tsk, tsk.

  4. Jon Chesterson

    Yup the mind boggles but for Barnaby just another day at the office… Well it applies to Scotty and Josh on almost everything else that comes out of their batty heads, but I was thinking of that there photo! – Doo Whoop Ron Ron baby yeah once more baby right! Like lambs to the slaughter – Mais, ceci n’est pas un chien soit. My God, it just ain’t funny anymore.

  5. wam

    “In a raccccccccccccccccccccccccccccce says scummo, it is not how you start but how you finish”. Is that a confession? Wonder if albo heard it??
    Nihil, qui surdus canis est

  6. BB

    Este gobierno liberal de derecha está conduciendo el coche y no conocen el camino, o adónde diablos van, ¡estamos todos jodidos! Solo podemos esperar que Morrison esté en comunicación con Top Dog, y se avecina un milagro. 🙏
    (Ps. No contengas la respiración)

  7. wam

    haha BB
    from memory “ne habla espagnol” or something similar with a subservient smile when our family went driving in spain, we carried a bail letter as the shiny black hats were dangerous.

  8. Hotspringer

    Meet and beat is a misprint.
    It should read

  9. Phil Pryor

    There seems to be a corrupted and perverted form of illiteracy in the conservative coalition, spreading out from years ago when the Manly Masturbator mangled english, logic, honesty, ethics, fashion, behaviour, decency and probably other concealed activities and assorted things. Under this oaf, the P M, a Primordial Misfit, language and its true meaning has been reduced to farce and deception. The oaf’s former attempts at work (hah) were in the lying activity of advertising, which, as Goebbels might comment, is saturated with concealed and concentrated filth of lies, deviousness, suggestion, persuasion, propaganda and everything Vance Packard warned about long ago. It seems certain that Morrison cannot behave honestly, decently, openly. He is a walking Farce, a Fraud, a Freak of fantasy and fundament. So, we have a government of basic dishonesty, with star turns from the New England manifestion of a loquacious newt, and Canavan the bonsai mussolino maggot for coal (oh joy), plus a cast of supporting freaks and sideshow tumblers who can rort, rob, rave and get to Manila and back. As so many are devotees of superstitious dishonesty, denying realities of proven science, logic and research, we the people are reduced to flushings and droppings according to them, the self appointed elites of mediocrity…delusional.

  10. GL

    And the noxious methane, sewerage laden stench, and meaningless drivel from the LNP will continue unabated as long as they continue to spread their cheeks for the donations from the big miners and corporations.

  11. New England Cocky

    Heheheheh ….. ”Barnaby Joyce seems to have summed up the government position better than anyone: Australia is not committing to spending money until they’ve seen the plan and until they have an idea of the cost they can’t possibly put a plan together.”

    Funny that ….. When former Nazional$ leader John Anderson discovered the Northern Inland Railway (NIR) project about 2005 he hammered in the first spike up near Gondiwindi on the NSW Queensland border. Then when he retired from politics to live the life of Riley running Eastern Star Gas and continuing to meddle in politics he took a greater interest in the NIR.

    Toxic RAbbott was not very helpful after the 2013 election win and Anderson had to wait for about $700 MILLION government funding from Australian taxpayers because international bankers were not impressed that the NIR’s own cost benefit analysis reported that it would take at least 50 years to repay the original investment ….. which was the reason that government funding was required. Also his political mates would insure that the borrowing costs would be negligible.

    Moving on to 2016 and Barnyard Beetrooter discovers that although he was borne in NZ he was unavailable to play for the All Blacks. So Barnyard retires briefly from Parliament to contest the Kiwi bye-election, receive a $40,000 ”prize” from Auntie Gina (that he reluctantly returned unopened).

    Now being a sound unChristian person Anderson became the Campaign Manager for Barnyard in this and the 2019 elections. Well, they were almost next door neighbours in the Pilliga Scrub where Barnyard had purchase two ”grazing properties” just near the Eastern Star Gas leases. Anderson sold Eastern Star Gas to SANTOS and the water resouces of the Great Artesian Basin were put inot CSG jeopardy. Then along came the NIR, conveniently about 20km form Barnyard’s properties (that he had promise to divest at the 2013 elections but somehow had overlooked completing the sale.)

    Did the Nazional$ know how much the NIR was going to cost in advance of their decision to support it? Most unlikely because the $700 MILLION only got the line from Melbourne to about Dubbo … and there was more to go on to Brisbane and then according to the original plan loop across regional Queensland and NT to the Port of Darwin, now controlled by PRC China interests.

    Soon the problems arose; the black soil plains north of Moree would NOT support the axle loads required for the double stacked forty foot containers, nor would those loaded container cars fit under the Brisbane Gateway Freeway into Brisbane Ports. Perhaps they were designed to only enter the Abbotts Port CSG export port in North Queensland?

    Did the COALiiton know the final cost of the NIR project? Of course NOT!! Did the COALiiton care?? Never!!

    It must be a good project for a Nazional$ retired politician to make a profit from because otherwise it would not have been proposed. ….. or so the entitled Nazional$ Party thinking goes.

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