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Celebrating V-Day with Boondoggles, Turncrites and Duttocides – Lessons from the Milky Way

By Barddylbach

Would you celebrate ‘Earth Day’ after an invasion by Alien Boondoggles from Alpha Centauri who declared Earth Terra Nullius because we didn’t have any interstellar sailing ships, planetary engineers, psychohistorians, blue skin and we thought hermaphrodites were just exceptionally rare freaks and common snails?

Would you fire up the barbecue, drink boiling purple alcoholic hop extract, eat room temperature cloned prickly bogglers in cryogenic blue cheese that gave you chronic indigestion and smile gratefully because now you too could teleport to see your great great grandmother in Kakadu, providing you could afford the mortgage for your ticket?

And would you proudly fly the planetary flag of Proxima B under the third thumb of our colonial masters who declared Earth off limits to migrants from Little Britain (our genetic allies) and banged them up in an off-earth cavern on the moon under the tyrannical rule of remote island clangers who survived on supplies from Proxima B and not for re-sale cryogenic blue cheese?

I am sure you would be leaping over the moon not because you can, but you too could drink Proxima B purple alcoholic hop extract mixed with a little rum from your rusty still, thanks to a renegotiated Trans-Planetary Partnership Agreement that Little Britain had just banned as a load of nonsense because it disagreed with Cryogenic Added Tax (CAT) on exports, slavery and plasma proton articles.

And to your consternation you just found out that the head hermaphrodite was a half cast blue lizard tongue descendant of the honorary apostles Trumpelstiltskin and Malco Turbo 230 Alpha Moon Cycles ago, courtesy psychomedia coalition party corporate release from the Duttocide Border Force Empire.

The problem is no-one bothered to tell you what true blue Boondoggle values were before you signed up for citizenship on your own planet other than, if you didn’t agree with the date of V-Day (Earth Day) your Murdoch 6.2 global savings account would be hung drawn and quartered and re-distributed to the Turncrite aristocracy. You knew it was treason to disagree with the cause, so you kept your mouth shut while slamming another cloned prickly boggler in cryogenic blue cheese down your heaving throat, trying desperately to look like an ignorant white male sycophant.

And oh my god, you just heard the head hermaphrodite give his ‘Earth Day’ 69th Boondoogle citizen and celebration speech on your wrist powered iHolopad Galaxy and you thought no-one noticed you vomiting E-Coli infested Moreton Bay Bugs, and still you say ‘Earth Day’ is soulful magic and anything else said is heresy.

Related links:

Australia Day – Invasion Day : Lessons from The Silk Road – The AIM Network, 23 January 2018

Proxima b will be our prime laboratory in the search for extraterrestrial life – The Guardian 25 August 2015


Bangbangboom – Poem by Barddylbach 2018


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  1. Cool Pete

    You nailed it.

  2. Adrianne Haddow

    As Cool Pete said…… you nailed it.

  3. Alpo

    On Boondoggles Day 2018 there have been unprecedented marches of true Earthlings around the colony for change. Finally consciousness seems to be taking hold of the population?….. Who knows, may be that the previous marches and the victory of the planet’s original “hermaphrodites” for the right to marry each other, might have cracked some holes in the soul of many Boondoggles…..

  4. Jack Russell

    It’s good to see the increasing push back against badly applied pressure. Competent social and economic engineers they ain’t.

  5. Jon Chesterson

    Hi Alpo, good to see you observing the spirit of ‘Boondoggles Day’! Indeed Melbourne was rocking, more on the protest march than in the pageant and crowd of ‘Boondoggles Day’… they are estimating 40,000-60,000.

    “You can’t re-write history…?” said Trudge. Perhaps he foolishly meant to say “you can’t change history”. But is he intelligent enough to know the difference and does he realise you can ‘make history too’!

    Turnbull said he would be disappointed in anyone who sought to change the date of Australia Day. Be disappointed Turnbull, Turncrites and Duttocides be bitterly disappointed!

    ‘People are starting to understand’: huge Invasion Day protest stuns Melbourne reported in the Guardian here, and I suspect you will find similar reports, informative news and facts here on the AIM Network


  6. Roswell

    There’s no intelligent life on this planet.

    We might think we’re intelligent, but I have friends from elsewhere whose average IQ of 300 does make us look like imbeciles in comparison.

    While on such an important topic, does anybody else see the same poll that I do?: “Do you believe that extraterrestrials have visited Earth?”

    How, how how can 60% of you say “No”? 😜

  7. Jon Chesterson

    Roswell, ha ha yes citing from the classic ‘Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy’, one of my favourites and may well be true.

    ‘And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere up in space,
    because there’s bugger all else down here on Earth!’

    I suspect there have been no visits in modern human history, but accept that in an evolutionary window of $13.8 billion years, laws of probability would dictate that some time in Earth’s $4.5 billion year history we have been encountered. Question is when? That is a big time span like a needle in a haystack. And we should note that our sun and solar system is second to third generation class – meaning it has grown up on the scattered elements of a previous generation of stars, some of which would have gone supernova several billion years earlier. All meaning, if there is life out there, it could be as much as a billion years ahead or behind us, with interstellar travel or swimming in the oceans among endless other possibilities. The big question for me is will we be visited in the future by ‘Boondoggles and Boggladites’ or will we be the ones ‘boondoggling’ other species as colonial masters, like we do each other? We have a dreadful history of abuse.

    Will we be celebrating Earth Day or mourning her?

    But for the moment it is our National Day in Australia, this parody enacts and there is precious little agreement around that!

  8. Roswell

    Jon, they’re still here, but I don’t get carried away with all this pop-science stuff.

    I mean, why would a civilisation that’s possibly learnt to harness the power of its sun, that can can travel through space (and probably time), can most likely get beamed up by Scotty … travel millions of light years to Earth just to cut a cow in half?

  9. Jon Chesterson

    Roswell, I can think of lots of reasons if they have the means, curiosity, exploration, knowledge, tourism, trade, wealth, expansion, colonisation, migration, preservation, conservation, boredom, novelty and survival to name a few, all is finite. Why did we seek the new world and Australia? Why did we migrate out of Africa? Is any species beyond its own potential development. Question I have is do we have the capacity to settle our own differences amicably or shall we just take by force? We can’t even agree on dates for celebration.

  10. Roswell

    Jon, there’s a fair chance you might have misunderstood me.

    I agree with all of your possible reasons, but I’m not into things like crop circles or cow mutilations being a reason for visitations.

    It was clearly a failed attempt of humour on my behalf. I should stick to being serious.

  11. Jon Chesterson

    Hi Ros, I do not subscribe to crop circles, abductions and cover ups either, as much as I keep an open mind. I didn’t pick the sarcasm and I didn’t really understand the point of your comments which seem to be a little ambiguous.

  12. Roswell

    I’m many things, Jon, but sarcastic isn’t one of them.

    To be honest I enjoyed your article.

    And I was enjoying what I thought was an amicable chat with you. You saw it differently, obviously.


  13. Glenn Barry

    great article, however did you miss the final announcement? – the entire continent of Terra Australias has been designated a CSG plant and evacuations for Nauru and Manus refugee centres commence immediately

  14. Jon Chesterson

    Glenn… Ah yes I heard about this and the CSG plant cost us (the indigenous residents) one trillion boondollars for the commercial teleport complex to have the methane hyper ported through an artificial wormhole to the Boondoggle home world. Apparently an unknown company listed in some obscure trans-shipping log, Adani have assumed responsibility for all off-world refugees under a draconian Duttocide Sahul global security agreement. There are rumours that the wastelands of Nauru and Manus just off our continental shelf have become productive breeding grounds for cloned prickly bogglers none of us indigenous residents can eat without being violently sick!

    The saga continues….

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