Ok, I was confused enough when Pauline Hanson said that people didn’t see her as a career politician, while pointing out that she’d be around the political scene for over twenty years. I guess maybe she meant that her capacity for picking candidates who self-destruct saved her from being one, in much the same way as my inability to play a musical instrument means that people don’t consider me a rock star. Mind you, I haven’t spent to last twenty years trying to have a number one hit!

Now I don’t want to defend Bill Shorten here. There are many things about the man that I dislike. For a start, Shorten is clearly unfit to be PM because he has ill-fitting, cheap suits and bad breath. As for his hair…

Oh, you don’t think that his personal qualities are all that relevant in a debate about changes to Family Tax Benefits and Childcare and Buses (I don’t quite understand but they keep talking about the Omnibus Bill)! Well, I guess that you would say that. From comments on this site, it’s clear a lot of you don’t understand that unless we make savings we won’t be able to afford the subsidies to new, clean coal power stations and the $40,000,000,000 in tax cuts to companies.

Now I know that some of you may have been confused by Malcolm’s tirade in the last couple of days. Just last week we were told that Bill was beholden to the unions, that he was their captive because they made donations. This week, however, he’s betrayed the unions because he’s a sycophant who is friendly with billionaires. While John Howard preached that there was nothing wrong with being aspirational, Turnbull thinks that his opponent is a “social climber”. You know what a social climber is, right? It’s someone who doesn’t know their place.

So I’m a bit confused about what a Labor leader is actually meant to do. If they buddy up with union members, they’re lack the understanding that it’s business that provide all the jobs in this country, but if they’re sociable with bosses, then they’re traitors to their class.

Yesterday Turnbull confused many other people when he told the House: “They call themselves the Labor Party. Well, Mr Speaker, manual labour is a Mexican bandit as far as they’re concerned. Most of them have never done a day’s work in their lives.” Now, I do remember a joke that about someone thinking that Manual Labor was a Mexican tennis player, the joke of course being a play on Rod Laver’s name. I suspect that in the heat of the moment, Mr Turnbull just got himself a bit confused… Like when he said that he supported action on climate change.

But today, Turnbull once again defended the actions of his government in the way that great Liberal leaders always do. He attacked the Labor leader again. There is so much to praise in their current Bill that it’s impossible to pick, so let’s talk about the other Bill.

Turnbull told us that he couldn’t be bought by anyone and not just because nobody wanted him. He then added, “I don’t suck up to billionaires, I look them in the eye and when I need to take them on.”

While I find that last comment even more confusing than his Mexican bandit comment, I think the point he’s making is that he’s much more comfortable standing up to billionaires and saying things like, “No, I’m happy to provide you with an interest free billion dollar loan for your coal plant, but I’m not shining your shoes, we have Christopher Pyne for that”, than he is standing up to the right wing in his party and telling them that he might allow a free vote on marriage equality because isn’t it part of Liberal philosophy that everyone’s free to vote with their conscience at all times?

Anyway, he’s inspired me. Enough with this politics of envy. We know that when people complain about healthcare costs they’re just jealous that they’re not doctors. And enough with political correctness. Enough with affirmative action. Let’s get rid of racial discrimination boards and soup kitchens and disabled parking. Let’s take our lead from Malcolm and stand up to billionaires, but not about penalty rates which is what forces them to send their profits to the Cayman Islands.

Yes, Malcolm. Let’s stand up and be counted. I’m beginning to think that you’re right. Perhaps Bill is the problem. Perhaps it would be a good idea to change leaders! Would you like to see that, Mr Turnbull? Would you like Labor to take you at your word and replace him with Tanya or Jason or Mark?

What’s that? Bill isn’t so bad, you say? Oh, you just don’t think that the country benefits from changes of leadership?

Yep, Tony said that he’d sell anything except his arse to become PM, Malcolm made no exceptions!