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Beam Me Up, Scotty And While We’re At It Let’s Re-post Liberal Excuses Bingo

A few months before the 2013 Election, I posted what (I hope) is the main image for this post. It was called Liberal Excuses Bingo, and while it could be debated that the card is full, we certainly have enough of them in row to shout “Bingo”!

Not that this a good thing.

But I notice that one of the first acts of the new SS Minister, Mr Morrison, is to cut funding to homeless groups. But we should be fair here. Obviously this has been in the pipeline for some time and it’s merely been announced now because – three days before Christmas – this is the appropriate time. After all, the Christmas narrative does involve a man, a pregnant woman and an ass who found there was no room at the inn and if it was good enough for Jesus to be homeless surely it should be good enough for you!

Mr Morrison declared his Christian beliefs with his maiden speech to Parliament and I suspect he’s trying to make many of us more of like Jesus. Or else he thinks we’re more like the ass. Whichever, he’s an “extremely decent man”, Mr Abbott assured us. After all, he “has two children”, which is a sure sign of decency. Although Mr Abbott also said that Mr Morrison knew what it was like to struggle with a mortgage, which suggests to me that a certain lack of financial acumen. After all, we all need to live between our means and not go “putting things on the credit card”, and the word “struggle” suggests that he may have borrowed more than he should have. (While some may argue that a mortgage isn’t the same thing as putting things on the credit card, they’re probably the same ones who argue that when governments borrow money at 3% that’s not the same as putting something on the credit card.)

Whatever, the Cabinet re-shuffle is a work of genius! I know this because I read it in the paper somewhere. By changing a handful of positions, the government should function much better.

As someone else said, 2014 was Abbott’s year of a horrible anus – or something like that. It began to go badly sometime around the time that the Liberals started to realise that they were, in fact, governing the country and that they’d have to start making some decisions.

The first decision was to remind us that only some promises could be kept because, well, you can’t do everything. And, although some people had tried to scaremonger before the election by pointing out that you couldn’t get rid of the Carbon Tax(?)/Price Signal(?), while keeping the tax breaks and compensation, this scaremongering did have a grain of truth to it, so they might as well get down to business and declare that they would boldly go where Labor didn’t: The Liberals had three main promises and we were to judge them on these:

  1. They would stop the boats by turning them around. When people pointed out that this would breach several conventions and possibly international law, they overlooked just how little regard the current mob of “traditionalists” had for such petty red tape. They did this anyway.
  2. They would repeal the Carbon Tax and Mining Tax. The Carbon tax was a great big, enormous tax on everything raising billions for the government and now they were back in charge they had no need for so much revenue because they’d have the economy booming in no time. The Mining Tax was simultaneous hardly raising anything, while being an enormous burden on mining companies. It therefore had to go for two reasons, which would seem to the economically ignorant to contradict each other.
  3. Getting the Budget back in Surplus. This, of course, was the biggie. The Article of Faith. This was the justification for ignoring all those “no cuts” to this or that promises, the co-payments, levies and price signals, because the ONE thing that Australians had elected this government for, according to Abbott himself, was to get the Budget back in the black. And they will. Unlike Wayne Swan, however, who promised a surplus in 2013, the Liberals did no such thing. They merely suggested that they’d get it back in their first year, but changed that to their first term, then 2018, followed by sometime after they introduce their PPL, but, well, given the changing economic circumstances who can put a time line on any of it, hey, it’s not like we were specific about a time, just that we’d do it, and we will, just as soon as the Senate let’s abolish all those payments to people who don’t really need it like the unemployed and the sick.

Whatever, I’m content in the knowlege that when they said “no cuts”, what they claerly meant was “no cuts” before they were elected, and that they’re a party who doesn’t make promises that they won’t be able to keep, and that one day they’ll have the Budget back in the black because that was one of the major promises. You know, one of the ones that counted.

By the way, in the Liberal Christmas pantomime, who gets to play the ass?



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  1. Kaye Lee

    Too many to nominate for ass but we could start with the appointment of coal-loving climate sceptic Bob Baldwin as Parliamentary Secretary for the Environment.

    In a speech in China in 2010, at the APEC SME summit, Baldwin said that the climate had been changing for millions of years – a favourite meme of the climate denier community – and even praised Rupert Murdoch as “the starting point for green innovation”.

    Quoting climate-denying Queensland shock-jock Michael Smith in a speech he gave in Parliament, Baldwin compared the impact of any Australian efforts to curb greenhouse gas emissions to that of a human hair on a 1km bridge .

    The Newcastle Herald, Baldwin’s local paper, reported in August that Baldwin may be asked by the NSW anti corruption watchdog to explain why he wrote to ‘‘implore’’ the NSW Coalition government to support Nathan Tinkler’s proposed coal-loader.

    The paper said documents with the Independent Commission Against Corruption show Baldwin drafted a letter to then-state ministers Chris Hartcher, Mike Gallacher and Duncan Gay in April 2011 urging in-principle support to the $1 billion coal-loader. “I implore the New South Wales government to do everything it can to see this project come to fruition,” he wrote.

    Baldwin will be given special responsibility for the deployment of Abbott’s “Green Army”, which has a $525 million budget to pick up litter and plant trees.

  2. Peter Ball

    Liberals – gotta be proud , they are defending truth justice and the Australian way . Its their dream to create an Australia free of Social welfare , pensions , health benefits and abolish tax for big business- that’s fair , remember it was the dumb Australian who believed the Liberal and Murdoch lies and voted this mob of right wing zealots in , unfortunately those of us who did not vote for these ultra liberals have to suffer too

  3. John Fraser


    "Row the boats" the new 3 word slogan for CentreLink.

    Morrison will be using the yellow boats he purchased for his "Stop the boats" campaign.

    Unemployed will now be able to patrol the Australian coastline keeping an eye out for asylum seekers.

    Those who refuse to undertake this "work" will be offered positions at Detention Centres.

    Those who refuse both positions will find themselves in the Detention Centres.

  4. stephentardrew

    Great satire Rossleigh I really enjoyed it.

    Wrapped it up in a nutshell. The whole government and all of the front bench are asses. The stink goes so deep that it hard to pick a single person, or item, that should take precedence in the department of donkey awards.

    Have you ever seen such a bunch of inept scoundrels in your life?

    I feel your pain. Yeah like bullshit you love inflicting pain you vengeful draconian hypocrites.

    “Morrison is decent” just sent alarm bells ring and sirens blaring on the lieomitter scale.

    It has gone past critical and is heading towards self-destruction.

    Damn the lieommiter has just shaken itself to pieces exploding in a puff of hubris and dystopian double talk as the leaners fall into deserved self-inflicted hardship, poverty and misery.

    Ayan Rand would be so ecstatically proud.

    Oh the joy of others misery.

  5. Older Fogey

    Bob Baldwin, a largely hopeless politician whose main aim in life is to be photographed with members of the ADF…RAAF especially, he seems to think that this gives his credibility a boost…when in actual fact he doesn’t realise that the ADF in the NSW seat of Paterson hates his guts for being part of the Government that is duping them in pay and conditions.

    I hope he gets hung out to dry like his equally disastrous colleague Craig Baumann…both are as unscrupulous as a den of Vipers.

  6. Itsazoosue

    May Scott Morrison bear in mind that he is the Minister FOR Social Services not against them.

  7. David

    I no longer have it in me to even force a smile when it comes to this evil monstrous fascist regime. This morning every quarter hour and even in between M Scott’s revamped, (suspected left leaning) cleaned out ABC News and Current Affairs section via News Radio, trumpeted, ‘the new Cabinet would all swear ‘Hail Caesarus Abbott’ before the High Priest Cospupetis’. After 2 and a half hours I switched on ABC24 to get relief as NR replayed for the umpteenth time, the interview with newest Abbott dickie lickie Fraudenberg. No relief there either, an ABC gallery staffer was going through the new and revamped Ministers as if each was a newly gift wrapped savior for the ills of the nation as the obligatory blonde bimbo added words of meaningless asides. (Apologies to the ladies of this blog)
    Abbott could have instructed Morrison’s new office to withhold the latest disgusting shameful cuts to the blind and homeless organisations until well into the New Year. It would have at least not inflicted anguish and despair at this supposed joyful time to those who rely on funding.
    Don’t be naive David!!! that would indicate this low life Govt had a smidgen of compassion, humanity, understanding. i can only hope Miss Karma has Abbott and Co on her Xmas visiting list, it would be perfect timing.
    Thanks for the read Rossleigh, I will post link to Twitter

  8. lawrencewinderWinder

    I used to like pantomimes… but not this one… the ugly sisters are too ugly and the evil magician is too evil. They are overplaying the farcical nature of the play too much as well.
    How do we turn it off Santa?

  9. boeufblogginon

    Who is playing the ass in the Xmas panto? Well that has done my head in. Where do I begin … ?

  10. diannaart

    A government which goes to great efforts to lay claim to images that are not confirmed by actions:

    “the adults are in charge now”

    “Morrison is a decent man”

    Even “stop the boats” which actually translates ‘to meeting up with boats in international waters and transfer passengers to life rafts if leaky boat not seaworthy or turn said craft around’. Phew. No wonder “stop the boats” is far easier to say”.

    I guess a rule a thumb towards understanding our great federal government would be to apply the most rigorous assessment of the simplest of their claims.

    In answer to Rossleigh’s question, “By the way, in the Liberal Christmas pantomime, who gets to play the ass?”

    The public who voted against their best interests by voting the LNP in.

  11. rossleighbrisbane

    Sorry, diannaart, you along with many others are quoting what you thought they said.
    What they actually said was: “The adolphs are back in charge!”

  12. Gregory T

    The greatest irony regarding Ayn Rand, was the fact that she ended up in the place she loudly protested against, on government welfare.

  13. stephentardrew

    Greg me misspelled Ayn but found after edit. Lefty nong.

  14. diannaart


    “adolphs” not “adults” – how sneaky – guess that was one promise Tones & Co did keep.


  15. Older Fogey

    A merry Xmas and a happy new year to all on here, my most sincere wish for the new year is to see this divisive and morally corrupt band of economic and socially unaware LNP bigots and hypocrites implode in such a disastrous manner that they are relegated forever to the political cesspool they oozed from.

    I would be able to hold my head high once again and be proud of our Government, be happy in the knowledge that they are serving US…not exclusively multi nationals and billionaires, MSM and the slew of Murdoch related propaganda. See the Alan Jones’s, Hadleys’, Bolts’ and the rest of the gutter slime who purport to be journalists and reporters wiped from the face of this great country. Live my twilight years in a country that looks after EVERYONE…not just the filthy rich and silver spoon fed parasites who are bleeding this country dry and leaving a moral and social vacuum that will engulf us all if their toxic politics and ideologies are allowed to breed further and spread as they are under this stinking fetid carcass of the LNP and it’s putrid puppet leader.

    I pray for a new Australia that reflects our hopes and desires whilst emerging as a powerhouse of innovation and new technology that seeks to be relentless in the objective of saving this shrinking and dying polluted world we inhabit. safe and enjoy your families and friends, take care on the roads and come back next year ready to fight the LNP ignorance that is spreading like Ebola.

  16. Ange Kenos

    this is brilliant stuff

  17. Rossleigh

    This seems to have aged well!

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