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Another really great week for our politicians

By Terence Mills

They tell me that our politicians pulled an all-nighter on Thursday and had to hang around on poets day – a most unusual occurrence – to tidy up some loose ends and for the blokes to find their ties – you can always tell when a male politician is pretending to be hard at work, off comes the tie and up go the sleeves, not so much with the ladies, it seems. Still, it was worth it as the parliamentary tooth-fairy also known as the Remuneration Tribunal made a determination to boost politician’s pay by 2% from 1 July. This follows a 2.4% increase granted in July 2013 and a further 2% in January 2016. A pious George Christensen [you can tell this is satire, Eh?] told reporters that this modest increase was in lieu of penalty rates. Barnaby Joyce mumbled to him, behind his new Akubra, that politicians don’t get penalty rates as they only work Monday to Thursday and George explained to the assembled media that this modest increase was in lieu of the penalty rates that politicians had historically foregone.

I’m told that a pensioner on the steps at Parliament House, with a begging bowl, asked if she, could share in a little of this largesse, to help pay for increases in rent electricity and gruel? They sent Peter Dutton out who told her in no uncertain terms that she was a Labor stooge and if she wasn’t careful he had a nice little tropical island where she would spend the rest of her days and that, like Oliver Twist, she could eat cake – Peter was never good with his metaphors and under a certain new regime of English proficiency would be unlikely to be granted citizenship.

Meanwhile the deficit levy on high earners has been lifted – another reason for high-fives in Aussies Cafe in Parliament House – as the deficit is now a thing of the past and, thanks to Modern Monetary Theory, we no longer have a debt problem as we have a new colour printer in the parliamentary annex churning out fifty-dollar bills for all and sundry – except pensioners and Labor stooges – Peter Dutton is the monetary monitor so watch it.

Malcolm has said he will put all his additional loot to good use and invest in a third world economy; not Australia as you may have been thinking, but a nifty hedge fund in the Cayman Islands that he recommends as being well away from the scrutiny of the tax office who, it appears, are far too preoccupied with organising their own investment rorts anyhow.

Overall, an excellent week with Malcolm flying high and the coalition delighted that it has been able to take a Labor policy, chisel off a few sharp edges, apply a bit of spin, cut the funding – which Labor had never funded anyhow we are told – slip in a lazy $5 billion extra, found behind the couch cushions in the Joe Hockey’s old office and cut the roll-out period for Gonski 2.0 from ten years to six: high fives and low fives all round!

Pauline Hanson, Nick Xenophon, Derryn Hynch and the Greens all claim credit for the coalition’s amazing new education breakthrough although, surprisingly the Greens didn’t even vote for it.

8 comments

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  1. diannaart

    Freethinker

    From the article:

    The site’s privacy policy makes it clear that the Liberal party collects users’ personal information and may contact them if they sign up to the site.

    Am thinking subversive thoughts on how signing up to the Libs ironically titled “Fair Go” could be both entertaining and educational.

  2. Freethinker

    Just wonder diannaart if the opening of the page/web site is not part of their collective narcissism or if they are worry about the power of the people outside the MSM.
    Perhaps a combination of the two?

  3. diannaart

    FT

    Just landing on the site will be logged as a positive – but that’s standard practice for any website.

    The neo-con does not worry about the power or otherwise of people outside the mainstream – they do, however, perceive such people as ‘uppity’ or ‘difficult’ or in need of ‘re-education’ or a combination of all. Hence naming their site “Fair Go” because they are threatened by anyone with a difference, they really believe they are misunderstood and just cannot understand why that should be so.

  4. Ric Testori

    What a shock to see a mention of Modern Monetary Theory (MMT) even though the reference is facetious and irrelevant to the discussion. Why would we need a new colour printer to churn out $50 bills if all we need to do is tap them into the spreadsheet on the keyboard – that’s one of the advantages of the Federal Govt being a sovereign issuer of our currency. How can debt be a problem to the one who issues the currency? What debt???

  5. Terry2

    Ric

    Spreadsheet, keyboard ? Are we talking the LNP here ?

  6. Bronte ALLAN

    How dare ALL these already obscenely over-paid, inept, lying so-called “politicians” (sic) “accept” another pay rise! Already, our “lot” are paid much more than any of the American pollies, in fact, even our PM gets more than the US President! Why? It cannot be because our lot are any smarter or better than the Yanks? I think it is because they have always accepted any pay rises that are sent their way, without any conscience at all. Bastards, the lot of them!

  7. Kyran

    The only criticism I can offer of this article is the headline. In this governments case, the words are spelt ‘grate’ and ‘weak’.
    With regard to the posts of Freethinker and diannaart, why do the incompetent incumbents require a ‘Fair Go’? The IPA have been doing such a sterling job counteracting the extremism of ‘GetUp’. Goodness knows, the IPA ideology will always be more widely circulated than a fair go. Isn’t that why we need to ‘GetUp’?
    Thank you Mr Mills. Take care

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