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Ah, Now I Understand That Timmy Wilson And Me Are Part Of The Left…

The recent CPAC…

I guess I should pause here and explain that CPAC stands for something like Conservative People Against Change… No, that’s not it. Conservative Performers And Cu.. No, that’s not it either… Christ, Penises Are Compulsory. Nope.

I guess I could use the internet and look up what the initials actually mean…

Ah, it’s actually Conservative Political Action Conference… which is pretty ironic because they spent most of their time just talking about what needs to be done. Which, for conservatives is pretty close to action.

“We need to stand for something,” they say, although many of them said this while seated.

Hey, before you accuse me of hypocrisy, I’d like to point out that I have a standing desk. And that makes the typing even harder because I can’t see the keys when I’m sitting.

Speaking of hypocrisy, I saw something on the website which used the word ‘hypocracisy” which is really hard to spell because it’s not actually a word and my computer kept trying to turn into the actual word they meant… I mean I know that Murdoch is too cheap for proof readers but, dear god, spell check is free!!

And soon they’ll have something about illiterate kids because the teachers in NSW are involved with discussions about better conditions… in Victoria, there’s grate moos becoz thu victoreun librills anowenst that fonnix will b tort in awl skools if they win guvment. That shood solv everything…

Anyway, one of the highlights of the conference…

Before I go on, I should point out that I didn’t go because it was:

  1. In Sydney
  2. Expensive
  3. Full of people that would have made me feel like I was teaching Year 8 on a Friday where every argument I put forward was just ignored because there is nobody who can argue with a Year 8 on Friday because every discussion will end with either “You can’t prove that!” or “Because I say so!”

Anyway. Tina McQueena… sorry, not Tina, Teena and not McQueena, McQueen. I always get Prude McSween, Tina Arena, Margaret Court Arena and Teena McQueen confused because of their close connection with reality.

Anyway, Teena McQueen, the Liberal vice-president, told the conference the she was happy that the previous election got rid of those “lefties” in the Liberal Party who were in Parliament.

At this point it became clear why some people consider me a “lefty” in spite of the fact that I’m a (relatively) privileged white male living in a middle class suburb with a mortgage I hope to pay off before interest rates make that impossible but more importantly before we make the peasant class so angry that they launch the revolution and I’m one of the first shot because I’ve become a landowner.

Whatever, it made me wonder who she meant. Josh “I love Maggie” Frydenberg? Tim “All the Way, with IPA” Wilson? Dave “I’m one of the intellectual ones so I can slum it on Twitter till they make me leader” Sharma.

And so, I must conclude that I am to the left of many of the people given media coverage even if I’m not planning to storm the Bastille any time soon. But if Timmy and Josh were considered the left by one of the Liberal powerbrokers it’s hard to be anything else.


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  1. New England Cocky

    I saw the flyer for this CPAC party and wondered how the organisers had failed to attract you as a speaker. I guess with the waste products of the 2023 feral elections strutting their stuff it would have been a little embarrassing to have you write up your experience of their many foibles. As you say, dealing with Year 8 on last period Friday was always a challenge … unlike the combined mental acuity of the Liarbral Party dross.

  2. Terence Mills

    I note that the CPAC mob booed Nick Minchin who was a Liberal Senator from July 1993 to June 2011, and a former cabinet minister in the Howard Government.

    So, does that mean that he too was a Lefty ?

    I get very confused with the terminology that the Right wingnuts use to describe everybody bar themselves. Rowan Dean calls us all ‘woke’ as though that’s a very bad thing but woke is defined as:

    “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice)”

    What is wrong with being ‘woke’ ?

    The CPAC attendees show-bag included a coffee mug with an image of Margaret Thatcher, a membership application for the IPA, a subscription application for The Australian Spectator (see Rowan dean) and “socialism sucks” stickers that attendees were encouraged to stick on their foreheads.

    Some have compared the CPAC gathering in Sydney to the Star Wars Cantina, but as Eric Abetz was there that makes it even weirder.

  3. Canguro

    It’s passing strange that a Liberal Party apparatchik would publicly gloat about the loss of Lib seats at the recent election. Not totally incomprehensible – it is the Liberal Party, after all – but still, as a public behaviour, it’s weird.

    Being a CPAC aficionado seems akin to pining for the good old days when Neanderthals ruled, spears rocked and having your own cave was the latest in cool, no down payments and rent-free. That the show-bags include a Thatcher mug – as if deifying the demented old witch is somehow rational – along with ‘Socialism Sucks’ stickers (is that really so?) seems to me to be the epitome of infantilism and regression. Perhaps this is what a certain subset of the bell-curve do when faced with seemingly insoluble challenges.

    And Terence asks, ‘what’s wrong with being woke?’ The answer, of course, is nothing at all, unless your preferred position in life is one of an anti-intellectual, anti-empathetic, anti-humane wish for the Neaderthalic good ol’ days.

  4. Terence Mills

    I have just heard Jane Hume Shadow Minister for Finance say on ABC RN that “the stage three tax cuts(due to come apply in 2024-2025) will put downward pressure on inflation”.

    How does that work ……………..anybody ?

  5. Truth Teller

    Terence, I heard her say just after that pearl of wisdom that she had a small ‘slip of the tongue’ when she said the Opposition have no policies.

    I guess the truth is now out????

  6. Rossleigh

    Jane Hume was certainly enlightening. She wanted the government to help with cost of living pressures while not doing anything that put inflationary pressure on the economy which pretty much leaves out increasing government spending and/or cutting taxes. She also said that the Stage 3 tax cuts would benefit 95% of Australians by putting them all on the same tax rate. I don’t know about anyone else but I suspect that I’d benefit more if people on ten times my salary were taxed at a higher rate so that I could be taxed nothing at all. No, that’s not a socialist idea; it’s naked capitalist self-interest!!

  7. Henry Rodrigues

    I heard jane Hume being described as a potential liberal leader in some dystopian near future. As usual, the conservatives rely more on looks, (the thick cascades of hair ) as opposed to more brain cells. Maybe she could give Dutton a few tips or direct him to her personal beauty consultant, because he’s just as deficient in brain cells as she is.

  8. RomeoCharlie29

    I have been reading about the CPAC conference with increasing disbelief at what I perceive to be the arrant stupidity of those who have been given some publicity. That Jacinta Price was, apparently, the poster woman for the show says it all for me. A woman whose benighted views on issues affecting her own people, like opposition to The Voice and support for compulsory bans on alcohol in communities (no self determination there) but who will have a sinecure for life unless she offends her Country Liberal Party appals me. Three of the four NT federal reps are First Nations but, to my mind, only two truly represent indigenous aspirations.

  9. Phil Pryor

    Mix up a stewpot of vanity, ambition, positioning, strutting, narcissism, egofixations, spiced with hypocrisy, double crossing, abrasiveness, lying at any time, larceny, predatory persuasions, supremacist outlooks and triuphalism, and Lo and Behold, we have a conservative casserole of political perversion. Faraging fools and Abbotting apery will trump any decency or honesty…

  10. David Baird

    Yeah, Phil, but you failed to add Cuddly Dutto’s extraordinary personal magnetism to the mix, as a distraction from all the (accurate) descriptors you use.

  11. Phil Pryor

    Peter Duckwit-Futton has the personal magnetism of a brown doglog, attracting and gathering blowies…

  12. David Stakes

    Ignore them, and they should go away on their own. Talk about chattering classes, like a pre school 1st class.

  13. Michael Taylor

    It sounds like I might have missed a great comedy show.

  14. wam

    Conservative politicians are pastiche, giving the media a mishmash from which to select, restructure and sell.
    The poms currency crashed when truss abandoned the cuts and recovered when “Finance Minister Kwasi Kwarteng said the government would not scrap the country’s top rate of income tax, as outlined a week ago.”

  15. wam

    The importance of 75% of the NT representatives being women cannot be overlooked. It is a feat of which we are proud.
    Given the history of the CLP, it beggars belief that they are represented by an Aboriginal woman.
    As for language, colour, shape, intelligence, experience and belief, from which opinions are formed, the Australian Aborigines opinions are as varied asthose of Australian europeans.
    Surely that makes Jacinta’s opinions as valid as yours???.

  16. Andy56

    lets not kid ourselves, these bastards need to be lined up. Intellectual giants of the right want to fuck everything up because they can. They want to hold back humanity from getting out of the jungle. They are the ones who want us to go back to survival of the fittest. Ayn Rand followers. Well i say lets burn them at the stake. I have no time for shitholes because face facts , they have no qualms about putting us to the sword. ( metaphorically speaking)

  17. Terence Mills

    Talking of hypocrisy.

    Interesting that Andrew Thorburn had to resign from the top job at Essendon after it was revealed the church he chaired held controversial views on homosexuality and abortion that might be a concern for the Bombers.

    It should be noted that the allegedly sinful nature of homosexual sex is also the official position of the Catholic Church, as is the doctrine that abortion is a grave and mortal sin. So, that may make it difficult for Essendon to employ a CEO as Catholics would also have a conflict of interests.

  18. Andy56

    Terence Mills, as a lapsed catholic myself, i can truthfully say the number of ” catholics” that run their lives by doctrinal teachings is pretty small. The ones who had a ” true ” faith became priests or religious weirdos, the rest of us deserted a fairly bleak outlook on life. official policy of the church is what i would call backwards and cruel. The Pope recently tried to bring ukraine and russia to heel but they both told the pontif to fuck off in no uncertain terms. I also think the era of catholic school government funding has to come to a close. But thats another story. So I think Terence you wield a very thin sword, lol.

  19. wam

    Given his nab record and beliefs, HTF did he get through an interview???
    Single gender sex that is the difference, dance of the cuckoo. Priests, nuns and homosexuals must be celibate. The conservative religions only see the sex not the love. The religion of thorburn ‘city on the hill’, like all hebrew bible based sects, has intolerance issues. These range from simple withholding information from non-members to verbal/physical harassment and violence. These activities are all protected by the nebulous term ‘freedom of religion’. (the constitution prevents: establishing any religion imposing any religious observation prohibiting the free exercise of any religion requiring a religious test as a qualification for any office or public trust under the Commonwealth) Remember any interpretation is done by the lnp dominated ex-lawyers in the high court

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